- Jul 13, 2007
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- You Know Your a Computer Addict When - Your stationery is more cluttered
than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail
addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads
across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence,
you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write
*is*letterhead.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You have never sat through an entire
movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You need to fill out a form that must
be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your
house -- only computers with laser printers.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You think of the gadgets in your
office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You disdain people who use low baud
rates.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - When you go into a computer store,
you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers -- and you butt in to
correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers'
questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You use the phrase "digital
compression" in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels
when you say it.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You constantly find yourself in
groups of people to whom you say the phrase "digital compression." Everyone
understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that
you don't have to explain it.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You know Bill Gates' e-mail address,
but you have to look up your own social security number.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You stop saying "phone number" and
replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone
lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other
contraptions.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You sign Christmas cards by putting
next to your signature.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - Off the top of your head, you can
think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than .
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You back up your data every day.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - Your wife asks you to pick up some
minipads for her at the store and you return with a rest for your mouse.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You think jokes about being unable to
program a VCR are stupid.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - On vacation, you are reading a
computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is
reading John Grisham novels.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - The thought that a CD could refer to
finance or music rarely enters your mind.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You are able to argue persuasively
the Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the
term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man
still uses hand-drawn pie charts.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You go to computer trade shows and
map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you cannot give
someone directions to your house without looking up the street names.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You would rather get more dots per
inch than miles per gallon.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You become upset when a person calls
you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a
computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone
to receive more information about the product it is selling.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You know without a doubt that disks
come in five-and-a- quarter-and three-and-a-half-inch sizes.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - Al Gore strikes you as an
"intriguing" fellow.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You own a set of itty-bitty
screw-drivers and you actually know where they are.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - While contemporaries swap stories
about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger
strain with a nine-year-old.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You are so knowledgeable about
technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone
asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make
something up.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You rotate your screen savers more
frequently than your automobile tires.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You have a functioning home copier
machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You have ended friendships because of
irreconcilably different opinions about which is better -- the track ball or
the track *pad*.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You understand all the jokes in this
message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest,
for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't
use a laptop.
You Know Your a Computer Addict When - You email this message to your
friends over the net. You'd never get around to showing it to them in person
or reading it to them on the phone.