YAGT: Online Romance - Doomed to Failure??

Toggle sidebar Toggle sidebar
T

thatsright

Diamond Member
May 1, 2001
3,004
3
81
Boy, I never thought I'd ever be posting a YAGT thread of any kind, or anything about some online romance, but well, here I am.

I have never been a fan of online chatting, but occasionally I'll go on MSN chat to the sports rooms. As I was leaving one awhile ago, I got a PM from a girl in Louisiana. I live in Rhodie Island. Shes the same age as me, and her profile made it clear she was married. But I wasn't really thinking about that. We just made a lot of small talk for a while. Talking about the Red Sox and her teams, were we both had a common interest.

After a few days things seemed to get very serious, very quick. So far, in the last 8 days, I'd say I have chatted with her for a minimum of 5 hours a night, and up to 7-8hrs. on the weekend days. Which isn't a problem due to the fact, I lied to her and told her I am working, even though I am not. I have Bipolar disorder, and have been unable to work for the last two years, and I also haven't told her about this either. Her husband doesn't know a thing about any of our chats, so of course he'd go ballistic.

But I'm very, very conflicted. I feel like I'm falling in love with her, and she has told me the same. I think about her all the time, and she says the same. We have sent each other poems, and some of our chats get, really, really steamy, sappy and romantic. She just told me a few days ago she isn't sure if its possible to be in love with two men at the same time. She says she feels like sometimes she just 'settled' when she got married. She told me she wish she could just erase the last few years of her life and drive off and come be with me.

We have EVERYTHING in common, and I love talking to her, but I have the nagging, probably correct suspicion that this is doomed. I have brought this issue up several times, the distance, her being married, and that I don't want to destroy her marriage. We keep on putting off the final decision, because I/we can't stop talking to each other. I have already talked to her on the phone, it was sort of awkward at first, but pretty cool. I asked her to call me again, and she said she couldn't wait. We even briefly chat while shes at work. Yesterday she sent me a pic of herself, and by most standards shes not attractive at all. Shes overweight, and sort of short. But honestly, that doesn't matter so much to me.

You know what, this is eating me up, and her too. I have a sense that this is going to end bad, soon or later.

Any advice or thoughts, comments. Please, keep the idiot comments to a minimum. :roll:

Thanks
 
F

furie27

Senior member
Apr 22, 2004
684
0
0
Good advice from M4H. Sounds like you have some things you need to work through on your own before you're ready to bring another person so close. It's way too easy to get wrapped up in such a way, because the problems of the real world seem very far away.
 
S

spidey07

No Lifer
Aug 4, 2000
65,469
5
76
Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
Oh, and post this on YAGT before you become Skywalker Junior.

- M4H
Click to expand...

thanks a lot!

now I have to clean off the coke from my monitor.
 
B

BooGiMaN

Diamond Member
Jul 5, 2001
7,955
0
0
if you lied to her about working...you have to wonder what she has lied to you about....
 
A

Aquaman

Lifer
Dec 17, 1999
25,054
13
0
yeah.......... unplug & then plug it back it............ just ask Sharon ;)

seriously.......... don't mess with married women........... it makes baby jesus cry.

Cheers,
Aquaman
 
W

Whisper

Diamond Member
Feb 25, 2000
5,394
2
81
Stay away. Online relationships like this (both parties feel a "deep connection" very quickly, spend almost obsessive amounts of time chatting daily or near daily, etc.) happened quite often in the early days of the internet's popularity. In short, you feel like you truly get to know the other person, but you really have no idea how they are.

As the others have suggested, I would say to take some time away from your computer to think about yourself for a bit. Get things in your own life straightened out, and then work towards possibly finding a companion. The scenario definitely sounds "doomed," as you put it.
 
G

ggnl

Diamond Member
Jul 2, 2004
5,095
1
0
Originally posted by: Whisper

As the others have suggested, I would say to take some time away from your computer to think about yourself for a bit. Get things in your own life straightened out, and then work towards possibly finding a companion. The scenario definitely sounds "doomed," as you put it.
Click to expand...

This is good advice. If you're not stable enough to work, then you're definately not stable enough to carry on a relationship. Online relationships (especially when there's married people involved) can often get very screwed up, and that sounds like the last thing you need right now.
 
P

PanzerIV

Diamond Member
Dec 19, 2002
6,875
1
0
Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
Originally posted by: thatsright
5 hours a night
Click to expand...

WTF, dude. Unplug.

- M4H
Click to expand...

:D Damn you guys can make me laugh sometimes...


As for the OP what you're experiencing is not uncommon. It literaly happens everyday and there are stories good and bad all over the internet on the subject.

You have to take a step back from this whole thing and try to look at it as objectively as possible. First, you're going through the classic infatuation stage. You think everything is glorious and she's the one but the reality is you two don't know each other you only know what you TOLD each other. There is so more much that occurs when you meet somebody in real life. Little things you're barely concious of sometimes that dictate a relationship between two people.

Secondly you have a huge problem in that she's married. Ok, maybe she is unhappy for real and you seem to be her out. If you pursue this you're eventually going to have to deal with the fallout when she tells or husband or he discovers it on his own. How are you going to really get to know her to the point where you know you're positive you want to be with her when you can't be with her until she makes a drastic step of leaving her husband. What if you're wrong then you're both screwed.

Third, you have already misled her (and she probably has some things to tell you too) about your job status and mental health issues. I know things moved fast but her knowing this information could influence her feelings.

What we have here are two lonely people who are reveling in the attention and feeling special but you have to pause and see if this whole thing is worth pursuing. Take it slow, man or break it off. There are plenty of fish in the sea and some you can catch in your net a lot closer to home!!
 
M

Monkey muppet

Golden Member
Sep 28, 2004
1,241
0
0
Been there, done that, got the 'T'-shirt (I mean scars)

I'm going to agree with 'Whisper' on this "Online relationships like this (both parties feel a "deep connection" very quickly, spend almost obsessive amounts of time chatting daily or near daily, etc.)".

At first you don't mind if "...... by most standards shes not attractive at all. Shes overweight, and sort of short. But honestly, that doesn't matter so much to me." because of the connection you have. If you ever meet up that passes. I'm not being shallow - but there are three underlining attractions to a relationship

1) Physical attraction
2) Mental attraction
3) Sexual Attraction

number (2) is covered, by your own admissions, what about (1) & (3)??? ask youself that question
 
Rumpltzer

Rumpltzer

Diamond Member
Jun 7, 2003
4,815
33
91
It'll most likely fade in a few weeks (at most). If it goes far, you two will meet and figure out the inevitable, but it's not likely to even go that far.

Have fun with it, but don't let it rule (or ruin) your life... or hers, I guess, but that's not totally up to you.
 
GrumpyMan

GrumpyMan

Diamond Member
May 14, 2001
5,780
266
136
Don't date a married woman, you'll lose in the end. They almost always go back to their husbands.
 
anxi80

anxi80

Lifer
Jul 7, 2002
12,294
2
0
Napoleon Dynamite: All you do is stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.
Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
Click to expand...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

COMPANY
RESOURCES
FOLLOW
Top Bottom