YAWT: Proper etiquette on inviting groomsmen?

Ns1

No Lifer
Jun 17, 2001
55,420
1,599
126
So the date is coming up quick and I realized that I should probably ask my friends to be groomsmen/best man. What's the proper way to go about this?

My introvert don't give a fuck self says "text"

My adult side says "call"

My wedding planner self says "send a proper paper invitation"


I've never been a groomsman to a wedding, so I have no idea wtf is proper. I am going to buy them cool gifts though :)
 

purbeast0

No Lifer
Sep 13, 2001
53,468
6,307
126
ask them in person if they are local to you and someone you hang with regularly, otherwise give them a call.

been in multiple weddings and never ever heard of anyone sending a paper invitation. obviously your planner wants you to do that because that means more money for her.
 

KeithTalent

Elite Member | Administrator | No Lifer
Administrator
Nov 30, 2005
50,231
118
116
All of mine were local, so I took them all out for beers and asked them in person. For anyone not local I would have called. Would never send a paper invite.

KT
 
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Exterous

Super Moderator
Jun 20, 2006
20,553
3,713
126
Paper invitation? o_O

If you see them in person: "Hey do you want to be a groomsman?"

If they live a bit distant call: "Hey do you want to be a groomsman?"

If applicable it is perfectly normal to include descriptors like 'dick' 'bag' or 'fuckface' when asking
 

OCGuy

Lifer
Jul 12, 2000
27,224
37
91
This is how my best friends asked me, every single time:

"Hey, you down to be in my wedding?"

"Yep."

That is followed by an awkward pause, finally broken by the sound of a beer being opened.
 

Ns1

No Lifer
Jun 17, 2001
55,420
1,599
126
Paper invitation? o_O

If you see them in person: "Hey do you want to be a groomsman?"

If they live a bit distant call: "Hey do you want to be a groomsman?"

no joke guys...my testicles shrank a little bit just looking at these. Except the cigar one, the cigar one is kinda cool.


il_fullxfull.305265660.jpg


groomsman-cigar.jpg


GM%2Binvite.JPG
 

purbeast0

No Lifer
Sep 13, 2001
53,468
6,307
126
actually maybe the OP is the bride so she doesn't know how guys do things. we should cut her some slack.
 

OCGuy

Lifer
Jul 12, 2000
27,224
37
91
Hurry up and help him out, I am anxiously refreshing my message box, waiting for him to ask.
 
Feb 6, 2007
16,432
1
81
I texted some and called others. It was nothing terribly formal, but my friends are about as far from formal as you can get. To wit: every fucking one of my groomsmen bitched about having to wear a tux. Come on, you get to dress up as James Bond and drink for free; who complains about that? If your friends/family are more into the formal thing, I guess it makes sense to ask in person, but a physical letter invitation? That's absurd.
 

MongGrel

Lifer
Dec 3, 2013
38,466
3,067
121
All of mine were local, so I took them all out for beers and asked them in person. For anyone not local I would have called. Would never send a paper invite.

KT

Paper invitation? o_O

If you see them in person: "Hey do you want to be a groomsman?"

If they live a bit distant call: "Hey do you want to be a groomsman?"

If applicable it is perfectly normal to include descriptors like 'dick' 'bag' or 'fuckface' when asking

This is how my best friends asked me, every single time:

"Hey, you down to be in my wedding?"

"Yep."

That is followed by an awkward pause, finally broken by the sound of a beer being opened.

+1

Those papers things are a bit um...

*chokes on his beer*

Come on, you get to dress up as James Bond and drink for free; who complains about that?

:biggrin:
 
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highland145

Lifer
Oct 12, 2009
43,973
6,335
136
1st...pics of SO.

2nd, ask SO how many brides maids she is going to have.
3rd, more that 2? Get a crash course on social skills so you can get the required number of groomsmen for the number of maids.
4th, realize you don't have a chance in hell of getting the proper number.
5th, convince her to elope or leave her at the alter.

You're welcome.



Grats...just ask them.
 

Zeze

Lifer
Mar 4, 2011
11,395
1,187
126
I called up and asked mine.

They're your friends. Call them.

You don't even need that fancy crap seen in those pics- my wife didn't even do that for her bridesmaids.

Call.

My wedding planner self says "send a proper paper invitation"

Sigh. You don't need a wedding planner. DIY:
1. Set a budget and brainstorm a general idea for your wedding- discuss this with your wife. Your foremost thing is how many guests are invited.

2. Search for venues- my wife wanted a vineyard wedding so we took 2-3 trips to wineries in Long Island. Then we picked the best one for the value & suitability.

3. Most venues come with a network of recommended caterers. After 5 quick phone calls in half hour, I already knew the general market price. We picked the awesome caterer that was very well spoken + good $$ + let us BYOB/liquor (saved tons).

4. The trinity of the wedding day- Officiant, DJs & Photog. Get them.

4a: DJ- DJ is the life of the party. Any DJ worth their salt come with their ceremony list + event/flow of the night. This sets the entire structure for the wedding. The venue also comes with the coordinator who will work with your DJ, photog, & officiant.

4b: Pick the photog you like & want. You literally just google map them or google in your area. Also follow personal recommendations and what your friends' photogs were.

4c: Officiant is easy. Talk to him about how it will go down. This is YOUR wedding. You dictate what you want. Religious people get pastors, or get a judge. If it's someone you know, then ask. Or google for a paid pastor service ($200-400 in my area/experience)

5. Go to zazzle.com or google 'wedding invitations'. They're so easy. What-you-see-what-you-get templates to customize invitations and send them out.

6. That's it. You've been to weddings yourself. You know the typical format is: A: Ceremony at 4, 5, 6pm which lasts 15-45 mins. Then cocktail hour for 60-90 mins. Then reception for 3-5 hours.

There. You don't need no wedding planner.

PM me if you have any questions. I just went through that shit last year.

Oh, and DELEGATE. You don't have to do this alone. Any friends worth their salt will gladly help out:
1. We also did DIY flowers for all tables, bride's bouquet, bridesmaids, etc. 3 of our awesome friends helped out for 6 hours for the day prior.
2. We delegated 2 ushers that herd/coordinate the guests- they handed out invitations, herded the incoming crowd, etc. Tremendous help.
3. Also a good friend of mine that worked directly with the venu's coordinator to light candles, and make sure all that crap go well.


Also do what YOU and your FIANCEE want. Some people want small weddings, or a nice intimate dinner or just sign the thing at the city hall. My friends did all range of things.
 
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blackdogdeek

Lifer
Mar 14, 2003
14,453
10
81
The fiancee and I took my friend and his SO out to dinner when I asked him to be my best man. My other buddy was there, too, so I didn't have to call him to be one of the groomsmen. I called my brother up to be my third groomsman.

No need for any formal invitations.
 

OCGuy

Lifer
Jul 12, 2000
27,224
37
91
The real crappy part I will have to figure out eventually is how to ask someone to be the Best Man.

For some reason nobody likes speaking at weddings.....
 

IndyColtsFan

Lifer
Sep 22, 2007
33,655
687
126
The real crappy part I will have to figure out eventually is how to ask someone to be the Best Man.

For some reason nobody likes speaking at weddings.....

No brothers, I take it? I didn't even have to ask my brother -- he knew it was his job.
 

Ns1

No Lifer
Jun 17, 2001
55,420
1,599
126
LOL @ "wedding planner." What a joke of a "job." At any rate, you're making this too hard -- just ask or call them.

i don't have a wedding planner. i AM the wedding planner. it's actually a lot better now that I took control :D
 

Zeze

Lifer
Mar 4, 2011
11,395
1,187
126
The fiancee and I took my friend and his SO out to dinner when I asked him to be my best man. My other buddy was there, too, so I didn't have to call him to be one of the groomsmen. I called my brother up to be my third groomsman.

No need for any formal invitations.

:thumbsup: