Am I in the wrong?

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newnameman

Platinum Member
Nov 20, 2002
2,219
0
0
Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

:laugh:
 

fleabag

Banned
Oct 1, 2007
2,450
1
0
I guess it was a happy ending after all...... The thing that annoys me with some of the responses in this thread is that people act like he should've put money into the renovation of the house and that the only reason he wasn't doing it is because he had no faith.
 

Mojoed

Diamond Member
Jul 20, 2004
4,473
1
81
Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

HE had no faith? Where was your faith in putting his name on the deed? Oh yeah that's right, you had none.

Even if you are the ex-fiance, which I don't think you are, I don't believe for a second you would have stayed with him long-term anyway. Ridiculously irrational for you to expect him to pay for half under the circumstances he outlined. Trust works both ways. Why didn't you put him on the deed prior to asking him to share expenses? Once again, you didn't have faith in the relationship.

Just the fact that you would come here and attempt to rub it in shows me what type of person you are.

He absolutely made the correct decision. No effing doubt about it.
 

SmoochyTX

Lifer
Apr 19, 2003
13,615
0
0
Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

Well he hasn't logged on since February of this year and all of a sudden you show up out of the blue? Hmmmm.....

If you're who you're making yourself out to be, you should have showed some good faith yourself by putting his name on the property or drawing up some sort of contract. Why do you think you get to make all of the decisions and leave him with no input? Doesn't sound very fair to me.

There are always two sides to every story but it sounds to me like he's better off without you.
 

Razgriz

Golden Member
Jan 29, 2006
1,094
0
0
Originally posted by: Mojoed
Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

HE had no faith? Where was your faith in putting his name on the deed? Oh yeah that's right, you had none.

Even if you are the ex-fiance, which I don't think you are, I don't believe for a second you would have stayed with him long-term anyway. Ridiculously irrational for you to expect him to pay for half under the circumstances he outlined. Trust works both ways. Why didn't you put him on the deed prior to asking him to share expenses? Once again, you didn't have faith in the relationship.

Just the fact that you would come here and attempt to rub it in shows me what type of person you are.

He absolutely made the correct decision. No effing doubt about it.

QFT..women :roll: It's clear that's he's better off without a person like you.
 

aleutgrl

Junior Member
Oct 11, 2009
2
0
0
The house issue was such a minor thing......like he said--we were really okay and good with one another. But directly quoted from his previous thread "We have a good relationship...I just don't believe in faith, she knows that. " After that month we never discussed again--and still up to this date it wasn't--isn't a issue. We were briefly upset about the "house" but the whole underlining issue was our own foundation that had fault lines......and lines I think maybe he recognized that he did not address with me prior to putting a ring on my finger and therefore igniting the notion that we/he was happy. I am not here to rip him a new asshole....I really don't know why I am here. I am just trying to heal after he has decided that he "loves me but isn't happy" and has since moved into a hotel. You know that strange transition phase when you are almost manic trying to figure out what/when/how things went wrong?! He was always on the computer--so I thought I would start here--and this I guess is how I ended up in this venue. Granted--I did regret it after I posted but then again--I think what everyone has said has value and perspective on things. So--thanks for your posts. Probably the last time that I will be on here--but it was nice to see a piece of him that was involved in our relationship through this thread--i really haven't seen that much interest in our relationship since.
 

JEDIYoda

Lifer
Jul 13, 2005
33,986
3,320
126
Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus
It's your fiancee, so yes you are wrong.

This is a valuable lesson to learn prior to entering a death pac... errr marriage. The woman is never wrong, and you are always wrong if you disagree with her. The sooner you learn this before you enter into this life long death pac... err marriage the better off you'll be.

But never fear if you are smart you will always have the last word.....
Yes!! Dear!!
 

TheVrolok

Lifer
Dec 11, 2000
24,254
4,090
136
Originally posted by: Nutdotnet
Originally posted by: thomsbrain
If she wants you to help her with it, she needs to be prepared to put you on the title of the home, simple as that. You can obviously split the mortgage from now on once you are both owners. But if she refuses to put you on the title, you can flip her argument right back at her: The only reason you would refuse is if you thought we were going to break up. So if this is going to come down to a trust issue, then she needs to trust you as much as she wants you to trust her.

Makes perfect sense.

Sounds good to me.
 

santz

Golden Member
Feb 21, 2006
1,190
0
76
the OP is wrong here, he could have paid the bill and kept the receipt for in case something goes wrong (aka divorce) and then could have recovered the money by showing proof. the fact that he let it go this far is hard to recover from unless he goes to his fiancee now and apologizes and pitches in the entire amount. She may have taken all of her savings out and probably bankrupted her self, just to prove a point to the OP as how far she can go for him.

Some women can be emotional, illogical beings, some can also be gold diggers, but not all of them. How much the OP and his fiancee are committed and into each other, that should decide the next step.
 

dawp

Lifer
Jul 2, 2005
11,347
2,709
136
It's inmaterial now since apperantly they have split, but all relationships are give and take and if he was willing to live in the house and not pay for any of the upgrades, maybe he should have moved on earlier. Those are relativaly minor costs compared to buying a house. if the situation was reversed, would he have asked her to help out since it does benefit them both. if it was me and if i could afford it I would have helped with the costs.
 

xSauronx

Lifer
Jul 14, 2000
19,582
4
81
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

Well he hasn't logged on since February of this year and all of a sudden you show up out of the blue? Hmmmm.....

If you're who you're making yourself out to be, you should have showed some good faith yourself by putting his name on the property or drawing up some sort of contract. Why do you think you get to make all of the decisions and leave him with no input? Doesn't sound very fair to me.

There are always two sides to every story but it sounds to me like he's better off without you.

it sounds like theyre better off without each other, as they both come of as half ass committed to the relationship when they were already engaged.

jesus, youre fucking engaged, youre not supposed to do that if youre going to be paranoid and iffy about one another. if thats how you feel, you shouldnt even be thinking of marriage, nevermind planning one out in the first place.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
Originally posted by: Mojoed
Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

HE had no faith? Where was your faith in putting his name on the deed? Oh yeah that's right, you had none.

Even if you are the ex-fiance, which I don't think you are, I don't believe for a second you would have stayed with him long-term anyway. Ridiculously irrational for you to expect him to pay for half under the circumstances he outlined. Trust works both ways. Why didn't you put him on the deed prior to asking him to share expenses? Once again, you didn't have faith in the relationship.

Just the fact that you would come here and attempt to rub it in shows me what type of person you are.

He absolutely made the correct decision. No effing doubt about it.

To me she seems pretty dead on and he was the person stirring up shit.

If he had faith (which I think this whole discussion is bullshit) he'd have fixed the place up without needing to be on anything.

In the end I think people's property should remain as such...when you marry you give 'title' to too much already.

At the same time, he shouldn't be expected to pay half.

As most relationships are around here, this seems one of co-dependence rather than two independents becoming a synergistic entity.

For my home, my wife is on the note, but not the mortgage. While many look at that as me taking all the responsibility and risk, I look at that as protecting her credit should our financial situation or the the home's head south.
 

tk149

Diamond Member
Apr 3, 2002
7,253
1
0
Originally posted by: child of wonder
You have chosen wisely.

:thumbsup: at least on the payment plan.

I'm assuming that you've fully explained your position to your fiance. You should rethink your choice of wife. In the future, what other big plans will she make without consulting you? Why doesn't she sign over 50% ownership in the house to you? How can she put the house before your relationship?
 

marvdmartian

Diamond Member
Apr 12, 2002
5,434
20
81
Originally posted by: JS80
Originally posted by: darkxshade
Originally posted by: Mxylplyx
I would have told her you will chip in for the renovations after the wedding date. Then a divorce court could have given you your money back if anything happens.

Why even get married or engaged for that matter with that mentality?

What if she cheats on him? Then he's out $10k for nothing.


I guess that goes back to the old joke:

Why is divorce so expensive??
Because it's WORTH IT!!! :laugh:


OP, you ought to sit down with your fiancee, and tell her you'd be more than happy to share the costs of the house renovation. Basically, you put yourself into a catch-22 position, where you're screwed if you don't, and you're possibly screwed if you do. If this girl is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, suck it up, man up, and do the right thing.

Otherwise, you might as well walk away right now.
 

wwswimming

Banned
Jan 21, 2006
3,695
1
0
suggest doing something fun/romantic before talking about pre-nups.

maybe a pre-honeymoon so you have time between the house-financing
discussion and the pre-nup discussion.
 

lupi

Lifer
Apr 8, 2001
32,539
260
126
Originally posted by: aleutgrl
The house issue was such a minor thing......like he said--we were really okay and good with one another. But directly quoted from his previous thread "We have a good relationship...I just don't believe in faith, she knows that. " After that month we never discussed again--and still up to this date it wasn't--isn't a issue. We were briefly upset about the "house" but the whole underlining issue was our own foundation that had fault lines......and lines I think maybe he recognized that he did not address with me prior to putting a ring on my finger and therefore igniting the notion that we/he was happy. I am not here to rip him a new asshole....I really don't know why I am here. I am just trying to heal after he has decided that he "loves me but isn't happy" and has since moved into a hotel. You know that strange transition phase when you are almost manic trying to figure out what/when/how things went wrong?! He was always on the computer--so I thought I would start here--and this I guess is how I ended up in this venue. Granted--I did regret it after I posted but then again--I think what everyone has said has value and perspective on things. So--thanks for your posts. Probably the last time that I will be on here--but it was nice to see a piece of him that was involved in our relationship through this thread--i really haven't seen that much interest in our relationship since.

so, what are ya doing tonight.