YAGT: My Girlfriends mom really pisses me off

[S Freud]

So to give you a little background so you understand this,

-Girlfriend and I are both 20, I graduated a year early in HS
-Girlfriends brother and I graduated together
-We have been dating for about three years



My girlfriends parents are divorced, have been since she was around 12 her mom got custody of her and her older brother and slowly over time brainwashed my girlfriend into thinking that her dad was a piece of sh!t. This didn't work on the brother so he sees the mom for what she really is.

fast forward to high school, my girlfriends mom was really big, probably around 400lbs. She gets gastric bypass and the weight starts to fall off, suddenly she thinks she gods gift to man*vomit* she stays out late constantly, drinking, partying, sometimes not coming home at all.

My girlfriends brother gets tired of her not acting like an adult, she doesn't buy groceries saying that they are too poor(yeah while you're out drinking at the bar) so my girlfriends brother makes a little phone call to grandma and grandma jumps moms ass. so mom tries to make up for abandoning my girlfriend and her brother for most of their HS years buying them things and acting like she is the victim.

For the next couple years(Junior and Senior year of HS) my girlfriends mom drinks heavily, partying again(that didn't take long) she drinks at home. Saying that her job is what is making her act this way. She has several accidents while drinking, including driving up some mountain during winter, rolling her car over and having to walk in the snow for over a mile. Another time she falls down at the house while drunk hitting her face on her dresser and has the biggest black eye on her daughters graduation day. There are other incidents but I won't post those.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, girlfriends mom gets a DUI, driving down the highway with a bottle of tequila, she gets arrested and calls girlfriends brother to bail her out. She makes up some sob story about the cops being rude and ruthless.

Here is the funny part, this past Thursday my girlfriend travels home to see her brother and some family, her mom now lives in Idaho but is making the trip also. I get a call from my girlfriend saying they she and her brother are going looking for their mom because she is two hours late. Lo and behold where to they find her? In jail for another DUI charge, she just wrecked her '05 impala. My girlfriend has to go bail her mom out and has to stay another day and miss work.

2 DUI charges in two weeks.

So I get a call from the girlfriend asking if she can borrow my pickup from my parents because she is going to lend her car to her mom(my pickup is a 2WD and my dad let me borrow his jeep for the winter), I tell her I will have to check with my parents because if she gets into an accident I don't think she is covered under my insurance. She goes off on the huge rant about how I think she is a bad driver and don't trust her and yada yada and then hangs up on me.

I know some of you don't care, but does anyone else that has and SO ever run into problems like this with their SO's parents? How do talk to them about it without pissing them off? My girlfriend is extremely defensive of her mom thinking that she does not wrong.

suggestions?

 

[chrisms]

Dump your girlfriend.

 

[newnameman]

Originally posted by: chrisms
Dump your girlfriend.

FTW

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: chrisms
Dump your girlfriend.

I really think that is unnecessary, did you read the post just out of curiosity?

I Don't think that would solve anything, and I don't want to do that.

 

[Skunkwourk]

Its natural for people to defend their parents, sometimes blindly, so don't think you will be able to change her mind about her mother.

It doesn't really look like your girlfriend is in a position to put effort into a relationship with you right now.

 

[theeedude]

Apple does not fall far from the tree. DTB before VD.

 

[chrisms]

Originally posted by: S Freud

Originally posted by: chrisms
Dump your girlfriend.

I really think that is unnecessary, did you read the post just out of curiosity?

I Don't think that would solve anything, and I don't want to do that.

She wants to borrow your parents car so her alcoholic mother can use hers. She bitches at you and hangs up on you for not doing it immediately. She gets mad at you for pointing out any flaws in her obviously troubled mother.

I mean it. Dump her. She obviously isn't going to be with you in 10 years so just end it now and get it over with.

 

[bleeb]

Good luck dawg!

 

[Thorny]

Originally posted by: S Freud

Originally posted by: chrisms
Dump your girlfriend.

I really think that is unnecessary, did you read the post just out of curiosity?

I Don't think that would solve anything, and I don't want to do that.

Daughters will likely grow up and turn into thier mothers. Keep that in mind.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: Eghck
Its natural for people to defend their parents, sometimes blindly, so don't think you will be able to change her mind about her mother.

It doesn't really look like your girlfriend is in a position to put effort into a relationship with you right now.

Well I wouldn't really question the relationship effort, this has been going on since we have been together.

It got better when we moved to go to school and her mom moved to Idaho, but now it seems like her mom is dragging her back in.

 

[S Freud]

I know the scenario of daughters turning into their mothers, and I have talked about that with her. I think she is different from her mother though, because of her mom she doesn't drink, her mom never finished college. My girlfriend is currently pursuing pediatric nursing degree. I think there are a lot of differences between them and to group her mother and her together is unfair.

 

[BeauJangles]

Dumping your girlfriend is idiotic advice because I know you won't follow it (and I don't think you should). What I think you should do is sit down and talk with her about how you are willing (I assume) to help her out, but you would like to have her think about the consequences of lending her car to her mother who (it seems) will most likely abuse the privilege. Remind her that this could mean her car will be impounded, wrecked, or used indefinitely by her mother. It's one thing to be helpful to somebody you care about, but your girlfriend's mother clearly can't handle the responsibility of driving a car right now and I don't think you should facilitate any sort of action that would support her getting back on the road until she gets serious help.

If your girlfriend doesn't recognize the severity of this problem than I think you are in a good position to at least talk to her about it and explain your concerns. Don't be a prick about it, but try to explain to her your thoughts and feelings in a manner that not only conveys you are worried about her mother, but that you don't think that ignoring a problem is any way of actually solving it.

Plus, with 2 DUIs, will your girlfriend's mom even be able to drive?

 

[Icanoutsmokeany1]

Your girlfriends insurance should cover her as a driver, but she sounds like an irresponsible person to me.

She asked you for a favor.
You said "Wait for the answer"
and she flips?

It's not even your car in the first place.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: BlinderBomber
Dumping your girlfriend is idiotic advice because I know you won't follow it (and I don't think you should). What I think you should do is sit down and talk with her about how you are willing (I assume) to help her out, but you would like to have her think about the consequences of lending her car to her mother who (it seems) will most likely abuse the privilege. Remind her that this could mean her car will be impounded, wrecked, or used indefinitely by her mother. It's one thing to be helpful to somebody you care about, but your girlfriend's mother clearly can't handle the responsibility of driving a car right now and I don't think you should facilitate any sort of action that would support her getting back on the road until she gets serious help.

If your girlfriend doesn't recognize the severity of this problem than I think you are in a good position to at least talk to her about it and explain your concerns. Don't be a prick about it, but try to explain to her your thoughts and feelings in a manner that not only conveys you are worried about her mother, but that you don't think that ignoring a problem is any way of actually solving it.

Plus, with 2 DUIs, will your girlfriend's mom even be able to drive?

This is simmilar to the plan that I had, and I am thinking the same thing about the 2 DUI's I don't know what we will do because I am sure she won't be able to drive. Even after one DUI in Oregon you can have you license suspended for up to 6 months after one let alone two. Which means we will be making a another 200 mile trip in two weeks to go get my girlfriends car.

 

[zainali]

Originally posted by: BlinderBomber
with 2 DUIs, will your girlfriend's mom even be able to drive?

 

[ViRGE]

Originally posted by: BlinderBomber
Plus, with 2 DUIs, will your girlfriend's mom even be able to drive?

Do you really think her mother cares what the law says?

 

[AMCRambler]

Just loan her the truck. How long are we talking here? A few days? Big deal. Defeinitely talk to her about the wisdom of loaning her car to her mother though. That doesn't seem like a smart move. Especially if she's got DUI's, her license may have been revoked. It's hard though when it's someone like your mom to say no. If her license is suspended though, then it's a no brainer. She should tell her mom no if that's the case.

 

[CarlKillerMiller]

Originally posted by: chrisms
Dump your girlfriend.

I hear that. This problem is just going to get more involved and you're going to get pulled deeper into it.

 

[waggy]

do not loan the GF a vehicle. tell her to tell her mom to fvfck off. its time for her to grow up.

 

[SpanishFry]

Originally posted by: CarlKillerMiller

Originally posted by: chrisms
Dump your girlfriend.

I hear that. This problem is just going to get more involved and you're going to get pulled deeper into it.

yep...as long as you date this girl the alcoholic blob (or former blob with loose skin hanging around) will be involved in your life.

 

[Whisper]

I'm willing to bet that your girlfriend went off on you simply because she's frustrated/burnt out over the whole situation, and you not immediately loaning her the truck just pushed her over the edge. We all say and do irrational things when we're pissed; I wouldn't be quick to hold it against her. She's obviously going through a lot right now; you might not like her mom, and she might not either, but that's the only mother she has, and so all of this is going to upset her quite a bit.

As another poster said, just sit down sometime and calmly talk with her about everything.

Also, I'd imagine with two DUI's, there's going to be a mandatory license suspension of six months to a year. Usually after one, they'll let you have a temporary work/school-only permit for a few months, after which--assuming you take the appropriate classes--you can have your license reinstated. But after a second DUI, I'm pretty sure that privilege no longer exists.

 

[91TTZ]

Originally posted by: S Freud
I know the scenario of daughters turning into their mothers, and I have talked about that with her. I think she is different from her mother though, because of her mom she doesn't drink, her mom never finished college. My girlfriend is currently pursuing pediatric nursing degree. I think there are a lot of differences between them and to group her mother and her together is unfair.

What does college have to do with this? So your gf finishes college, gets fat, then turns into a drunk also.

And you make a big deal out of the fact that your gf doesn't drink yet? She's 20. Wait until she's able to legally drink... then one drink will turn into two, etc. And your gf seems to lack common sense just like her mom.

Ditch her.

 

[OVerLoRDI]

Cut and run. From what you said the girl is oblivious to her mother's wrong doing. And like others have said, the apple does not fall far from the tree. Get out sooner rather than later. There are other girls with more stable families.

 

[LordMaul]

Leave her. NOW.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: 91TTZ

Originally posted by: S Freud
I know the scenario of daughters turning into their mothers, and I have talked about that with her. I think she is different from her mother though, because of her mom she doesn't drink, her mom never finished college. My girlfriend is currently pursuing pediatric nursing degree. I think there are a lot of differences between them and to group her mother and her together is unfair.

What does college have to do with this? So your gf finishes college, gets fat, then turns into a drunk also. And your gf seems to lack common sense just like her mom.

The reason I know is because she is taking all measures not to end up like her mom, going to the gym with my three or more times a week. Studying her ass off to be the best she possibly can, and not drinking because of what it did to her family.


For the people posting constructive ideas on what to do, and not just "break up with her and run!" thank you.

I am going to try to sit down and talk to her about it, as most of you know with two DUI's I don't think we will have to worry about her having the car for too long. Her license will probably be taken away when she goes in for her first court date as I am sure they will know about the second also.