YAGT: Still in the friends zone...

[Gamingphreek]

Thanks so much for the advice you guys. Well just scored major brownie points today 😉! As you know we are singing in the choir, and she had to do a solo. (At both services). When she came back i leaned over and said the she sounded wonderful. The first service she said that she didn't hit some of the notes she wanted to, but the second service her face just lit up!

After the service was over and everyone was just standing around talking she said that i should come and sing with her at another service. I was secretly thinking (😎) but i sort of casually went into it and was like sure sounds fun. I told her i would see her tonight (Movie night 🙂 at youth group, i have to go and get a crap load of VA Tech apparel).

So nothing major, but definitely scored some points (She really did sound incredible though, im not just saying that).

She is a nice girl isn't she?

YES Absolutely she is, never heard her be really openly mean to anyone, and (unlike the other people i have gone out with, not to say they weren't very nice) she is a strong christian.

your middle school aged sister

She is High School now -_-, but i still make fun of her 😉

So if she keeps flirting, just flirt right back, but don't expect that you're going to do or say some particular thing that suddenly makes her decide that you're the one for her. Hang out with her. Let her see what a nice, funny, smart, mature, caring, and considerate guy you are and maybe she'll decide she wants to be more than friends before you've moved on to someone else.

So, should try to see her outside of these events? In other words, should i still see if she wants to catch a movie sometimes AS FRIENDS (but hopefully more after time goes by)...or should i just hang out at these events.

All of this could be compounded by the fact that she learned of your interest in dating her from your middle school aged sister

Forgot to mention this earlier, my sister didn't say that i wanted to date her. I wasn't there but from what i understand somehow the subject of the movie we were supposed to see came up, and thats when the "friends" conversation took place. My sister never said anything either way (She was supposed to say that i wanted to be just friends, which was the original plan, and then after while maybe bring up the other topic.

Thanks so much for all the help guys, hopefully it works 🙂

-Kevin

 

[montanafan]

So, should try to see her outside of these events? In other words, should i still see if she wants to catch a movie sometimes AS FRIENDS (but hopefully more after time goes by)...or should i just hang out at these events.

After the service was over and everyone was just standing around talking she said that i should come and sing with her at another service.

Sounds to me like she's interested in having an opportunity to get to spend more time with you and get to know you better without the pressure of the whole dating thing. It also sounds like you handled it well, the casual "sounds like fun", was just right. Take every opportunity offered to you to let her have some non-dating time to get to know you before you ask her out in a way that sounds like a date.

Be friendly and flirty and nice, but don't overdo it, keep it casual so that all she notices is how much fun it is to be with you and what a nice guy you are. Pay attention to the signals she's giving you, when she starts thinking about you when you're apart she'll let you know it and that's a very good sign.

 

[Gamingphreek]

Originally posted by: montanafan

So, should try to see her outside of these events? In other words, should i still see if she wants to catch a movie sometimes AS FRIENDS (but hopefully more after time goes by)...or should i just hang out at these events.

After the service was over and everyone was just standing around talking she said that i should come and sing with her at another service.

Sounds to me like she's interested in having an opportunity to get to spend more time with you and get to know you better without the pressure of the whole dating thing. It also sounds like you handled it well, the casual "sounds like fun", was just right. Take every opportunity offered to you to let her have some non-dating time to get to know you before you ask her out in a way that sounds like a date.

Be friendly and flirty and nice, but don't overdo it, keep it casual so that all she notices is how much fun it is to be with you and what a nice guy you are. Pay attention to the signals she's giving you, when she starts thinking about you when you're apart she'll let you know it and that's a very good sign.

I like that idea 🙂 ...

When you say she will let you know it, is it something like:
"I saw [this happen] and i thought of you"

That sort of thing? (Hasn't happened like that yet; ill keep my fingers crossed.

-Kevin

 

[montanafan]

Originally posted by: Gamingphreek

I like that idea 🙂 ...

When you say she will let you know it, is it something like:
"I saw [this happen] and i thought of you"

That sort of thing? (Hasn't happened like that yet; ill keep my fingers crossed.

-Kevin

Yeah. Most girls decide they really like a guy when they find themselves thinking about him when he's not around. They want to let him know then with something like that or ...I wish you had been there or ...I thought about calling you, etc.

Hang in there and good luck.

 

[Gamingphreek]

Originally posted by: montanafan

Originally posted by: Gamingphreek

I like that idea 🙂 ...

When you say she will let you know it, is it something like:
"I saw [this happen] and i thought of you"

That sort of thing? (Hasn't happened like that yet; ill keep my fingers crossed.

-Kevin

Yeah. Most girls decide they really like a guy when they find themselves thinking about him when he's not around. They want to let him know then with something like that or ...I wish you had been there or ...I thought about calling you, etc.

Hang in there and good luck.

What would be the best thing to do when that happens (assuming it does)? Normally i would just crack a joke or something, but that obviously might not be the best time.

-Kevin

 

[montanafan]

Originally posted by: Gamingphreek

What would be the best thing to do when that happens (assuming it does)? Normally i would just crack a joke or something, but that obviously might not be the best time.

-Kevin

Well, it depends on the situation. If she's arranged it so that the two of you are alone when she tells you and it's a leading sort of statement like about a movie or a place she likes to go restaurant etc., then she's probably decided that she'd like to go out with you and that's a good opening for something like, we should go see it or we should go there together sometime, and see what she says.

If she says it in a more casual setting like with a bunch of other people around and it's something more vague like, I thought about calling you or something happened and I thought about you, then she's probably just testing the waters to see how you'll react to a little more personal flirting. Then you just look her in the eyes and say something like, I wish you had called or I wish I had been there with you, then give her your sweetest smile and see how she reacts to the more personal flirting. Not a good idea to ask her out then with other people around, but then the next time you're alone with her might be a good time for a, we should go see a movie sometime or a I'd like to call you sometime, and see what she says.

Good luck!

 

[Gamingphreek]

Originally posted by: montanafan

Originally posted by: Gamingphreek

What would be the best thing to do when that happens (assuming it does)? Normally i would just crack a joke or something, but that obviously might not be the best time.

-Kevin

Well, it depends on the situation. If she's arranged it so that the two of you are alone when she tells you and it's a leading sort of statement like about a movie or a place she likes to go restaurant etc., then she's probably decided that she'd like to go out with you and that's a good opening for something like, we should go see it or we should go there together sometime, and see what she says.

If she says it in a more casual setting like with a bunch of other people around and it's something more vague like, I thought about calling you or something happened and I thought about you, then she's probably just testing the waters to see how you'll react to a little more personal flirting. Then you just look her in the eyes and say something like, I wish you had called or I wish I had been there with you, then give her your sweetest smile and see how she reacts to the more personal flirting. Not a good idea to ask her out then with other people around, but then the next time you're alone with her might be a good time for a, we should go see a movie sometime or a I'd like to call you sometime, and see what she says.

Good luck!

So joking around at that point probably wouldn't be plan A 😉

Well, i dont see her much in school 🙁, so the next time i see her is on Thursday for choir practice. We both are around sing in the back row due to height (Im 5'7" shes 5'6/5"), and we sing next to each other, so we get a lot of talking done in between songs and stuff 🙂 Not only that when she gets up to sing, i always get the rest of the youth (6-7) clapping afterwards, and then tell her that she sounded awesome. And im not just saying that, she really does!

After that aside from Sundays, at the end of February we have the 30 Hour Famine. (Its really awesome and we raise a lot of money for needy kids 🙂). We have to spend the night in the church (the youth group) so we'll have plenty of hang out time then...hopefully.

I guess now it is just watch and wait.

-Kevin

 

[Gamingphreek]

Oh and i forgot we have a superbowl party for youth group this weekend, so ill definitely get a chance to talk to her.

Which is actually kind of funny. She never really paid attention to football or baseball (etc...) but whenever i talk about it she asks questions and is really in to it. Im thinking that is a good sign.

Ill keep everything updated as stuff happens 🙂 ....thanks again for all the encouragement; it really is great!

-Kevin

 

[Gamingphreek]

Well we had choir tonight and nothing much happened. About the most i can say is we sat together, talked and what not. She also said she saw me in Gov't class and tried to wave and get my attention, but i didn't see her. I said if i saw her i would have waved.

So not much happening, but hopefully the Superbowl will go good (Primarily for me but also for the Steelers).

-Kevin

 

[CarlKillerMiller]

Hey GP,

Sorry to hear about the outcome, even though you put a lot of effort into this thing. Well, keep in mind that at that age, girls are pretty fickle, so while she may just want to be friends now, keep your head up, it could change drastically in a short period of time (and watch out, because if it does change, it could change back as quickly).

Best of luck, and don't try too hard!

 

[DannyLove]

kids are funny 🙂 just take all this as experience, dont commit like a fool, play the field, you'll be doing a lot of that when you get much older and much more mature. Find out what YOU want as a person.

danny~!

 

[Gamingphreek]

Originally posted by: CarlKillerMiller
Hey GP,

Sorry to hear about the outcome, even though you put a lot of effort into this thing. Well, keep in mind that at that age, girls are pretty fickle, so while she may just want to be friends now, keep your head up, it could change drastically in a short period of time (and watch out, because if it does change, it could change back as quickly).

Best of luck, and don't try too hard!

Thanks, but that was a long time ago, and it came from my sister and not her. As is pointed out now, it seems like she still has feelings for me but doesn't want to rush anything... ya know.

So im just hanging out with her when i can, and hopefully that will develop into something more. HOPEFULLY.

-Kevin

 

[Gamingphreek]

Well tomorrow ill see her at church. And then for the first time it will be me and her singing at one of the services at the opening and closing. But i am new at this and she invited me, so without sounding too enthusiastic, i said i would love to.

After that we have a superbowl party ill see her at. She tries to pay attention to football when im around, only when im around...perhaps a good sign; one can only hope.

Any last minute advice for tomorrow would be excellent.

Thanks,
-Kevin

 

[flexy]

she already SAID "hope he understands i just want to be friends"..what is there more to ask ? 🙂

Anyway without pursuing MORE....well can't hurt anyway...maybe she might change her mind...without trying you will never know, but i'd say chances are slim otherwise she wouldn't have said "just want to be friends"

 

[Gamingphreek]

Originally posted by: flexy
she already SAID "hope he understands i just want to be friends"..what is there more to ask ? 🙂

Anyway without pursuing MORE....well can't hurt anyway...maybe she might change her mind...without trying you will never know, but i'd say chances are slim otherwise she wouldn't have said "just want to be friends"

Well like others said:
[*]It was my sister who is still stuck in middle school mode, and, i believe, doesn't know much more than i do about this matter.
[*]She is younger than me and it most likely caught her off guard
[*]She keeps on flirting and spending time with me

Perhaps it is looking for something where there is nothing (except friends, which isn't bad) but ill at least, subtely keep trying.

-Kevin

 

[Gamingphreek]

Bump, thread is updated. Made some progress.... i think.

-Kevin

 

[hypn0tik]

Originally posted by: Gamingphreek
Bump, thread is updated. Made some progress.... i think.

-Kevin

I'm sorry to say dude, but you've made no progress at all. Once in the friend zone, always in the friend zone.

 

[Gamingphreek]

Originally posted by: hypn0tik

Originally posted by: Gamingphreek
Bump, thread is updated. Made some progress.... i think.

-Kevin

I'm sorry to say dude, but you've made no progress at all. Once in the friend zone, always in the friend zone.

Nah. I was friends first with the person i went out with a while back.

-Kevin

 

[Gamingphreek]

I talked to her at youth group for a while and we messed around with my new cell phone. But i have a slight speed bump.
The guy that i was telling you guys about, well he still wont leave her alone. Among some other reasons (Thug-type kids hanging out at her locker) she cant where a skirt to school any more.
Also apparently, this guy has been bothering my sister (I make fun of her but i still care for her). So my sister showed me a picture of this guy. Well, it is who i thought it is and he could catch an attitude with me. This guy isn't the pushover i was expecting, but I still have the edge should anything happen.
Right now her stance is, "Ill deal with it, but i hate it and wish he would stop". So, im going to call her tomorrow after school and ask her how everything went. Ill bring that topic up and ask if hes gotten any better. Even though im not going out with her or anything, if she says it is still as bad, im going to tell her that i have to say something. SHe shouldn't have to worry about a guy trying to look down her shirt or anything. Even more so when i found out he wouldn't leave my sister alone.
Im not going to start anything, im just going to go up to him at lunch and say, "Look, they dont like you like that just chill out and leave them alone." You know just shake his hand or something and just be a concerned guy, not an absolute asshole to him or anything. (Although, he is the model thug, 6XL T-Shirt so i dont know if it will really sink in or anything). Nothing SHOULD happen, nor do i want it to.

-Kevin

 

[gigapet]

wow....i remember middle school.


you may grow a pair some day.

 

[Gamingphreek]

Originally posted by: gigapet
wow....i remember middle school.


you may grow a pair some day.

First off it is high school. Second off, what is that supposed to mean?

Not only is this kid harrassing the girl i want to go out with, but he is also harassing my sister!

-Kevin

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: Gamingphreek

Originally posted by: gigapet
wow....i remember middle school.


you may grow a pair some day.

First off it is high school. Second off, what is that supposed to mean?

Not only is this kid harrassing the girl i want to go out with, but he is also harassing my sister!

-Kevin

It means you have no balls.

If you had balls you would be with the girl you are crushing over like a little nancy boy and you would have knocked out the punk that was messin with your sister.

truth is your wont do anything to that kid and you will never get with that girl you like. BUt like i said maybe someday down the road yo u will grow a pair and things will be better for you.

 

[Gamingphreek]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: Gamingphreek

Originally posted by: gigapet
wow....i remember middle school.


you may grow a pair some day.

First off it is high school. Second off, what is that supposed to mean?

Not only is this kid harrassing the girl i want to go out with, but he is also harassing my sister!

-Kevin

It means you have no balls.

If you had balls you would be with the girl you are crushing over like a little nancy boy and you would have knocked out the punk that was messin with your sister.

truth is your wont do anything to that kid and you will never get with that girl you like. BUt like i said maybe someday down the road yo u will grow a pair and things will be better for you.

Looks like someone didn't read the thread. THe thread was created because i was about to go out with her. I most certainly had the balls to ask her out, and i did! She also said yes, but after that things got confusing, and i posted here.

truth is your wont do anything to that kid and you will never get with that girl you like.

Why wouldn't i do anything to that kid? Perhaps i wont get the girl i like (which is why this thread is supposed to be helping...and it has, a lot!), but there is no way in hell this kid is going to harass them like that.

If you had balls you would be with the girl you are crushing over like a little nancy boy

As for that, i would be more apt to pursue it more if i knew i wouldn't damage what we have. I dont want things to be awkward if she says no, or if we end up breaking up or something. Wimp... yes, but i would really hurt me if i knew that i screwed something up 🙁

-Kevin

-Kevin

 

[Gamingphreek]

Well, i am seriously considering doing the one thing in this world i HATE doing. Ill just pull her aside and tell her whats up. That way she doesn't here the distorted version from anyone else, and she isn't left to guessing about me either. Im considering this now, im not quite sure of it yet. The best time to do it would be on the 30 hour famine next weekend. Hopefully my Youth Leader will bend the rules and let her ride with me to and from the houses (I am the only other youth driving 😎 ... screw that one mistake that i posted about lol).

If any of you have seen the "Friends" episode where Ross has to talk to the girl about "where their relationship is going", well thats about how bad i am at talking about feelings 😉

Balls against the wall 😎

-Kevin

 

[montanafan]

Instead of saying anything to the guy right now, how about suggesting to her that the guy might leave her alone if she tells him she has a boyfriend...you. And see what she says to that. If that doesn't open up a discussion that goes the way you want it to, you can always say that you were willing to go along with it just to help her out.