Your best "too much to drink" stories (where nobody got hurt)

[kranky]

My friend Don had been out whooping it up with some buddies, and came home pretty late. When he got to his townhouse complex, he pulled in his driveway and hit the garage door opener, but the door didn't open.

So he figured with a low battery in the opener, he would keep trying hoping it would have enough juice to work just one more time so he could get in the garage. This went on for about 5 minutes. Then the lights came on in the driveway, the front door opened, and his neighbor Steve came out of the door.

"Don," he yelled, pointing to the adjacent townhouse, "YOU LIVE OVER THERE!"

He had pulled into the wrong driveway and for 5 minutes had been opening and closing his garage door, generating enough noise in the attached homes to wake up his neighbor.

And his wife gave him an ear-beating also, because she was wakened by the opener motor and was in a panic thinking someone was breaking into their house when she didn't see Don's car in the driveway.

 

[DivideBYZero]

Sank a boat.

 

[Safeway]

20 shots of Absolute in 10 minutes. Ran outside during a hailstorm, got hit several times. Dove into a swimming pool and went underwater to protect myself from the hail.

Three friends dove in after me, ruining their phones.

 

[se7en]

Wound up at a party I didnt know anyone at.
Lost my belt but ended up using a dress tie for a belt (wasnt mine).
Met a new g/f who was a marine and didnt know her name.
Got a ride home from someone but it was to a diff party.
Met a guy I thought was the grim reaper.
Locked myself in a bathroom for a while to sober up.
Passed out at a strangers house but they were cool.
When I woke up had to walk around outside to figure out where I was
I was an hour away from where i should have been.

 

[RichUK]

Nothing immediately comes to mind.

Though I always remember when I went to be sick in the toilet, but spewed just before I could open the toilet lid and sick kind of sprayed around the whole bathroom in someone else?s house.

 

[oynaz]

Me: "Let's get this straight: You drank 15 beers, became raving drunk for a while, sobered up a bit, drank half a bottle of vodka, went raving drunk again, got the hiccups, convinced yourself that the perfect hiccup cure was to throw up, heated up the rest of the vodka and drank it in order to throw up, threw up, was cured of the hiccups, drank a bottle of bitter, went raving drunk, and woke up in the hospital?"
Friend: "Yes."
Me: "That's so typical of you."
Friend: "I've only done it twice before."

 

[zerocool84]

Too many to list.

 

[CRXican]

if you can remember, you didn't drink enough

 

[nageov3t]

sophomore year of college, a friend of mine got so drunk that he passed out... my roommate and I carried him back to our room and when he woke up the next morning, he had no memory of the night before, so my roommate said that he puked on our floor and we got him to mop up a mess we made from chinese food a few nights prior :thumbsup::beer:

 

[Baked]

I have zero stories, I don't drink to get drunk. The best stories are told by dead people who got so drunk they drove into a retaining wall or tree.

 

[shortylickens]

Navy.
1998.
I was a swabee on the USS Philippean Sea. Our first port was Barcelona. We went to some strange place called the Black Sheep. We drank until we couldnt feel feelings anymore.
I never drank that much again. In fact when I left the ship I stopped drinking entirely. WOW! I just realized its been almost 10 years since my last one.

 

[Rebasxer]

A small gathering last year for my birthday at my house

A girl shows up that my roommate doesn't want to see, his solution, get so drunk so fast he forgets she's there.
He cracks open a handle of jager and we go to the kitchen and get two shot glasses (rest of the party was on front porch and living room)
Half an hour later, the entire bottle is gone. So 20 some shots each plus the beer I had been drinking steadily for the previous 4 hours
A girl that I've been crushing on/texting constantly for the last 2 months shows us (mind u this is at college and she was home for the summer, her first night back at school)
Rest of the night gets hazy, but from what I've been told from multiple sources my evening went as so

I started talking to the girl, then suddenly I pick her up without warning and carry her up the stairs to my room
I remember making out with her so I know everything was consensual.
But apparently when we started having sex, I stopped for a minute, looked at her, then threw up on her.
She left immediately and my friend drove her home,
I started running up and down my street naked trying to find her, then somehow got back to my puke covered bed and passed out.

I called the girl the next day and apologized and we ended up dating for a little while after