YAGT: Need Advice

[S Freud]

So About three months ago I broke up with my GF of three years, we made it through my Junior and senior year of high school and 3/4 of the way through my 1st year of college. She was my first GF I had ever had, she was my first everything. I felt like I needed to see what else was out there in order to know that I could commit to her %100 and tell her that I love her. She was crushed, We didn't talk for a while afterwords, she would call a lot and cry and tell me she needed me and that she wanted to at least be friends, I told her this wasn't a for sure thing and that I just needed time.


Fast forward to September, I decide that I want to be with her. I have dated other people and gone out more, but she is who I want right now. She moves to the same town to start school also, about a mile away. We have been talking off and on, she now has a new BF but it doesn't seem like anything serious, she tells me that she wishes we could still be together, about two days later she breaks up with her BF. We talk and hang out off and on, one minute its like we are together again, the next minute it seems there is a wall between us but she is worried. She says that one part says to get back with me and the other part of her says that she will get hurt again. She says she has doubts and needs to figure them out like I did before she can commit to me.

Today I take her flowers and tell her how much she means to me, I don't want to push her becuase I know she just needs time, but I don't want to lose her forever, I feel like this is my fault for giving up a good thing and not telling her how much she means to to me more often. My friends say I need to give her space and let her come to me when she is ready, but all I want to do is be around her and talk to her.

So do the helpfule minds of ATOT have any advice on what I should do?

EDIT: Cliffs wouldn't do it justice.


UPDATE 10/12
So today is Thursday and we all know what that translates to when you're in college, tonight is the first night that all the sororitys on campus can drink, here is where I am at a crossroad. The girl this thread is about has to work tonight, till 9:30. Should I go out about my business and do what it is I usually do or should I stay home and call her when she gets off of work? She said she might call me but I don't know if she will, last night she said "there re going to be new freshman girls out" and I told her she is the only freshman girl I want.

So ATOT what do I do?
a. Go out with your buds, technically your not with her.
b. Stay home and wait for her to call, if I go out it could ruin my chances
c. stay in and call her when she is off of work

 

[Estrella]

Um, well, I guess the great thing is, you seem to be honest with each other. You should show your affection towards her now. Strongly but not stupidly. If you back off she might think you do not care.

If you are alone, sneak in and give her a passionate kiss FTW Stuff like that some chicks eat up.

The best thing I can truly impart on you is: You must do what YOU think is right for the situation. I listened to my friends in a situation like this and no matter how much I told them, they were still not in my situation, they still did not know how much I knew. You are the most qualified person to make the call. You are the one in the relationship. Do what YOU feel to be right and do not look back.

GL

 

[Xyo II]

Make sure to tell her that you loved her all along, that you ABSOLUTELY HATED having to break up with her that long, NO OTHER GIRLS you found as amazing as her, and that you now KNOW you want to be with her indefinately. Bring some roofers if that doesn't work out.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: Estrella
Um, well, I guess the great thing is, you seem to be honest with each other. You should show your affection towards her now. Strongly but not stupidly. If you back off she might think you do not care.

If you are alone, sneak in and give her a passionate kiss FTW Stuff like that some chicks eat up.

The best thing I can truly impart on you is: You must do what YOU think is right for the situation. I listened to my friends in a situation like this and no matter how much I told them, they were still not in my situation, they still did not know how much I knew. You are the most qualified person to make the call. You are the one in the relationship. Do what YOU feel to be right and do not look back.

GL

Sometimes thats what I think, that I need to keep letting her know. With little things like flowers, and telling her how much she means to me, I know that she is probably going to date while she figures things out though whish bothers me.

People have been telling just to let her come to me and see what happens, and if it doesn't work out it wasn't meant to be. But I don't want to settle for that.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: Xyo II
Make sure to tell her that you loved her all along, that you ABSOLUTELY HATED having to break up with her that long, NO OTHER GIRLS you found as amazing as her, and that you now KNOW you want to be with her indefinately. Bring some roofers if that doesn't work out.

I covered that with her, I told her that I hate that it took me so long to figure things out but I am glad that I know now I want to be with her %100 for sure. I think she is just scared that I will dump her again, so she is worried to get close, if feels like we are dancing around one another waiting for the other to make the move. I just don't want to pressure he into anything.

 

[George P Burdell]

Originally posted by: Estrella
The best thing I can truly impart on you is: You must do what YOU think is right for the situation. I listened to my friends in a situation like this and no matter how much I told them, they were still not in my situation, they still did not know how much I knew. You are the most qualified person to make the call. You are the one in the relationship. Do what YOU feel to be right and do not look back.

GL

:thumbsup:

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

Tough call.

My opinion is that even if you two decide to get back together, there will always be an uncertainty in her mind. She'll always wonder if you'll change your mind like you did last time. If you don't call her at your usual time she'll wonder what's going on. If you have a stressful day and just need some alone time she might take that wrong as well. If you two decide to try it again, remember, you have a lot of work to do. It's not as simple as getting back together. You'll have to prove to her that you want her and only her. Flowers, gifts, words, will not cut it. Everyday you'll have to show in actions how much you want to be with her. If in the beginning if you do show her everyday and slowly back off you may have problems.

Make sure you truly think this through before you make this step. Is it possible that during the time you two have been broken up, maybe you just missed her. And possibly that she has a BF now, the thought of her being with him is driving your want to be with her? Honestly think and think. When you think you've thought enough, think again. You've crushed her heart once, don't do it again.

 

[S Freud]

Thanks for the advice everyone,

Cdub, she no longer has a boyfriend and I thought the same thing too, that maybe I wanted what I couldn't have. But I don't think thats the case, I just feel like telling her is not enough, I wish there was something I could do to prove to her that I will not do that to her again and that she is who I want.


I was over at her house today when I gave her flowers, should I call and say hi or text her and see whats going on? I should I just give her space in this situation? I want to keep reasuring(sp?) her but I don't want to smother her.

 

[Estrella]

/wrist

Threaten that you will become EMO. Lawl.

Also, be aware of doing too much because, then you seem desperate.

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

Originally posted by: S Freud
Thanks for the advice everyone,

Cdub, she no longer has a boyfriend and I thought the same thing too, that maybe I wanted what I couldn't have. But I don't think thats the case, I just feel like telling her is not enough, I wish there was something I could do to prove to her that I will not do that to her again and that she is who I want.

You're right, words are not enough...they'll never be enough. Do you have Myspace? Put on your myspace how much you love her and want to be devoted to her and just her. Take her out to dinner but make it meaningful. Maybe the place where you two went on your first date? Even the dumb things work: Serenading her out her bedroom window, take pictures of all the places you two have been and make a collage out of them and frame them. Be creative. Send her a text message with "I'm thinking of you". Start out by calling her once in a while and asking how her day went.

More advice would be to give her time and not put any pressure on her. Take it nice and slow. I know at this point you're a little impatient as the anticipation of you two getting back together is killing you but you need to remain patient.

I'm just popping random things in my head from past experiences but you get the drift

 

[sunzt]

Dude I was in a situation very similar to yours last month. I told my GF of 8 months I wanted to see other people and that I didn't love her as much as she loved me. It was really out of the blue for her so she was very very hurt. Later that week I realized how much I actually did love her and how much I missed her.

By then she was very unsure of wanting to get back together with me and she didn't want to get hurt again. I told her similar things like yours, but my friend was the one who really helped me. She called her and told her that I really did love her and got her to see me again. It was a very sad, happy, and emotional thing to see her again. She still was unsure about me but decided to give me another chance.

This time I'm a much better BF to her and she loves me again. I won her back by truely showing her how much I loved her. Not through just dull flowers and candy, but by being creative and genuinely romantic. Make her remember why she loved you so much in the first place. Just telling her how much YOU WANT her back doesn't give her much of a reason to want you back! Use actions, not words, and don't believe her if she says she doesn't want to be with you! SHE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, but she needs to remember why!

 

[EGGO]

I swear I was reading my earlier life for a second. What happened was that you took that break. That's what broke my last relationship.

 

[S Freud]

I will try some of the ideas that you guys have posted, hopefully it will all work out and she won't take as long as my stupid ass did to make a decsion, you guys are right, the anticipation is killing me. I just need to be how I was when we first started dating, telling her what she really means to me and letting her know how beautiful she is. I really miss her and value every minute I spend with her.

I hope it works out for the best.

 

[AbAbber2k]

She lost her trust in you. That's the first thing that needs attention before she'll come back to you.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: AbAbber2k
She lost her trust in you. That's the first thing that needs attention before she'll come back to you.

But the question is, how do I earn that back? I know there is no quick fix to this, and I don't want there to be, I know I will have to work for it, but how?

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

Originally posted by: S Freud

Originally posted by: AbAbber2k
She lost her trust in you. That's the first thing that needs attention before she'll come back to you.

But the question is, how do I earn that back? I know there is no quick fix to this, and I don't want there to be, I know I will have to work for it, but how?

You'll know what to do.

Like what was said above by Suntz "I won her back by truely showing her how much I loved her. Not through just dull flowers and candy, but by being creative and genuinely romantic. Make her remember why she loved you so much in the first place. Just telling her how much YOU WANT her back doesn't give her much of a reason to want you back! Use actions, not words, and don't believe her if she says she doesn't want to be with you! SHE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, but she needs to remember why! "

That is a good statement and it's entirely true. With that statement, sit and think about it for a while. Why did she fall in love with you in the first place? What makes her laugh? Those are only a couple of questions you should be asking yourself. Remember how you were in the beginning of the both of you falling in love with each other, and be that man again and by all means, do not change.

 

[Estrella]

Originally posted by: sunzt
Dude I was in a situation very similar to yours last month. I told my GF of 8 months I wanted to see other people and that I didn't love her as much as she loved me. It was really out of the blue for her so she was very very hurt. Later that week I realized how much I actually did love her and how much I missed her.

By then she was very unsure of wanting to get back together with me and she didn't want to get hurt again. I told her similar things like yours, but my friend was the one who really helped me. She called her and told her that I really did love her and got her to see me again. It was a very sad, happy, and emotional thing to see her again. She still was unsure about me but decided to give me another chance.

This time I'm a much better BF to her and she loves me again. I won her back by truely showing her how much I loved her. Not through just dull flowers and candy, but by being creative and genuinely romantic. Make her remember why she loved you so much in the first place. Just telling her how much YOU WANT her back doesn't give her much of a reason to want you back! Use actions, not words, and don't believe her if she says she doesn't want to be with you! SHE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, but she needs to remember why!

bold QFT

 

[S Freud]

The tuff part will be remembering everything that I used to do for her, it seems like so long ago. I just texted her telling her that I have been thinking about her since I left her house earlier. I hope that I can do this

 

[MrDudeMan]

Originally posted by: S Freud
The tuff part will be remembering everything that I used to do for her, it seems like so long ago. I just texted her telling her that I have been thinking about her since I left her house earlier. I hope that I can do this

play it cool though...dont text very often since that can be annoying. you have been doing fine so far, and you probably have a good shot since you seem like you have your head on straight. the only thing you can do at this point is do a little bit of waiting mixed in with some talks, hanging out, and something romantic here and there if the opportunity presents itself. in all honesty, if she doesnt want to date you anymore after all of this, then it was the right choice for you to break up with her in the first place. im not saying she isnt worthy of you or vice versa, but maybe it just worked out for the better. if you really love her and want her back though she will know, but remember you cant force someone to return your feelings. if she fell out of love and is teetering with the idea of getting back together with you, that isnt somewhere you want to be. its only going to hurt in the end. you have some thinking to do.

 

[BlancoNino]

I had the same problem with my girlfriend. I broke up with her once a long time ago and dated this other girl...then a few months ago she broke up with me and then we got back together again. The score is 1-1, so we're both on the same page. BTW, we may be getting married soon! Eloped, of course. Weddings are too much trouble.

 

[Saint Nick]

did something like this myself.

i feel terrible for what i did--and well, i hope rachelmb forgives me. she says she has, but i have some plans up my sleeve for her this weekend something nice and romantic

and yes, we are together again, very happy i might add. i apologize to her profusely... i was a moron.

 

[BlancoNino]

Originally posted by: pOwder
did something like this myself.

i feel terrible for what i did--and well, i hope rachelmb forgives me. she says she has, but i have some plans up my sleeve for her this weekend something nice and romantic

and yes, we are together again, very happy i might add. i apologize to her profusely... i was a moron.

You are a disgrace to men.

 

[MrDudeMan]

Originally posted by: BlancoNino
I had the same problem with my girlfriend. I broke up with her once a long time ago and dated this other girl...then a few months ago she broke up with me and then we got back together again. The score is 1-1, so we're both on the same page. BTW, we may be getting married soon! Eloped, of course. Weddings are too much trouble.

big extravagent weddings are stupid, but you only get married once and its a lot of fun...having a small wedding is really easy to plan for and setup. you are missing out on a lot by eloping if you choose to do that. plus, this is the one time its ok for everyone you know to buy you what you want and need to start your life with your spouse, and you will need a whole lot more stuff than you probably realize. when you go register for gifts, you realize how expensive it is to get all the little things and how helpful it is when people buy you wedding presents. silverware that wont rust, glasses and plates that wont break or chip, cooking utensils, sheets, towels, etc. etc... point is, you should rethink the eloping idea since you really might be missing something great.

 

[shelaby]

Let her make the move, you played your cards right so far, now the ball is in her court. Dont keep smothering her, she needs to be the one to make the decision. You cant do that for her by giving her everything.

 

[Aharami]

you hurt her and broke her trust by breaking up with her. it will take a lot of time for her to let you in 100% again.