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You boys ready for your sandwich?

Jeeebus

Jeeebus

Diamond Member
Doing research for a motion to dismiss that I'm working on and am looking at dozens of cases involving "qualified immunity" - basically government employees immune from liability if they act within the scope of their duties.

DID

NOT

EXPECT

THIS

On approximately February 20, 2009, Deputy Cantwell and Deputy Barnett were distributing bologna sandwiches to various inmates at the Franklin County Jail. These two deputies took one of the bologna sandwiches into Plaintiff Todd E. Triplett's cell and had Triplett place his penis on or above it. The deputies took a photograph of Triplett's penis and the sandwich with a cellular telephone. Cantwell and Barnett then took the sandwich and gave it to another inmate, Plaintiff Joseph Copeland, Jr. After Plaintiff Copeland had eaten most of the sandwich, the officers showed him the picture of Triplett's penis on or above the sandwich and asked him “How does Todd Triplett's dick taste, bitch?”
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Defendants argue that they were acting within the scope of their discretionary authority when they had Triplett place his penis on or over a bologna sandwich, photographed it, served the sandwich to Copeland, and showed the picture to Copeland after he had eaten most of the sandwich....
Defendants' arguments are not well-taken.
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Now I'm trying to figure out how to work bologna penis eating into my motion.
 
I believe if you read the fine print, it does indeed say any type of meat may be placed on the sandwich, as long as it's fresh.

I'm sure they were just doing their normal duties.

/sarcasm font.
 
Just to clarify - those aren't the facts of my case. It's from a 2011 decision that I found while doing my research (available here: https://casetext.com/case/copeland-v-karnes).

I have no idea why a case like that wasn't settled beforehand. I don't even think Johnny Cochran could crawl out of his grave and win that one with a "if the bologna don't fit..." defense.
 
Jeeebus said:
Just to clarify - those aren't the facts of my case. It's from a 2011 decision that I found while doing my research (available here: https://casetext.com/case/copeland-v-karnes).

I have no idea why a case like that wasn't settled beforehand. I don't even think Johnny Cochran could crawl out of his grave and win that one with a "if the bologna don't fit..." defense.
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Ohhhhhhhh...

So... what DID your client do that warranted you looking up dudes takin picks of dicks on sammiches? 😵
 
PottedMeat said:
how much does a defense lawyer make on a case like that? it's not like the lawyer can do anything.
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In the obviously guilty trials, defense lawyers serve two purposes: help make the defendant understand everything that may or may not happen to him/her, and above all else, try to work out deals for lesser punishments.

That's where the high-dollar lawyers are separated from the court-appointed lawyers: they typically have a greater ability to get punishments reduced by having more sway with the prosecution or having a greater affinity toward the various intricate codes and laws and sub-sections of such and, likely more than anything, a greater bullshit ability.
 
z1ggy said:
So... what DID your client do that warranted you looking up dudes takin picks of dicks on sammiches? 😵
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What wouldn't merit reading about that? That's one of those things where time stops, everything gets quiet, and you just have to KEEP READING.

Also, I'm pretty sure I read about that on Fark when it happened. ()🙂
 
Wait, you do your case research on a computer? You mean the guys from Suits don't actually comb through literal archives? Shit, I can Google stuff.
 
cbrunny said:
Wait, you do your case research on a computer? You mean the guys from Suits don't actually comb through literal archives? Shit, I can Google stuff.
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As far as I know, they still teach law students to research using the books - which is retarded, because nobody uses the books.
 
Jeeebus said:
As far as I know, they still teach law students to research using the books - which is retarded, because nobody uses the books.
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Because damnit, those kids need to really felt like they spent that $50k a year working extra hard, for no real reason.

I mean, shit, why did I spent hours doing triple integrals during my engineering courses to derive the equation for some waveform, when in the real world, that shit is done in 1 second on a computer? BECAUSE .... REASONS.
 
What's worse? Eating animal penis or human penis?

When one eats bologna sandwich....hot dog....hamburger meat.....you are eating JUST THAT. All kinds of disgusting shit.

American's LOVE it.

🙂
 
z1ggy said:
Because damnit, those kids need to really felt like they spent that $50k a year working extra hard, for no real reason.

I mean, shit, why did I spent hours doing triple integrals during my engineering courses to derive the equation for some waveform, when in the real world, that shit is done in 1 second on a computer? BECAUSE .... REASONS.
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Because colleges around the countries bend boys like you over and rape their wallets.

🙂
 
z1ggy said:
Because damnit, those kids need to really felt like they spent that $50k a year working extra hard, for no real reason.

I mean, shit, why did I spent hours doing triple integrals during my engineering courses to derive the equation for some waveform, when in the real world, that shit is done in 1 second on a computer? BECAUSE .... REASONS.
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Was just talking about this shit with my boss this morning. You get your degree in engineering, you pass your FE, you pass your PE............. you use -maybe- 1% of all that at work? Of course there are jobs that require this, but most likely you're not doing what was stated above at the workplace.
 
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