a girlfriend or swinging bachlor lifestlyle?

[bigvince]

hey i know from reading other posts that you guys are perrty good with helping people and i don't have the financial means for profesional help so let me present you with this situation...

I've been with my girlfriend for like two years now and it's been realy realy wonderful we get along realy well and are in love ... recently i've been getting kinda ancy(sp?)cause all we realy do is spend time with each other and that was cool for like the first year or so but since then i've been overcome with the feeling that i'm missing out on "single life" and i just can't shake it and now i'm realy torn between asking her to marry me or breaking up with her so i can develop my own life and thats realy what it is, these past two years i havn't realy been my self...i've been US and that realy gets on my nerves any way i don't know what to do and i would realy appriciate your imput.

- BIGVINCE

 

[Zoltar]

If you should be with her you wouldn't be thinking this way.

 

[DaBoneHead]

Well vince...

You don't know what you have til its gone.

Sounds like you are starting to take her for granted, and that is the real problem. I've been blessed with some awesome relationships with some awesome women, but I always do that 'ancy' thing, and then I end up sitting around later, trying to figure out just what I was thinking! when I let her go.

thats why i'm 'DaBoneHead'.

 

[kranky]

How old are you? In school? Working full-time? Need a little more info.

 

[FettsBabe]

how old are you?

 

[Chef0083]

If you are secure in your relationship with her you should talk to her about it. Tell her you are concerned that your feeling this way. Communication is the most important part of relationships( of ANY kind ). There is nothing wrong with wanting to have your own identity but if you are after that for things other that just fun.. I E sex,, then maybe you should just end it now.

D

 

[BiB]

Maybe you could tell her that you feel that you guys spend a bit too much time together? Is that the real problem? Ask yourself can you see yourself spending the rest of life together, and will that pose any problems? Will you get sick of her? Do you want to be single cause you are tired of her or tired of spending all free time with her (the latter can be fixed with a little understanding)?

Bib

 

[chipbgt]

One day, you'll be very thankful of the "us" feeling; it may not be this girl though, and it may not be right now. THe worst thing you could do is break up with her, realize you were wrong, ten try to get back with her, and she wants nothing to do with you. If you think its something about her personally, thats different than just missing the "single life." Did you enjoy being single before you met her?

And yeah, how old are you?

 

[BoberFett]

Run. Run fast. Run now.

 

[Whitedog]

You'll never have a long lasting relationship without these two "key" ingredients...

Communication - You should be able to talk to her about ANYTHING.
Space - You have to learn how to make "your" time when you need it. It can't Always be "US"

It sounds like you have a good "relationship" and are happy. if it's your lifestyles that differ, well, you need to work them out or it's not going to be a good match.

Don't be afraid to think that she might not be who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Too many people make the mistake by dating someone, having sex with them, and fall in love, and they get married... When they never really looked into seeing if this was the right person they should be with.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year and half now, and are talking about getting married... we "still" haven't had sex..

 

[Yeeny]

You need to talk to her about the way you feel. She may feel the exact same way in this relationship as you do. But don't just throw it away, maybe you two can try going out seperately with your own friends, and spend some time apart on a certain night of the week. Having a relationship does not mean you have to be bound at the waist with a chain, or that you are required to spend every waking minute together.

 

[bigvince]

answers...

I am twenty-three years old and working fulltime as the assistant director of IT for a fortune 500 company.

CHPBGT I was in a realtionship from the time i was sevnteen till i was twenty so in my adult life i've been single for like four months

also I've tryed to do the "i need my time" thing but it allways ends up in a major guilt trip from her

also a little background. My girlfriend has a six year old daughter from a previous relationship, her (the dauhgters) biological father is a herione addict and an absolute a$$hole (gotten into it with him a couple of times...). well the little girl and I get along wonderfuly she loves me alot like i was her father and that only complicates the matter because while i don't want to hurt anyone i don't know if i'm willing to sacrafice myself in their name.

 

[Soybomb]

Unless you're just bored of being with her and want to enjoy the bachlor's life (scratching when necessary and free sex? ) then be up front. To me though being with her for 2 years is a long time, and for you to even think of marriage means something extra is going on. Although I must say don't decide between marriage and dumping here, either dump or her stay together, but dont get married just yet!

 

[BiB]

bigvince

Do it for yourself, not the other people. Tell your gf its really bugging you and the guilt trip that you are going to get from her won't help matters and that it is a serious frigging problem so it has to be dealt with if she wants a good future with you two!

 

[Croton]

communication is a big key. trust me on this one. just tell her about your feelings, and what you want to do. i'm sure you two can work it out and solve this issue.

just remember that the grass is always greener on the other side...

 

[Fathom4]

<< just remember that the grass is always greener on the other side... >>

Until you have to mow it.


Speaking from the perspective of someone about to be single again...and not looking forward to it, keep communication open. Being in a healthy, loving relationship beats the hell out of single life any day.

 

[BoberFett]

Thought I might run into you here Fathom.

Bigvince

You need to straighten this out now. If you get several years down the road and feel like you've given up everything for her, you could just end up resenting her. Being together is great, but you do need some time for yourself. Don't let her guilt you into wearing a leash.

If you really want professional help, there are free or &quot;ability based fee&quot; services available. Don't know if you're a churchgoer, but I know that church sponsored places like Lutheran Services have affordable counseling.

I know from where I speak.

Good luck bigvince.

 

[bigvince]

boberfett,

thank you for your words of encouragement. I am not chuchgoer or religious by any means but thank you for informing me of such programs.

 

[Fathom4]

Yeah Bober great guys like us just can't stay away from these threads. Especially seeing as how we're so experienced.

 

[BoberFett]

Some say that experience is the best teacher. They're wrong. Other people's experience is the best teacher.

Hmmm, that sounds like sig material.

 

[cwand]

Do her a favor and break-up with her. I find it hard to believe that you are the director of anything at a fortune 500 company when you can't spell &quot;really&quot; or many other words for that matter.

 

[bigvince]

cwand

exucuse me for trying to type fast without a spell checker and i hope the mods will allow this so.... FscK YOU!

you have got to be the biggest jerk in this forum who the fsck told you that it's ok to go around insulting people at random. only a pea brained idiot like your self would take the time read a whole thread and decide to insult the author....

hey, more flames to come ..... you don't know what you've started!

 

[biohazard2]

do both you'll be happiest doing it all

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

well, I guess me = pea brain then.

It's great to go in to any of Lozer's threads or Paulson's threads and trash them without reading anything. I'm cruel and a dick. **BIG SIGH then smile**

 

[BiB]

Some say that experience is the best teacher. They're wrong. Other people's experience is the best teacher.


True! Something I'm learning as I go on in life, you know parents aren't as stupid as they seem. In fact although I'm only 22 I see so many people my age or older ignoring advice which, in 10 years, they will wish they'd followed.

My younger brother is the worst offender. 19 years old and he knows all, or so he thinks. Its going to be a hard life ignoring what others recommend. In fact, when you start taking other people's advice a lot of the time its smooth easy sailing

BiB