YAGT: Need some space...

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Deleted member 4644

I'm a 24 yr old law student and I haven't really had a steady gf since high school. Because of school I am really busy.

I started going out with a girl a few months ago who is still in college and who has a LOT of free time. After our first few dates, she wanted to hang out at my apartment basically every day.

For the last month she has been overseas, but she has called me every day, and wants to talk at least 30+ minutes a day. Frankly, I don't think we have that much to talk about, especially since I am studying most of the day and she is just hanging out with family abroad.

Right now I kind of hate when I hear the phone ring with her number. She gets back stateside in 10 days.

What should I do to tell her I need more space? Am I being unreasonable?

I think she is obsessed with me... and I don't feel the same way about her... is this a setup for failure? She has said some things that suggest she wants this to be a really long term relationship, and that wasn't really what I expected when I started dating her.
 
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Chrono

Diamond Member
Jan 2, 2001
4,959
0
71
If you really liked/loved her, you wouldn't want space at all. Since this is the case, you might as well break things off entirely.
 
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Deleted member 4644

Originally posted by: Chrono
If you really liked/loved her, you wouldn't want space at all. Since this is the case, you might as well break things off entirely.
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I was thinking the same thing.....

What if she were a girl who just wanted a casual relationship? I guess then our feelings would be more aligned and it would be ok to stick with it?
 
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thehstrybean

Diamond Member
Oct 25, 2004
5,727
1
0
Originally posted by: Chrono
If you really liked/loved her, you wouldn't want space at all. Since this is the case, you might as well break things off entirely.
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QFT, as sad as it is...
 
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SpecialEd

Platinum Member
Jul 18, 2001
2,110
0
0
Don't lead her on. Be clear on where you stand in your relationship. You don't have to break up, she may understand.
 
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reverend boltron

Senior member
Nov 18, 2004
945
0
76
If she calls, just tell her you will call her back tomorrow. Then call her back tomorrow, and talk to her. When she calls the next day, tell her you'll call her back in a day or so, if that spacing works out, see if things change a little. But if you still cringe slightly when the phone rings even after you've asked for some time, then I'd break it off. SpecialEd was right, there's no sense in leading her on.
 
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Deleted member 4644

Rev. Boltron, that makes pretty good sense to me.
 
moshquerade

moshquerade

No Lifer
Nov 1, 2001
61,504
12
56
Originally posted by: LordSegan
I'm a 24 yr old law student and I haven't really had a steady gf since high school. Because of school I am really busy.

I started going out with a girl a few months ago who is still in college and who has a LOT of free time. After our first few dates, she wanted to hang out at my apartment basically every day.

For the last month she has been overseas, but she has called me every day, and wants to talk at least 30+ minutes a day. Frankly, I don't think we have that much to talk about, especially since I am studying most of the day and she is just hanging out with family abroad.

Right now I kind of hate when I hear the phone ring with her number. She gets back stateside in 10 days.

What should I do to tell her I need more space? Am I being unreasonable?

I think she is obsessed with me... and I don't feel the same way about her... is this a setup for failure? She has said some things that suggest she wants this to be a really long term relationship, and that wasn't really what I expected when I started dating her.
Click to expand...
just dump her then.
 
P

PokerGuy

Lifer
Jul 2, 2005
13,650
201
101
Nothing wrong with needing some space every now and again, but it's pretty clear that your relationship has no hope of going well. It has all the markings of something that could turn horribly ugly.

Best bet: tell her how you feel now, make it very clear. Don't try and cushion it or something to spare her feelings, that will only cause more trouble. If she's OK with what you want, that's fine. If not, break up immediately and see if you can get a nice "friends with benefits" dealie going ;)
 
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Corporate Thug

Lifer
Apr 17, 2003
37,622
0
76
Originally posted by: LordSegan
Originally posted by: Corporate Thug
lemme guess: you're an 1L?
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Obviously.
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well, all i can tell you that its gonna get a LOT easier. This is the tough year. If shes worth it and you can stick it out for the year, its gonna be all down hill from there.

Just tell her that you are busy with school and you need to dedicate more time to it. But having gone 1L, I find it hard to believe that you cant spare 30 minutes a day.
 
Pepsei

Pepsei

Lifer
Dec 14, 2001
12,895
1
0
you need to level with her...

seems like you do care about her a little to even think about some other options. perhaps you should slow down abit, maybe not talk to her for a few days and see if you miss her.
 
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