Cliff notes: Girl I used to like, and stopped talking to because it was bad for me, IMed me today. Read conversation at the bottom.
I guess I should give some back story, from my pov. I met this girl in a class, and we studied a few times, and talked on AIM alot. Because I got signals from her, I told her I liked her after she went home for the summer. She basically said she wasn't sure if she liked me, but was receptive. Someone told me it was because girls like being liked and so on.. I don't know.
I tried to hang out with her over the summer, but she never let me. Said the internet gap made the distance between us bigger, even though she was in Austin every weekend for a while (we go to UT). Then she hardly ever talked to me. Essentially, she was too busy getting drunk with her redneck friends. I started to dislike her, and didn't want that to happen. I got pissed at her, for acting interested then blowing me off. I told her this, and she was like "I like you, you are a good person, I feel bad, blah blah blah". Talked to her a few times, decided we should be friends, then stopped talking to her for a couple weeks.
Then she IMed me saying she thought I wanted to be friends. So I tried to be friends with her, then started liking her again, and it was the same damn thing as before. Her mixed signals, my oversensitivity to stimuli.
In my profile I had my friend saying "the friendship is bullshit. you'll just keep falling into the same cycles", and she IMed me asking what that was in reference to, and I told her it's the way fvcked up guys like us work and she can figure it out, and stopped talking to her. That was 3 or 4 weeks ago.
Today, in my profile I had:
Would you like to something before you leave?
Perhaps you'd care to state exactly how you feel.
We say goodbye before we've said hello.
I hardly even like you.
I shouldn't care at all.
(Pink Floyd - Summer '68)
So she IMed me....
Edit: I don't want a relationship with her and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want one with me. I don't want to talk to her. That's why I haven't talked to her for a month. She IMed me.
glowbaby: Would you like to something before you leave?
Perhaps you'd care to state exactly how you feel.
We say goodbye before we've said hello.
I hardly even like you.
I shouldn't care at all.
glowbaby: i'd like to know if that was said in reference to me
wink Osmosis: that is a definite possibility
glowbaby: and...why?
wink Osmosis: why what?
glowbaby: i mean, why did you say that
glowbaby: if you hardly even like me, then why do you bother?
wink Osmosis: i just said it's a possibility
glowbaby: the thing is that that friendship was never bullshit johann, the way you act is bullshit.
glowbaby: i just don't understand why you even put stuff up like that in reference to me
glowbaby: i mean what does that accomplish
wink Osmosis: i thought about you when i was stealing words from pink floyd, but it wasn't for you to read or anything
glowbaby: well...it's on your profile
wink Osmosis: it more accurately pertains to someone else
glowbaby: if that's true, then i'm glad. because i honestly don't think i've done much to warrant that.
wink Osmosis: to warrant what?
glowbaby: however, you just said "definite possibility"
wink Osmosis: yes because it's not a far fetched assumption
glowbaby: assumption and possibility are two different things
glowbaby: if it wasn't in reference to me, then say so
glowbaby: and then i'll say, good, i'm happy, sorry if i was being defensive or presumptuous
wink Osmosis: do you often read my profile and think it's about you?
glowbaby: um...i wouldn't say so. the only times i've ever thought it was about me i've called you out on it
glowbaby: it's not like i read it and think that i'm constantly on your mind
glowbaby: i assume things based on the historical precedent you've set
wink Osmosis: what do you assume?
glowbaby: and historically, when you put up little quotes or comments like that one, when i ask you about it, you admit it has something to do with me
wink Osmosis: that has only happened once before
wink Osmosis: when i had beck talking about falling into the cycle
glowbaby: ok, well i don't keep count
glowbaby: and no, that's not the only time
glowbaby: you've actually put things up on your profile that have specifically been directed to me
glowbaby: other than that "cycle" exchange
wink Osmosis: sure, but i don't remember you saying anything
glowbaby: if i've noticed, and i thought it was about me, i usually said something. like the time you put up that insulting and completely ignorant bullshit about "the small town country girl" or whatever the hell it was
wink Osmosis: yeah, when i was pissed at you. that was obviouslya bout you
glowbaby: but, i guess it's probably true that there have been times when i've noticed and have just not felt like dignifying it with a reaction
glowbaby: but, what are we even talking about here?
glowbaby: the thing is that i don't know why you have bad feelings toward me
wink Osmosis: i honestly don't recall putting anything negative
wink Osmosis: you think i hate you?
wink Osmosis: do you think that's why i stopped talking to you?
wink Osmosis: *anything else negative
glowbaby: but even if you do have bad feelings toward me, then i don't understand why you feel the need to broadcast them on your profile in an obvious attempt to either hurt me, insult me, or get a reaction out of me.
glowbaby: i mean, it's just immature and stupid.
glowbaby: i don't know why you stopped talking to me.
glowbaby: but i'm tired of trying to figure it out.
wink Osmosis: i stopped talking to you because there was a definate cycle
glowbaby: there are things i like about you, and times when i really like our conversations
wink Osmosis: i stopped talking to you to save you the trouble
glowbaby: but obviously you can't deal with whatever.
glowbaby: i don't understand it, and i won't understand it
glowbaby: and it's not going to change, so i don't worry about it
wink Osmosis: i didn't think it mattered to you that much
glowbaby: there was no trouble, you're just overdramatic and oversensitive etc.
wink Osmosis: and i assumed you would realize why i do what i do
glowbaby: i didn't say it changed my life.
glowbaby: no, i don't know why you do what you do
glowbaby: well, actually i guess i do
glowbaby: ok, here's the thing.
glowbaby: you're going to do what you're going to do.
glowbaby: drama, between you and me, is just pointless, inappropriate, and absurd
glowbaby: because of the nature of the way we know each other
glowbaby: but
wink Osmosis: but what?
Then she signed off. Why is she talking to me? What does she want? Does she want me to be her intellectual whore again?
Update: 2nd conversation... It's long, and not too interesting, but some people might want to read it
I decided to try to talk to her to figure out what was going on.
wink Osmosis: did you think IMing me was a good idea?
glowbaby: i don't think anything about it
glowbaby: what are you talking about
glowbaby: how would it be a good idea or a bad idea
wink Osmosis: i don't know if you realize why i stopped talking to you
wink Osmosis: even though i told youb efore
glowbaby: johann, there's no reason that even would make sense
glowbaby: because it's not a big deal
glowbaby: you overreact about everything
glowbaby: the only thing that was ever wrong with our relationship was the fact that you were oversensitive and judgemental
glowbaby: and i was insensitive, at times
wink Osmosis: that's the way it will always be. i'm not going to change, which is a real problem
glowbaby: yeah, so i get it
glowbaby: and i don't think anything about the idea of iming you. cause i dont' think that way
glowbaby: cause it really isn't a big deal
glowbaby: it wasn't an idea.
wink Osmosis: i was trying to not think about you
glowbaby: it was just me iming you and asking you why you had to put up cryptic quotes in reference to me on your profile
glowbaby: ah well, that shouldn't be so hard since you hardly even like me, right?
wink Osmosis: the quote wasn't about you
wink Osmosis: it was about someone else
glowbaby: since i'm such a shallow person with such a distorted perception of what really matters in the world
glowbaby: you look down on me, and i never need anyone's condescention
glowbaby: you judge me without knowing me
glowbaby: you presume to know what i value when you don't
glowbaby: and that's a shame.
wink Osmosis: whose fault is it that i never really knew you?
glowbaby: because i'm just a girl, and you're just a guy, and we actually are capable of having conversations that are fun, or conversations that matter. or at least, there was a point when we were capable of that.
glowbaby: oh, i guess it's mine, since i don't care to get to know someone who is so quick to pass not only judgment, but a judgment that is very much inaccurate
glowbaby: i just really have a problem with people who are negative about other people, just because they don't understand them, or because they think they understand them when they really don't
wink Osmosis: i was trying to get to know you, i really wanted to know who you were. you didn't let me do that
glowbaby: or because they aren't the same as them
glowbaby: so, when i didn't have time to be online all the time, you immediately adhered to a position which ruined everything
wink Osmosis: i would have never judged you if you weren't so detached, if you had let me know you
glowbaby: a position that just basically consisted of you thinking you were better than me
wink Osmosis: remember when i said i wasn't good enough for you? i meant that at the time
wink Osmosis: what does it take to break into your life anyway?
glowbaby: not many people ever have trouble being a part of my life
wink Osmosis: i remember trying
wink Osmosis: i was never your friend. i was your AIM buddy
glowbaby: i surround myself with people who are genuine, real, sincere, know what matters to them, don't have too many rules that suffocate, like to have a good time, are good to the people they care about, know the value of a conversation and a thought,
glowbaby: you're right. but you could've been
wink Osmosis: didn't i try to spend time with you in person?
wink Osmosis: you never let me. do you have any idea how frustrating that is?
glowbaby: but the first time i didn't have time for you just freaked out
glowbaby: and became someone i didn't like
wink Osmosis: remember when we were going to study for art history and you were tired or something?
wink Osmosis: that's depressing... when simple ways to get to know a person repeatedly don't happen
glowbaby: the phone is ringing
glowbaby: i gotta get it
wink Osmosis: what does it take?
glowbaby: we never get anywhere
glowbaby: it doesn't take much
wink Osmosis: did i have to ask you out?
wink Osmosis: on a "date"?
glowbaby: i just told you the kind of people i surround myself with
glowbaby: just people that are real
glowbaby: no, absolutely not
glowbaby: i would've hated that
wink Osmosis: "people i surround myself with"
wink Osmosis: give me a break
wink Osmosis: who the f*ck are you? andy warhol?
glowbaby: ha. yeah, i'm andy warhol.
glowbaby: "what does it take to break into your life"
glowbaby: how about you give me a break
wink Osmosis: i wanted to be your friend before anything
wink Osmosis: i didn't want to be your aim buddy because i know how that works
wink Osmosis: i don't know why you didn't want to be friends with me in real life
Auto response from glowbaby: on the phone
glowbaby: because i cannot deal with the way you are
wink Osmosis: you seem to be confused
glowbaby: the way you are with me i just don't like
wink Osmosis: i've been talking about when i first tried to know you
glowbaby: oh, i seem to be confused?
wink Osmosis: i didn't judge you and hate you until you made me crazy
glowbaby: nobody needs your patronization
wink Osmosis: why weren't we friends before that?
wink Osmosis: you seem to think that we used to be friends. we never were friends. we talked on AIM alot. i tried to hang out with you in the real world, before the summer. you weren't receptive, but for some reason i ignored that. you didn't want to hang out with me during the summer and used "internet gap" as your excuse
Auto response from glowbaby: on the phone, shower, BED.
wink Osmosis: there's no way you can tell me you wanted to be real life friends before i started to be judgemental and hateful
glowbaby: i never said we were friends, i said we could've been friends, but then you became a crazy person.
glowbaby: whatever johann.
wink Osmosis: you had a semester if you wanted to be my friend
glowbaby: "give me a break"
wink Osmosis: i tried my best
glowbaby: i don't care
wink Osmosis: the best that a freak like me could have done
wink Osmosis: what did you do?
glowbaby: i guess it was a "bad idea" to im you
glowbaby: let's not talk anymore
wink Osmosis: now you are ignoring what i say
wink Osmosis: let's not. if you want to muddle half a year into one relationship
glowbaby: muddle half a year into one relationship? what are you even talking about
wink Osmosis: how can you possibly say you didn't want to hang out with me outside of aim because of me judging you? that is backwards and you know it
glowbaby: i never said that
glowbaby: i seriously never said that. i don't know what "muddle half a year into one relationship even means"
glowbaby: i'm on the phone, and i dont' care.
glowbaby: goodbye
wink Osmosis: goodbye
I guess I should give some back story, from my pov. I met this girl in a class, and we studied a few times, and talked on AIM alot. Because I got signals from her, I told her I liked her after she went home for the summer. She basically said she wasn't sure if she liked me, but was receptive. Someone told me it was because girls like being liked and so on.. I don't know.
I tried to hang out with her over the summer, but she never let me. Said the internet gap made the distance between us bigger, even though she was in Austin every weekend for a while (we go to UT). Then she hardly ever talked to me. Essentially, she was too busy getting drunk with her redneck friends. I started to dislike her, and didn't want that to happen. I got pissed at her, for acting interested then blowing me off. I told her this, and she was like "I like you, you are a good person, I feel bad, blah blah blah". Talked to her a few times, decided we should be friends, then stopped talking to her for a couple weeks.
Then she IMed me saying she thought I wanted to be friends. So I tried to be friends with her, then started liking her again, and it was the same damn thing as before. Her mixed signals, my oversensitivity to stimuli.
In my profile I had my friend saying "the friendship is bullshit. you'll just keep falling into the same cycles", and she IMed me asking what that was in reference to, and I told her it's the way fvcked up guys like us work and she can figure it out, and stopped talking to her. That was 3 or 4 weeks ago.
Today, in my profile I had:
Would you like to something before you leave?
Perhaps you'd care to state exactly how you feel.
We say goodbye before we've said hello.
I hardly even like you.
I shouldn't care at all.
(Pink Floyd - Summer '68)
So she IMed me....
Edit: I don't want a relationship with her and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want one with me. I don't want to talk to her. That's why I haven't talked to her for a month. She IMed me.
glowbaby: Would you like to something before you leave?
Perhaps you'd care to state exactly how you feel.
We say goodbye before we've said hello.
I hardly even like you.
I shouldn't care at all.
glowbaby: i'd like to know if that was said in reference to me
wink Osmosis: that is a definite possibility
glowbaby: and...why?
wink Osmosis: why what?
glowbaby: i mean, why did you say that
glowbaby: if you hardly even like me, then why do you bother?
wink Osmosis: i just said it's a possibility
glowbaby: the thing is that that friendship was never bullshit johann, the way you act is bullshit.
glowbaby: i just don't understand why you even put stuff up like that in reference to me
glowbaby: i mean what does that accomplish
wink Osmosis: i thought about you when i was stealing words from pink floyd, but it wasn't for you to read or anything
glowbaby: well...it's on your profile
wink Osmosis: it more accurately pertains to someone else
glowbaby: if that's true, then i'm glad. because i honestly don't think i've done much to warrant that.
wink Osmosis: to warrant what?
glowbaby: however, you just said "definite possibility"
wink Osmosis: yes because it's not a far fetched assumption
glowbaby: assumption and possibility are two different things
glowbaby: if it wasn't in reference to me, then say so
glowbaby: and then i'll say, good, i'm happy, sorry if i was being defensive or presumptuous
wink Osmosis: do you often read my profile and think it's about you?
glowbaby: um...i wouldn't say so. the only times i've ever thought it was about me i've called you out on it
glowbaby: it's not like i read it and think that i'm constantly on your mind
glowbaby: i assume things based on the historical precedent you've set
wink Osmosis: what do you assume?
glowbaby: and historically, when you put up little quotes or comments like that one, when i ask you about it, you admit it has something to do with me
wink Osmosis: that has only happened once before
wink Osmosis: when i had beck talking about falling into the cycle
glowbaby: ok, well i don't keep count
glowbaby: and no, that's not the only time
glowbaby: you've actually put things up on your profile that have specifically been directed to me
glowbaby: other than that "cycle" exchange
wink Osmosis: sure, but i don't remember you saying anything
glowbaby: if i've noticed, and i thought it was about me, i usually said something. like the time you put up that insulting and completely ignorant bullshit about "the small town country girl" or whatever the hell it was
wink Osmosis: yeah, when i was pissed at you. that was obviouslya bout you
glowbaby: but, i guess it's probably true that there have been times when i've noticed and have just not felt like dignifying it with a reaction
glowbaby: but, what are we even talking about here?
glowbaby: the thing is that i don't know why you have bad feelings toward me
wink Osmosis: i honestly don't recall putting anything negative
wink Osmosis: you think i hate you?
wink Osmosis: do you think that's why i stopped talking to you?
wink Osmosis: *anything else negative
glowbaby: but even if you do have bad feelings toward me, then i don't understand why you feel the need to broadcast them on your profile in an obvious attempt to either hurt me, insult me, or get a reaction out of me.
glowbaby: i mean, it's just immature and stupid.
glowbaby: i don't know why you stopped talking to me.
glowbaby: but i'm tired of trying to figure it out.
wink Osmosis: i stopped talking to you because there was a definate cycle
glowbaby: there are things i like about you, and times when i really like our conversations
wink Osmosis: i stopped talking to you to save you the trouble
glowbaby: but obviously you can't deal with whatever.
glowbaby: i don't understand it, and i won't understand it
glowbaby: and it's not going to change, so i don't worry about it
wink Osmosis: i didn't think it mattered to you that much
glowbaby: there was no trouble, you're just overdramatic and oversensitive etc.
wink Osmosis: and i assumed you would realize why i do what i do
glowbaby: i didn't say it changed my life.
glowbaby: no, i don't know why you do what you do
glowbaby: well, actually i guess i do
glowbaby: ok, here's the thing.
glowbaby: you're going to do what you're going to do.
glowbaby: drama, between you and me, is just pointless, inappropriate, and absurd
glowbaby: because of the nature of the way we know each other
glowbaby: but
wink Osmosis: but what?
Then she signed off. Why is she talking to me? What does she want? Does she want me to be her intellectual whore again?
Update: 2nd conversation... It's long, and not too interesting, but some people might want to read it
I decided to try to talk to her to figure out what was going on.wink Osmosis: did you think IMing me was a good idea?
glowbaby: i don't think anything about it
glowbaby: what are you talking about
glowbaby: how would it be a good idea or a bad idea
wink Osmosis: i don't know if you realize why i stopped talking to you
wink Osmosis: even though i told youb efore
glowbaby: johann, there's no reason that even would make sense
glowbaby: because it's not a big deal
glowbaby: you overreact about everything
glowbaby: the only thing that was ever wrong with our relationship was the fact that you were oversensitive and judgemental
glowbaby: and i was insensitive, at times
wink Osmosis: that's the way it will always be. i'm not going to change, which is a real problem
glowbaby: yeah, so i get it
glowbaby: and i don't think anything about the idea of iming you. cause i dont' think that way
glowbaby: cause it really isn't a big deal
glowbaby: it wasn't an idea.
wink Osmosis: i was trying to not think about you
glowbaby: it was just me iming you and asking you why you had to put up cryptic quotes in reference to me on your profile
glowbaby: ah well, that shouldn't be so hard since you hardly even like me, right?
wink Osmosis: the quote wasn't about you
wink Osmosis: it was about someone else
glowbaby: since i'm such a shallow person with such a distorted perception of what really matters in the world
glowbaby: you look down on me, and i never need anyone's condescention
glowbaby: you judge me without knowing me
glowbaby: you presume to know what i value when you don't
glowbaby: and that's a shame.
wink Osmosis: whose fault is it that i never really knew you?
glowbaby: because i'm just a girl, and you're just a guy, and we actually are capable of having conversations that are fun, or conversations that matter. or at least, there was a point when we were capable of that.
glowbaby: oh, i guess it's mine, since i don't care to get to know someone who is so quick to pass not only judgment, but a judgment that is very much inaccurate
glowbaby: i just really have a problem with people who are negative about other people, just because they don't understand them, or because they think they understand them when they really don't
wink Osmosis: i was trying to get to know you, i really wanted to know who you were. you didn't let me do that
glowbaby: or because they aren't the same as them
glowbaby: so, when i didn't have time to be online all the time, you immediately adhered to a position which ruined everything
wink Osmosis: i would have never judged you if you weren't so detached, if you had let me know you
glowbaby: a position that just basically consisted of you thinking you were better than me
wink Osmosis: remember when i said i wasn't good enough for you? i meant that at the time
wink Osmosis: what does it take to break into your life anyway?
glowbaby: not many people ever have trouble being a part of my life
wink Osmosis: i remember trying
wink Osmosis: i was never your friend. i was your AIM buddy
glowbaby: i surround myself with people who are genuine, real, sincere, know what matters to them, don't have too many rules that suffocate, like to have a good time, are good to the people they care about, know the value of a conversation and a thought,
glowbaby: you're right. but you could've been
wink Osmosis: didn't i try to spend time with you in person?
wink Osmosis: you never let me. do you have any idea how frustrating that is?
glowbaby: but the first time i didn't have time for you just freaked out
glowbaby: and became someone i didn't like
wink Osmosis: remember when we were going to study for art history and you were tired or something?
wink Osmosis: that's depressing... when simple ways to get to know a person repeatedly don't happen
glowbaby: the phone is ringing
glowbaby: i gotta get it
wink Osmosis: what does it take?
glowbaby: we never get anywhere
glowbaby: it doesn't take much
wink Osmosis: did i have to ask you out?
wink Osmosis: on a "date"?
glowbaby: i just told you the kind of people i surround myself with
glowbaby: just people that are real
glowbaby: no, absolutely not
glowbaby: i would've hated that
wink Osmosis: "people i surround myself with"
wink Osmosis: give me a break
wink Osmosis: who the f*ck are you? andy warhol?
glowbaby: ha. yeah, i'm andy warhol.
glowbaby: "what does it take to break into your life"
glowbaby: how about you give me a break
wink Osmosis: i wanted to be your friend before anything
wink Osmosis: i didn't want to be your aim buddy because i know how that works
wink Osmosis: i don't know why you didn't want to be friends with me in real life
Auto response from glowbaby: on the phone
glowbaby: because i cannot deal with the way you are
wink Osmosis: you seem to be confused
glowbaby: the way you are with me i just don't like
wink Osmosis: i've been talking about when i first tried to know you
glowbaby: oh, i seem to be confused?
wink Osmosis: i didn't judge you and hate you until you made me crazy
glowbaby: nobody needs your patronization
wink Osmosis: why weren't we friends before that?
wink Osmosis: you seem to think that we used to be friends. we never were friends. we talked on AIM alot. i tried to hang out with you in the real world, before the summer. you weren't receptive, but for some reason i ignored that. you didn't want to hang out with me during the summer and used "internet gap" as your excuse
Auto response from glowbaby: on the phone, shower, BED.
wink Osmosis: there's no way you can tell me you wanted to be real life friends before i started to be judgemental and hateful
glowbaby: i never said we were friends, i said we could've been friends, but then you became a crazy person.
glowbaby: whatever johann.
wink Osmosis: you had a semester if you wanted to be my friend
glowbaby: "give me a break"
wink Osmosis: i tried my best
glowbaby: i don't care
wink Osmosis: the best that a freak like me could have done
wink Osmosis: what did you do?
glowbaby: i guess it was a "bad idea" to im you
glowbaby: let's not talk anymore
wink Osmosis: now you are ignoring what i say
wink Osmosis: let's not. if you want to muddle half a year into one relationship
glowbaby: muddle half a year into one relationship? what are you even talking about
wink Osmosis: how can you possibly say you didn't want to hang out with me outside of aim because of me judging you? that is backwards and you know it
glowbaby: i never said that
glowbaby: i seriously never said that. i don't know what "muddle half a year into one relationship even means"
glowbaby: i'm on the phone, and i dont' care.
glowbaby: goodbye
wink Osmosis: goodbye
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