YAGT: need advice about my situation with ex-gf

[ironcrotch]

Sorry this is kinda long, its kind of a rambling story so I can't cliff note it. But if you can read it and give me some serious feedback it would be appreciated.

So here goes, me(24) and my ex-gf (22) are slowly slowly getting back together, just not official or anything so things are still vague. But we still do bf/gf stuff...

We broke up after 2 1/2 years and took a break from each other and didn't talk for about 3 months and then started hanging out and seeing each other again regularly. I really still consider her my gf although we aren't officially back together because I still am still in love with her and we pretty much act like bf/gf.

We normally spend lots of time together with some little breaks in between. Like, we'll see each other all the time and all of a sudden we wont see each other for a few days or for the entire weekend but will talk to each other on the phone. This has been going on for the last 9 months or so.

When we're together we do the typical stuff, sleep in the same bed, kiss, cuddle, and joke about sex but thats it. Have gotten to third base, but haven't been home for about a year.

So lately I haven't seen her as much as I am used to and it's kinda been bothering me (it's the typical break from each other). Usually she likes to hang out with her friends on the weekends and that's fine, she can do whatever she wants. But lately when she goes out with her friends and I go out with my friends we end up at the same place, but with different groups of people (we all know each other tho).

So a few days ago I ran into her and her friends while she was out and I was talking to one of her friends and she introduced me to him as her "ex-bf". I was kinda dumbfounded by it cuz altough we aren't officially back together, it really feels like we are, even to our friends who still consider us a couple.

So since then I've been really down about stuff and kinda going a little crazy. I have realized a lot of things, like I really want to be with her and that I still really love and care about her. I really feel like she is the one and if we were officially together I would consider proposing to her soon. Normally we're okay with sharing our feelings, she'll slip and mention to me that "she is still in love with me", or she'll tell me that "she misses me" if we don't see each other. Or the other day she went to a wedding and came home and told me...

Her: when i was at the wedding today
Her: i was thinking how it would be
Her: if we got married
Her: heh heh

I really don't know what to make of that either. Because after these past few days I've kinda started upping the amount of 'sweet' things I do and trying to see her a lot more. But she's not really taking to it too well. I would call her to hang out and she would respond with "why do you want to hang out with me so much all of a sudden" and I would respond with "cuz I miss you" and she would be like "you're crazy" (thats her typical response to everything)

Or if I try to talk to her about getting back together she'll avoid talking about it cuz it makes her sad, or she'll call me crazy.

I know she still cares about me and most likely still in love with me also, but what do you guys think I should do about this. Is it that she isn't ready, or do you guys think theres another dude involved ( I know this probably isn't the case, but I've become jealous as of late) is there a better way for me to bring the subject up?

And ladies, what do you think about her comment about getting married? We joke about engagement rings sometimes and stuff like that. Nothing serious though.

 

[eakers]

quite honestly, its seems to me like she likes your attention and is hanging on until she finds someone new. probabley not on purpose but more out of a comfort/fear thing.

 

[Reckoner]

Usually when people break up, it's for a good reason. Why revisit it?

 

[ironcrotch]

Originally posted by: PaulNEPats
Usually when people break up, it's for a good reason. Why revisit it?

Okay technically we didn't break up, we took a 'break' and never really officially got back together just started seeing each other again, kind of picked up where we left off.

 

[Bryophyte]

Honestly, she'll probably be flakey like this for another two or three years. Is there another guy? Could be, but I doubt she's any more serious with anyone else than she is with you. Don't propose to her, you'll only get your heart broken when she gives you the ring back later. She just needs more time to grow up and become the responsible adult that she eventually will become. Does she love you? Almost certainly. But she's just not ready to grow up yet.

I remember being 22.

 

[ChefJoe]

I've yet to meet a woman who doesn't throw out the old "wedding" comment early on to see how you react to it. I guess you're in the strange limbo-world where she's trying to figure out if you're friends with benefits material or if she wants to get serious with you.

<=== not a woman so let ladies tell you the truth.

 

[QuitBanningMe]

It is over. She likes the attention, likes you, and is killing time until she meets somebody else.

 

[Landroval]

I'd sit her down and be direct. Don't propose, but see what she thinks your status is and what she wants it to be. If she gives you a wishy-washy answer I would withdraw a little and try to lessen the attachment. But it's better to know rather than assume. Good luck!

 

[lokiju]

Well that doesn't sound to good, I'm gonna guess based on what you wrote that she's either not interested really anymore but doesn't know how to end things fully or she is seeing someone else.


Either way I'd say prepare yourself for a heart break, and once you're ready for that just put yourself out there and ask her straight up what she's wants as far as the relationship goes.


Best of luck.

 

[her209]

Shag her silly!

 

[lokiju]

Also that's kind of weird with the whole saying you're her ex.

But who knows....

 

[Mojoed]

Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
It is over. She likes the attention, likes you, and is killing time until she meets somebody else.

Sounds dead on to me. :thumbsup:

 

[ironcrotch]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Honestly, she'll probably be flakey like this for another two or three years. Is there another guy? Could be, but I doubt she's any more serious with anyone else than she is with you. Don't propose to her, you'll only get your heart broken when she gives you the ring back later. She just needs more time to grow up and become the responsible adult that she eventually will become. Does she love you? Almost certainly. But she's just not ready to grow up yet.

I remember being 22.

Thanks for the words Bryophyte. I wouldn't propose to her so soon. We'd have to officially back together before I do that. It might be potentially her just needing time, but I'm just insecure about the whole situation cuz we aren't techinicaly together.

 

[yoda291]

first, I'm completely shocked and dumbfounded that no one has yelled "pics or ban" yet. Y'all be getting slow on me lately.

Secondly, sounds like she's a bit undecided as to what she wants. My advice, decide what you want out of the whole relationship and then have a talk and make things nice and clear. Make sure you're not in a one-sided relationship where you're into her more than she is to you. One-sideds are generally stressful and unhealthy for all parties involved. Unless you happen to be an excellent stalker.

 

[ironcrotch]

Originally posted by: Landroval
I'd sit her down and be direct. Don't propose, but see what she thinks your status is and what she wants it to be. If she gives you a wishy-washy answer I would withdraw a little and try to lessen the attachment. But it's better to know rather than assume. Good luck!

Good point, I just need to pick my balls up off the floor and do it. She's coming over tonight so we'll see if I can muster anything out.

 

[QuitBanningMe]

I did this with an ex for around a year. We were both on the same page though. We were comfortable with each other and it was just easier than doing the dating thing although we did see other people. You have a fvckbuddy...errr you have an almostfvckbuddy.

It may be different. Just ask where things stand. If your cool with it stay. If not look elsewhere.

 

[Pepsei]

well, in any case , get a backup plan ready.

 

[ironcrotch]

Originally posted by: yoda291

Secondly, sounds like she's a bit undecided as to what she wants. My advice, decide what you want out of the whole relationship and then have a talk and make things nice and clear. Make sure you're not in a one-sided relationship where you're into her more than she is to you. One-sideds are generally stressful and unhealthy for all parties involved. Unless you happen to be an excellent stalker.

It's not a one-sided thing, we're both in this together, I think I'm just more willing to move things back to officiallity before her it seems. Trust me, I'm not one to become the cuddle-b!tch.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: ironcrotch

Originally posted by: Landroval
I'd sit her down and be direct. Don't propose, but see what she thinks your status is and what she wants it to be. If she gives you a wishy-washy answer I would withdraw a little and try to lessen the attachment. But it's better to know rather than assume. Good luck!

Good point, I just need to pick my balls up off the floor and do it. She's coming over tonight so we'll see if I can muster anything out.

Good luck! I agree with Landroval... There's no point in assuming things, nor in specualtion. Ask her and find out, and if she can't answer, back off a bit.

 

[ironcrotch]

Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
I did this with an ex for around a year. We were both on the same page though. We were comfortable with each other and it was just easier than doing the dating thing although we did see other people. You have a fvckbuddy...errr you have an almostfvckbuddy.

It may be different. Just ask where things stand. If your cool with it stay. If not look elsewhere.

I'm okay where it stands, just lately I realized that I kind of want more as I think she is the one. So that's whats bothering me, I kinda want more, now. But I will not turn ot the dark side.

 

[QuitBanningMe]

Originally posted by: ironcrotch

Originally posted by: yoda291

Secondly, sounds like she's a bit undecided as to what she wants. My advice, decide what you want out of the whole relationship and then have a talk and make things nice and clear. Make sure you're not in a one-sided relationship where you're into her more than she is to you. One-sideds are generally stressful and unhealthy for all parties involved. Unless you happen to be an excellent stalker.

It's not a one-sided thing, we're both in this together, I think I'm just more willing to move things back to officiallity before her it seems. Trust me, I'm not one to become the cuddle-b!tch.

You've been the cuddle-bitch for at least a year.

 

[ironcrotch]

.

 

[ironcrotch]

Originally posted by: ironcrotch

Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe

Originally posted by: ironcrotch

Originally posted by: yoda291

Secondly, sounds like she's a bit undecided as to what she wants. My advice, decide what you want out of the whole relationship and then have a talk and make things nice and clear. Make sure you're not in a one-sided relationship where you're into her more than she is to you. One-sideds are generally stressful and unhealthy for all parties involved. Unless you happen to be an excellent stalker.

It's not a one-sided thing, we're both in this together, I think I'm just more willing to move things back to officiallity before her it seems. Trust me, I'm not one to become the cuddle-b!tch.

You've been the cuddle-bitch for at least a year.

<vader>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[Pacfanweb]

Sounds like to me you're an emotional tampon for her. The dreaded cuddle-bitch.

Sorry, but that's the way it looks to me, especially given both your ages.

The best advice you can get is this: Ignore her. Blow her off. Avoid her. Act a bit like you really could care less.
She'll either get really interested quickly, or you'll find that you really are just that emotional tampon.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: ironcrotch

Originally posted by: ironcrotch

Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe

Originally posted by: ironcrotch

Originally posted by: yoda291

Secondly, sounds like she's a bit undecided as to what she wants. My advice, decide what you want out of the whole relationship and then have a talk and make things nice and clear. Make sure you're not in a one-sided relationship where you're into her more than she is to you. One-sideds are generally stressful and unhealthy for all parties involved. Unless you happen to be an excellent stalker.

It's not a one-sided thing, we're both in this together, I think I'm just more willing to move things back to officiallity before her it seems. Trust me, I'm not one to become the cuddle-b!tch.

You've been the cuddle-bitch for at least a year.

<vader>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

<ironcrotch>Luke, I'm your cuddle-bitch...