YAGT: "I need space"

Thanks for your input, DividebyZero. I didn't mean to be harsh. I was just so irritated with the fact that he had done it multiple times.

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
So your saying if your boyfriend tells you he needs space to figure out somethings about your relationship, you have no right to ask why he needs space? That seems awfully unfair.

I'm sorry for being rough on you, Sudheer Anne. However, I don't think you're getting the point there. The point is not that you should never have asked her. The point is the number of times you asked her--not once, not twice, but "multiple" times. It's just so unreasonable to keep on asking someone the same thing all the time, and then to top it you learn that the person actually has family issues.

Even if she didn't have family issues, you needed to slow it down. When a girl asks for space, give it to her. If you don't trust her, then what's the point of staying in the relationship? Cut if off if you think she's up to no good rather than remain doubtful and keep on asking her the same old question.

 

[rickn]

you're screwed. hope you have some polaroids of her

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
If she told me from the start, I just need space to figure out my family problems then I'd be fine. But she brought our relationship into question so I have a right to ask questions I think to at least figure out what's going on.

You asked her "multiple times" then went back to ask yet again, which is why she's brought the relationship into question. She see's that you aren't concerned with her at all.You aren't married, you don't have any sort of "rights" dude, she's going thru a horrid time and has asked you to backoff, respect that.

So your saying if your boyfriend tells you he needs space to figure out somethings about your relationship, you have no right to ask why he needs space? That seems awfully unfair.

She only told you that after you badgered her mutiple times ! How many times must you be asked to leave somebody be for a bit before you get the message?

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Marriage is just a name as far as I'm concerned. As long as your in a committed relationship there are certain rights that I think both people are afforded. Honesty is one of them.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: DivideBYZero

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
If she told me from the start, I just need space to figure out my family problems then I'd be fine. But she brought our relationship into question so I have a right to ask questions I think to at least figure out what's going on.

You asked her "multiple times" then went back to ask yet again, which is why she's brought the relationship into question. She see's that you aren't concerned with her at all.You aren't married, you don't have any sort of "rights" dude, she's going thru a horrid time and has asked you to backoff, respect that.

This goes for D-QT too: Don't be too harsh on the OP. You really haven't got enough info to be whaling on him for asking her whats going on. I've been there, it's hard. This sort of arrogant crap will only breed worse feelings in th OP.

Essentially, try to be constructive and consider that when two people love, two can hurt too.

When I am depressed I want to be left alone to sort things out for myself.The OP isn't hurting or worried about her, he's just worried she's interested in jumping somerbody else's jock !

For god's sake's her dad's dying of cancer and he's grilling her like a police detective,it's outragous.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: DivideBYZero

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
If she told me from the start, I just need space to figure out my family problems then I'd be fine. But she brought our relationship into question so I have a right to ask questions I think to at least figure out what's going on.

You asked her "multiple times" then went back to ask yet again, which is why she's brought the relationship into question. She see's that you aren't concerned with her at all.You aren't married, you don't have any sort of "rights" dude, she's going thru a horrid time and has asked you to backoff, respect that.

This goes for D-QT too: Don't be too harsh on the OP. You really haven't got enough info to be whaling on him for asking her whats going on. I've been there, it's hard. This sort of arrogant crap will only breed worse feelings in th OP.

Essentially, try to be constructive and consider that when two people love, two can hurt too.

When I am depressed I want to be left alone to sort things out for myself.The OP isn't hurting or worried about her, he's just worried she's interested in jumping somerbody else's jock !

For god's sake's her dad's dying of cancer and he's grilling her like a police detective,it's outragous.

How nice of you to jump to conclusions there. I'm worried about our relationship, not if she's boning some other guy. I only asked because I wanted to know the truth, no matter what it was.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
Marriage is just a name as far as I'm concerned. As long as your in a committed relationship there are certain rights that I think both people are afforded. Honesty is one of them.

Keep putting the heat on her then,keep sniveling and whinning about your needs and your "right to know" don't give her an inch or minute of space,keep badgering her ,then she'll give you the toss to the curb that you're obviously begging for here.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: DivideBYZero

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
If she told me from the start, I just need space to figure out my family problems then I'd be fine. But she brought our relationship into question so I have a right to ask questions I think to at least figure out what's going on.

You asked her "multiple times" then went back to ask yet again, which is why she's brought the relationship into question. She see's that you aren't concerned with her at all.You aren't married, you don't have any sort of "rights" dude, she's going thru a horrid time and has asked you to backoff, respect that.

This goes for D-QT too: Don't be too harsh on the OP. You really haven't got enough info to be whaling on him for asking her whats going on. I've been there, it's hard. This sort of arrogant crap will only breed worse feelings in th OP.

Essentially, try to be constructive and consider that when two people love, two can hurt too.

When I am depressed I want to be left alone to sort things out for myself.The OP isn't hurting or worried about her, he's just worried she's interested in jumping somerbody else's jock !

For god's sake's her dad's dying of cancer and he's grilling her like a police detective,it's outragous.

How nice of you to jump to conclusions there. I'm worried about our relationship, not if she's boning some other guy. I only asked because I wanted to know the truth, no matter what it was.

Her father is dying,there are other terrible things going on for her at home,she's asked you to leave her be... yet you keep pressing on and on in spite of her reassuring you many times.. you are obviously not concerned about her,you're not able to hear her and you are non-responsive to nicely set limits, you should get dumped.

If I sound harsh I'm sorry but I cannot stand people who do this sort of thing.Your g/friend probably feels horrible 24/7 right now and has limited emotionally energy that she's got to conserve to deal with some very real pain.

 

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Her father is dying,there are other terrible things going on for her at home,she's asked you to leave her be... yet you keep pressing on and on in spite of her reassuring you many times.. you are obviously not concerned about her,you're not able to hear her and you are non-responsive to nicely set limits, you should get dumped.

Yeah, I totally agree. Sudheer Anne, I think what disturbs me the most is the fact that you seem more worried about who's boinking (pardon me) her, or who stole her heart, than you are about her emotional and mental welfare. Picture yourself in that situation and someone constantly worried that you're cheating on her. I don't like people like that. It shows self-absorption and selfishness (synonymous, I suppose). If there was ever any reasons for her to find someone else, it's this very reason: Your extreme selfishness and lack of concerns or emotional support.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

ok I'm not pressing her anymore you crazy woman. your making it seem like i'm asking her every 5 minutes. We've talked only twice about this, and I told her I'm not bringing it up anymore. I only asked her if it was someone else because I was trying to figure out why she needed space. She broke down and told me everything at the end of our conversation. My god, you women are ruthless.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
ok I'm not pressing her anymore you crazy woman. your making it seem like i'm asking her every 5 minutes. We've talked only twice about this, and I told her I'm not bringing it up anymore.

I'm not crazy,I'm a person who at times finds it difficult to ask for needed space and when confronted with a person who cannot respect my request and who doesn't believe my stated reasons for asking I get upset.

While you are taking space it might be a good time for you to think about why your g/friend's stated reasons weren't enough or believable to you,why did you need to ask "multiple times" ? You might also want to ask yourself why, in all of the posts you've made in this thread that the only person's needs
that have been mentioned have been yours?

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
I've been going out with this girl for half a year now, maybe longer. Anyways, we got very close very fast and she's told me numerous times that she can see herself being with me for a long time. I feel kinda the same way about her.

The problem is that her family is not stable at all. I mean, her family is really fscked up. Her dad is dying of cancer and recently she's had to deal with lawyers and her father's will. So this entire Christmas break she's been acting really strange, and I couldn't figure out why. It took a lot of prodding out of me, but she finally told me she was really depressed about her family, etc. She also said that she needs space to fix the problems going on in her life, and that her needing space had nothing to do with me or her wanting to be with me.

Now I will gladly give her the space she needs, that's not the problem. I asked her multiple times if she had met someone else, she said absolutely not. I asked her multiple times if she really wanted to be with me in a relationship, she said yes. Am I reading too much into this by assuming that our relationship is doomed, or should I just give her the space she wants and not worry about anything?

Give her some space. If she wants to break up with you then there's not much you can do about it anyway.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

I'm beginning to think all women are just insane. Now she told me that she doesn't want space anymore and that the thought of being without me scares her more than she thought it would. So for now, things are back to normal. I think once women are faced with the risk of losing it all, then they finally realize and appreciate what they have right there in front of them.

 

[TheLonelyPhoenix]

If a girl says "I need some time to think about where my life is headed, I'm sorry if I'm being distant or emotionally unavailable, I'm trying to work this out and I'll come to you if I need help", then she is a perfectly level-headed individual whose requests you should respect. I have never heard a girl say anything close to this.

If a girl says "I need space.", run for the fvcking hills. I have heard this one quite a bit.

 

[DivideBYZero]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
ok I'm not pressing her anymore you crazy woman. your making it seem like i'm asking her every 5 minutes. We've talked only twice about this, and I told her I'm not bringing it up anymore.

I'm not crazy,I'm a person who at times finds it difficult to ask for needed space and when confronted with a person who cannot respect my request and who doesn't believe my stated reasons for asking I get upset.

While you are taking space it might be a good time for you to think about why your g/friend's stated reasons weren't enough or believable to you,why did you need to ask "multiple times" ? You might also want to ask yourself why, in all of the posts you've made in this thread that the only person's needs
that have been mentioned have been yours?

He asked her Twice. You're out of line, GeekBabe. Go and take your faux-female solidarity and shove it up a fallopian tube.

Over opinionated gas bags like you make baby Jesus cry. Get the hell off your moral high ground before you fall off.

 

[Adul]

Originally posted by: Jero
as far as i can tell, it's not doomed, she just needs space....just be there for her whenever she needs you

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: DivideBYZero

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
ok I'm not pressing her anymore you crazy woman. your making it seem like i'm asking her every 5 minutes. We've talked only twice about this, and I told her I'm not bringing it up anymore.

I'm not crazy,I'm a person who at times finds it difficult to ask for needed space and when confronted with a person who cannot respect my request and who doesn't believe my stated reasons for asking I get upset.

While you are taking space it might be a good time for you to think about why your g/friend's stated reasons weren't enough or believable to you,why did you need to ask "multiple times" ? You might also want to ask yourself why, in all of the posts you've made in this thread that the only person's needs
that have been mentioned have been yours?

He asked her Twice. You're out of line, GeekBabe. Go and take your faux-female solidarity and shove it up a fallopian tube.

Over opinionated gas bags like you make baby Jesus cry. Get the hell off your moral high ground before you fall off.

Excuse me but the OP said that he asked her "multiple times" and "repeatedly" during the course of 2 conversations.

As far as the rest of your name calling rant goes, if I told a partner that my parent was dying of cancer and that I needed some room to deal with the fallout and his major response was to ask "what about me?" he'd be history.

 

[Red]

As if you didn't know, I'm going through this right now. I'm starting to realize that I've been very selfish and self absorbed since my fiancee asked for space. She has been the level-headed one... she said she needs time to find herself and understands that it will be very hard for me but it's something she needs to do. I care a lot about her, and since I want to be with her, I'm going to grant her the space she needs and either move on with my life away from her, or with her.. whatever she decides. I would want to same type of respect and understanding from her if I was going through a difficult time in my life.

 

[CraigRT]

I need space from my GF.. she's too clingy... doesn't mean it's doomed that's for sure.....

 

[elektrolokomotive]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: DivideBYZero

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
ok I'm not pressing her anymore you crazy woman. your making it seem like i'm asking her every 5 minutes. We've talked only twice about this, and I told her I'm not bringing it up anymore.

I'm not crazy,I'm a person who at times finds it difficult to ask for needed space and when confronted with a person who cannot respect my request and who doesn't believe my stated reasons for asking I get upset.

While you are taking space it might be a good time for you to think about why your g/friend's stated reasons weren't enough or believable to you,why did you need to ask "multiple times" ? You might also want to ask yourself why, in all of the posts you've made in this thread that the only person's needs
that have been mentioned have been yours?

He asked her Twice. You're out of line, GeekBabe. Go and take your faux-female solidarity and shove it up a fallopian tube.

Over opinionated gas bags like you make baby Jesus cry. Get the hell off your moral high ground before you fall off.

Excuse me but the OP said that he asked her "multiple times" and "repeatedly" during the course of 2 conversations.

As far as the rest of your name calling rant goes, if I told a partner that my parent was dying of cancer and that I needed some room to deal with the fallout and his major response was to ask "what about me?" he'd be history.

Geekbabe is right. The OP's being a selfish, immature brat who's apparently not capable of making mature decisions and only cares about the relationship 'cuz he's scared of not being in one.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: elektrolokomotive

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: DivideBYZero

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
ok I'm not pressing her anymore you crazy woman. your making it seem like i'm asking her every 5 minutes. We've talked only twice about this, and I told her I'm not bringing it up anymore.

I'm not crazy,I'm a person who at times finds it difficult to ask for needed space and when confronted with a person who cannot respect my request and who doesn't believe my stated reasons for asking I get upset.

While you are taking space it might be a good time for you to think about why your g/friend's stated reasons weren't enough or believable to you,why did you need to ask "multiple times" ? You might also want to ask yourself why, in all of the posts you've made in this thread that the only person's needs
that have been mentioned have been yours?

He asked her Twice. You're out of line, GeekBabe. Go and take your faux-female solidarity and shove it up a fallopian tube.

Over opinionated gas bags like you make baby Jesus cry. Get the hell off your moral high ground before you fall off.

Excuse me but the OP said that he asked her "multiple times" and "repeatedly" during the course of 2 conversations.

As far as the rest of your name calling rant goes, if I told a partner that my parent was dying of cancer and that I needed some room to deal with the fallout and his major response was to ask "what about me?" he'd be history.

Geekbabe is right. The OP's being a selfish, immature brat who's apparently not capable of making mature decisions and only cares about the relationship 'cuz he's scared of not being in one.

Am I scared of losing her and not being with her? Of course I am. It wouldn't be much of a relationship if I wasn't. Can I survive without her? Of course I can, but when you really love someone it's hard to just pull out of a relationship so quickly.

The thought that I could lose her over something I have no control over is quite frustrating to say the least. I'd much rather she cheated on me or did something that would give reason to break us up than for us to break up over something I don't have control over.

I realize a lot of you women think that it's selfish and immature of me for repeateadly asking her the same questions. In retrospect, yeah I shouldn't have repeatedly asked her the same kind of questions. But I really only wanted to know the truth from her. I mean she's very good at hiding her emotions and sometimes it can take a while for her to really tell me what's bothering her.

 

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
Am I scared of losing her and not being with her? Of course I am. It wouldn't be much of a relationship if I wasn't.

No, you got that completely wrong. That is not what defines a relationship; but most importantly, that is a completely unhealthy relationship. You worry more about the verbal "status" of your relationship than you worry about how much you put into the relationship to make it strong enough to withstand all barriers.

I mean she's very good at hiding her emotions and sometimes it can take a while for her to really tell me what's bothering her.

Well, that's a sign that she's an introvert. And she seeks solitude, so give it to her when she asks for it. It doesn't mean you should never try to push it sometimes, but you should know when to and when not to. And you should know to leave it alone in most cases.

I'm beginning to think all women are just insane. Now she told me that she doesn't want space anymore and that the thought of being without me scares her more than she thought it would. So for now, things are back to normal. I think once women are faced with the risk of losing it all, then they finally realize and appreciate what they have right there in front of them.

You're fooling yourself. She caved in to your pressure. She hasn't realized anything. Mark my words: This one won't last at all because you're so disconnected. You don't realize that you're living in illusion. It won't be too long before you hear the space thing again, but this time more seriously. You'll wake up one morning to smell the coffee. There's always an opportunity to mend one's ways, but not until you realize yourself.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: DearQT

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
Am I scared of losing her and not being with her? Of course I am. It wouldn't be much of a relationship if I wasn't.

No, you got that completely wrong. That is not what defines a relationship; but most importantly, that is a completely unhealthy relationship. You worry more about the verbal "status" of your relationship than you worry about how much you put into the relationship to make it strong enough to withstand all barriers.

I mean she's very good at hiding her emotions and sometimes it can take a while for her to really tell me what's bothering her.

Well, that's a sign that she's an introvert. And she seeks solitude, so give it to her when she asks for it. It doesn't mean you should never try to push it sometimes, but you should know when to and when not to. And you should know to leave it alone in most cases.

I'm beginning to think all women are just insane. Now she told me that she doesn't want space anymore and that the thought of being without me scares her more than she thought it would. So for now, things are back to normal. I think once women are faced with the risk of losing it all, then they finally realize and appreciate what they have right there in front of them.

You're fooling yourself. She caved in to your pressure. She hasn't realized anything. Mark my words: This one won't last at all because you're so disconnected. You don't realize that you're living in illusion. It won't be too long before you hear the space thing again, but this time more seriously. You'll wake up one morning to smell the coffee. There's always an opportunity to mend one's ways, but not until you realize yourself.

haha, ok Ms. Cleo, i'll be sure to update this thread when we break up in a week.....
There's a reason why women like you who spend their whole waking lives bitching about men are miserable and can never find happiness.

 

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
haha, ok Ms. Cleo, i'll be sure to update this thread when we break up in a week.....
There's a reason why women like you who spend their whole waking lives bitching about men are miserable and can never find happiness.

[Chuckles:] You actually think I'm unhappy? You don't even know my relationship status, so to speak.

We'll see who gets the last laugh, honey. Your arrogance is abundant than even your love, if any, for the lady.

 

[cmdrmoocow]

She asks for space, but her dad is dying. Let her be, and if she needs support, she'll come to you.

If she doesn't, then just let it go.