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A public service announcment for guys about marriage

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Newlyweds have Kitchen sex defined as having sex all over the house.
Established marriages have bedroom sex where it?s limited to an occasional morning quickie.
Veteran married couples have hallway sex when they walk buy each other and sweetly mumble ?fvck you? to each other.

My dad clued me in on this. And damn if he wasn?t right.

BTW my wife and I have been married for over 36 years
 
Originally posted by: JulesMaximus


I thought American Beauty was pretty funny.

-I want to look good naked.
Click to expand...

yeah, funny but true.

speaking of the movie, isn't your wife a real estate agent similar to the wife in American Beauty?
 
Originally posted by: spidey07
Originally posted by: JulesMaximus


I thought American Beauty was pretty funny.

-I want to look good naked.
Click to expand...

yeah, funny but true.

speaking of the movie, isn't your wife a real estate agent similar to the wife in American Beauty?
Click to expand...

Yep. What's your point?
 
This thread held its promise, I nearly fell out of my chair... I am a little afraid for myself, I am moving in with my GF of two years this fall when we are going to the same University.

there might still be hope 🙁
 
Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
The scent of unwashed ass wafts up as you?re trying to bang her
Click to expand...

Married X2, divorced X2, that smell still haunts me...
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that made me laugh out loud....

i'm divorced (together 16 years) but thankfully i never had that displeasure.
 
Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
OK guys, I was talking last night and we got a consensus of at least ten guys that the following is what lies ahead for you in marriage. So think carefully before you pop the question.

Year one: Sex, sex, sex. All you could want. On the floor, in the woods, the car, the beach. Every time you?re alone, you?re banging like rabbits. Nothing is off limits. Nowhere either one of you won?t lick, tickle or tease. Each time you look at her naked body, you are filled with gratitude that God has given you this woman.

Year two: It slows down, but you try to keep it hot just out of fear. You don?t want to become one of those couples. But now there?s no more spontaneous blowjobs. Things are more routine, but that?s OK because you?re still getting it regular and you?re happy.

Years 3-5: Along comes the house and kids. Through it all, you find less and less time or reason to have sex. You go from 7 or more orgasms a week down to probably once a month. You get a bloated beer belly and your love handles turn into big bulges. She gets flabby with baby weight that just won?t go away. The second kid is even worse. She refuses to get stitched up after the second kid and so she?s now so loose you can?t even come inside her. When you do have sex, it?s like fvcking a bowl of pudding.

Years 5-7: You decide to get back in shape, to try to revive your sex life. You get trimmed down at the gym, almost to where you were before marriage. She gives it a half-hearted effort, but can?t make much progress. She refuses to wear any lingerie you buy her, instead coming to bed in a T-shirt (if you?re lucky) or a torn up set of PJs. And you now have to beg and schedule sex, which is cold and automatic. You now are masturbating regularly. In the shower, in the bathroom at work, anywhere, anytime you have a private moment. But the effect is minimal and you are constantly horny. For the first time, you will contemplate divorce. You?ll visit web sites about it and perhaps skim a book in the bookstore about divorce.

Years 7-9: You find yourself staring in amazement at this woman and trying to remember when she was hot. Want a preview? Picture your girlfriend, now thicken up her arms by a third. Picture her ass all flattened and her legs thicker and more muscular. When you do convince her to make love, she usually quickly gets on her knees for you to enter her from behind and asks you not to fvckup her cold cream while you?re doing her. She?s dry as a bone and the scent of unwashed ass wafts up as you?re trying to bang her. She is hoping for another baby, but it seems unlikely. Your stomach churns at just the thought. By now you?ve had an affair or two. Maybe a crazy chick at the office or a couple hookers now and then, but the stress of it is too much. You are in disbelief that you are actually now masturbating in bed beside her as she snores.

Year 9: It?s over. You occasionally score some outside poontang, but it?s expensive. Your wife now openly scorns any advances you make. If you suggest she get in shape, she labels you a woman-hater. Real men like women with curves, not sticks. Curves, sure, you think, but not roll after roll of blubber. She has stopped shaving, so that if you try to go down on her the hair is everywhere, matted and full of snarls. You hope to God she?s banging someone on the side, but you know it?s unlikely. You try to titty fvck her, but she doesn?t like that. There?s now no way to have an orgasm while you?re actually touching her.

Year 10: You can?t sleep through the night. Even masturbating doesn?t help. You surf the Web or drink into the wee hours, praying for death?s sweet release to come and take you or her. You?ve talked with a lawyer, but after he lays out the reality for you, you know that can?t afford divorce unless you?re prepared to live in your parent?s basement while all your income goes toward maintaining your wife and kids. Plus, you love the kids. You can?t bear the thought of splitting up their family. Your future stretches before you like a desert, baking and sucking the life out of anything that tries to cross it.
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QFT... this is so true!

Dont marry american women.. that would most likely happen.. get one of the imports and you will be happy.
 
Hmm.....I'd have to say that it's true except for the weight gain. Neither of us put on much weight. She was good about slimming down post-delivery.

17 years now. Staying together for the kids. It could be worse. I could be divorced, have 1/2 my stuff, see my kids 1/2 the time or less and be paying out my a$$ for support and perhaps alimony.

Next time, things will be different. I wonder how much of that I could abbrogate in a pre-nup.

Hmm....
 
I guess I'm lucky, I got out of my first marriage at the tail end of my wifes hotness period, she went down hill from there. Now she's the spitting image of her mother and that was something she always feared.

The @ss was the first thing to go (or should I say "Grow"). Then the rest just followed suit. She doesn't even resemble the 105 tight, tanned, horny piece of @ss she was when I met her.

Now my current g/f is 37 (I'm 29) and she has the body of a 21 year old goddess. I figure if she's still this hot at 37 she'll retain that hotness for sometime to come. Believe it or not there are some women who remain thin and beautiful well into their 60's. I'm thinking long term here, because I DON'T want to end up like the guy the OP posted about.
 
Before I got married, I went to my unmarried buddies to get advice. I liked that advice better than that given to me by my older married buddies. They all said "don't do it" and I just thought they were being bitter old farts. The young, unmarried guys all said "yeah, FTW". Now, after 36 years of marriage, I know that I should have listened to the married group. All marriage has proven to me is that two can live as cheaply as 16!
 
Geez... You didn't even get to where I'm at now: 32 years this May 31st.!

Just multiply the misery of year 10 by, oh, say 6!
 
I've been married 10 years...

... if you add them all up! 😛

Never dealt with the nasty @ss smell problem though...
 
<sigh> this is not what we youngsters in their marrying years wanna hear. I was hoping to find true love still.. you mean it's just a play?

Are you saying that <gasp> marriage is still an economic relationship rather than an emotional one?
 
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