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A joke so bad even Brutuskend would reject it...

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off.











"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
 
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.

So he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger,and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan.

She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says:








"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
 
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that...








Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.


Where are those darn keys to the cage, I know the Kinky Mod had them last, now where did she put them? As soon as I find the keys, the bitch slapping will begin. :frown:

Watchful Mod
 
This joke has been posted so many times that I am considering letting the Mean Mod out of his cage so he can bitch slap all of ya'll just on general principles. :disgust:

Watchful Mod 😀 😉
Click to expand...


LOL 🙂
 
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."





Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.






Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.








Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"..







And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!
 
The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and ploughed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces. Some time after the driver had reported the damage, he watched as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread a creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

"Astonishing!" said the truck driver to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to stick all the pieces together?"

"Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."
 
These two blokes are lost in the Sahara desert. They're desperate for water, but just as they think they're about to die, they chance upon a village where market day is in full swing. They go to the first stall they see and ask if they can buy some water.

"No," replies the Bedouin stall owner, "I only sell fruit. Try the next stall."

So off they go to the next stall and again they ask for water. "Sorry," says the merchant, "But I only sell custard."

"Custard?" one of the blokes says to the other, "What kind of place is this?"

By now desperate, they go to the next stall, only to be told, "Sorry, but I only sell jelly."

Hearing this, one of the blokes turns to the other and says, "This is a trifle bazaar."

 
While Nostradamus was alive, he was in great demand by the various churches and temples in the area. Since this got to be a strain running from place to place, the religious groups got together and hammered out a schedule where they would each get Nostradamus' services for one or two days a month on a rotating basis.

It was the world's first prophet-sharing plan.

 
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