YAGT: My Girlfriends mom really pisses me off

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: S Freud

Originally posted by: 91TTZ

Originally posted by: S Freud
I know the scenario of daughters turning into their mothers, and I have talked about that with her. I think she is different from her mother though, because of her mom she doesn't drink, her mom never finished college. My girlfriend is currently pursuing pediatric nursing degree. I think there are a lot of differences between them and to group her mother and her together is unfair.

What does college have to do with this? So your gf finishes college, gets fat, then turns into a drunk also. And your gf seems to lack common sense just like her mom.

The reason I know is because she is taking all measures not to end up like her mom, going to the gym with my three or more times a week. Studying her ass off to be the best she possibly can, and not drinking because of what it did to her family.


For the people posting constructive ideas on what to do, and not just "break up with her and run!" thank you.

I am going to try to sit down and talk to her about it, as most of you know with two DUI's I don't think we will have to worry about her having the car for too long. Her license will probably be taken away when she goes in for her first court date as I am sure they will know about the second also.

Also, be prepared for her to have to complete mandatory jail time. For a first offense, it's usually 24 hours, after which the rest can be suspended in favor of probation. For a second offense, I don't remember off-hand, but I'm pretty sure it's at least 48 hours. For two offenses in less than a month, though, they might require her to stay in longer, as well as receiving mandatory alcohol abuse screening and counseling. At least that's how GA handles things.

And you're quite right about the not turning out like her mother deal. I love both of my parents dearly, and wouldn't trade either one of them for the world, but there are definitely things they both do that I, having seen it, will never myself do.

 

[ColdFusion718]

One thing they don't tell you when choosing a girl for a serious relationship--look at what kind of mother she has. This factor can very well make your life wonderful or a living hell. Choose wisely.

 

[S Freud]

Whisper- I don't know about the jail time, I know the first time she was in jail for about 24hrs. This time I'm not sure, I know her kids have have to fork out about $500 in bail money, and god knows what she is going to have to pay in fines and other things

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: ColdFusion718
One thing they don't tell you when choosing a girl for a serious relationship--look at what kind of mother she has. This factor can very well make your life wonderful or a living hell. Choose wisely.

Yep. This one has so many red flags you could hang her on a flag pole in Russia and she'd get saluted.

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: S Freud
Whisper- I don't know about the jail time, I know the first time she was in jail for about 24hrs. This time I'm not sure, I know her kids have have to fork out about $500 in bail money, and god knows what she is going to have to pay in fines and other things

Yeah, it really varies from state to state. GA, like I mentioned, has mandatory jail time of 24 hours for the first offense, and then something higher than that (either 48 hours or a week, I forget) for the second.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: ColdFusion718
One thing they don't tell you when choosing a girl for a serious relationship--look at what kind of mother she has. This factor can very well make your life wonderful or a living hell. Choose wisely.

Yep. This one has so many red flags you could hang her on a flag pole in Russia and she'd get saluted.

You know nothing of my girlfriend other than what I have posted here, you're going off of everything about her mom.

Way to generalize tool.

 

[Wuffsunie]

Your girlfriend is willingly blind to the actions of her mother. Even were the truth applied with a 2x4, she still wouldn't get it. The history that you've described screams emotional abuse at the hand of her mother. I applaud her brother if he's seen through that and is really not letting his mother rule his life, but I pity the sister.

Can you really live the rest of your life being with someone crippled in that way? Because unless the mother finally kills herself (I swear, alcohol saves lives. The drunk seems to never be the one to die in the accidents), or there occurs an incident of biblical, apocalyptic proportions (that's the min of what'll be required, and seems unlikely) that causes her to finally see the truth of the situation, your girlfriend will choosing her mother over you for a long time to come.

 

[smack Down]

Tell her not to lone her car to her mother. It will only lead to trouble for the GF when the mother gets the next DUI after running into a family the GF will be named in the lawsuit.

 

[S Freud]

I am not trying to get her to choose me over her mother, I just want her to finally accept that her mother is not the saint she makes her out to be. Some of you may be right, this might not ever happen, but I hardly think the solution to this is to break up with her. Who's to say that she is the only one like this and that I won't find another girl the same way?

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: S Freud
You know nothing of my girlfriend other than what I have posted here, you're going off of everything about her mom.

Way to generalize tool.

Sorry. Just warning you. People normally wind up like their parents physically and mentally.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: S Freud
You know nothing of my girlfriend other than what I have posted here, you're going off of everything about her mom.

Way to generalize tool.

Sorry. Just warning you. People normally wind up like their parents physically and mentally.

So you're exactly like you parents? I totally disagree with this, if this were true then would their ever be change in the world?

My grandmother was and alcoholic and abusive towards my mother. I went through none of that growing up in my house.

 

[Wuffsunie]

Originally posted by: S Freud
I am not trying to get her to choose me over her mother, I just want her to finally accept that her mother is not the saint she makes her out to be.

As I said, next to apocalyptic events, that very likely isn't going to happen. She's had 8 years of "Your father is a POS who dumped his perfect wife" to break through, plus the 12 years of growing up before that. This is not something a good talking to will resolve.

As to choosing you over her mother, that's not QUITE what I meant, though see how you think otherwise. What I mean is more a matter of priorities. She will do whatever is necessary to help her mother, up to and including taking the risk on her car getting totaled. If the mother right now, while having a job, is "too poor" to buy her kids groceries, how long do you think it'll be before her daughter becomes a financial crutch to the old woman? Can her mother even keep her job without a car (and with 2 DUIs on record)? If you two are married, you want to become financially responsible for your mother in law?

 

[S Freud]

Wuff, you have very good points. These are all things I have considered and to tell the truth I am worried about. No I do not want to end up footing the bills for the mom, and god forbid she move in with us. Another thing is that I worry when my GF listens to moms opinion when it is obvious she doesn't have an ounce of common sense, but I don't think I should break it off with my GF because of poor choices made by the mother.

 

[sixone]

Wow S - your GF's mother sounds a lot like mine. If your GF has learned some hard lessons in how not to act, she probably won't make the same mistakes her mother does.

However, she is still playing into that martyr thing with her mom. Giving a drunk with two DUIs a car is probably not the best plan, no matter how good her intentions are. You need to have a serious discussion with your GF about what may happen when (I think we can pretty much rule out 'if' at this point) her mother wrecks her car. About who's responsible for her mother's actions and for getting her out of the situation she's created for herself. If your GF keeps rescuing her, as it's only natural that she wants to do, her mother will keep doing the same things and keep expecting someone to bail her out. Better that she get the consequences now, before she hurts anyone.

I don't think you should dump the GF, but I think you should refuse to loan her the truck. Tell her that if she wants to attempt a rescue of her mom, she's free to do so, but she's going to have to figure out how to do it on her own. If she's willing to take the consequences of her mom's actions, she can volunteer, but she can't volunteer you. The cycle has to stop somewhere, and the longer it goes on, the more difficult it is.

 

[Cable God]

Originally posted by: S Freud
So to give you a little background so you understand this,

-Girlfriend and I are both 20, I graduated a year early in HS
-Girlfriends brother and I graduated together
-We have been dating for about three years



My girlfriends parents are divorced, have been since she was around 12 her mom got custody of her and her older brother and slowly over time brainwashed my girlfriend into thinking that her dad was a piece of sh!t. This didn't work on the brother so he sees the mom for what she really is.

fast forward to high school, my girlfriends mom was really big, probably around 400lbs. She gets gastric bypass and the weight starts to fall off, suddenly she thinks she gods gift to man*vomit* she stays out late constantly, drinking, partying, sometimes not coming home at all.

My girlfriends brother gets tired of her not acting like an adult, she doesn't buy groceries saying that they are too poor(yeah while you're out drinking at the bar) so my girlfriends brother makes a little phone call to grandma and grandma jumps moms ass. so mom tries to make up for abandoning my girlfriend and her brother for most of their HS years buying them things and acting like she is the victim.

For the next couple years(Junior and Senior year of HS) my girlfriends mom drinks heavily, partying again(that didn't take long) she drinks at home. Saying that her job is what is making her act this way. She has several accidents while drinking, including driving up some mountain during winter, rolling her car over and having to walk in the snow for over a mile. Another time she falls down at the house while drunk hitting her face on her dresser and has the biggest black eye on her daughters graduation day. There are other incidents but I won't post those.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, girlfriends mom gets a DUI, driving down the highway with a bottle of tequila, she gets arrested and calls girlfriends brother to bail her out. She makes up some sob story about the cops being rude and ruthless.

Here is the funny part, this past Thursday my girlfriend travels home to see her brother and some family, her mom now lives in Idaho but is making the trip also. I get a call from my girlfriend saying they she and her brother are going looking for their mom because she is two hours late. Lo and behold where to they find her? In jail for another DUI charge, she just wrecked her '05 impala. My girlfriend has to go bail her mom out and has to stay another day and miss work.

2 DUI charges in two weeks.

So I get a call from the girlfriend asking if she can borrow my pickup from my parents because she is going to lend her car to her mom(my pickup is a 2WD and my dad let me borrow his jeep for the winter), I tell her I will have to check with my parents because if she gets into an accident I don't think she is covered under my insurance. She goes off on the huge rant about how I think she is a bad driver and don't trust her and yada yada and then hangs up on me.

I know some of you don't care, but does anyone else that has and SO ever run into problems like this with their SO's parents? How do talk to them about it without pissing them off? My girlfriend is extremely defensive of her mom thinking that she does not wrong.

suggestions?

Get out while the gettin' is good bro. You are in for a LONG drawn out drama filled relationship if you don't. Your GF will never draw the line on where to cut it off.