Am I a bad son-in-law?

[BurnItDwn]

You are not trustworthy because you do not like beer. For being not trustworthy, you are therefore not a good son in law.

On a more serious note, if he really is a hardcore alcoholic, going cold turkey for a few days could be dangerous unless he's under supervision ....
All the normal side effects range from things like sweating, poor sleep, stomach pain, anxiety, tenseness, and restlessness. While these may not be too bad, there's also risk of trembling and full blown seizures.

I know you don't want to deal with a drunkard, and you don't want to be an enabler, but, you also don't want to be the "bad son in law."

If you have second thoughts, then talk things over with your wife, and decide together what to do. You are in a really shitty situation. But, in the end, it boils down to what others are saying, your house, your rules.

 

[SunnyD]

Oh fuck my life. I have just been informed that they are staying for the next three days. This should be interesting.

 

[TwiceOver]

No, you aren't bad. But what I would do next time is definitely pick up the phone. Schedule a time for them to come by. And then conveniently have issues at work and need to leave.

My MIL stayed with us for two weeks a couple months back and I only saw her for maybe 8 hours the whole time! I have two jobs so I just worked a lot. Turns out she thinks I am a great SIL because I'm working hard to support my family... HAHAHAHA.

 

[Kirby]

If you need someone to take that beer off your hands, let me know.

 

[Blackjack200]

On a more serious note, if he really is a hardcore alcoholic, going cold turkey for a few days could be dangerous unless he's under supervision ....
All the normal side effects range from things like sweating, poor sleep, stomach pain, anxiety, tenseness, and restlessness. While these may not be too bad, there's also risk of trembling and full blown seizures.

I know you don't want to deal with a drunkard, and you don't want to be an enabler, but, you also don't want to be the "bad son in law."

If you have second thoughts, then talk things over with your wife, and decide together what to do. You are in a really shitty situation. But, in the end, it boils down to what others are saying, your house, your rules.

If you FIL really is staying for 3 days, you might want to look into this. I don't know much about alcohol withdrawal, but I know it can be worse than Heroin withdrawal, and it can be deadly.

 

[SunnyD]

If you FIL really is staying for 3 days, you might want to look into this. I don't know much about alcohol withdrawal, but I know it can be worse than Heroin withdrawal, and it can be deadly.

Good.

He'll still drink anyway. He'll go out and sit in the car and drink. Or walk around outside and drink. He won't let any trifle little thing such as the beer not being in the house stop him. It just won't be cold.

 

[SR1729]

Oh fuck my life. I have just been informed that they are staying for the next three days. This should be interesting.

Much easier said than done, but here's how that conversation would go at my house:

"Thanks for the notice! Leave the alcohol at the door; it stays out of the house."

"But I'll have seizures."

"Should have sobered up first before crashing in unannounced."

 

[Perknose]

Oh fuck my life. I have just been informed that they are staying for the next three days. This should be interesting.

Grab your Flip and film this trip! Tell 'em you just got this new toy and are merely giving it a test run.

Having something else to do just might keep you from killing Mr. Boozey McBeerBelch with your bare hands.

Post the juiciest clips here, and I swear, by the funkified and sanctified toe jam of Thor and Odin and all that is hilarious and holy, I'll lead the charge in the moddom to make you elite!

 

[yh125d]

STEPfather in law? FK that douchenozzle, he can keep the hooch in his trunk

 

[BurnItDwn]

Good.

He'll still drink anyway. He'll go out and sit in the car and drink. Or walk around outside and drink. He won't let any trifle little thing such as the beer not being in the house stop him. It just won't be cold.

Well, in that case, I can't think of any reason at all to let the beer in the house. Better off drinking outside anyhow, that way, he hopefully won't break any of your stuff during his drinking. Alcoholism really really sucks. I've been lucky not to lose anybody I love, but my best friends father in law was just as bad as yours, and he passed away last year due to liver failure.

 

[Blackjack200]

Grab your Flip and film this trip! Tell 'em you just got this new toy and are merely giving it a test run.

Having something else to do just might keep you from killing Mr. Boozey McBeerBelch with your bare hands.

Post the juiciest clips here, and I swear, by the funkified and sanctified toe jam of Thor and Odin and all that is hilarious and holy, I'll lead the charge in the moddom to make you elite!

So that's how it happens.

OP, I'd be all over this.

 

[AreaCode707]

You could always play this as the offended host rather than make it about his alcoholism. It gives you a chance to express concern and not put him on the spot about his drinking problem.

You wouldn't expect a houseguest to show up carrying containers of takeout for themselves; it would be an insult to your ability and intent to provide them meals.

Likewise you can express that you were offended that he feels it necessary to provision himself with alcohol rather than accept what beverages (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) you offer with meals because it's a rude commentary on his opinion of you as hosts. Assuming you're preparing meals you could add that him bringing his own beverages prevents you from picking something that pairs with the meals.

It gives him a chance to apologize (not for his alcoholism but because he unintentionally suggested you were a poor host) and rectify his behavior without ever bringing his alcoholism into the picture. It means that you'd give him a reason to not drink the beer while he's there, since you already established it as rude.

It makes you sound a little stuck on formal hosting rules but better that than an argument about his lifestyle, IMO.

 

[SunnyD]

Grab your Flip and film this trip! Tell 'em you just got this new toy and are merely giving it a test run.

Having something else to do just might keep you from killing Mr. Boozey McBeerBelch with your bare hands.

Post the juiciest clips here, and I swear, by the funkified and sanctified toe jam of Thor and Odin and all that is hilarious and holy, I'll lead the charge in the moddom to make you elite!

Hopefully my crappy myTouch's video recording ability will suffice. IF anything happens to occur (while I'm there), I'll make sure to provide ATOT with ample evidence and the ensuing police report. Unfortunately, he's not the fall-down drunk sort. He's had too much practice holding his liqueur over the years.

...

Thanks for the suggestion - well thought out and detailed. But he's not worth the effort.

 

[dfuze]

I don't see it any different than if you did not want them smoking in your home, your house your rules, just inform him calmly you don't want that stuff around your kids.

 

[GlacierFreeze]

You could always play this as the offended host rather than make it about his alcoholism. It gives you a chance to express concern and not put him on the spot about his drinking problem.

You wouldn't expect a houseguest to show up carrying containers of takeout for themselves; it would be an insult to your ability and intent to provide them meals.

Likewise you can express that you were offended that he feels it necessary to provision himself with alcohol rather than accept what beverages (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) you offer with meals because it's a rude commentary on his opinion of you as hosts. Assuming you're preparing meals you could add that him bringing his own beverages prevents you from picking something that pairs with the meals.

It gives him a chance to apologize (not for his alcoholism but because he unintentionally suggested you were a poor host) and rectify his behavior without ever bringing his alcoholism into the picture. It means that you'd give him a reason to not drink the beer while he's there, since you already established it as rude.

It makes you sound a little stuck on formal hosting rules but better that than an argument about his lifestyle, IMO.

No offense but that sounds dumb. You aren't going to make an alcoholic feel offended at all for choosing something other than what the 'host' has or is serving. Wasting time for so much effort.

 

[AreaCode707]

No offense but that sounds dumb. You aren't going to make an alcoholic feel offended at all for choosing something other than what the 'host' has or is serving. Wasting time for so much effort.

It's the only middle ground that occurs to me between "let him get away with it" and "have a full on confrontation." It may not be desirable or feasible at this point but it is an alternative option.

 

[boomhower]

Your house your rules. As long as you aren't drinking while they are there I don't see the problem. If you tell him not to bring beer in and then have wine with dinner I would say you are being an asshole. If your not drinking either I don't see the issue.

 

[ViviTheMage]

Sure. I actually enjoy staying sober and watching shitfaced people make fools out of themselves (provided I don't get puked on).

Plus if there's margaritas involved, I'm game.

Hahaha, I totally agree with you. I love watching people getting shitfaced...I absolutely hate the taste of alcohol and beer too. It all taste like wizz.

I would also tell the alcy to not bring the alcohol into the house either.

 

[Juddog]

As mentioned above, your house your rules. If I was in your situation and I found he secretly brought booze into the house I'd pour it down the sink. That's ridiculous for someone to bring an entire 24 pack of beer to someone's house just so they could drink it themselves.

 

[BTRY B 529th FA BN]

He brings beer to your house to visit or party. I think you explained him enough for any HS kid and > to understand his ulterior motive. Fuck him. What you did was brilliant and done nicely instead of getting in his face because the next step would of been a little more aggressive with a dash of nice-ness on the side and if he insists further, you team up with your wife and let her explain it. And if you feel less of a man because you want your wife to tell her father what you de-fused yourself from doing, don't worry about it, that was a strategical move, just un-beknown to him.

 

[Fritzo]

OK, so there's some pent up hostility between you and them. Not going to be healthy. I have the same issues with my inlaws, and I got past it. Now I actually like them. You might need to do the same or you're going to be in for a lot of stress in your life.

 

[SunnyD]

OK, so there's some pent up hostility between you and them. Not going to be healthy. I have the same issues with my inlaws, and I got past it. Now I actually like them. You might need to do the same or you're going to be in for a lot of stress in your life.

What's posted here isn't even the half of it. There will never be any "getting over it" until the day we can dance on this man's grave.

 

[chusteczka]

Maybe he needs that case of beer to put up with his son-in-law. Better yet, maybe he needs to beer to put up with his wife and nowhere to run to. At your home, he will not have a garage to clean, home repairs, or any hobby to keep him busy. He will be bored out of his mind. Get him out for a walk, tell him to take a hike.

Your passive-aggressive approach with your side remark is not going to be enough. You need to man up and tell him that you do not appreciate him bringing his bad habits into your home.

I don't see it any different than if you did not want them smoking in your home, your house your rules, just inform him calmly you don't want that stuff around your kids.

I agree with this poster. You have a home to maintain with certain things you cannot allow. His drinking in front of your children is something not allowed. Tell him that.

Also, as others mentioned, alcoholism is a disease that can kill. Your choices depend on how bad of an alcoholic he is. Alcoholics are liars. I would not let him drink in my home. Tell him that, up front, not like a wimp as a side remark that he overhears.

 

[nonlnear]

What's posted here isn't even the half of it. There will never be any "getting over it" until the day we can dance on this man's grave.

So then why do you want him to slow down the freight train he's riding into the grave while he's at your house?

What you might want to do is pull FIL aside each night while he's over and have some man time watching a game or two. You nurse a margarita or two while egging him on to make sure he gets absolutely shitfaced. Lather, rinse, repeat. When they leave tell FIL in front of everyone else how much fun you had and you can't wait to have them over soon so you can do it again. If you're lucky your MIL will be so pissed they won't come back.

I'm not sure if this is entirely tongue in cheek or completely serious, but either way you should do it and post the results here.

 

[SunnyD]

In case anyone wants to keep tally... there were 4 empties sitting in my garage between when I dropped my wife off at 12:30pm and when I got home at 5:50pm. The balance of the case, I have no idea of its location.