Advice for helping to support family?

[Exterous]

Why not purchase a one bedroom condo in the area where MIL lives & works? Tell her she is welcome to live there if she pays utilities and the condo fees but that there is only one bedroom, the adult kids will need to find their own housing.

It is something we have discussed. Unfortunately its a fairly expensive area and would create a notable financial strain on us and we're not sure the boy wouldn't crash there anyway. Then what - I evict him? Seems risky

As others have said, they will all hate you immediately. But so what?

We'd rather family not hate us

Any chance your wife and guilt her siblings into stop leaching?

Thats what lead to the 1+ year of wife and SIL not talking - well, part of it. The SIL thinks we have more money than we do. The SIL is one thing but we'd really like to be a part of my niece-in-laws life and she cut off access during the fight. I am enough of a dick that 'fine - whatever' but my wife is much nicer than I am

 

[gururu2]

Assist with the needs: food, transportation, reasonable shelter. Focus on what is specific to her. Replace financial support with time if possible. Don't waste money on cell phone bills, cable, internet, or other amenities/luxuries.

Forget about her credit card bills and her bad financial decisions. She can always claim bankruptcy in the future. Just be comfortable with the reality that you will always have her back when she needs something to eat and a place to live.

 

[Chaotic42]

We'd rather family not hate us

Sorry to be so blunt, but why do you care what your freeloading family thinks about you? What value to they add to your lives? Do you really enjoy spending time with people who could behave the way her kids do?

 

[FallenHero]

Sorry to be so blunt, but why do you care what your freeloading family thinks about you? What value to they add to your lives? Do you really enjoy spending time with people who could behave the way her kids do?

Going to have to agree on this one. I mean, assist in whatever way you can and with however much you can afford, but at some point, the ship is going to sink. Are you going to get dragged down with it? Or are you prepared to jump off and do what is best for your immediate family?

I could have done a ton more for my brother and sister when they went full retard mode years ago. I paid 6 months of mortgage payments for my brother and bought everything for my sister's child for the same amount of time. In the end, neither learned a lesson until they hit rock bottom when I stopped helping. I was blunt with them about it. They don't hate me because of it, they understood and still do. But in the end, they would have not have started their climb back up unless they know how bad they fucked up.

My sister returned to college and is working full time as a medical assistant. My brother started doing general contractor work. It does get better, but some people have to learn the hard way. Your MIL sounds the same way. It's rough and I can't fault you if you and your wife can't go that route, but in my experience it works to just let them fail.

 

[SolMiester]

It is something we have discussed. Unfortunately its a fairly expensive area and would create a notable financial strain on us and we're not sure the boy wouldn't crash there anyway. Then what - I evict him? Seems risky



We'd rather family not hate us



Thats what lead to the 1+ year of wife and SIL not talking - well, part of it. The SIL thinks we have more money than we do. The SIL is one thing but we'd really like to be a part of my niece-in-laws life and she cut off access during the fight. I am enough of a dick that 'fine - whatever' but my wife is much nicer than I am

DO NOT let the SIL blackmail you like that!.....Afraid your wife will have to make a stand buddy!...