YAGT: The Irony of Attraction

[gjeste]

Originally posted by: flot
You're not going to like this advice (neither is anybody else) but start going on practice dates. Go out with girls that you don't necessarily find attractive. BE NICE TO THEM, they need practice dates too. It's hard to find the "girl of your dreams" if you've never dated anybody before... so start slow and work your way up.

I know that sounds awful, but that's just the way it is. It's tough to be good at something if you've never had any practice...

PS: I'm not actually suggesting you tell someone it is a practice date.. but lower your standards a bit and date on a casual basis... once you're more comfortable in the whole dating situation you'll find yourself getting more and more social around people.

Question,
is it BAD to practice on less attractive women? isnt that using them? this seems like it would be so helpful, but for some reason i feel guilty about not telling them that it's a practice date.

or getting a 'starter girlfriend' and not telling her that she's a starter.

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: gjeste

Originally posted by: flot
You're not going to like this advice (neither is anybody else) but start going on practice dates. Go out with girls that you don't necessarily find attractive. BE NICE TO THEM, they need practice dates too. It's hard to find the "girl of your dreams" if you've never dated anybody before... so start slow and work your way up.

I know that sounds awful, but that's just the way it is. It's tough to be good at something if you've never had any practice...

PS: I'm not actually suggesting you tell someone it is a practice date.. but lower your standards a bit and date on a casual basis... once you're more comfortable in the whole dating situation you'll find yourself getting more and more social around people.

Question,
is it BAD to practice on less attractive women? isnt that using them? this seems like it would be so helpful, but for some reason i feel guilty about not telling them that it's a practice date.

or getting a 'starter girlfriend' and not telling her that she's a starter.

If you feel bad don't do it.

Just keep asking women out that you like. I'm sure one of them will agree to a date sooner or later...

Koing

 

[gjeste]

Originally posted by: Koing
Well your not ugly but do the hair and get some new glass's if you want?

You are probably after the wrong girls. Girls find a certain 'type' or 'look' attractive and you probably are not what THEY want. BUT when you are WHAT they WANT it is easy.

Just keep asking girls out on dates or what not.

If you are asking a lot of girls out like this or so you WILL find ONE that will say yes. Ask random girls in the streets for their numbers and ask if they want coffee. I'm sure if you do this to the girls you will get a number with one of them for being THAT bold. If not keep going at it. After a few weeks or months you will have a girls number.

So you seriously think that maybe even a gorgeous girl will say yes? even if she is pretty attractive by other people's standards? there arent enough hot girls to go around, how does this work?

Chin up and ask the girls out. Also note not everyone gets gf's this early on. Some years on but they get a gf. Also not everyone has a hot gf by what other people say, but they are hot to each other.

Koing

the majority of folks my age (20) have had a girlfriend by now.

Are two ugly people really hot to each other? I've never heard my dad say that he thought or thinks that my mom is 'hot'. he didnt even say she was 'hot' back in the day, maybe just a little attractive to him, in some way. this seems less rewarding than the folks who are able to pull in 'authentic' hotties.

 

[rsd]

Ok I have avoided responding to gjeste's threads but I will say this:

You are a hypocrite (perhaps unwittingly).

You keep saying you want a relationship and to find someone special, YET the only thing you keep mentioning in what you are looking for in a girl is her LOOKS.

Everyone here will tell you looks matter to a point, but a relationship will be infinitely more satisfying when you have a deeper connection with someone with whom you find attractive yet also are great friends with.

After a short period of time, no matter how hot the girl, there HAS to be more for a relationship to persist.

I'm sure this has been said to you, and has gone ignored, but c'est la vie.

My advice is this: stop being so preoccupied by looks and acting like a dog trying to hump anything you see, but try to truly meet people who you share common interests with and get to know them. Perhaps become friendly, then friends. Then perhaps something more will develop.

Or to put it another way:

Grow up and open your d@mn eyes!

 

[Murphy Durphy]

Originally posted by: gjeste

Originally posted by: nativesunshine
I think we need some proof of your "averageness" to decide.

girls might go for average guys...but they won't go for ugly ones.

but...hey...who am i to talk...i dated an ugly dude for 2 years.

::shrugs::

you make the call:

http://www.bethel.edu/~gjeste/me.jpg

See, what you need is a makeover. Now lucky for you, I took my professional skills and put them to use and gave you a digital makeover, for FREE! Check it:


What a haircut, contacts, a tan, and some mongloid genetics can do for you

I can hear the babes screaming your name already...

 

[gjeste]

Originally posted by: rsd
Ok I have avoided responding to gjeste's threads but I will say this:

You are a hypocrite (perhaps unwittingly).

You keep saying you want a relationship and to find someone special, YET the only thing you keep mentioning in what you are looking for in a girl is her LOOKS.

Everyone here will tell you looks matter to a point, but a relationship will be infinitely more satisfying when you have a deeper connection with someone with whom you find attractive yet also are great friends with.

After a short period of time, no matter how hot the girl, there HAS to be more for a relationship to persist.

I'm sure this has been said to you, and has gone ignored, but c'est la vie.

My advice is this: stop being so preoccupied by looks and acting like a dog trying to hump anything you see, but try to truly meet people who you share common interests with and get to know them. Perhaps become friendly, then friends. Then perhaps something more will develop.

Or to put it another way:

Grow up and open your d@mn eyes!

okay, I am not completely preoccuppied with looks like you guys may think.

there are plenty of girls at my college that I would not date who are quite attractive. and the reason I would not date them is because they are not my type. So i can see past the glimmer folks.

When I said 'hot girl' i assumed you guys knew that I was talking about a girl who was both a good friend, and quite attractive.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: HajikuFlip

Originally posted by: gjeste

Originally posted by: nativesunshine
I think we need some proof of your "averageness" to decide.

girls might go for average guys...but they won't go for ugly ones.

but...hey...who am i to talk...i dated an ugly dude for 2 years.

::shrugs::

you make the call:

http://www.bethel.edu/~gjeste/me.jpg

See, what you need is a makeover. Now lucky for you, I took my professional skills and put them to use and gave you a digital makeover, for FREE! Check it:


What a haircut, contacts, and a little tan can do for you

I can hear the babes screaming your name already...

OMG, that gets a 12/10 from me.

 

[BD231]

gjeste, chill out on the chicks man. If you were comfortable with yourself and confident in who you are and where you're headed you wouldn't be asking these crazy questions. Start with yourself before you worry about them, you're hardly out of your teens!

Chicks are like any other mutual acquaintance you meet in life. You need to treat them with that kind of respect and also handle them in the same way. Some girls may not want your attention, it's your job to teach yourself who is interested an who isn't. Most will view you as a freak if you show odd forms of infatuation openly so avoid that at all costs.

You're a good looking guy and you're not fat, which is saying something for your willpower living in America. You're far better off than probably many people on this forum.

To be honest, chicks will be nothing but a pain in your ass until you (and them) hit your mid twenties, girls open up a LOT faster as they get older.

STOP WITH THE WORY, you'll eventually figure it all out. Drop your standards man, looks aren't everything (a big pucking + I know, but hotties want hotties man).

 

[gjeste]

Originally posted by: BD231
gjeste, chill out on the chicks man. If you were comfortable with yourself and confident in who you are and where you're headed you wouldn't be asking these crazy questions. Start with yourself before you worry about them, you're hardly out of your teens!

---i think i am comfortable with myself. If i wasnt i probably would have felt ashamed of posting here, since many of you guys view me as a weirdo for posting this, lol.

Chicks are like any other mutual acquaintance you meet in life. You need to treat them with that kind of respect and also handle them in the same way. Some girls may not want your attention, it's your job to teach yourself who is interested an who isn't. Most will view you as a freak if you show odd forms of infatuation openly so avoid that at all costs.

---well then I guess the goal is to find someone

You're a good looking guy and you're not fat, which is saying something for your willpower living in America. You're far better off than probably many people on this forum.

---thank you. i hope this helps in my quest. and I hope the people who arent as attractive can be successful as well at being happy and content.

To be honest, chicks will be nothing but a pain in your ass until you (and them) hit your mid twenties, girls open up a LOT faster as they get older.

---many folks have a g/f now, and I want one too

STOP WITH THE WORY, you'll eventually figure it all out. Drop your standards man, looks aren't everything (a big pucking + I know, but hotties want hotties man).

---I'm thinking that maybe this dropping the standards, is the best advice that I have received yet today. Of course I will try to get some hotties first, but if that fails I think dropping the standards may be a good idea.

 

[thraxes]

Aw hell I'm hitting 24 this summer and I used to think like you... but without the excessive exercise. I look after myself, eat healthy and use my bike as much as possible to get around and keep in reasonably good shape. Hell I was never all beefed up and I couldn't even care less. I do what I deem is necessary for ME. I will not infringe on my enjoyment of life in a beautifull university city because THEY think I have to. In all honesty: They can kiss my a§§, if they are so shallow then I don't need that. My last GF was a real cute hottie whe she did herself up and the girl I am seeing now also is a nice dish... do they complain about my not 100% perfect wasteline and the absence of a six pack? Nope...

So just chill out, do whatever exercise or sport you feel comfortable with and have sense of self esteem. YOU are YOU and not a model for Playgirl magazine, you will find your hottie eventually.

A Tip: Hotties are sometimes hidden behind a bland fassade. When you get to know them better perhaps even go out with them and someday they will come out the door looking like "wow" and your jaw will be on the floor... and you will be thinking "Darn, I am going out with her??? Lucky me!!". That has happened to me once and the relationship lasted a very nice 2 years and given me an experience that you obviously lack. I hope you also strike it lucky... just be yourself and not that what others say you should be.

 

[nick1985]

Originally posted by: Kelvrick
Another Skywalker?

ditto

 

[hdeck]

Originally posted by: gjeste

Originally posted by: hdeck
you're wrong. i've seen a lot of unattractive guys with hot girlfriends and thought to myself "wow how did he get her." your problem is you are looking for somewhere to marry. you are way too young to be worrying about that. what college do you go to? back when i first started i had zero trouble getting good grades with hardly any studying and had plenty of time just hanging out. it seems as though you are looking for reasons you are finding a girl. you need to stop worrying about being rejected and stop worrying about negative consequences. you only go through life once so stop hiding at your computer desk and go live a little.

I would ask out some girls, but NONE appear to be interested in me
or at least not ones that I am interested in,

*sigh* maybe I just need to drop my standards

1. appearances can be deceiving.
2. you never know, they could say yes if you would just ask. stop being such a pussy.

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: gjeste

Originally posted by: Koing
Well your not ugly but do the hair and get some new glass's if you want?

You are probably after the wrong girls. Girls find a certain 'type' or 'look' attractive and you probably are not what THEY want. BUT when you are WHAT they WANT it is easy.

Just keep asking girls out on dates or what not.

If you are asking a lot of girls out like this or so you WILL find ONE that will say yes. Ask random girls in the streets for their numbers and ask if they want coffee. I'm sure if you do this to the girls you will get a number with one of them for being THAT bold. If not keep going at it. After a few weeks or months you will have a girls number.

So you seriously think that maybe even a gorgeous girl will say yes? even if she is pretty attractive by other people's standards? there arent enough hot girls to go around, how does this work?

Chin up and ask the girls out. Also note not everyone gets gf's this early on. Some years on but they get a gf. Also not everyone has a hot gf by what other people say, but they are hot to each other.

Koing

the majority of folks my age (20) have had a girlfriend by now.

Are two ugly people really hot to each other? I've never heard my dad say that he thought or thinks that my mom is 'hot'. he didnt even say she was 'hot' back in the day, maybe just a little attractive to him, in some way. this seems less rewarding than the folks who are able to pull in 'authentic' hotties.

Well truth be not everyone will get with a hot girl by 'what everone else deems hot'. Some people will be with less attractive girls by someone elses standard but that doesn't matter. I'm sure your dad was with your mum for something right? Well that is how it WORKS.

And attractiveness is all relative and people find different things attractive. My mate doesn't like black girls another doesn't like really short asian girls etc.

Seems less rewarding? wtf man that is just wrong. It is only less rewarding if you think it so. Just go find a girl you an connect with on any level. If you two indeed connect she WILL be MORE HOT to you then ever. Any guy can vouch for that. Some hot girls quickly turn in to a b!tch when she is all me me me, selfish and not understanding...

Koing

 

[Geekbabe]

Perhaps the fact that you view women as objects is more of a hinderance to your success than your appearance?

 

[Pepsi90919]

Originally posted by: nick1985

Originally posted by: Kelvrick
Another Skywalker?

ditto

it IS skywalker66...

 

[faZZter]

I think I found the problem....

"I try not to act desperate"

but if you are desperate they will know anyway...........you can't hide it!

 

[EmperorIQ]

*only joking* why not go out with a fat girl that is cute, then make her loose the weight after she is devoted to you, then she'll be hot.

 

[ultimatebob]

Originally posted by: gjeste

Originally posted by: nativesunshine
I think we need some proof of your "averageness" to decide.

girls might go for average guys...but they won't go for ugly ones.

but...hey...who am i to talk...i dated an ugly dude for 2 years.

::shrugs::

you make the call:

http://www.bethel.edu/~gjeste/me.jpg

Lose the glasses and get a cooler haircut, for starters.

 

[BD231]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Perhaps the fact that you view women as objects is more of a hinderance to your success than your appearance?

Don't listen to Geekbabe gjeste, she's anti-male in every thread pertaining to attraction she posts in.

PS: Dropping your standards dose not mean you have to make with the ucking fuglies man, there are plenty of "decent" looking girls out there (sounds shallow but it's true). As long as a girl isn't hard for you to look at that's what you should go for. Hott girls tend to be party animals, slightly stupid, and unknowingly stuckup. No fun IMO.

 

[gotsmack]

get a different haircut. I bet that is fair portion of the problem of why you can't get chicks.

 

[EmperorOfIceCream]

Originally posted by: EmperorOfIceCream

Originally posted by: EmperorOfIceCream

Originally posted by: EmperorOfIceCream
fastseduction.com

 

[Aharami]

dude, you're 20! i used to be the same way as you...worry all the time whether id end up with someone attractive or not. didnt have a girlfriend till i was 20 pushing 21....and ive been with my gf for over year and a half now and couldnt be happier.
moral of story...dont worry so much...live your life. you'll find someone

 

[bradruth]

Originally posted by: gjeste

Originally posted by: nativesunshine
I think we need some proof of your "averageness" to decide.

girls might go for average guys...but they won't go for ugly ones.

but...hey...who am i to talk...i dated an ugly dude for 2 years.

::shrugs::

you make the call:

http://www.bethel.edu/~gjeste/me.jpg

You go to Bethel!? I have a good friend from high school that goes there. Thank GOD she's taken! :Q

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: BD231

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Perhaps the fact that you view women as objects is more of a hinderance to your success than your appearance?

Don't listen to Geekbabe gjeste, she's anti-male in every thread pertaining to attraction she posts in.

PS: Dropping your standards dose not mean you have to make with the ucking fuglies man, there are plenty of "decent" looking girls out there (sounds shallow but it's true). As long as a girl isn't hard for you to look at that's what you should go for. Hott girls tend to be party animals, slightly stupid, and unknowingly stuckup. No fun IMO.

Anti male? Hardly,I'm just pointing out that when one live's by the sword one must be prepared to die by the sword.You want a playboy bunny woman in terms of physical appearance? fine then be prepared to bring something substantial to the table to offer in return.Also when your objectives are clearly of the short term I just wanna bang,bang bang, don't be surprized when the hot biatch you're eyeing has a shallow criteria or two of her own.

And the business of "practice dating" as described here would be horrible whether it was a guy or a gal doing it.When most normal people get asked out on a date they usually believe that the asker has some real attraction to them"I just asked you out so that I could build my confidence up in order to pursue the real hotties that I want"
Hell I winced just typing that,imagine being the gal or guy on the receiving end of that statement!Yet the guys subscribing to this plan howl in outrage over "gold digging biatches" or women who use them while they search for somebody better looking and richer than they are.Nobody wants to be used..it hurts like hell!

You want an athletic,fit woman become an athletic fit man,the gals who exercise aren't hanging out at Mcdonald's! You want a gal that's interested in music,a serious reader,politically or charitably minded? get interested in those types of things yourself!

Do what you love the money and women who share your interests and lifestyle will soon follow.

 

[dethman]

zzzzzzZZZZZ......