yagt: *sigh* what have I done this time....

[Aikouka]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
you can do whatever you want. but don't come back crying like the OP asking what went wrong.

*shrug* Nothing's ever "went wrong" here. I got the girl that was similar to the OP's situation, got annoyed, stopped and that's that. At this point, I personally don't mind being alone as I dislike driving so far to go anywhere nice (as previous experiences at college were only a walk away ). Driving 60 miles each day for work really saps the desire to drive right outta ya. Even for some sweet company with a fine vixen .

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: child of wonder
Maybe she realizes you want a relationship and she likes you only as a friend.

Or maybe she does like you and is sick of you inviting her to all these group things

She probably knows better than us.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

You are in the friend zone like others have said.

Good luck getting yourself out of it, she is young and does not realize that guys have zero interest in being friends, guys want more.

I would suggest the next time you invite her out it is not to hang out, but to be a date. End of date you have to get something of affectioniate from her. More than holding hands, more than a hug. You have to be firm that you will not hang-out and be friends.

You have friends, they are men. If you continue to hang out with her you will lose many many other opportunities with other women who may not want to be your friend.

 

[NuroMancer]

Originally posted by: thirtythree

Originally posted by: child of wonder
Maybe she realizes you want a relationship and she likes you only as a friend.

Or maybe she does like you and is sick of you inviting her to all these group things

She probably knows better than us.

Nooo. Ask her? Crazy Talk.

 

[JS80]

classic case of friends ladder

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: Juice Box

Originally posted by: MmmSkyscraper

Originally posted by: FoBoT

Originally posted by: Juice Box
... I told her that I'd burn her a DVD of music she had to listen to...

you gave her a mixed music CD before your first date? :Q

OH SNAP! :Q

I hope it belonged to a friend...

Haha, yes yes I did....I know it seems like a bit much, but I'm gonna be honest when I say that I do, and have done, that for many friends in the past. It is just something I do...I try my best to make my friends happy, and that includes her.

and go figure...right as I post this, she agrees to go out to dinner with me and my friends tonight......*head explodes from confusion*

make a move tonight. If u are rejected you don't have to beat yourself up over what to do, what is she thinking etc...

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

stop paying attention to her. ignore her. see what happens.

with women, do the exact opposite of what you think you should do. it works near 100% of the time.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
make a move tonight. If u are rejected you don't have to beat yourself up over what to do, what is she thinking etc...

Nah, he can beat himself off instead

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Fmr12B
You are in the friend zone like others have said.

Good luck getting yourself out of it, she is young and does not realize that guys have zero interest in being friends, guys want more.

I would suggest the next time you invite her out it is not to hang out, but to be a date. End of date you have to get something of affectioniate from her. More than holding hands, more than a hug. You have to be firm that you will not hang-out and be friends.

You have friends, they are men. If you continue to hang out with her you will lose many many other opportunities with other women who may not want to be your friend.

Now that is a silly thought.

I have plenty of friends who are girls. I definitely am closer to my friends who are guys, but it is nice to have a female perspective on things every once in a while.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: hungfarover

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim


*points at this*

Originally posted by: Juice Box
All the offers I've made recently involve doing things with other people, because I wanted to make it clear that I am not just after one thing (what most guys are after )....I really just like the time we do spend together.

laugh. So you think by hiding your sexuality she will become more attracted to you? Listen, girls know all to well what is really going on when you are flirting with them. There is no need to sugar coat it. In fact many girls will find it awkward or creepy if a guy is pretending to not be interested in sex....it is abnormal and they will see right through it.

this man speaks the truth
[/quote]

Yes, girls are pretty aware of this. No big deal, it is a choice to treat a person in a while that is proper. It is a two way street. You can still treat a girl you are attracted to, but who isn't aattracted back in a decent way, but you have to be honest with yourself and be able to get past those feelings.

 

[clamum]

Alright dude, flirt with her tonight. If possible try to get her alone at the end of the night ("Wanna go back to my place and watch a movie aka make out?").

 

[Jeraden]

As some others have hinted at, the mistake you seem to have made is being too friends-only towards her. You started off well, showing her lots of attention, talking with her a lot, etc. That was great for getting you in the door. But at some point, you need to turn it up a notch. You NEED to subtly start flirting with her somehow. The night you were playing Wii with her would have been the perfect opportunity. That has a lot of openings where you could have initiated some physical contact with her. Touch her arm, bump into her, try to disrupt her by moving her arm as she's trying to do something. Now if she actually was starting to like you, this physical contact would kind of turn her on. Same way that if she did that to you, I bet you'd have liked it. Its not overtly sexual, but people still like physical contact. Now she'd have it in her mind that she was kind of into you. At that point, you can start some subtle verbal flirting next time, or even later that night after you are done playing. Its all about stepping stones. Everyone doesn't have the balls to go for a homerun immediately, but its the gradual progress that will keep her interested until you've hooked her.

 

[Juice Box]

Wow....never would have thought this would get so much attention....and apparently hostility

Strange to see so many people telling me that I should have "gone for it" awhile ago...when I've only known her ~2 weeks now. Most people would say that is wayyyy too soon to be showing those kinds of signs in terms of my interest. Like I said, I began the friendship with hopes to find someone to talk to in class, and just after getting to know her, it just seemed to "work" for me better than I had anticipated.

She has yet to make any strides in terms of introducing me to her friends...which I'd think would be something she'd do, but perhaps not? (not sure on that one).

But yeah, her agreeing to go with us tonight was a huge shock (with her lack of response when I brought it up yesterday, and fish for excuses, I was certain she wasn't going to go...but here we are). Hopefully it goes well, and she won't be over-whelmed with my friends like she may have been last time she met them. My friends and I are probably gonna come back to hang out at my place afterwards anyways, so I'll of course invite her to join us. Either way, there is something new with this girl everyday....my lord

I know it is going to sound lame, or whatever you want to call it, but to everyone that says she is looking for some sort of physical move on my part....I'm just not sure that's in her character. She really has never portrayed herself as someone who would want that from someone she just met....but again, I could be wrong *shrug*. I suppose I'll see how tonight goes, and depending, I might try backing off for a bit. She said shes got a ton of tests and papers next week, so I figure that'd be a good week to just lay low and talk occasionally. We have an exam in the class we share the following week, so if anything we can study for that or something....*shrug*

I suppose I'll see how it goes....thanks for the advice so far, any more is appreciated as always

 

[fLum0x]

personally, i would talk with her sometime about hanging out or something...and if she says no..ask her in a nice manner if something is wrong or if she doesnt want to hang out anymore. Be straight forward, ask for her opinion, and don't push/pry any farther than that. Maybe she is just really busy with school or she has some personal issues going on. You never know with females in college anymore!

 

[Juice Box]

Originally posted by: fLum0x
personally, i would talk with her sometime about hanging out or something...and if she says no..ask her in a nice manner if something is wrong or if she doesnt want to hang out anymore. Be straight forward, ask for her opinion, and don't push/pry any farther than that. Maybe she is just really busy with school or she has some personal issues going on. You never know with females in college anymore!

this option has been brewing in my mind for awhile as well....but again, i come back to the fact that it has only been ~2 weeks....do I really have the right to ask such a thing so early on in the friendship? If I have been totally mis-reading this all along, I don't want to look like an idiot asking that...but I suppose it'd save me a lot of hassle if that was the case

 

[thirtythree]

Also, I'm not a girl, but I kinda act like her when I don't really like someone--usually make excuses but if I end up not having any other plans or am particularly bored, I'll hang out with them. Not saying that's the case or anything

As for not being interested in anything physical, I'm sure she'd at least be interested in cuddling, 'cause practically every girl I've ever met is. Willingness to cuddle doesn't mean she likes you or anything, but once you're cuddling it's easy to start kissing, etc.

Sure it might frighten her off, which seems to be what you're worried about, but probably not if she likes you.

 

[Juice Box]

Originally posted by: thirtythree
Also, I'm not a girl, but I kinda act like her when I don't really like someone--usually make excuses but if I end up not having any other plans or am particularly bored, I'll hang out with them. Not saying that's the case or anything

As for not being interested in anything physical, I'm sure she'd at least be interested in cuddling, 'cause practically every girl I've ever met is. Willingness to cuddle doesn't mean she likes you or anything, but once you're cuddling it's easy to start kissing, etc.

Sure it might frighten her off, which seems to be what you're worried about, but probably not if she likes you.

Haha, sadly every idea I have been told to try involves doing something with her physically with me, aka hanging out, which seems to be the main issue I am trying to figure out. If I never hang out with her, we can never get closer

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: Juice Box
Wow....never would have thought this would get so much attention....and apparently hostility

Strange to see so many people telling me that I should have "gone for it" awhile ago...when I've only known her ~2 weeks now. Most people would say that is wayyyy too soon to be showing those kinds of signs in terms of my interest. Like I said, I began the friendship with hopes to find someone to talk to in class, and just after getting to know her, it just seemed to "work" for me better than I had anticipated.

She has yet to make any strides in terms of introducing me to her friends...which I'd think would be something she'd do, but perhaps not? (not sure on that one).

But yeah, her agreeing to go with us tonight was a huge shock (with her lack of response when I brought it up yesterday, and fish for excuses, I was certain she wasn't going to go...but here we are). Hopefully it goes well, and she won't be over-whelmed with my friends like she may have been last time she met them. My friends and I are probably gonna come back to hang out at my place afterwards anyways, so I'll of course invite her to join us. Either way, there is something new with this girl everyday....my lord

I know it is going to sound lame, or whatever you want to call it, but to everyone that says she is looking for some sort of physical move on my part....I'm just not sure that's in her character. She really has never portrayed herself as someone who would want that from someone she just met....but again, I could be wrong *shrug*. I suppose I'll see how tonight goes, and depending, I might try backing off for a bit. She said shes got a ton of tests and papers next week, so I figure that'd be a good week to just lay low and talk occasionally. We have an exam in the class we share the following week, so if anything we can study for that or something....*shrug*

I suppose I'll see how it goes....thanks for the advice so far, any more is appreciated as always

read this post in 4 years and laugh at how naive you sound.

Bottomline...if you want a physical relationship with this girl you are going to have to make it a physical relationship .......tonight. College isn't high school you don't need to court a girl for 4 weeks before you make out under the bleachers. 5 minutes of talking should be enough to get a kiss.

EDIT: oh and about her not showing any signs of wanting it.....she is shy and besides its not her job to show signs....your the man you lead she follows end of story.

 

[lokiju]

I'd say its either you act like you only want to be her friend and she liked you more than that. or she really did only wanna be friends and now that you're trying so hard you've made it clear that you want more which has pushed her away (more likely IMO) Either way I'd suggest moving on and if she starts coming around then great. if not then no big deal either. theres plenty of womens out there.

 

[Juice Box]

Originally posted by: lokiju
I'd say its either you act like you only want to be her friend and she liked you more than that. or she really did only wanna be friends and now that you're trying so hard you've made it clear that you want more which has pushed her away (more likely IMO) Either way I'd suggest moving on and if she starts coming around then great. if not then no big deal either. theres plenty of womens out there.

I fear this may be the case....but looking back, I really cannot think of any specific instance of me showing signs I wanted more, other than suggesting ideas for hanging out fairly often. I never made any remarks or said anything that would hint at me being interested....which, as people have been saying, may be the problem, but then again, I have no idea what she thinks I think....what a mess

Oh well, I hope tonight goes well *shrug*

 

[Dr. Detroit]

JuiceBox

You are naive and are not taking the advice of guys who are all telling you the same thing. Make the move!

Some of us are older and have played these games to only realize our mistakes. Now we are telling you to not make the same ones we did when we were young.


You decided you wanted to be more than friends, well guess what, time to make the move. if you want to stay friends, it aint gonna work since you decided you want more. You will never be happy with friends and will always desire more.

Girls are sexual, I know you don't relaize they like sex as much as men, but they do! 2-weeks is more than enough to enter inot a physical rleationship of hand holding, kissing, and some petting! Hell most women want you to boink them within 3-4 dates.

 

[SViper]

As a man, it is your job to take the relationship to the next level. Whether that be "more than friends" or marriage, the responsibility always falls on the man.

 

[NuAlphaMan]

Originally posted by: Garth
You're in the friend zone. You probably had a chance to be more than friends earlier in your relationship with her, but IMHO that chance has passed. You'd be lucky if you got another chance. It may be worth trying to make a move now, but I'd say you waited too long.

For your sake, I hope I'm wrong, but that's how it seems to me.

I'd have to agree. I've made this mistake in the past. I really like a few young ladies and I wanted them to know that I liked them for more than just a sex buddy. So, I played it the way you did for it to only bite me in the arse the way it has bitten you! Move on my friend because you are now in the infamous "Friend" zone! :disgust:

 

[iliopsoas]

STFU and chill. Let her make the next move. Don't suffocate her.

 

[Alienwho]

Iceberg slim is right on the money. You're coming off as way to clingy/needy.

Don't force an internet conversation everytime you see her online. And if she starts one up with you, IGNORE her and get back to her later. Honestly you should avoid the whole online conversations completely.

Don't text her every day, let 3 or 4 days go by with nothing, then call her and catch up on everything.

Don't think you have a shot at a relationship until you hook up with her first, then she'll be the one chasing you (well if you're good and make her feel incredible).