YAGT: Need Advice

[ColdFusion718]

Originally posted by: S Freud
So About three months ago I broke up with my GF of three years, we made it through my Junior and senior year of high school and 3/4 of the way through my 1st year of college. She was my first GF I had ever had, she was my first everything. I felt like I needed to see what else was out there in order to know that I could commit to her %100 and tell her that I love her. She was crushed, We didn't talk for a while afterwords, she would call a lot and cry and tell me she needed me and that she wanted to at least be friends, I told her this wasn't a for sure thing and that I just needed time.


Fast forward to September, I decide that I want to be with her. I have dated other people and gone out more, but she is who I want right now. She moves to the same town to start school also, about a mile away. We have been talking off and on, she now has a new BF but it doesn't seem like anything serious, she tells me that she wishes we could still be together, about two days later she breaks up with her BF. We talk and hang out off and on, one minute its like we are together again, the next minute it seems there is a wall between us but she is worried. She says that one part says to get back with me and the other part of her says that she will get hurt again. She says she has doubts and needs to figure them out like I did before she can commit to me.

Today I take her flowers and tell her how much she means to me, I don't want to push her becuase I know she just needs time, but I don't want to lose her forever, I feel like this is my fault for giving up a good thing and not telling her how much she means to to me more often. My friends say I need to give her space and let her come to me when she is ready, but all I want to do is be around her and talk to her.

So do the helpfule minds of ATOT have any advice on what I should do?

EDIT: Cliffs wouldn't do it justice.

How about this:

Tell her you are going to devote some time to seriously think about the relationship. After you tell her this, you should probably leave her alone for the entire time. When you come back after a few days, what you say to her will have a bigger impact. I mean you did take days to think things through so you're even more sure .

When you meet up with her, bring her to a quiet, comforting, and safe environment. Look deeply into her eyes and wait (whatever you do, DO NOT laugh, grin or smile). Don't say a word. If she says something to break the tension, just put your fingers over her lips and go "shhhh." Continue to hold this gaze for another minute.

Then tell her how you truly feel and how much you love her. Tell her you are willing to do whatever it takes to prove your love to her. If she expresses doubt at this point, don't beg or continue to push the issue (DO NOT CRY!). Just remind her the ball is in her court because at this point, it's out of your hands.

Btw, don't do this if you don't genuinely feel what you are about to say to her; it could bring about dire consequences.

Good luck!

 

[S Freud]

edited OP with new dilemma,

Today is thursday, what should I do?
UPDATE 10/12
So today is Thursday and we all know what that translates to when you're in college, tonight is the first night that all the sororitys on campus can drink, here is where I am at a crossroad. The girl this thread is about has to work tonight, till 9:30. Should I go out about my business and do what it is I usually do or should I stay home and call her when she gets off of work? She said she might call me but I don't know if she will, last night she said "there re going to be new freshman girls out" and I told her she is the only freshman girl I want.

So ATOT what do I do?
a. Go out with your buds, technically your not with her.
b. Stay home and wait for her to call, if I go out it could ruin my chances
c. stay in and call her when she is off of work

 

[S Freud]

?

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

Do you not have a cellphone? If I were you, I would still go out with your friends. Don't push away your friends or your will to have fun with life still.

 

[George P Burdell]

Originally posted by: S Freud
So ATOT what do I do?
a. Go out with your buds, technically your not with her.
b. Stay home and wait for her to call, if I go out it could ruin my chances
c. stay in and call her when she is off of work

If you have to ask...

 

[Whoozyerdaddy]

I think you blew your current relationship when you broke up with her.

She'll always have those old feelings for you (which is why she's tenatively back with you) but my guess is that more and more she's realizing that it will never be like it was. Basically you left her to bone other chicks. That realization is growing roots in her mind. And that creates doubt, which creates mistrust whicheventually devolves into resentment.

I wish you the best of luck but I'm not sure that this is something you can fix as you can't undo the past.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy
I think you blew your current relationship when you broke up with her.

She'll always have those old feelings for you (which is why she's tenatively back with you) but my guess is that more and more she's realizing that it will never be like it was. Basically you left her to bone other chicks. That realization is growing roots in her mind. And that creates doubt, which creates mistrust whicheventually devolves into resentment.

I wish you the best of luck but I'm not sure that this is something you can fix as you can't undo the past.

I know thats kind of how she feels, is that I just wanted to sleep around and thats why I broke up with her. But she knows everything that happend while her and I were apart, I was working a job during the summer for 15 hours six days a week. But when she told me that she needed time to think thats all I can think that she wants to do, I asked her what she is going to do for Halloween and she told me that she is going to go to one of the fraternitys becuase she told this guy that she would.

I don't know, part of me thinks its over but another part of me is holding on to hope.

 

[PeeluckyDuckee]

Simply let things take its course. Some things can't be forced. Maybe take time away from each other and see what kind of response you get from her? You can't teach her what she doesn't already know how or what to do herself.

I feel for you and wish you the best.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: PeeluckyDuckee
Simply let things take its course. Some things can't be forced. Maybe take time away from each other and see what kind of response you get from her? You can't teach her what she doesn't already know how or what to do herself.

I feel for you and wish you the best.

Thanks a lot, yeah after talking to some other people I realize that I just need to give her time and let her come to me when she is ready, I will be there to reasure her of my feelings and let her know what she means to me but other than that I will let her call me when she wants to talk and such.

 

[Josh123]

Man bro your in the exact situation I was in about 5 months ago. I left my GF of 1 1/2 years for this other girl. I had only been with that one GF so I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be with her. So ya, I broke up with her and got with this other girl. In the end me and the other girl broke up and I basically gave my old GF a call. She came by the apartment and gave it up to me lol.

All in all, it was defenitely a well lesson learned. Me and the GF are still together and going strong. We've been talking moving-in and marriage lately, so don't worry bud, it's hard to forget about the ones you love.

 

[jds2006]

I can understand why she's hesitant to get back into the relationship with you. If I were her, I would feel like the back-up; someone whom you'd date after the other girls didn't work out for you.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: jds2006
I can understand why she's hesitant to get back into the relationship with you. If I were her, I would feel like the back-up; someone whom you'd date after the other girls didn't work out for you.

Thats what I hate, becuase that whats it seems like. I wish there was some way that I could prove to her thats not what she is, that she is the one that I want. I really want to call her right now, I think she just got off of work, but I know that I need to give her space and let her call me when she wants to hang out and talk and such. I just need to give her time and space. I will be there to reasure her of my feelings for her, and to let her know how I feel about her. But other than that all I can do is wait.

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: jds2006
I can understand why she's hesitant to get back into the relationship with you. If I were her, I would feel like the back-up; someone whom you'd date after the other girls didn't work out for you.

This is how I felt when my ex broke up with me in December for the same reason. I was her first boyfriend, and she broke up with me to see what else was out there. She eventually (just recently) met a new guy, but sent me an IM a month or two ago telling me how perfect I was, etc. etc. I would never get back with her though, because I would always feel like the backup.

-Matt

 

[HardcoreRobot]

its not gonna work unless she WANTS you. fawning over her wont lead down this path. as long as you have made your feelings known once, give her her space and let her come to you.