agreed. I did some things when I was young and stupid, my NA sponsor told me not to atone for those things as they would dredge up horrible memories and cause more harm . I ended up doing charity and volunteer work instead. I do have the apologies written to the families fo the people I've hurt that will be sent to them when I die.
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A 12-step apology leads to a guilty plea
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agreed. I did some things when I was young and stupid, my NA sponsor told me not to atone for those things as they would dredge up horrible memories and cause more harm . I ended up doing charity and volunteer work instead. I do have the apologies written to the families fo the people I've hurt that will be sent to them when I die.
waggy
No Lifer
so you don't mind hurting people but you just want to wait until you die?
thought the idea of not makeing amends is if it hurts the person, and there family? so if you did not do it what is the point of doing it after you die? i am really confused as to what the point of it would be.
It is self-righteous, and I am a virgin, so no rape committed here.
But you look at a female and picture yourself having sex with her, you are at least raping her in your mind, and most guys are guilty of that. I mean, hypothetically, if you allowed the girl you just fantasized about to take a glimpse of what you were thinking 9/10 times they will think it is unwarranted.
Sure, rape is a heinous act, and rapists are selfish people, but everyone has the capacity of committing heinous acts. If you make a distinction, you will ultimately fail in being the best human being you can be.
For a person who freely accepts the consequences of his actions, I commend the man, but yes he is still screwed up, and he is just as human as everyone else. By accepting the consequences of his actions, he has changed for the better.
waggy
No Lifer
you are right. eveyone has the capasity for evil. the trick is having a strong enough character to not act on it.
i feel fine putting rapist, child molesters and such in a lower category and i am willing to bet 95% of atot do .
I do hold this person better then all other like him. At least he is (finally) takeing resbonsility for his actions and trying to make amends. do i consider this guy "better then most men" oh hell no.
I think I misunderstand your question. He does admit that it bothers him that he hurt other people. He wants to make amends but his sponsor advises against it because it would open up old wounds (such as the case in the original post) so it is advisable to let the healing continue rather than rip it open and have more people live and re-live the act that was so bad. I have no idea or opinion that matters about telling people about bad things that you've done after you're dead. On the surface, that seems worse than not making any amends whatsoever, but I don't know the whole story so I am reserving judgement and comment.
I had a couple of amends that I kind of felt needed to be made but I was advised by my sponsor not to make them. Not that any of these acts were illegal, it was just best not to tell certain people about things I had done just to try to atone my guilt. In my case, letting people be ignorant of what I did would be better than letting them know. Have you ever gotten news about something that you wish you never knew? That's the best way I can put it. That may not make sense, and I'm not telling the story, so we'll just leave it at that.
I could not help but notice throughout this thread that this man is refered to as "scum". I understand it is a common title for those who commit crimes of lust and sodomy upon unwilling victims, no doubt, and the act is reprehensible in every regard. However, it is a defensive tactic. As DaShen has already noted, you are denying this person his humanity because what he has done. You have severed empathetic feeling for him because of his action.
Which explains why it is a defensive reaction. You are not willing to admit that you are all cowards compared to him. This man would have gotten away scot-free with the crime of his passions should it have not come to him, and him alone, to decide that he should bring closure to this rift he has caused in both his life and hers. He has commited the sin and escaped judgment. Yet he returned with apologies and with the acknowledgement of what he has done is wrong. This is why it is in the news; it's absolutely astounding that any person with the capability of executing such a terrible act, seemingly escaping all prosecution, can also go and return for proper penance and resolution. It is an affirmation of the good that exists in humanity, no matter the person; that there aren't just good guys and bad guys but that there is a possibility for redemption after all from those that society would think are failed beings. And only by making him to be at the level of frogspawn can you not only rob him of the accomplishment that this is, but also rescue yourselves from the fact that, should you have ever found yourself in his place, you would all be enjoying the freedom that comes with breaking the law without consequence to yourself.
Of course, you'd never be in his place. Remember, only the inhuman would do such a thing. Non-rapists are all human, and would never even think of such heinous acts. So, he is just an abomination recognizing his evil, and everyone else must be rather proud with the fine job they've done not raping people, right? Right. There is no doubt that what he gets is what he deserves, but those calling for more punishment, or no sympathy, should consider that themselves when it is their turn to be judged.
You tut-tut the wounds it had reopened, but I ask if that could be considered harm. She has started a fund for other victims as herself because of it. And frankly, I would know of no worse crime than this woman continuing to live with this secret buried. Without the bravery to admit that it happened and that it was wrong, to herself and to the police, what would happen? Nothing. Just like many cases go each year, the crime going accepted as a necessary trauma of life. That is far more damaging than making someone remember of the damage they have tried to cover up with a bandage.
Below this sentence will come the outcries of liars who can actually stomach to retort that they would do the same thing in his position.
Which explains why it is a defensive reaction. You are not willing to admit that you are all cowards compared to him. This man would have gotten away scot-free with the crime of his passions should it have not come to him, and him alone, to decide that he should bring closure to this rift he has caused in both his life and hers. He has commited the sin and escaped judgment. Yet he returned with apologies and with the acknowledgement of what he has done is wrong. This is why it is in the news; it's absolutely astounding that any person with the capability of executing such a terrible act, seemingly escaping all prosecution, can also go and return for proper penance and resolution. It is an affirmation of the good that exists in humanity, no matter the person; that there aren't just good guys and bad guys but that there is a possibility for redemption after all from those that society would think are failed beings. And only by making him to be at the level of frogspawn can you not only rob him of the accomplishment that this is, but also rescue yourselves from the fact that, should you have ever found yourself in his place, you would all be enjoying the freedom that comes with breaking the law without consequence to yourself.
Of course, you'd never be in his place. Remember, only the inhuman would do such a thing. Non-rapists are all human, and would never even think of such heinous acts. So, he is just an abomination recognizing his evil, and everyone else must be rather proud with the fine job they've done not raping people, right? Right. There is no doubt that what he gets is what he deserves, but those calling for more punishment, or no sympathy, should consider that themselves when it is their turn to be judged.
You tut-tut the wounds it had reopened, but I ask if that could be considered harm. She has started a fund for other victims as herself because of it. And frankly, I would know of no worse crime than this woman continuing to live with this secret buried. Without the bravery to admit that it happened and that it was wrong, to herself and to the police, what would happen? Nothing. Just like many cases go each year, the crime going accepted as a necessary trauma of life. That is far more damaging than making someone remember of the damage they have tried to cover up with a bandage.
Below this sentence will come the outcries of liars who can actually stomach to retort that they would do the same thing in his position.
Absolutely not. At least personally, if I "picture myself having sex with another person", I don't imagine them screaming and pleading with me not to rape them. I also don't get off because I have power over another person. The pyschological and physiological factors are much different with rape than normal sex. It is an issue of power and dominance over another human being with rape.
Honestly. They act like she got the sh!t kicked out of her, I want to know how fvcked up you have to be to not notice a d!ck penetrating you. And, lets give her the benefit of the doubt, she was passed out, well...what do you expect at a high school/college party filled with a bunch of men. Was she expecting flowers?
biggestmuff
Diamond Member
Huh? A raping drunkard? Oh, my! What high standards you have!!
NuclearNed
Raconteur
It would take a lot of courage to confess to a crime, especially when you know that a jail sentence is almost guaranteed. For that I admire the guy; he stood up and took his well-deserved punishment. Its a real shame that he didn't find that courage and moral fiber years ago, before he harmed someone with his irresponsible actions.
NuclearNed
Raconteur
Most idiotic post I've read today. Maybe this whole week, even.
ForumMaster
Diamond Member
lol! reminds me of that bitch who confessed to murdering her boyfriend on national radio.
Show me a person who has never @#$@#% up at all, and I will show you a liar and a person with a superiority complex.
Although what the person did was abhorent (and something that I could never see myself doing, although in reality all of us have the capacity for such evil things), the fact that he took responsibility for his actions, shows something about his changed character. Being a good person is about a mindset, and what you will do, not what you have done in the past. There are consequences for past mistakes, but if you can take responsibility and accept those consequences, you are doing what is right.
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