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YAMGT: get rid of her?

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Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
Originally posted by: EngenZerO
is this the girl that made you smoke the jack?
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jacks are crack rocks. what r u talking about.
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o'rly... we call cigs here jacks... nevertheless... is this the same women that made you smoke the cigarette
 
ok after further review of your situation I have drawn some conclusions:

if you stop boning this chick it could possibly be a year or more before you find a chick with enough pity for you to lay you again.

you don't have other options. you should not toss this chick just because you think you are better than her because you went to college because you are not better than her with your fancy blackberry.

 
1. She's right about her job being more stressful. Nearly every customer service job is stressful. Especially when it seems she's not a real mental giant, which it seems from your description.

2. If she doesn't understand about you being on call and such, then there is a lot more that she probably won't understand that makes perfect sense to everyone else.

Answer: Treat it like it is: She's a great "get over your ex relationship", nothing more. She is in full party mode anyway, or is getting there. You've already done that.
Don't take it any farther than it already is.

My opinion.
 
Originally posted by: mjuszczakLived on her own since high school, no college, wants to go and even though I offer to help she seems more interested in buying the car she can't afford. Increasingly turning into a smoker (turned from one a day to a pack a day over the past few weeks). Comfortable at her current job as a front desk clerk at a hotel, excited at the opportunity to "move up" within the company. Says her job is more stressful that mine because she has to deal with the customers all day while I work in server rooms and behind a desk (she doesn't understand the meaning of "on call" rotation but ok... (I'm not saying she doesn't work hard, she does)). Doesn't understand why I carry a black berry and cell phone around and why I am always answering them, her work "ends when she leaves", why can't mine (although she's recently beginning to understand this). She always wants to drink. Every night. We stop at a bar for her to get her fix.
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I usually don't comment on threads like this (or even read them), but I'll offer this piece of advice: you can't change other people. No matter how hard you try, they're not going to change for you, not really. Not on your first date, not on your 10th, your 100th, your engagment, or after your marriage. You'll marry the person you date. Their problems will not magically be fixed. If you are content to be with the person she is now, stay with her. If you are not and things don't change, leave.

Sometimes it's hard to get a good perspective of your situation when you're in the midst of it. Based on your description of her, she is:

1. Is a smoker and is becoming a chain smoker
2. Is a drinker and is becoming an alcoholic
3. Feels her job is more stressful than yours, which means she doesn't have a lot of empathy for your situation (regardless of whether it is more stressful or not)
4. Doesn't have enough of a desire for further eduction to seriously pursue it
5. Does not want to leave the low-end job that you seem to feel is somewhat crappy
6. Interested in buying things she can't really afford
7. Hates your friends and vice-versa

At least for me, as you go further down a relationship, the day-to-day things tend to start mattering more than physical attractiveness and other somewhat superficial qualities. You guys don't like each other's friends - so who do you hang out with when you want a social night out? She doesn't sound like she really understands or has a lot of empathy for your "on call" status or the stress of your job - that probably won't change down the road so don't expect her to feel sorry for you. She seems pretty happy with her current job and hasn't made a serious effort to get an education, so don't expect her to move on that either. People do what they really want to do. You're getting serious about your job, getting healthy, getting educated, and so on, and she is not. I can't and won't make your decision for you, but just remember - you can't change people. Good luck 🙂
 
Provided that your depiction is correct, she sounds like a dead-end job, except she's a woman and not a job.

BUT, this isn't something ATOT can decide for you. Good luck.
 
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