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A little Valentine's Day advice if you're planning to get busy...

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highland145 said:
Printer Bandit said:
oh to only know what it's like to have sex.
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Assuming the pic you posted is you, that should not be a problem. Ever.
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He clearly stated that it wasn't him. Someone else in the thread also ignored it and thought Printer Bandit was a "she."

What's wrong with you people?

Summary of Internet stupidity:


Printer Bandit said:
1_ChloeMoretzTwitter008.jpg
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lxskllr said:
your lips are bigger than in your avatar. WTH is that avatar anyway? I find it vaguely disturbing.

Edit:
Referring to Printer Bandit
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Printer Bandit said:
Chloe Moretz (hit girl in Kick Ass)
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lxskllr said:
Not really familiar. She looks fairly normal in an image search, but she looks like she's had a lobotomy in your avatar :^D
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ShawnD1 said:
Printer Bandit said:
1_ChloeMoretzTwitter008.jpg
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For some reason I always assumed you were a dude.
You're surprisingly attractive for an ATOTer. :wub:


Guys in this thread: please shave. I know you think it looks ok, but it's not. I'm telling you this because I care.
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rudeguy said:
Printer Bandit said:
1_ChloeMoretzTwitter008.jpg
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hi

want to make babies?
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ShawnD1 said:
rudeguy said:
want to make babies?
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No kidding. I just hope nobody sends her private messages asking this. And asking for pics despite her already posting a pic.
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janas19 said:
😕

It's not his actual pic? (small lol)
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/me wonders how many PMs Printer Bandit receives from horny forumers.
 
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Ichinisan said:
He clearly stated that it wasn't him. Someone else in the thread also ignored it and thought Printer Bandit was a "she."

What's wrong with you people?

Summary if Internet stupidity:



















/me wonders how many PMs Printer Bandit receives from horny forumers.
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128937140333513041.jpg
 
fritzo said:
well, when you're married, it's like this:

You get into bed with a lot of excited anticipation. You put your arms around your wife, and then she asks if you remembered to lock the doors before you got in bed. You get up to check, and come back to discover she decided to take a shower first. 20-30 minutes go by while you watch some crappy housewives of atlanta show on tv, your wife comes out of the bathroom and she's immediately interested in the show. You wait another 20 minutes until the show is over and then put your arms around her again. You start kissing and then the news comes on with a story about how 50 puppies and kittens burned to death in an arson fire. Your wife immediately gets sad over the news and you start "losing attention." you turn the tv off, and 3 minutes later your kid bangs on your bedroom door saying something about "forgetting about a project i need done by tomorrow." you get dressed and run to walmart at 11:30pm to buy arts and crafts crap so your kid can make a replica of an egyptian sarcophagus and avoid getting an f. You get back into bed, and your wife is asleep. Then you go in the bathroom and crank one out so you can sleep as well.

And this, my friends, is what sex is like when you're married.
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winning
 
Fritzo said:
Well, when you're married, it's like this:

You get into bed with a lot of excited anticipation. You put your arms around your wife, and then she asks if you remembered to lock the doors before you got in bed. You get up to check, and come back to discover she decided to take a shower first. 20-30 minutes go by while you watch some crappy Housewives of Atlanta show on TV, your wife comes out of the bathroom and she's immediately interested in the show. You wait another 20 minutes until the show is over and then put your arms around her again. You start kissing and then the news comes on with a story about how 50 puppies and kittens burned to death in an arson fire. Your wife immediately gets sad over the news and you start "losing attention." You turn the TV off, and 3 minutes later your kid bangs on your bedroom door saying something about "forgetting about a project I need done by tomorrow." You get dressed and run to Walmart at 11:30pm to buy arts and crafts crap so your kid can make a replica of an Egyptian sarcophagus and avoid getting an F. You get back into bed, and your wife is asleep. Then you go in the bathroom and crank one out so you can sleep as well.

And this, my friends, is what sex is like when you're married.
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Never getting married, getting my balls clipped. :thumbsup:
 
Fritzo said:
Well, when you're married, it's like this:

You get into bed with a lot of excited anticipation. You put your arms around your wife, and then she asks if you remembered to lock the doors before you got in bed. You get up to check, and come back to discover she decided to take a shower first. 20-30 minutes go by while you watch some crappy Housewives of Atlanta show on TV, your wife comes out of the bathroom and she's immediately interested in the show. You wait another 20 minutes until the show is over and then put your arms around her again. You start kissing and then the news comes on with a story about how 50 puppies and kittens burned to death in an arson fire. Your wife immediately gets sad over the news and you start "losing attention." You turn the TV off, and 3 minutes later your kid bangs on your bedroom door saying something about "forgetting about a project I need done by tomorrow." You get dressed and run to Walmart at 11:30pm to buy arts and crafts crap so your kid can make a replica of an Egyptian sarcophagus and avoid getting an F. You get back into bed, and your wife is asleep. Then you go in the bathroom and crank one out so you can sleep as well.

And this, my friends, is what sex is like when you're married.
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Reason #89589132 not to get married.
 
Tried that crap once, was not impressed, still have the remainder sitting in a drawer cause it was too damn expensive to throw out even if I never use it again:hmm:
 
I went and bought some of this stuff last night to give it a try and just my luck, I ran into my father in law at the store and it was the only thing I had in my hand. The look he gave me after what he saw was priceless knowing that I was about to go lube up his baby girl.
 
Sixguns said:
I went and bought some of this stuff last night to give it a try and just my luck, I ran into my father in law at the store and it was the only thing I had in my hand. The look he gave me after what he saw was priceless knowing that I was about to go lube up his baby girl.
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ROFL.
 
Fritzo said:
My wife bought some of that KY Yours and Mine and surprised me by slapping it on our parts last night.

That was...unexpected...and not bad at all! I got a warm/tingling feeling and she got a cool/tingling, and together we got BAM!

I'm going to give KY Yours and Mine the official Fritzo Seal of Approval:

seal_approval.png
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So basically, it's putting Vick's Vap-o-Rub on your dick?
 
Fritzo said:
Well, when you're married, it's like this:

You get into bed with a lot of excited anticipation. You put your arms around your wife, and then she asks if you remembered to lock the doors before you got in bed. You get up to check, and come back to discover she decided to take a shower first. 20-30 minutes go by while you watch some crappy Housewives of Atlanta show on TV, your wife comes out of the bathroom and she's immediately interested in the show. You wait another 20 minutes until the show is over and then put your arms around her again. You start kissing and then the news comes on with a story about how 50 puppies and kittens burned to death in an arson fire. Your wife immediately gets sad over the news and you start "losing attention." You turn the TV off, and 3 minutes later your kid bangs on your bedroom door saying something about "forgetting about a project I need done by tomorrow." You get dressed and run to Walmart at 11:30pm to buy arts and crafts crap so your kid can make a replica of an Egyptian sarcophagus and avoid getting an F. You get back into bed, and your wife is asleep. Then you go in the bathroom and crank one out so you can sleep as well.

And this, my friends, is what sex is like when you're married.
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Your first mistake is having a TV in the bedroom, 2nd no security system with timer locks/floodlights. Third is not playing with your kid enough so that he's tired and wants to go to bed at 11:30pm. What a horrible person/husband/parent you are! 😉
 
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Fritzo said:
It's the same for all married guys. Women train on doing this before they get married. Those "bridal showers" you're not allowed to go to? It's a front for "how to get out of sex" kung fu. Their trick is to always put up at least 6 obstacles, and if you don't make it past those, you don't really want it.

This is why men watch porn. She's easy, you're easy, five minutes you're done, no time wasted.
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amen, brother, speaking as a happily married guy here.
 
alent1234 said:
my tongue is so sore this morning............
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This is why you get her one of those really powerful vibrating wand massager thingies. The downside is that you have to make sure she uses it on her side of the bed so you don't have to deal with the enormous wet spot when she squirts everywhere.
 
Ichinisan said:
He clearly stated that it wasn't him. Someone else in the thread also ignored it and thought Printer Bandit was a "she."

What's wrong with you people?

Summary of Internet stupidity:






Thanks for sayin it now ffs. Now I feel really dirty after my wank












/me wonders how many PMs Printer Bandit receives from horny forumers.
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Thanks for sayin it now ffs. Now I feel really dirty after my wank
 
Kadarin said:
This is why you get her one of those really powerful vibrating wand massager thingies. The downside is that you have to make sure she uses it on her side of the bed so you don't have to deal with the enormous wet spot when she squirts everywhere.
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You mean a jackhammer with a rubber cock mounted in the front?
 
Sixguns said:
I went and bought some of this stuff last night to give it a try and just my luck, I ran into my father in law at the store and it was the only thing I had in my hand. The look he gave me after what he saw was priceless knowing that I was about to go lube up his baby girl.
Click to expand...



Should have said,
Tappin that ass
 
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