cliffs at bottom, but you really need to read everything to get the idea of what's going on. I know it's long, sorry I kind of need to get it out.
little bit of background:
we've been dating about 5 months. we had sex after dating about a month.. which isn't that fast for me, but apparently was for her. At the time I lived in a townhouse, and from the very beginning she was there 3-4 days a week, at least. This wasn't an issue for me, as my last serious relationship was a 'distance' one (ex g/f moved about 2 hours away for school) and the distance caused problems... however I wasn't okay with clay unicorns or whatever, and a bunch of clothes, shoes and bathroom stuff, etc etc. It was 'my' apartment, and I really didn't want a ton of her stuff there all the time.
after about 2 months she was there 5-6 days a week. we were still just 'dating', (she wasn't dating anyone else, I wasn't either, really, but I really wasn't ready for another super-serious relationship.) I was starting to get kind of... I dunno... nervous about how 'serious' things were getting. She backed off for a little while (let me have some 'guy-time' so to speak).. and about this time she went on birth control and got REALLY emotional over everything. I also just bought a house (me, not us.)
During this time (3-4 weeks after buying the house) she had a huge break-down over feeling like she has 'nowhere to live'. she wanted to feel more like a 'roommate i have sex with' than just some girl that is depending on her guy. She offered to pay me the $300 a month she was paying for her old basement room she had before we were together to be able to have that status... I agreed thinking no big deal.
http://forums.anandtech.com/messageview...atid=38&threadid=1779873&enterthread=y
she has since started taking an anti-anxiety/depression medicine to fix some of the birth control issues and is a little bit better, but I think it takes time.
So.. I have bought a house, and in the process of moving from the townhouse to the 'real' house she brought over a bunch of her clothes (making the sensible argument that there isn't much sense in her paying for the basement room she was renting when she was here 6 days a week - that she would clean up her room at her parents house for the nights i need 'guy/alone time'. So now she's on my pc all the time. No big deal, other than victoria secret windows open that I don't know if she needs, files on desktop, etc etc. So, she brings her computer over and puts it in an extra room. Then, her dad builds this HUGE window-seat thing to go in what is now 'her' room. I come home from work today and there's another couch, chair, loveseat, clothes chest and bed she brought from her house. (she told me she was bringing a bed for the guest room.. not a whole bunch of furniture)..
Anyhow, as you can see, over the period of 1-2 months we've gone from 'having a week or two worth of clothes' to 'huge window seat furniture thing, computer, desk, all of her clothes, shoes, and bathroom stuff, extra bed, extra couch, extra chair, extra loveseat, extra clothes chest....'
basically, I feel REALLY pressured. I don't 'think' she's doing this on purpose, but it's turning into an issue where if we don't stay together forever or some mushy thing like that, there is a TON of her stuff that has to be moved or whatever. HTF am I supposed to relay this to her without sounding like a total arsehole??
CLIFFS:
been w/ girl for 5 months. in the past month or so things went from not very serious to SUPER serious. All of her stuff is over here, and it might be partly my fault from agreeing to her being my 'roommate with benefits' so she feels more like she has a 'home' not just a place to stay. Now, if something happens w/ us I am in a bad position because there is a TON of baggage that is here with her. How can I relay this to her without seriously hurting her feelings over it?
EDIT:
this is somewhat compounded by the fact that she buys me A LOT of stuff. It's nice of her, but again, I'm feeling like I'm being backed into a corner or something. Hard to explain.
UPDATE:
Sat down and talked with her... told her she needs to back off a bit. I reminded her how 'I' was when we first started dating - not liking a bunch of stuff over, etc. I also expressed my concern over the fact that there is SO much stuff over that if something happens between us it makes it really difficult for her to leave, and I don't want that type of thing hanging over my head. She was pretty upset; cried for a little while, and said she understood how I felt and would back off. She's going to go spend a couple days at her dad's house and let me have some down time.
little bit of background:
we've been dating about 5 months. we had sex after dating about a month.. which isn't that fast for me, but apparently was for her. At the time I lived in a townhouse, and from the very beginning she was there 3-4 days a week, at least. This wasn't an issue for me, as my last serious relationship was a 'distance' one (ex g/f moved about 2 hours away for school) and the distance caused problems... however I wasn't okay with clay unicorns or whatever, and a bunch of clothes, shoes and bathroom stuff, etc etc. It was 'my' apartment, and I really didn't want a ton of her stuff there all the time.
after about 2 months she was there 5-6 days a week. we were still just 'dating', (she wasn't dating anyone else, I wasn't either, really, but I really wasn't ready for another super-serious relationship.) I was starting to get kind of... I dunno... nervous about how 'serious' things were getting. She backed off for a little while (let me have some 'guy-time' so to speak).. and about this time she went on birth control and got REALLY emotional over everything. I also just bought a house (me, not us.)
During this time (3-4 weeks after buying the house) she had a huge break-down over feeling like she has 'nowhere to live'. she wanted to feel more like a 'roommate i have sex with' than just some girl that is depending on her guy. She offered to pay me the $300 a month she was paying for her old basement room she had before we were together to be able to have that status... I agreed thinking no big deal.
http://forums.anandtech.com/messageview...atid=38&threadid=1779873&enterthread=y
she has since started taking an anti-anxiety/depression medicine to fix some of the birth control issues and is a little bit better, but I think it takes time.
So.. I have bought a house, and in the process of moving from the townhouse to the 'real' house she brought over a bunch of her clothes (making the sensible argument that there isn't much sense in her paying for the basement room she was renting when she was here 6 days a week - that she would clean up her room at her parents house for the nights i need 'guy/alone time'. So now she's on my pc all the time. No big deal, other than victoria secret windows open that I don't know if she needs, files on desktop, etc etc. So, she brings her computer over and puts it in an extra room. Then, her dad builds this HUGE window-seat thing to go in what is now 'her' room. I come home from work today and there's another couch, chair, loveseat, clothes chest and bed she brought from her house. (she told me she was bringing a bed for the guest room.. not a whole bunch of furniture)..
Anyhow, as you can see, over the period of 1-2 months we've gone from 'having a week or two worth of clothes' to 'huge window seat furniture thing, computer, desk, all of her clothes, shoes, and bathroom stuff, extra bed, extra couch, extra chair, extra loveseat, extra clothes chest....'
basically, I feel REALLY pressured. I don't 'think' she's doing this on purpose, but it's turning into an issue where if we don't stay together forever or some mushy thing like that, there is a TON of her stuff that has to be moved or whatever. HTF am I supposed to relay this to her without sounding like a total arsehole??
CLIFFS:
been w/ girl for 5 months. in the past month or so things went from not very serious to SUPER serious. All of her stuff is over here, and it might be partly my fault from agreeing to her being my 'roommate with benefits' so she feels more like she has a 'home' not just a place to stay. Now, if something happens w/ us I am in a bad position because there is a TON of baggage that is here with her. How can I relay this to her without seriously hurting her feelings over it?
EDIT:
this is somewhat compounded by the fact that she buys me A LOT of stuff. It's nice of her, but again, I'm feeling like I'm being backed into a corner or something. Hard to explain.
UPDATE:
Sat down and talked with her... told her she needs to back off a bit. I reminded her how 'I' was when we first started dating - not liking a bunch of stuff over, etc. I also expressed my concern over the fact that there is SO much stuff over that if something happens between us it makes it really difficult for her to leave, and I don't want that type of thing hanging over my head. She was pretty upset; cried for a little while, and said she understood how I felt and would back off. She's going to go spend a couple days at her dad's house and let me have some down time.
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