YAGT: Making the jump

[Dangerer]

I met her through one of my close friends a little over four months ago, in the time that I've known her, a lot has happened. Long story short, our group of friends sort of split in half because of her, but her and I have become very close friends during all of this. I've always toyed with the idea of dating her, but that was sort of skewed because one of my buddies went on and off with her in the very beginning not to mention the crap she went through with him. Now that everything has settled down a little bit, I'm starting to really like her.

My friend who introduced us told me that she's confused at the moment.. whatever that means, I think it means she's only ever seen me as a friend. To top it all off, the same friend also told me that if I was looking for a relationship with her, it wouldn't happen because of the bad experience she had when she dated one of my buddies.

So she probably doesn't like me, but I don't want to continue a friendship with her under false pretense, and I definitely wouldn't want her to burden staying friends with me out of pity. It would also be far too awkward for me to immediately cut off all contact with her because she's extremely close with three of my best friends as well. I am always in favor of the all or nothing option. It's just I'm totally clueless when it comes to these kinds of things.

 

[Kilgor]

DO a forum search on Clueless.

 

[imported_Mike]

Why would you have to cut off all contact with her if she rejects you? Ask her out, then go out with her if she says yes, or remain friends if she says no.

 

[Red Dawn]

Your doomed..doomed I say

 

[radioouman]

Originally posted by: Mike
Why would you have to cut off all contact with her if she rejects you? Ask her out, then go out with her if she says yes, or remain friends if she says no.

Yeah, seriously.
I stayed friends with two girls in college that I asked out and they didn't want to.

 

[FilmCamera]

Originally posted by: Mike
Why would you have to cut off all contact with her if she rejects you? Ask her out, then go out with her if she says yes, or remain friends if she says no.

FTW

 

[HardcoreRobot]

yes, you are doomed. if you are only friends bc you are hoping for something more, perhaps you should start to spend less time with her

not only does that keep you from getting hurt, if SHE wants you, she come for it

 

[Dangerer]

Originally posted by: radioouman

Originally posted by: Mike
Why would you have to cut off all contact with her if she rejects you? Ask her out, then go out with her if she says yes, or remain friends if she says no.

Yeah, seriously.
I stayed friends with two girls in college that I asked out and they didn't want to.

How's that working out for you? Did you really like them or were you just curious?

 

[Regs]

What you said was all bull crap. Stay friends with her. You don't always have to ask to get an answer either. Body language and conversation goes a long way.

Remember, there's a lot of fish in the sea but don't expect to hook one as soon as you cast your line.

The single most dumbest mistake I ever made was to be bitter about rejection. You'd be surprised of how many of the people I know got married after being friends for years even after all the failed relationships or dates they had before their friendship turned into a relationship.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Dangerer
So she probably doesn't like me, but I don't want to continue a friendship with her under false pretense. It would also be far too awkward for me to immediately cut off all contact with her because she's extremely close with three of my best friends as well. I am always in favor of the all or nothing option. It's just I'm totally clueless when it comes to these kinds of things.

Those are not your only two options. Just limit your contact with her, until she lets you know that something has changed. If she asks why, tell her, but don't volunteer anything that might change the status quo unless she does ask.

 

[Praxis1452]

your ****** in all holes.

 

[sixone]

Oh, yeah - "leap of faith" is just psychobabble BS for "I know it's a bad idea, but I'm gonna do it anyway."

 

[chowmein]

do it, or regret it.

 

[drum]

Originally posted by: sixone
Oh, yeah - "leap of faith" is just psychobabble BS for "I know it's a bad idea, but I'm gonna do it anyway."

yep

 

[Dangerer]

Originally posted by: Regs
What you said was all bull crap. Stay friends with her. You don't always have to ask to get an answer either. Body language and conversation goes a long way.

Remember, there's a lot of fish in the sea but don't expect to hook one as soon as you cast your line.

The single most dumbest mistake I ever made was to be bitter about rejection. You'd be surprised of how many of the people I know got married after being friends for years even after all the failed relationships or dates they had before their friendship turned into a relationship.

I just get the feeling that I deserve her after everything we've been through. I guess I'm just being selfish though, thanks for your input

 

[Sukhoi]

Originally posted by: Dangerer

Originally posted by: radioouman

Originally posted by: Mike
Why would you have to cut off all contact with her if she rejects you? Ask her out, then go out with her if she says yes, or remain friends if she says no.

Yeah, seriously.
I stayed friends with two girls in college that I asked out and they didn't want to.

How's that working out for you? Did you really like them or were you just curious?

Also did it with one here, and it's worked fine.

 

[radioouman]

Originally posted by: Dangerer

Originally posted by: radioouman

Originally posted by: Mike
Why would you have to cut off all contact with her if she rejects you? Ask her out, then go out with her if she says yes, or remain friends if she says no.

Yeah, seriously.
I stayed friends with two girls in college that I asked out and they didn't want to.

How's that working out for you? Did you really like them or were you just curious?

Really liked one of them, curious about the other. I stayed in contact with both of them through college. We hung out sometimes together. One year I went out to dinner with one of them on Valentines Day because neither of us had dates. Took them to hockey games... it was just fine, and the funny part is that after the rejection, those feelings totally went away for them, and things were much more cool.

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: Mike
Why would you have to cut off all contact with her if she rejects you? Ask her out, then go out with her if she says yes, or remain friends if she says no.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Dangerer
I just get the feeling that I deserve her after everything we've been through. I guess I'm just being selfish though, thanks for your input

You probably do. Unfortunately, that won't get you anywhere.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: radioouman

Originally posted by: Mike
Why would you have to cut off all contact with her if she rejects you? Ask her out, then go out with her if she says yes, or remain friends if she says no.

Yeah, seriously.
I stayed friends with two girls in college that I asked out and they didn't want to.

I did that just recently. It is hard to do, but rewarding.
Just be open to rejection as well.

 

[pcnerd37]

It is too late, you are stuck in the friend zone. As the mayor of the friend zone, I would like to welcome you. Once you are in the friend zone, you odds are about one in a million, so start looking for someone else. BTW, confused is a code word for not interested.

 

[Dangerer]

Originally posted by: pcnerd37
It is too late, you are stuck in the friend zone. As the mayor of the friend zone, I would like to welcome you. Once you are in the friend zone, you odds are about one in a million, so start looking for someone else. BTW, confused is a code word for not interested.

heh I'll probably find humor in the ladder theory when I'm over being so emo and crawling-in-my-skin about everything.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Its painfully obvious from this thread that you have no other women besides this "friend" in your life.

 

[Fern]

Obligatory>>>> PIC's???

This is ATOT, ya know

Fern

 

[postmortemIA]

You already have strong hint that you'll be rejected. Telling a woman that you like her is not a good idea, especially when you have strong reasons to believe it is not mutual feeling.