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Fineghal

Member
Apr 6, 2006
170
0
0
Obl. Pic
(Yeah a little pixelated. Eh.)

So I dated Angela* about 3 or 4 years ago, broke up, stayed pretty good friends.
Fast forward to this August: The then current GF and I split up pretty messily and Angela and I start talking more. Up to this point we'd been talking once or twice a week or so, usually late at night when I'd just gotten off of work, she'd be up and my GF wouldn't...

So anyway, I realize a few weeks after this that I'm starting to fall for her or what not.
Being the Good Guy and realizing that at this point we'll be living about 2.5 hours away from each other + college stuff, I talk to her about it. Her basic position is "I don't really feel the same way, I don't want to be a rebound or anything." Doing the only thing I can do, I accept that.

Fast forward again, this time to Nov./Dec. holidays.
We've been talking even more on the phone. Averaging about an hour and a half every two days I'd guess, most weeks a little more often.

I get invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas (her family loves me?) her parents got me some christmas stuff, which I totally didn't see coming.

The whole time she kind of maintained there wasn't anything going on, and it got the point where her mother was saying "How's fineghal*-poo?" In response to Angela saying that we weren't a couple or anything.

Now the fun part:
Pre new years eve party with her sister who is in town from Chicago and her other sister and a bunch of people etc.
(No you dirty lechers, I did not get drunk and make out with one of her sisters!)

Few days ago she calls me, we're just chatting and what not when she goes

"So I finally figured out how I feel about you/us."

Apparently her mother, her oldest sister, and her other sister's boyfriend all asked her what was up with the two of us.

Slight paraphrase:
"I like you a lot, and it seems like if we got back together now we'd be in for the long haul... whenever I think about the future like a house or something I always think 'oh well, he'd want a big kitchen...' I always see myself with you."

Wait for it...
"But I'm not sure if that's because that's how I feel or what since you're the only bf I've had. (Wtf?) So I don't want you to wait for me or anything..."

Cliffs:
Broke up with crazy ex.
Got interesed in another ex. Again.
Ex-Ex gets interested back.
Ex-Ex isn't sure if she's interested. Because she hasn't dated alot.

:confused:
 
F

Fineghal

Member
Apr 6, 2006
170
0
0
College. I first dated her in HS.
Not too terribly serious. We didn't break up for "insurmountable theological differences" or anything.

I'm just mentally thinking:
Wait... You feel like we could/should get into a long term relationship, but you want to date a little more first?

Further thought:
You can feel like that and date other guys?

I'm a little sad there isn't an emoticon of a smiley face bashing his head against a brick wall.
 
D

DaShen

Lifer
Dec 1, 2000
10,710
1
0
Stop overanalyzing it and tell her if she wants to date, then fine, and you will take it slow. Also, stop posting it on ATOT if you are interested. Otherwise, if you have apprehension, post away and stop leading the girl on.

**EDIT**

BTW, I have a friend who is married to his High School sweetheasrt. They broke up in High school before college as well, and neither dated that much afterwards. They got back together 4th year of college, and got married a year and a half later.
 
D

djheater

Lifer
Mar 19, 2001
14,637
2
0
Originally posted by: Fineghal

:confused:
Click to expand...

Well, I might be projecting, but she sounds like a pretty introverted shrinking violet. Based on my experience you don't want to be around when she "finds herself".
Tell her to get a life and give you a call if she's still interested afterwards.
 
yllus

yllus

Elite Member & Lifer
Aug 20, 2000
20,577
432
126
She likes you well enough, but wants to screw around and make sure she's not missing out on something better out there first.
 
Aikouka

Aikouka

Lifer
Nov 27, 2001
30,383
912
126
It seems like she's simply not satisfied that she's tested the waters correctly yet. I don't doubt that she genuinely cares for you, but what it looks like is she's worried that you may be great, but there could be "the one" out there.

You really have two choices:
1) Show her that to her, no one else matters when it comes to her heart.

2) Let her flounder around a bit in the sea and see that no one compares to what you offer to her mentally/physically.
 
DougK62

DougK62

Diamond Member
Mar 28, 2001
8,035
6
81
It's obvious - she likes you but wants to get banged by a lot of other guys before settling down.

 
Z

zixxer

Diamond Member
Jul 6, 2001
7,326
0
0
Stay away. She does like you, but if you two DO get back together she'll ALWAYS wonder "what if I had dated other people..."
 
pontifex

pontifex

Lifer
Dec 5, 2000
43,804
46
91
Originally posted by: Aikouka
It seems like she's simply not satisfied that she's tested the waters correctly yet. I don't doubt that she genuinely cares for you, but what it looks like is she's worried that you may be great, but there could be "the one" out there.

You really have two choices:
1) Show her that to her, no one else matters when it comes to her heart.

2) Let her flounder around a bit in the sea and pray that no one compares to or is better than what you offer to her mentally/physically.
Click to expand...

fixed
 
sao123

sao123

Lifer
May 27, 2002
12,653
205
106
how old are you?
how old is she?

one or both of you seem to have committment phobia...
 
M

MercenaryForHire

Lifer
Jan 31, 2002
40,819
2
0
Originally posted by: edro
Originally posted by: DougK62
It's obvious - she likes you but wants to get banged by a lot of other guys before settling down.
Click to expand...
Word.
Click to expand...

+1

How will she be able to tell all her friends about that wild college threesome/foursome/moresome if she doesn't go out and have it? :p

- M4H
 
D

DaShen

Lifer
Dec 1, 2000
10,710
1
0
Originally posted by: zixxer
Stay away. She does like you, but if you two DO get back together she'll ALWAYS wonder "what if I had dated other people..."
Click to expand...

Best thing to do is give her a little time. Take things slow, and give her the chance to weigh her options.

If she is mature enough and you are mature enough, a year or two won't kill you. ;)
 
S

skrilla

Senior member
Oct 22, 2004
833
0
71
Originally posted by: Fineghal

Few days ago she calls me, we're just chatting and what not when she goes

"So I finally figured out how I feel about you/us."
Click to expand...

The girl has no idea what she wants. Get outta there fast.
 
M

MisterJackson

Lifer
Jun 19, 2004
10,860
1
81
Originally posted by: mrrman
I never go back with EX's....that why they are called EX's
Click to expand...



Don't listen to this guy.

You only live once man. What's it gonna hurt to give it a shot? You have a lot of pro's in this situation (already knowing her/having an obvious connection, good communication, her fam likes you, etc.).

Sure you could meet someone new and start fresh, but it's a bigger gamble.

In my mind you'd be nuts NOT to try one more time. I think if you don't you'll always ask "What if...."
 
funboy6942

funboy6942

Lifer
Nov 13, 2001
15,362
416
126
How old are you you/her, that pick you gave us, half pick of her WTF, from what I can see she looks 14-16~

And with the last comment she made she is not ready still, stay away. Tell her to go out and date and then come back and see.
 
D

DaShen

Lifer
Dec 1, 2000
10,710
1
0
Originally posted by: MisterJackson
Originally posted by: mrrman
I never go back with EX's....that why they are called EX's
Click to expand...



Don't listen to this guy.

You only live once man. What's it gonna hurt to give it a shot? You have a lot of pro's in this situation (already knowing her/having an obvious connection, good communication, her fam likes you, etc.).

Sure you could meet someone new and start fresh, but it's a bigger gamble.

In my mind you'd be nuts NOT to try one more time. I think if you don't you'll always ask "What if...."
Click to expand...

Agreed, but take it really slow. You may even just allow the dating to be non-exclusive for a while and then when you feel the time is right and you think she is ready, tell her you want to date exclusively.
 
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