PsychoAndy
Lifer
That brings back bad memories.
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Yet another Asian parent rant -- i shall remain calm she will not get to me
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That brings back bad memories.
pillage2001
Lifer
I know. 🙁 and she almost did throw the pc out. 🙁
I think this is an interesting thread... being Asian myself.
As much as I would like to think that my parents are evil. 😛 I think culture shock played a huge role with differences of my opinion and theirs over whatever issue was at hand. I think most of the Asian ATOTers' parents didnt live in the US but immgrated over.
They're stuck in the old-fashioned mentality of how they grew up and how they were raised. I'm not necessarily knocking that mentality but Im saying thats all they know because they've lived through it. Whereas for us the ABAs (American Born Asians) or the ABCs (American Born Chinese), we are growing up in the US with a different societal mentality. For the most part, the mentality we see and experience while growing up seems to be more liberal than the Asian counterpart. In general, Asians that moved here are more likely to be more hard-working than the average American here. Also chances are they probably are more wealthy too than the majority of our parents who immgrated over.
So when we're growing up its a hard balancing act between the Asian mentality and the I guess American mentality we see. Sure it might be ok to be lax and fly by seat of your pants and not really try in school but still get Bs and Cs. That might be good under the average American mentality but its not good enough for the mentality our Asian parents have. Which most certainly causes tension since they have good intentions and want their children to be pushed and pushed to succeed at a high level in order to have a bright future.
There are varying degrees of how hardcore and strict one's Asian parents can be from: as long as you get good grades whatever you do is fine by me to if you dont finish in the top 10% of your class you will fail in life mentality. Asian parents do have good intentions albiet it doesn't seem like it since they are harder on their children than the average parent.
Its not just education where this battle rages on between the Asian mentality and the American one. Wealth could be another one, while growing up an Asian child might want to be as spoiled as the kids he/she interacts with or sees. Thats normal since to children and most certainly into teenagers where wealth and image status is important.
I definitely know that some things in the Asian culture are viewed a little differently here. For example if anyone like a neighbor or co-worker helps my mom out with a favor, my mom will want to return the favor ten-fold. Anyone else notice that? Another example is when being repaid a financial favor, my mom wont accept the money at all. This sucks if its between another Asian person because they will constantly be wanting the other party to keep the money. I swear this goes on for like 30 minutes until I step in, accept the money on my mom's behalf and proceed to get a dirty look from my mom 😛. Normally you would think when someone does a favor for you all you have to do is to reciporate it and everythings even. No need to return it ten-fold or not accept money given to you.
I certainly had to balance between the culture my parents came from and the one I was immersed in here. Frankly its made me a better person in the long run since I "see" both cultures and therefore can relate to both. I think for the most part it should be the same case for most anyone whose been in this type of situation.
*Note* When I meant average I mean the type of person that graduates from high school who may or may not attend college. Thats not a knock on anyone who is doing fine without a college degree but I think statistically thats average and if Im wrong I'll use the average score for the SAT which is around 1000 give or take 50 points?
As much as I would like to think that my parents are evil. 😛 I think culture shock played a huge role with differences of my opinion and theirs over whatever issue was at hand. I think most of the Asian ATOTers' parents didnt live in the US but immgrated over.
They're stuck in the old-fashioned mentality of how they grew up and how they were raised. I'm not necessarily knocking that mentality but Im saying thats all they know because they've lived through it. Whereas for us the ABAs (American Born Asians) or the ABCs (American Born Chinese), we are growing up in the US with a different societal mentality. For the most part, the mentality we see and experience while growing up seems to be more liberal than the Asian counterpart. In general, Asians that moved here are more likely to be more hard-working than the average American here. Also chances are they probably are more wealthy too than the majority of our parents who immgrated over.
So when we're growing up its a hard balancing act between the Asian mentality and the I guess American mentality we see. Sure it might be ok to be lax and fly by seat of your pants and not really try in school but still get Bs and Cs. That might be good under the average American mentality but its not good enough for the mentality our Asian parents have. Which most certainly causes tension since they have good intentions and want their children to be pushed and pushed to succeed at a high level in order to have a bright future.
There are varying degrees of how hardcore and strict one's Asian parents can be from: as long as you get good grades whatever you do is fine by me to if you dont finish in the top 10% of your class you will fail in life mentality. Asian parents do have good intentions albiet it doesn't seem like it since they are harder on their children than the average parent.
Its not just education where this battle rages on between the Asian mentality and the American one. Wealth could be another one, while growing up an Asian child might want to be as spoiled as the kids he/she interacts with or sees. Thats normal since to children and most certainly into teenagers where wealth and image status is important.
I definitely know that some things in the Asian culture are viewed a little differently here. For example if anyone like a neighbor or co-worker helps my mom out with a favor, my mom will want to return the favor ten-fold. Anyone else notice that? Another example is when being repaid a financial favor, my mom wont accept the money at all. This sucks if its between another Asian person because they will constantly be wanting the other party to keep the money. I swear this goes on for like 30 minutes until I step in, accept the money on my mom's behalf and proceed to get a dirty look from my mom 😛. Normally you would think when someone does a favor for you all you have to do is to reciporate it and everythings even. No need to return it ten-fold or not accept money given to you.
I certainly had to balance between the culture my parents came from and the one I was immersed in here. Frankly its made me a better person in the long run since I "see" both cultures and therefore can relate to both. I think for the most part it should be the same case for most anyone whose been in this type of situation.
*Note* When I meant average I mean the type of person that graduates from high school who may or may not attend college. Thats not a knock on anyone who is doing fine without a college degree but I think statistically thats average and if Im wrong I'll use the average score for the SAT which is around 1000 give or take 50 points?
They threw out my SNES back in the day. 🙁
Not to mention I was banned from watching TV (always snuck in a few hours before they got back from work), was forced to attend the libarary for several hours every single day, and they would absolutely be fsckin pissed if they knew I owned a Gamecube right now (I'm 20 right now). They weren't to happy to say the least when I brought home my Gameboy Advance.
I also get called every week when I'm off at school because they "haven't talked to me in a while."
Gooberlx2
Lifer
For reference no one is Asian in my family.
My uncle warned my cousin on his 18th birthday that there would be dire consequences if he wasn't home by midnight, whereas my cousin was determined not to come home at all that night. I didn't on my birthday and I don't think my siblings did either...and of course we're a different family, but we're the oldest kids of the clan so I have no one else to compare. Now my uncle and counsin normally are very easy going and cordial with each other aside from typical stuff. But my cousin came home at 11:00am the next morning to find his bags packed and the door locked. This, unfortunately, was no joke and he's been living with friends for more than a month now.
Talk about irrational.
My uncle warned my cousin on his 18th birthday that there would be dire consequences if he wasn't home by midnight, whereas my cousin was determined not to come home at all that night. I didn't on my birthday and I don't think my siblings did either...and of course we're a different family, but we're the oldest kids of the clan so I have no one else to compare. Now my uncle and counsin normally are very easy going and cordial with each other aside from typical stuff. But my cousin came home at 11:00am the next morning to find his bags packed and the door locked. This, unfortunately, was no joke and he's been living with friends for more than a month now.
Talk about irrational.
WOW HARSH!! My parents just took my nintendo and genesis away and locked them in a closet... lol They never touched my computer or threaten to throw it out LOL 🙂 Though i know some asian parents that take the keyboard away and the kid would have a spare hidden ;-) haha.
My parents forced me into alot of crap i hated. ie. Saturday Tutor Classes, Sunday Chinese School... I hated them all and purposely did'nt try. Im Glad they never stuck me in a music classes.
At least your out away from your parents im still living with them sigh...
Ohh... I have a Gamecube and PS2, my parents dont really care, they just sighh and say "YOUR TO OLD for VIDEO GAMES"(Im 19)!!! ... ahhh the irony when they treat me like im 10 years old.
Parents get irrational when it comes to their kids, both in a good way and a bad.
My parents don't care what I do at school as long as I get good grades😉 But when I'm home they expect me to be back at night, which usually means on the last train at midnight, even if it means I have to walk an hour and a half when if the train only goes half way. I've come home shitfaced drunk, I've come home high, I've had my friends drop me off cause I couldn't walk straight, as long as I'm home that night they don't care.
pillage2001
Lifer
I have my fair share of thing thrown out of the house. When I was 6, I told my mum I wanna quit school and my schoolbag was in the dump the next day. 😀 My grandma had to persuade me to go back to school. 😀
When I was 9 or was it 10. Can't remember, I played NES/SNES for 13 hours with my couz and the TV started to smoke. 🙂 Of course, my aunt did not know that it happened cause we shutted the TV down after it happened. 2 months later, there was a new TV. 😀
About my mum hiding my keyboard, I always have a spare one under my bed. 🙂 They gave up doing that and took away the power cord, I had a spare too. 😀 They completely gave up. 🙂
When I was 16, I had my first gf and things did not go well in school. She was in my school and I was never in my OWN class but her class all the way. She was 15 and in a lower Grade. 😀 I flung 4 subs out of 9 in High school and my said this to me. " You go do what you want to do, I give up on you!!!!!!!! " That was when I came up to my senses. 🙁
I still live at home cuz they wouldn't let me leave! 😕
Anyways, my mom used to be so damn strict with everything I do and my dad always disapproves but never says a word. Anyways, after high school, my mom doesn't really say anything at all. College was a blast! 😀 Fishing every night and come home to shower, then back to school. I don't remember sleeping....
For a few months, I came back once every week to get a change of clothes and then leave again. I even went to vacation in China and Vietnam for two months and my parents were like, "dude! Your brother said you went overseas? How was it?" 😀
Anyways, as long as I make my own living and keep out of trouble, they are cool with it. And as long as I find a <U>wife</U> soon and don't move out! 😀 Weird!
Anyways, my mom used to be so damn strict with everything I do and my dad always disapproves but never says a word. Anyways, after high school, my mom doesn't really say anything at all. College was a blast! 😀 Fishing every night and come home to shower, then back to school. I don't remember sleeping....
For a few months, I came back once every week to get a change of clothes and then leave again. I even went to vacation in China and Vietnam for two months and my parents were like, "dude! Your brother said you went overseas? How was it?" 😀
Anyways, as long as I make my own living and keep out of trouble, they are cool with it. And as long as I find a <U>wife</U> soon and don't move out! 😀 Weird!
First off, my mother worked two jobs to give us a good home after my father died. I respected her and she did not treat me like a child. I ended up putting myself through college and paid all of my own bills from age 15 on, thank you. I have paid my own way for the last 13 years, and that includes putting both my wife and myself through college. Your little lecture doesn't work with me, idiot!
Asian parents suck because even through all of this, my wife's parents want to treat me like a child. It is bad enough they treat their own that way, even though they are all grown and finished college. I cannot tell them how to treat their children, but when it extends to me I don't take that sh!t! They don't understand why I hate this treatment, because to them they own their kids from age 0 to 99. They treat their children like indentured servants, and never give them their freedom. Would you condone this behavior?
Whether or not you have asian parents is not an issue because yours may not have been as overbearing as the ones I deal with. Admittedly not all Asian parents are this way (Gopunk's being an example), but they didn't get the overbearing stereotype for no reason 😉
Yes this is annoying. I don't understand why people who have lived in America for 20 years, capitlizing on the benefits this country gives, are so completely removed from it's norms and culture. I understand we have different values, but a little mutual respect would be nice.
Asian parents suck because even through all of this, my wife's parents want to treat me like a child. It is bad enough they treat their own that way, even though they are all grown and finished college. I cannot tell them how to treat their children, but when it extends to me I don't take that sh!t! They don't understand why I hate this treatment, because to them they own their kids from age 0 to 99. They treat their children like indentured servants, and never give them their freedom. Would you condone this behavior?
Whether or not you have asian parents is not an issue because yours may not have been as overbearing as the ones I deal with. Admittedly not all Asian parents are this way (Gopunk's being an example), but they didn't get the overbearing stereotype for no reason 😉
Yes this is annoying. I don't understand why people who have lived in America for 20 years, capitlizing on the benefits this country gives, are so completely removed from it's norms and culture. I understand we have different values, but a little mutual respect would be nice.
I respect my parents for all the work they've put in to raising me and my sibs, but I'm also pretty farked up in the head because of them. Yes, they have the best intentions, but constant pushing turned me into a suicidal depressive- nothing I do is ever good enough.
Common scenario when I go home: it's late night, and there are dishes in the sink. To wash or not, that is the question. If I wash the dishes, my mom rags on me the next morning about doing more for the household. If I don't wash the dishes, my mom lectures me the next morning about how I should've washed the dishes and helped more around the house.
I am in total agreement with rh71- if I ever have kids, the one thing I'll never do is subject them to what I went through. Positive reinforcement is a GOOD thing. Assuming, of course, that I ever get married; I think I'd rather much die alone than put someone else through the same thing.
NuclearFusi0n
Diamond Member
Welcome to the club.
NuclearFusi0n
Diamond Member
Try at least once a day - from each parent.
"YOU NEED TO CALL ME WHENEVER YOU GO OUT - I WANT THE NUMBERS AND NAMES OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS FOR EMERGENCIES"
I just randomly crash at friends' houses while at school, and when i visit home they wont let me go anywhere past dark
Here's a big "THE WHISTLES GO WHOO WHOOOOO!!!!!!!" for parents that you can't relate to. 🙁
my mom used to be like that. my dad has always been reasonable. we talk to each other about ebaying things, and about the hot deals we see online. i guess we have a lot in common. my mom on the other hand is totally opposite, which is odd, like the only time i'm talking to her, is when she is super paranoid about me failing out of school (i'm mediocre i'm not THAT bad) and her telling me just what my sister and brother are up to and like how bad they are.
like i was all ready to get mega drunk on the y2k new years eve, at my friends sister's apartment, and NOOOOO mom says cant go because crazy people will be in the streets and it'll be dangerous.
so i missed out, on fun, and my friends drank all of MY booze.
anyways, that was horrible and i was almost 19 at the time. lately though, my momjust gives me random crap , for being non insanely neat and she still gives me the you are gonna get robbed since you didnt close your 2nd story window stuff. i'm 22 now and its not nearly as bad. i dont have the "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHif i could kill you right now i would " feeling like back in high school.
i think i wore her down, since well, she gave me crap a lot basically my whole life. my younger brother and sister should thank, me but then again, they both have some sort of social problem or something, my brother is nuts , and my sister is super shy and has like no friends (she's like 14 its scary)
anyways, i read some of the other posts. and well i'm the first kid or immigrant parents (came over when i was 6), and well the worst thing about me, is basically i probably could have gotten a 4.0 all through high school but i ended up with like a 3.6 unweighted (it was like 4.1 or something when you calculate all that extra stuff ) and i didnt take every AP class or honors since well, i didnt like them or the work. basically i'm lazy. so you can imagine that including the normal unreasonabley illogical arguments with my mom that every asian kid has, i also got called a waste, a "bad investment" (i was actually equated to a mutual fund before), a horrible and stupid child, and that i should be sent back to the philippines. i am also a total slob (i live a fairly neat but not insanely neat lifestyle, mostly because i dont own much stuff). i guess my parents are also disappointed that i "wasted" my potential, because i went to ucla, since i couldnt get in anywhere "better" . Like my mom says i've lost a lot of , whats it called, like motivation to be basically the perfect asian son who his parents can say went to harvard and and is a stock broker or whatever. I mean i am a smart guy, and it didnt help that they suddenly had this hope that i could pull out of mediocrity in high school when i got nearly perfect on all mystandardized tests ( the sats require 3 things, logic and a vocabulary and basic math skills, i read a lot, and i'm a compsci major ). i guess i was motivated at the time, since i realized if i wanted to go to ucla still , being asian and having done very little in high school, i'd have to do well on these tests, so i bought a couple books, and got like 99% of the possible points on my tests.
so then, you've got these scores, and you've been half assing through high school. so you can only imaging what the usual, let give our kids no lives (i already had no life, i mean i couldnt drive, i had no car, this was high school and it was the most terrible time of my lives....) and make him apply to a bunch of colleges, while yelling at him about his deficiencies on his applications such as not that many extracurricular activities, and basically the MIT guy told me i wasnt quite geeky special enough for them, so that was also bad (he actually asked if i had done anything really special like, built a scale topographical map of my city. what kind of total dork does that? he also was the biggest geek i've ever met in my life, and spoke like a total homo.) so like i'm filling out applications to schools i dont even want to go to. and being pressured by my parents to apply to all these prestigious schools i.e. harvard, stanford, that i didnt really think were good value wise. and then i end up at ucla which is where i wanted to go in the first place, since well MIT didnt want me, and the other schools i basically sabotaged my apps since all my teachers in high school wouldnt give me any letters of recommendation since they hated me (i was an ass).
so my mom tells me the only reason i got into ucla was because of her. because she made me do my application (i had it done 3 weeks before the deadline mind you) and that i put my birthday wrong or my phone number on one page and they would have rejected me but she caught it. then to ruin it even more, she opened all my acceptance letters for me while i was gone, so i never actually got to read them. she even opened my SAT stuff. like, wouldnt you as a child want to tear open that letter to see how you did? well i kinda did, but eh what the hell never got to. anyways i could go on and on, and probably write a book titled "the dirty secrets of the perfect asian family" and make a billion dollars haha. it'd be awesome.
anyways i doubt THAT type of asian parent goes on anandtech, there are too many ideas of freedom on this board. they'd hate this OT. but if there is a chance, i am telling you now , for most kids who arent very defiant, you are just putting them into non leadership , secondary thinking for their future. you are ruining their confidence and making them subservient in background roles. they'll all end up being scientists or something, or engineers (oh crap... i'm turning into a software engineer noooo....)
haha. i am total defiant of authority, but well people need that, that kind of confidence, and asian parents , they take it away.
like i was all ready to get mega drunk on the y2k new years eve, at my friends sister's apartment, and NOOOOO mom says cant go because crazy people will be in the streets and it'll be dangerous.
so i missed out, on fun, and my friends drank all of MY booze.
anyways, that was horrible and i was almost 19 at the time. lately though, my momjust gives me random crap , for being non insanely neat and she still gives me the you are gonna get robbed since you didnt close your 2nd story window stuff. i'm 22 now and its not nearly as bad. i dont have the "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHif i could kill you right now i would " feeling like back in high school.
i think i wore her down, since well, she gave me crap a lot basically my whole life. my younger brother and sister should thank, me but then again, they both have some sort of social problem or something, my brother is nuts , and my sister is super shy and has like no friends (she's like 14 its scary)
anyways, i read some of the other posts. and well i'm the first kid or immigrant parents (came over when i was 6), and well the worst thing about me, is basically i probably could have gotten a 4.0 all through high school but i ended up with like a 3.6 unweighted (it was like 4.1 or something when you calculate all that extra stuff ) and i didnt take every AP class or honors since well, i didnt like them or the work. basically i'm lazy. so you can imagine that including the normal unreasonabley illogical arguments with my mom that every asian kid has, i also got called a waste, a "bad investment" (i was actually equated to a mutual fund before), a horrible and stupid child, and that i should be sent back to the philippines. i am also a total slob (i live a fairly neat but not insanely neat lifestyle, mostly because i dont own much stuff). i guess my parents are also disappointed that i "wasted" my potential, because i went to ucla, since i couldnt get in anywhere "better" . Like my mom says i've lost a lot of , whats it called, like motivation to be basically the perfect asian son who his parents can say went to harvard and and is a stock broker or whatever. I mean i am a smart guy, and it didnt help that they suddenly had this hope that i could pull out of mediocrity in high school when i got nearly perfect on all mystandardized tests ( the sats require 3 things, logic and a vocabulary and basic math skills, i read a lot, and i'm a compsci major ). i guess i was motivated at the time, since i realized if i wanted to go to ucla still , being asian and having done very little in high school, i'd have to do well on these tests, so i bought a couple books, and got like 99% of the possible points on my tests.
so then, you've got these scores, and you've been half assing through high school. so you can only imaging what the usual, let give our kids no lives (i already had no life, i mean i couldnt drive, i had no car, this was high school and it was the most terrible time of my lives....) and make him apply to a bunch of colleges, while yelling at him about his deficiencies on his applications such as not that many extracurricular activities, and basically the MIT guy told me i wasnt quite geeky special enough for them, so that was also bad (he actually asked if i had done anything really special like, built a scale topographical map of my city. what kind of total dork does that? he also was the biggest geek i've ever met in my life, and spoke like a total homo.) so like i'm filling out applications to schools i dont even want to go to. and being pressured by my parents to apply to all these prestigious schools i.e. harvard, stanford, that i didnt really think were good value wise. and then i end up at ucla which is where i wanted to go in the first place, since well MIT didnt want me, and the other schools i basically sabotaged my apps since all my teachers in high school wouldnt give me any letters of recommendation since they hated me (i was an ass).
so my mom tells me the only reason i got into ucla was because of her. because she made me do my application (i had it done 3 weeks before the deadline mind you) and that i put my birthday wrong or my phone number on one page and they would have rejected me but she caught it. then to ruin it even more, she opened all my acceptance letters for me while i was gone, so i never actually got to read them. she even opened my SAT stuff. like, wouldnt you as a child want to tear open that letter to see how you did? well i kinda did, but eh what the hell never got to. anyways i could go on and on, and probably write a book titled "the dirty secrets of the perfect asian family" and make a billion dollars haha. it'd be awesome.
anyways i doubt THAT type of asian parent goes on anandtech, there are too many ideas of freedom on this board. they'd hate this OT. but if there is a chance, i am telling you now , for most kids who arent very defiant, you are just putting them into non leadership , secondary thinking for their future. you are ruining their confidence and making them subservient in background roles. they'll all end up being scientists or something, or engineers (oh crap... i'm turning into a software engineer noooo....)
haha. i am total defiant of authority, but well people need that, that kind of confidence, and asian parents , they take it away.
dabuddha
Lifer
hehe my parent's used to use the lock on my XT back in the day. Me and a friend figured out that you can roll a piece of cardboard into a cylinder and put it in the keyhole and turn it 😀 Then they started taking the keyboard away so I used my friends.
Not to be condescending but one day, when you grow up, you'll really appreciate it. My mom calls me every day and I have no problem with it. Asian parent's are just like that
Not to be condescending but one day, when you grow up, you'll really appreciate it. My mom calls me every day and I have no problem with it. Asian parent's are just like that
NuclearFusi0n
Diamond Member
CLINGY! They once called my dorm building like 3 times in one day because they couldn't get in touch with me. (I slept in.)
My advice is just deal with it until you're off to college. My parents totally mellowed out after I left the house and started college. I used to use the computer at night posting and downloading .... my dad used to come downstairs and sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME while dozing off. Even though he was tired as hell, his reasoning was that I'm not in bed by 11pm so I must be doing something very interesting. That really pissed me off because it was pointless but it worked. I used to go to my room because he annoyed me.
And my mom? I don't think I can ever post enough stories about what I had gone through. I simply hated living in the household because of them but I have a different perspectives on them now that I'm on my own.
And my mom? I don't think I can ever post enough stories about what I had gone through. I simply hated living in the household because of them but I have a different perspectives on them now that I'm on my own.
It's good to know I am not the only one going through this. It feels good! One of the hardest things about these parents are that you love them and hate them at the same time. I really respect their work ethic, but I don't want to be their clone. I am a living, breathing human being with goals and needs.
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