Am I in the wrong?

[jaedaliu]

Originally posted by: rasczak
you guys should have bought a house together and have her sell hers.

based on the way you and her run your finances, this is the only solution that makes sense.

Well, she can do whatever she wants (continue renting it out) but why are you putting yourself in a situation that involves you paying her to use her stuff? it makes more sense that the 2 of you continue renting a different location until you can afford to buy a new place together. I'm surprised with your completely seperate finances that you didn't insist on this position.

 

[Rage187]

Originally posted by: Capt Caveman

Originally posted by: Rage187
I wouldn't marry her for taking out a home equity loan to pay off a student loan.

Why? I'm going to assume the home equity loan carries a lower rate than her student loans.

home equity is close to 10% if not more. student loan, what 3% maybe 4%.

 

[Capt Caveman]

Originally posted by: Rage187

Originally posted by: Capt Caveman

Originally posted by: Rage187
I wouldn't marry her for taking out a home equity loan to pay off a student loan.

Why? I'm going to assume the home equity loan carries a lower rate than her student loans.

home equity is close to 10% if not more. student loan, what 3% maybe 4%.

My home equity is at 4.5% and based on the student loan it can vary greatly.

 

[thegimp03]

I think she's being selfish here and you're in the right. If I were in the same position I'd do the same thing, but then again I don't think my gf/fiancee would expect me to throw money at something that I currently have no stake in.

You're only engaged, engagements break up all the time. Obviously, it's your decision what you want to do with your money before you get married. After that fateful wedding day, half of your money is instantly in her hands.

There might have been an easy way to fix this and not ruffle her feathers too much before she hired all the people to do the entire house by agreeing to pony up some cash if she only remodeled part of the house (and not all).

On another note, you're in a bad position if she tattle tales on you to her parents over something like that. Isn't she a big girl now?

 

[DomS]

Why not do this, enter into a prenup that states should the marriage dissolve, you get back any money you invested into the renovation and roof of the house? That way you're helping her pay, and it's still financially sound on your part.

I understand where you're coming from OP....It sounds like she unilaterally decided to renovate the entire thing and now wants you to help pay for it which makes no sense. She wants you to move in and split things 50/50? Well then you each have equal say in the decision making. She cut you out of the decision making process on this, therefore she cut herself out of getting financial support from you in this.

 

[dbk]

Honestly, I don't know you or your fiancee but I would RUN

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: Nutdotnet
Fiancee wanted to replace the roof, which is needed. Wanted me to split the cost with her. I balked as it is not my place.

...

She sees it as a lack of faith in our relationship. I see it as financial common sense.

You are most certainly in the wrong. It will be your place once you're married, and I agree with her that you have a lack of faith in the relationship.

You should have suggested to her to just hold of any renovations until after you were married, then you guys can go into it together. I think you owe her an apology.

 

[bctbct]

I think she was wrong to suggest it. Tell her to shelf the idea for now and loan you money to buy a car.

 

[T9D]

...

 

[Nutdotnet]

Originally posted by: Capt Caveman

Originally posted by: Rage187

Originally posted by: Capt Caveman

Originally posted by: Rage187
I wouldn't marry her for taking out a home equity loan to pay off a student loan.

Why? I'm going to assume the home equity loan carries a lower rate than her student loans.

home equity is close to 10% if not more. student loan, what 3% maybe 4%.

My home equity is at 4.5% and based on the student loan it can vary greatly.

Yeah, her Student Loans were pretty high. Her equity loan was 6.5%.

 

[Nutdotnet]

Originally posted by: v1001
She's wrong for sure

For one she's not considering YOUR opinion on the matter. She's just doing it no matter what it costs. You should have equal say if it even gets done or not. And how it gets done.

And you are right. It's just smart. People saying you have no faith in the marriage are fools. SO many people break up before marriage after being engaged. Anything can happen. She should have waited till after the marriage and she should put you on the mortgage.

I know what she's doing. She's taking out equity and spending it so that you have no real stake in it because all the money is already gone. She's being very devious. And even worse getting some of your money in there now. Don't think women only have all saintly motives. They can be devious and evil as hell.

No, she's a sweet girl...but I don't think she thinks everything through, especially when it comes to finances.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: MrChad
Tough situation. I understand where you're coming from, but by refusing to pitch in, you're basically saying that you have doubts you'll make it as a couple to the actual wedding.

QFT...too many do the engagement thing fast today and set a wedding off for years.

If you were my partner things would have ended there.

You could have asked to get deeded to the property...but in reality it's was made clear not only do you not trust her, but you do not trust the relationship either.

IMHO it's time you moved on for both your sakes.

 

[zzuupp]

Do you two have a date set, invites sent, etc? & the date is within 6 months or so.

If yes, then I agree with her.

Regardless, I'd be very concerned about all the other stuff a needed new roof morphed into

 

[Nutdotnet]

Originally posted by: zzuupp
Do you two have a date set, invites sent, etc? & the date is within 6 months or so.

If yes, then I agree with her.

Regardless, I'd be very concerned about all the other stuff a needed new roof morphed into

Nope, no date set. I proposed to her a month ago today.

 

[Nutdotnet]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: MrChad
Tough situation. I understand where you're coming from, but by refusing to pitch in, you're basically saying that you have doubts you'll make it as a couple to the actual wedding.

QFT...too many do the engagement thing fast today and set a wedding off for years.

If you were my partner things would have ended there.

You could have asked to get deeded to the property...but in reality it's was made clear not only do you not trust her, but you do not trust the relationship either.

IMHO it's time you moved on for both your sakes.

Haha...that's a little extreme buddy. We rarely fight. We get along great. I trust the relationship and her completley but who knows what will happen. I want to mitigate my risk. Asking to be on the deed for contributing lots of $$$ towards it isn't unreasonable I think.

I also look at it as if the tables were turned. I'd never ask her to contribute her own $$$ into something I own.

Edit- I just talked to her. She didn't want to sell the house and buy our own place. She didn't want to rent the house and buy our own place. She didn't want me to be on the deed because we're not married. I told her to treat me as a renter and we'll be 50/50 when we're 50/50 in our next place.

Not the best solution but it's going to have to work since my other options were not ok with her.

 

[Capt Caveman]

Originally posted by: Nutdotnet

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: MrChad
Tough situation. I understand where you're coming from, but by refusing to pitch in, you're basically saying that you have doubts you'll make it as a couple to the actual wedding.

QFT...too many do the engagement thing fast today and set a wedding off for years.

If you were my partner things would have ended there.

You could have asked to get deeded to the property...but in reality it's was made clear not only do you not trust her, but you do not trust the relationship either.

IMHO it's time you moved on for both your sakes.

Haha...that's a little extreme buddy. We rarely fight. We get along great. I trust the relationship and her completley but who knows what will happen. I want to mitigate my risk. Asking to be on the deed for contributing lots of $$$ towards it isn't unreasonable I think.

How much equity does she have in the property?

 

[Nutdotnet]

Originally posted by: Capt Caveman

Originally posted by: Nutdotnet

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: MrChad
Tough situation. I understand where you're coming from, but by refusing to pitch in, you're basically saying that you have doubts you'll make it as a couple to the actual wedding.

QFT...too many do the engagement thing fast today and set a wedding off for years.

If you were my partner things would have ended there.

You could have asked to get deeded to the property...but in reality it's was made clear not only do you not trust her, but you do not trust the relationship either.

IMHO it's time you moved on for both your sakes.

Haha...that's a little extreme buddy. We rarely fight. We get along great. I trust the relationship and her completley but who knows what will happen. I want to mitigate my risk. Asking to be on the deed for contributing lots of $$$ towards it isn't unreasonable I think.

How much equity does she have in the property?

She has 0 now. She cashed it out to pay for the renovations and other things.

 

[zzuupp]

Originally posted by: Nutdotnet

Originally posted by: zzuupp
Do you two have a date set, invites sent, etc? & the date is within 6 months or so.

If yes, then I agree with her.

Regardless, I'd be very concerned about all the other stuff a needed new roof morphed into

Nope, no date set. I proposed to her a month ago today.

Knowing that, I completely agree with you.

I hope this doesn't become a no-win situation.

 

[glenn1]

OP, when you talk to your fiancee about this, you might want to bundle together how you're going to pay for the wedding together with talking about if and how to drop tens of thousands into house renovations. Depending on what she had in mind for the wedding, you're talking a lot more in outlays than the $10-15k you're talking about putting into the house. At least a roof is a helluva lot more practical than a $5k photo album that every woman seems to desire.

 

[aleutgrl]

Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

 

[waffleironhead]

Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

WHOA!

The fiance speaks

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

Aleutgrl - can you please post some pics of yourself? :camera:

Holy thread resurrection!

And he was right!

Wise move not dumping money into a home you had no equity in.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

oh, snap.

 

[Agentbolt]

Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

Wow Fiancee girl, he sure missed out on a catch like you :roll:

It's not his fault the laws in this country are specifically set up to bend a guy over in a divorce proceeding. He was being smart. Whine and complain about it all you want, if I was playing a game of Russian Roulette where 5 of the 6 chambers were loaded and I had to go first, I'd have second thoughts no matter how much I trusted the other party.

Getting married is dangerous enough, sinking a bunch of money into a house that he'd be guaranteed to lose in absolutely any situation that ended in you two divorcing (him cheating, you cheating, you getting bored of the marriage and divorcing him on a lark, you two having a kid and then something happens to the kid and you divorce even though you're still in love like in Minority Report, etc...) would be insanely stupid.

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

LOL I call bullshit shens. You are most likely underwater on your mortgage as real estate across the country has gone to shit in the last 12 months.

But it's clear OP made the correct life decision because he's not on here asking us how to get his money back on renovations done for someone else's house!