YAGT: My first YAGT post

[dirtboy]

Originally posted by: UDT89

Originally posted by: dirtboy
3) Now really hate ex

Some how I don't quite believe this.

i have no reason to be like that other tool that posted some fake stuff, this is all real.

Your sudden shift from, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, to I hate her, means I don't believe you. The only person you have to blame is yourself.

She wanted some form of committment. Obviously she felt she was at a age that you were either going to committ or she was going to have to go meet other people.

She wanted a ring.

You made excuses and offered non-committal alternatives.

You said it had to be $10k; an excuse not to buy it.

You put money before love.

One could argue that leaving you was the right move for her.

Now she is gone and you have nobody to blame but yourself. So as a result you decide to 'hate' her, in attempt to convince yourself that it is her fault, because the realization that it is your fault is too much for you to handle.

 

[mryellow2]

Be single for a while. If you're the sort of guy who likes guilt free sex go pick up girls at the bar/club for a while. Make sure they know it's just sex, not an invitation to begin a relationship.

Sounds like you need a break from the "game" as it were.

 

[UDT89]

Originally posted by: dirtboy

Originally posted by: UDT89

Originally posted by: dirtboy
3) Now really hate ex

Some how I don't quite believe this.

i have no reason to be like that other tool that posted some fake stuff, this is all real.

Your sudden shift from, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, to I hate her, means I don't believe you. The only person you have to blame is yourself.

She wanted some form of committment. Obviously she felt she was at a age that you were either going to committ or she was going to have to go meet other people.

She wanted a ring.

You made excuses and offered non-committal alternatives.

You said it had to be $10k; an excuse not to buy it.

You put money before love.

One could argue that leaving you was the right move for her.

Now she is gone and you have nobody to blame but yourself. So as a result you decide to 'hate' her, in attempt to convince yourself that it is her fault, because the realization that it is your fault is too much for you to handle.

she wanted a certain ring, nothing less. we looked at rings prior to vacation in the city. and all the styles/size diamonds she wanted were 10k+. I could've got something for 5k the following day, but she said she wanted nothing less than 2 carats.

sorry i left that part out. but trust me it wasnt about the money for me but 10k is a lot to charge on a credit card and hard to pay off. i just paid off my debts of 12k over the last 6 years.

i'm sorry but giving someone 3 years of my life, and asking for a 4th until we get engaged seems reasonable.

 

[zephyrprime]

Originally posted by: UDT89

Originally posted by: zephyrprime
This doesn't make any sense. You took a second job to buy an engagement ring but then when she pops the ultimatum on you, you break up? Basically, you broke up rather than get engaged because you wanted to get a ring first? WTF? Either this is all a lie or you=messed up in the head.

dude, seriously im not here to waste my time nor yours.

i dont like being told what to do, nor will i be pressured into getting married. I got the job to help save for the ring that i was going to buy next spring when she graduates.

and when this was explained to her, it wasnt enough. So to me if that isnt enough, what will be when we're married?

A difficult situation. It sounds to me like you may be right to think that there would be issues after you were married but I also think you may have some control issues you may want to look into.

 

[UDT89]

Originally posted by: zephyrprime

Originally posted by: UDT89

Originally posted by: zephyrprime
This doesn't make any sense. You took a second job to buy an engagement ring but then when she pops the ultimatum on you, you break up? Basically, you broke up rather than get engaged because you wanted to get a ring first? WTF? Either this is all a lie or you=messed up in the head.

dude, seriously im not here to waste my time nor yours.

i dont like being told what to do, nor will i be pressured into getting married. I got the job to help save for the ring that i was going to buy next spring when she graduates.

and when this was explained to her, it wasnt enough. So to me if that isnt enough, what will be when we're married?

A difficult situation. It sounds to me like you may be right to think that there would be issues after you were married but I also think you may have some control issues you may want to look into.

so if your current g/f told you i want to be engaged tomorrow you'd just do it?

 

[Buck Armstrong]

Originally posted by: UDT89
Well without getting into too much detail........

I was dating a girl almost 3 years. Marriage talk was commonplace but mostly after she completed grad school.

Then one day, about a week after our weeks vacaiton in the Dominican.......she basically gives me an ultimatum. Get engaged or break up. Well I somehow calm her down giving her reasons why we cant yet and that she needs to get done with school, masters, etc. plus I didn't have 10k laying around nor did I think starting a marriage with her in debt up to her ears in school bills, then me now in debt 10k for the ring.

im hoping I'd be hired by the local police which is one of the highest in the country....over 6 figures with OT after 5 years.....but as all civil service things they take forever but everything is going well. But by the time she graduated I'd either have the cop job and everything is good or at the very least get another decent raise at my job (im not making peanuts) and also by then have money saved for the ring.

well when I got the idea that I would get a second job bouncing again to save money for it, (it being the ring), I told her it was for a down payment on a house or a condo. So we can move in after getting engaged. She immediately lost it. Yelling, arguing the whole nine. But I didn't crack as I knew she would be more pissed if I gave it away. Everyone knows what im talking about here.......

So about a week after that, now mid May, she brings up that ultimatum again. So I finally crack, I tell her why im working the bar etc etc etc. She didn't care. Engaged or bust. I chose bust. To me if I was loved back as much as I loved her she wouldn't make me decide that way.......

My problem now is two things.

1) I hate her. I mean really loathe her. I cant get over the hate and its making me a bitter person towards the opposite sex.

2) I cant get back into the game. I mean I'm missing blatant girls hitting on me......I'm screwing up the ones I go on dates with b/c I'm seriously lacking motivation. There's one girl that's totally cool and im just being such a d!ck, and I realize it. But I cant help it.....its really weird.

I just needed to rant and babble. So I apologize if parts don't make sense. I'm just hoping someone went through the same stuff and had some good remedies.

Matt

Cliffs:
1) Get married or break up
2) Break up
3) Now really hate ex.
4) Cant get back on the horse in the dating game
5) Now treating girls like crappola.

A $10,000 ring?! If thats the game, then I'd get out. Rings are worthless baubles, but $10,000 is a nice down payment on your first home together, or your first minivan for the kids, or whatever. I would never have married any girl that demanded a $25,000 wedding or a $10,000 ring; you go find some other patsy if you're that damn shallow. Every time I see two fat married women comparing giant diamonds, I think, "Dumb and Dumber".

You're not a little girl anymore, and life is not a fairytale.

 

[dirtboy]

Originally posted by: UDT89
she wanted a certain ring, nothing less. we looked at rings prior to vacation in the city. and all the styles/size diamonds she wanted were 10k+. I could've got something for 5k the following day, but she said she wanted nothing less than 2 carats.

sorry i left that part out. but trust me it wasnt about the money for me but 10k is a lot to charge on a credit card and hard to pay off. i just paid off my debts of 12k over the last 6 years.

i'm sorry but giving someone 3 years of my life, and asking for a 4th until we get engaged seems reasonable.

You shouldn't have left that out, but anways... you should have left a long time ago. If you really want to know if a woman loves you, tell her you will buy her a CZ ring for her engagement. If she says no, it's about the money. Why you didn't leave sooner is beyond me. But you should have bought her a small diamond ring and proposed, just to see if she would have said no.

Now that would have made for a great YAGT.

 

[JS80]

tell the girl how many children had to die retrieving that diamond, not to mention the monopoly behind it's economics, and maybe she'll accept an alternative like moissanite.

 

[SophalotJack]

Originally posted by: UDT89

Originally posted by: sixone
You need to avoid a new relationship like the plague. Your attitude stinks, and no lady deserves that. Until you get your head on straight, keep yourself off the market.

you're right. and i totally agree.

but i have a hard time turning people down......working in a bar doesnt help at all, but i cant give up the money now.

Silver lining... the money you are saving, you can invest in something you didn't have time (or money) for. Take a solid vacation with some friends, or go learn how to skydive. Personally, I'd buy a motorcycle.

Plus, you work in a bar... that is a great place to meet and network with all kinds of people. Just stay away from the regular drunks.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: rivan

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: UDT89

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
describe treating a girl like crap. waht does that mean to you.

never call them back, dont take them out enough, dont say hi if i see them when im working.

it makes me feel like a piece of crap b/c i was never like this.

oh so your saying you use3d to be a sucker and supplicate to women and now your not? well congradulations you just made dating alot easier for yourself. Women dont like suckers, push overs and supplicators so you are doing just fine.

Right... learn how to hit your woman without leaving marks and all will be great. You can have a new, dumb stripper every night of the week who can turn you on to all the newest drug habits while you roll in your new Camaro RS!... :roll:

It's funny - in all the years I've been reading things from people on the internet, this is the first time I've seen 'l33t' used by the he-man woman-haters club. Bad grammar and poor spelling sure, but never before like this.

Sadly, there are women out there who have the self esteem issues to be a perfect fit for guys like IcebergSlim. I didn't marry one - nor am I a sucker or a pushover. I looked for someone who could complement my life and values. She's a strong, intelligent woman with a career that handles herself with poise and grace.

What I'm trying to say here is that there's a right fit for everyone. It doesn't sound like your ex was a good fit for you - she should have known after 3 years how you'd react to an ultimatum. Move on and find someone else.

this post is completely retarded.

I'll rip it apart really quick.

1) I never advocated being a abusive. I simply advocated being a real man and not being a pushover having the typical nice guy syndrome that woman hate.

2) 1 typo != l33t speak. i hit a number in the word used and it didnt even fit it would have to be typed us3d to make the slightest sense. so enough out of you for that. I don't care to take 20 mins to proofread all my posts. get over it.

3) You said you married a good woman and you are not a pushover or a sucker so their you go you are supporting what I was saying to begin with. See point 1.

4) you are right about this his ex was not a good fit.