YAGT: What am I doing wrong..

[GT1999]

I haven't had a girlfriend in what I say is 4 years but it's really been a lot longer than that, I won't say how long. I'm going to school at a state university, I live in the dorms but don't have a huge amount of friends. I have a few, plus my roomate I've known for so many years, but I don't exactly have a tree of friends. My roomate is heavy I'd guess and he has a girlfriend. Everyone I know has a girlfriend or has had one in a very recent timeframe. My dad, who is 50, has had over 6 girlfriends in the timeframe I have had zero. It's extremely hard to just walk up to people in say the cafeteria when everyone always eats in groups -- the times that a girl is sitting by herself I either think there's no chance in hell, or she looks extremely busy doing something. I'm not anti-social, it's just that I lack friends here at college. I don't prefer to be by myself, but that seems where I usually am.

Anyway, I could rant on and on about crap, but in reality I see myself trying to get a gf, yet it seems almost every time something goes wrong. Today I went to training for my new job as a computer tech consultant and the manager is a girl, 22 like myself, and is very cute. I didn't even have to ASK her during her training me, she managed to throw that line in there about her boyfriend during something that was semi-relevant. This seems to happen way too much to me. I mean, this girl isn't hot. She isn't ugly. Sure she has a tad of acne but I mean it isn't very bad at all... very very mild. I'd say I had a very good chances -- she's extremely geekish. See my Anandtech handle. ;P Plus the bod was just perfect in my eyes, but I'm sure for those of you with high standards would say it wasn't. Perfect height. I was standing next to her while she was standing and just thinking to myself, my god.. why does she have a boyfriend...

Bleh. This can't last for long or not only my friends but my god damn family is going to think I'm gay or something.

I am lifting, doing cardio, and pushups/situps each night, and I'm gradually working into being a partial vegetarian. I know I don't look exactly great, but I don't consider myself to have high standards, either.

I hate life.

And then I die.

 

[nativesunshine]

so why dont you network off those few friends you have??

 

[MrChad]

Self-esteem, man. You need to start feeling better about yourself before you can expect others to feel good about you.

 

[psydancerqt]

you're cute

 

[DougK62]

You are not an ugly dude or anything - if you've got a decent personality then landing a girl shouldn't be too hard for you. You just need to get out more and stop being so damn shy. Go to parties and TALK. It's always easy at parties because everyone is talking and drinking.

 

[TC2181]

when she slipped in that "i have a boyfriend" comment, that really means "i have a boyfriend and I don't like him. do your best to attain me". Go for it man.

 

[GT1999]

Originally posted by: nativesunshine
so why dont you network off those few friends you have??

My roomate, whe he is here is antisocial and cares about going home with his girlfriend. He goes home whenever he can. He's a great friend, but is no party animal.
The few friends I have have girlfriends and are with them almost all the time. The times I see them are brief.
For the few friends that don't fall into that category, I don't know them all that much but we do talk. They don't have a lot of friends and it's been since high school that I've had a good friend try to hook me up. I really miss those days, and I cherish my friends for doing that.

If you're reading this, hook your friends up. It's the best thing you can do.

 

You're not a bad looking guy, and your face isn't covered with acne or anything. The best thing you can do though, is be more outgoing. Seriously, girls flock toward confidence, and if you're comfortable with the people around you, you'll get some attention from the opposite sex.

Just because this boss of yours has a boyfriend, it doesn't mean you can't talk to her and play around with her a little. Flirt with her; ask her to show you how to do stuff, ask her how her weekend was, etc. But make sure you always have something interesting to inject into the conversation...boring remarks never go off well (boring, as in, "Oh, this weekend? Nah, I just hung around and played XBox.").

 

[Richdog]

Originally posted by: MrChad
Self-esteem, man. You need to start feeling better about yourself before you can expect others to feel good about you.

Yup, you can look like a bag of spanners but as long as you've got the attitude you'll pull loads of chicks.

Plus, you're not even approaching ugly so the only thing you have to worru about is learning how to stop giving off the negative vibes in front of people.:beer:

 

[GT1999]

Originally posted by: DougK62
You are not an ugly dude or anything - if you've got a decent personality then landing a girl shouldn't be too hard for you. You just need to get out more and stop being so damn shy. Go to parties and TALK. It's always easy at parties because everyone is talking and drinking.

That's the thing, I'd love to go to parties, but when you have friends that don't party, it's very hard to just say for me to go out and party.

WHERE?
WHEN?

I'll be there, but it's gonna be weird going by myself when everyone will be hanging with their buddies at the party.

I mean, I love beer a lot, too.

 

[conjur]

You don't want to date your boss anyway. That's just asking for trouble!

 

[xxAgentCowxx]

Look her up and down once, make sure she sees it, and then NEVER look at her again, and possibly hit on her least attractive friends. She'll go for you. It works if you do it right.

 

[MazerRackham]

Dude, you should do match.com.... some friends of mine do (I don't though, but I should), and they have good times with the girls they've gone out with. I am being totally serious too.

Plus, one good friend of mine actually got married to a girl he met on match.com this past summer. I told him that he should've written match.com and try to get them to pay for his wedding, but he wouldn't do it .

There's nothing wrong with meeting people over online classifieds... as long as the "girls" you talk to are really girls!!

EDITED: for gender-bending mismatch mistake, LOL

 

[nativesunshine]

Move to jersey and you can have all the girls you want (and even some you don't want) from lovely RU.

hahaha.

 

[xxAgentCowxx]

Originally posted by: MazerRackham
... as long as the "girls" you talk to aren't really girls!!

Please tell me you fux0red your words

 

[GT1999]

Originally posted by: MazerRackham
Dude, you should do match.com.... some friends of mine do (I don't though, but I should), and they have good times with the girls they've gone out with. I am being totally serious too.

Plus, one good friend of mine actually got married to a girl he met on match.com this past summer. I told him that he should've written match.com and try to get them to pay for his wedding, but he wouldn't do it .

There's nothing wrong with meeting people over online classifieds... as long as the "girls" you talk to aren't really girls!!

I've done it. She lived in Chicago. We walked around the downtown streets of Wabash (I think that's the street), ate dinner at a pub, and it didn't turn out well. I've tried my chances at online dating, and it doesn't work for me. Online women are psycho bitches that either are attention whores or have some serious issues all together. This is from my experiences, I'm sure not all are that way.

 

Originally posted by: Geekish Thoughts

Originally posted by: DougK62
You are not an ugly dude or anything - if you've got a decent personality then landing a girl shouldn't be too hard for you. You just need to get out more and stop being so damn shy. Go to parties and TALK. It's always easy at parties because everyone is talking and drinking.

That's the thing, I'd love to go to parties, but when you have friends that don't party, it's very hard to just say for me to go out and party.

WHERE?
WHEN?

I'll be there, but it's gonna be weird going by myself when everyone will be hanging with their buddies at the party.

I mean, I love beer a lot, too.

The key to that is classmates. When you talk to people in your classes (you DO talk to the people in your classes, or at least the good-looking girls, RIGHT? ), maybe tell them, "Hey, we should hang out some time," and see what happens. If you hear about a party going on, say, "Hey, I heard there's a party on such and such street, I think I'm gonna go - you want to head over there tonight?" This only works if you talk to these people often. Don't just go up to someone and say this.

That type of thing is the way to go. Casualness is key - don't make a big deal about it.

 

[GT1999]

Originally posted by: xxAgentCowxx
Look her up and down once, make sure she sees it, and then NEVER look at her again, and possibly hit on her least attractive friends. She'll go for you. It works if you do it right.

This is the advice I'm looking for... you're the man.

ty bro.

 

[rgwalt]

Confidence is an important thing that you are lacking, IMHO. I haven't dated really at all in the last couple of years, so I shouldn't be preaching to you. Just give it time. Practice looking a girl in the eye, smiling at her, talking to her causually. Pick a girl you aren't interested in, one that isn't available, and practice on her. In those cases, there is no pressure. Then you need to realize that talking to an available, interesting girl is no different than talking to any other girl.

Good luck.

R

 

[GT1999]

Originally posted by: jumpr

Originally posted by: Geekish Thoughts

Originally posted by: DougK62
You are not an ugly dude or anything - if you've got a decent personality then landing a girl shouldn't be too hard for you. You just need to get out more and stop being so damn shy. Go to parties and TALK. It's always easy at parties because everyone is talking and drinking.

That's the thing, I'd love to go to parties, but when you have friends that don't party, it's very hard to just say for me to go out and party.

WHERE?
WHEN?

I'll be there, but it's gonna be weird going by myself when everyone will be hanging with their buddies at the party.

I mean, I love beer a lot, too.

The key to that is classmates. When you talk to people in your classes (you DO talk to the people in your classes, or at least the good-looking girls, RIGHT? ), maybe tell them, "Hey, we should hang out some time," and see what happens. If you hear about a party going on, say, "Hey, I heard there's a party on such and such street, I think I'm gonna go - do you want me to call you when I go?"

That type of thing is the way to go. Casualness is key - don't make a big deal about it.

Of the courses I took last semester:

Discrete Math: 0 girls
Hardware/Software: 3 girls, one way out my league, the other of another race (I normally don't go there), and the other was over 40.
Systems Development I: I should have asked maybe 1 girl, but there were only 2-3 girls in the class.
Economics of Telecommunications: I talked to this REALLY nice asian girl. She was great, but she was older than me I think, and we didn't click like that. I guess I should've talked to her more.

 

[MazerRackham]

Originally posted by: xxAgentCowxx

Originally posted by: MazerRackham
... as long as the "girls" you talk to aren't really girls!!

Please tell me you fux0red your words

LOL thanks... I should have had more caffeine before posting

 

[GoingUp]

Well a lot of it has to do with confidence. And the way you meet new people is to introduce yourselves to them. Its OK to sit down with a girl at dinner that you dont know and make conversation Don't go looking for a GF or youll never find one. You dont discuss what color youre gonna paint the kitchen the first time you meet a girl. Make small talk, where shes from, major, intrests etc.

College is a learning experience. Youre gonna screw up a lot but as time goes by, youll get a lot better at it.

 

[Red Dawn]

Dude, Dog will hunt. Let your hormones take over, you'll get some!

 

[Siddhartha]

1. Turn off you computer and spend time with real people
2. Bath once a day or more frequently if needed.
3. Brush and floss your teeth once a day.
4. Wear clean clothing.
5. Start going to places where heterosexual women go.
6. Develop a knowledge base of information that you can talk to women about.
7. Learn to really listen and pay attention to what women say.
8. Bite the bullit and start striking up conversations with women.
9. Be prepare to get rejected.
10. Be honest and treat everyone the way you want to be treated

 

[DougK62]

Are you at a big school with a nice library? Do your homework at the library. You'll start to see the regulars that come in and become one of them. The regular women at the Library are often hotties, smart, and more talkative then you'd think.