obviously because this is a dumb b1tch and logical discussions don't get through to her brain where as him saying "yeah your right I'm going to see other people too" will likely set off all kinds of jealousy alarms in her brain or she wont care. If it sets off alarms he can call her on it and then she will see why he was so upset. If she doesnt care she isnt worth his time aanymore.
obviously because this is a dumb b1tch and logical discussions don't get through to her brain where as him saying "yeah your right I'm going to see other people too" will likely set off all kinds of jealousy alarms in her brain or she wont care. If it sets off alarms he can call her on it and then she will see why he was so upset. If she doesnt care she isnt worth his time aanymore.
"1. She does NOT understand why I was mad. I wasn't upset because I was jealous. I was upset cause I was so worried about her safety and well being."
*cough* Safety and well-being? Call me crazy, but I you -were- jealous, worrying about her safety and well-being notwithstanding.
*cough* Safety and well-being? Call me crazy, but I you -were- jealous, worrying about her safety and well-being notwithstanding.
Skunkwourk
Diamond Member
- Dec 9, 2004
- 4,662
- 1
- 81
I think a positive outcome relies mostly on how you proceed. Regardless of her lack of common sense, telling her you don't trust her because she lacks common sense is a basic insult to her intelligence. Good luck working that out. I also think you're in the wrong for thinking that this is solely HER mistake. Just a situation that could have been handled better (by both of you). As for her "guy" friends, if they were there before you, then tough luck, you're going to have to accept then as her "true" friends. Maybe they don't fit your definition, but those friends are the friends she had when you weren't there. Yeah she should have called when she found a working phone, but at least she was talking to you when her phone died.
EDIT: Your behavior did seem jealous and controlling to me.
EDIT: Your behavior did seem jealous and controlling to me.
Fern
Elite Member
- Sep 30, 2003
- 26,907
- 174
- 106
I suspect this relationship is over. I suspect you, and her, know it is over. I think you're both having trouble coming terms with that reality.
Sounds to me like she's "dating", which means the "monogomous" relationship is terminated. Yet neither of you are willing or able to "officially" admit it.
You could find a very classy & mature way to end it now. You could do so in a way which earns you respect and likely reduce many or all of the "bad feelings" that come with a breakup (guilt, anger, hurt, resentment etc).
You could try to continue on with the relationship. But after your other thread it appears to me another way must be found. If things continue on this path I predict an ugly outcome.
Good Luck with it.
Fern
Sounds to me like she's "dating", which means the "monogomous" relationship is terminated. Yet neither of you are willing or able to "officially" admit it.
You could find a very classy & mature way to end it now. You could do so in a way which earns you respect and likely reduce many or all of the "bad feelings" that come with a breakup (guilt, anger, hurt, resentment etc).
You could try to continue on with the relationship. But after your other thread it appears to me another way must be found. If things continue on this path I predict an ugly outcome.
Good Luck with it.
Fern
:laugh: That's so funny. I had a psycho exgirlfriend for a while who was like that. I hadn't seen Dumb and Dumber prior to this, and we were broken up and fighting. I told her, "Dude, honestly, the chances of us getting back together are a billion to one." And she said, "So you're saying there's a chance?" and I was, "Are you a psycho!?!?" Then she told me it was from Dumb and Dumber. Which was actually very funny that she said it and I reacted like a dingus. Now whenever I see that part I always laugh about her. She's turned into a pretty cool person now, but we definitely weren't meant to be together.
7. doggie style
-------------------------------------------
A little to crass for my taste.
Take a week to learn some tact.
Anandtech Moderator
Platypus
Lifer
- Apr 26, 2001
- 31,046
- 321
- 136
Tough break man.. the obvious solution to this is to have a conversation with her where you explain these things to her. You DO seem to be very controlling based on your posts and you need to deal with this when you're not angry. So many of these 'yagt' could be solved so easily with basic honest communication and level-headed thinking NOT in the heat of the moment.
Hope it works out for you, love is a bitch.
Hope it works out for you, love is a bitch.
Sorry to hear about it Iron.. I think you're done for this one. Good response to her though... at least in the email. You need to be concise and explain why you were upset. Sure, you overreacted to start with and if that's so surprising to her, she doesn't know you very well (and after 3 years... one would hope she does)
My guess, based on my own life and dealings, is that things are coming to a close. I wish you the best.
My guess, based on my own life and dealings, is that things are coming to a close. I wish you the best.
Dumping material right there. Something is fishy about this whole thing and I don't forsee anything good. If you are having this many problems with her now, do you think when you get married she will see the light and admit when shes wrong?
Maybe you can test this theory out if you want to stay together. Suggest that you would like to hang out with her and "this friend" to get to know him better, afterall it is her "friend" and mutual friends are important to any relationship.
One more thing, if you think the relationship is over, end it soon. Only time will heal and the sooner the better.
Growing up sux sometimes.
This is the problem. You can listen to everyone else about the symptom (your gf spending time with other people) but the problem is that you are a control freak and act like you own her. You will drive any gf away if you keep that up. I would say that her actions are a little odd, but being in an unhealthy relationship will cause that. Work on fixing your own anger and jealousy/insecurity issues first. You'll become a better person; the kind she (or other girls) will want to be faithful to.
wheresmybacon
Diamond Member
- Sep 10, 2004
- 3,899
- 1
- 76
OP, when I first read this thread and the other one I felt kind of bad for you and thought that your girlfriend was a bit of a louse for not respecting your feelings, but the more facts I've garnered about your relationship, the more I've changed my mind.
The fact of the matter here is that the two of you are not married, you're not engaged, you're not living together, you're just dating. And add to that the fact that you're away at school and she's still at home. She's made it clear to you that she's not going to sit at home and pine for you while your're gone, she's going out with friends and some of those happen to be guys. She's made no secret of that.
You don't like that, and for good reason or not, that's the way you feel about it. You've told her that and it's clear that she's not going to change, restrict, or limit her social life to suit you while you're away.
You are going to either have to accept that and decide that you really do trust her and not worry about it and have a life of your own while you're away at school and figure that everything will work out the way it's supposed to in the end, or you're going to have to accept the fact that you don't really trust her, you think that she's cheating on you, it's driving you crazy and leading to arguments that will tear the relationship apart eventually anyway so you might as well tell her that and break it off now and save yourself the aggravation.
This is why long distance relationships are so difficult. If she's the type of person who enjoys having a social life, it's kind of ridiculous to expect her to give that up the whole time you're away at school. If she was a stay-at-home kind of person to start with, it might not be so hard, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Either you trust her and the strength of your relationship or you don't, but she's made it very clear to you that she's going to live her life the way she wants and you can't control that.
The fact of the matter here is that the two of you are not married, you're not engaged, you're not living together, you're just dating. And add to that the fact that you're away at school and she's still at home. She's made it clear to you that she's not going to sit at home and pine for you while your're gone, she's going out with friends and some of those happen to be guys. She's made no secret of that.
You don't like that, and for good reason or not, that's the way you feel about it. You've told her that and it's clear that she's not going to change, restrict, or limit her social life to suit you while you're away.
You are going to either have to accept that and decide that you really do trust her and not worry about it and have a life of your own while you're away at school and figure that everything will work out the way it's supposed to in the end, or you're going to have to accept the fact that you don't really trust her, you think that she's cheating on you, it's driving you crazy and leading to arguments that will tear the relationship apart eventually anyway so you might as well tell her that and break it off now and save yourself the aggravation.
This is why long distance relationships are so difficult. If she's the type of person who enjoys having a social life, it's kind of ridiculous to expect her to give that up the whole time you're away at school. If she was a stay-at-home kind of person to start with, it might not be so hard, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Either you trust her and the strength of your relationship or you don't, but she's made it very clear to you that she's going to live her life the way she wants and you can't control that.
OP, you're in college. You don't need to be hung up with this girl. There are plenty of chickadees you can occupy yourself with. 3 years during HS is a very long time. You both have changed a lot during those years and unfortunately you guys are drifting further apart. Seriously, you need to go play the field..
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