a girlfriend or swinging bachlor lifestlyle?

[kranky]

Agreed, BiB. Here's a quote often attributed to Mark Twain (but he didn't say it):
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

 

[cxim]

bigV,

change your name to littleV.

You are asking advice from unknowns about the rest of your life instead of talking to the person most involved.

why don't you go to MacDs & write the question on the toilet wall.

Get your priorties straight. If you can't be a man & handle your life you will screw it up.

2yrs & she has a kid ? marry her or get the hell out !! It one thing to screw around with your own life, another to mess up a kids.

 

[convex]

whatever decision you make, stick to it...

 

[bigvince]

let me state that negative Criticism is NOT i repeat NOT welcome in this thread .... do like you mother told you: if you don't anything nice to say don't say anything at all!


Writing this thread has shown me one thing, most of the people in this forum are ASSHOLES jeeze whatever happened to love thy neighbor, did it turn it to fsck you if i don't like your opinion. why are all of you so quick to point out the slightest bit of inaccuracy or slip-up like you've never fsuked something up...well i'm never asking you guys for your advice again because it's not worth a $hit!!!!

 

[Soybomb]

So let me get this straight, you ask our advice, thank people half way down teh thread, and then one person trolls and you call us all assholes? Feel free to ask whatever you want, but with thanks like that I dont think most would go to the trouble of trying to really help you again anyway.

 

[bigvince]

to clarify soy,


most peolple were nice enough to help but when pepole like CWAND and CXIM post stupid $hit for no reason ... c'mon! comments were not directed at all of you so i take it back but jeeze!

 

[Johnlee]

<< It one thing to screw around with your own life, another to mess up a kids. >>



uh..dude, where the hell did that come from??? That kid is not his responsibility. Sounds like he has a decent relationship with the rugrat.

Vince-sounds like trouble to me dude. You very well might regret leaving her but prolly not more than you would regret wasting anymore of your or her time.

However, having said that, your 2nd sentence seems to belie the rest of your reason for asking for help. Are you in love, or aren't you?

Good luck whatever you do.

 

[Doomguy]

It seems like CWAND and CXIM are serious aholes. I feel bad for them for having such crappy lives.

 

[Mday]

um, a girlfriend, and a healthy relationship with other friends. &quot;swinging bachelor lifestyle&quot; is not a way to live, one gets burnt out too quickly.

a &quot;relationship&quot; where all you do is spend time with that significant other is not good. i would say it's short of bad.

you gotta spend time apart. you'll get sick of each other... ; )

anyway... spend a night out with the guys, or something...

--

in a healthy marriage, there is nothing wrong with taking separate vacations once and a while... i use a marriage as an example of a more &quot;solid&quot; relationship...

---

that's one of the reasons why certain couples should not work together... especially if they are not used to it. some actually do fine, others get sick QUICK (or one of them).

 

[Handle]

About what cxim has said... in my opinion, he may have said it harshly, but he was still offering legitimate advice.

cxim mentioned that you are asking for advice about your relationship with her, when your relationship with her does not affect us. It does, however, affect you and her. Given that this is a decision that direct involves and affects her, it would probably be a better idea to talk to her rather than to talk to us. Other opinions may be great, but in the end, given that we do not know all of the details, and could not possibly understand all the nuances of your relationship with her, your values, your morals, your life, your experiences, etc. it is unlikely that we could do any more than offer a set of options--however, we really do not know enough to make well-informed recommendations.

cxim also mentions something along the lines that you'll have to deal with your own problems. Perhaps unnecessarily curt, but what cxim may mean is that the answer is probably within yourself, and if not, communication with your girlfriend would probably provide more answers than here. The decision is yours.

cxim also mentions concern about her child. You also made reference to the fact that the child thinks of you as a father or something like that. If you continue your relationship for years and then leave, that could have a negative impact on the child.

These are not necessarily my opinions, however, I'm just expanding on the points I believe cxim was trying to make, of course, in a more concise fashion. I don't think he was trying to be a jerk or anything, just trying to be blunt.

I am not trying to criticize you or anything, although I do think that it is impossible for us to suggest something unless we knew everything that was going through your mind. We can't analyze incomplete data.

Best of luck.

 

[MrsSkywalker]

bigvince, if you pop the question and marry her without addressing these feelings, imagine what your life will be like 5, 10, 15 years into a marriage. These feelings aren't just going to go away, they will intensify, and eventually turn into resentment. You will actually start to hate this woman for something that isn't in her control. That's where infidelity and, eventually, the really messy divorces come from. Please, do yourself and your girlfriend a favor and talk to her about it. It's a hard conversation to have, I know, but it needs to be addressed. I am in a wonderful marriage, and I can tell you that the key to a good relationship is open, honest communication. Sit her down, and tell her that you're feeling torn; that you are at a point in your relationship that has you wondering what should be next and that you want to know where she's coming from. It may be that your antsy feelings are just nerves, and she might be feeling the same. At any rate, I'm am pretty sure that once you talk about this with your girlfriend, you'll know what is the right path for you to take. Good luck!

 

[cxim]

yes, I was blunt...

Handle did a good job of expanding...

You are dealing with 3 lives, one is a young child that thinks of you as Dad... You obviously have no concept of the impact you are having on this kid. Relationships that involve kids are not casual dating. bet it is not casual to the girl either...

You got into the relationship... now YOU have to deal with it.

You want to swing &amp; screw around.. fine !! If that is what you are looking for then it is better for you to go now... 2 yrs is more than enough time to decide if you want to marry or not.

Remember this is adult land with adult responsibilities...

If you are not going to be a man &amp; a father.... get the hell out !!!

Kids need a father, not some ahole hanging around the mom for a little nooky, then dumping THEM because he decides on the swingin life style.

 

[nEoTeChMaN]

I've been married for 6 years now and communication is the key to this...the glue if you say.