YAGT: How to ease the tension and salvage this frienship

[PeeluckyDuckee]

Short story:

Me and this girl are co-workers. She knows I like her all along. I knew I had zero chances with her. We get along well, talk a lot, and have lunches together all the time.

Fast forward to the day prior to her last day. My feelings for her were eating up inside me and I just felt the need to get things out in the open. And so I did. All the things I did for her were not intentions to hit on her or try to change her mind. It simply was because I knew our time together would be short (ala her finding a new job and me not seeing her again) and just wanted to make the most of it and make her happy. That's the only thing that counted as far as I'm concerned. I never did have hopes that things would fly between us. By coming out and telling her I was fully ready to lose all communications with her, but she seemed willing for us to remain friends and so we left it at that.

I gave her a call two/three nights after trying to make things "normal" again. Making small talk and suggesting the idea we should get together one weekend and spend time together, like we used to. She said for sure, but had a friend come over and had to cut the conversation short with me. Whether that's really the case I don't know. Because of that I sent her an email. It's been a week w/o reply.

I feel that there is still a bit of tension between us and that she's feeling uncomfortable. I did get a little teary at work 'cause I miss not seeing her there every day. You know how workplace is though, words spread and may have spread to her.

We still have a few things we borrowed from each other we need to return. I miss her and would like to see her again. Is there anything I can do at this point besides wait for her to start feeling comfortable and that enough time to pass to iiniate contact with me again? Anything I can tell her at this point? Like that I'd like to see her but wait until she's fully ready and comfortable with the idea of meeting up again?

I feel that this is a crucial time and will set a tone of how things will be down the road, but I'm not sure what is the appropriate thing to do. Email? Txt msg? Call her again? All too soon and just sit and wait it out?

I did get really emotional the first two days she's away, but those feelings have slowly faded and I feel better by the day. But I have zero drive/motivation to go to work and actually do work 'cause she's not there no more.

 

[sixone]

Just play it cool, it will pass. She just needs to see how you are going to act around her.

 

[kinev]

Originally posted by: PeeluckyDuckee
Short story:

Me and this girl are co-workers. She knows I like her all along. I knew I had zero chances with her. We get along well, talk a lot, and have lunches together all the time.

Fast forward to the day prior to her last day. My feelings for her were eating up inside me and I just felt the need to get things out in the open. And so I did. All the things I did for her were not intentions to hit on her or try to change her mind. It simply was because I knew our time together would be short (ala her finding a new job and me not seeing her again) and just wanted to make the most of it and make her happy. That's the only thing that counted as far as I'm concerned. I never did have hopes that things would fly between us. By coming out and telling her I was fully ready to lose all communications with her, but she seemed willing for us to remain friends and so we left it at that.

I gave her a call two/three nights after trying to make things "normal" again. Making small talk and suggesting the idea we should get together one weekend and spend time together, like we used to. She said for sure, but had a friend come over and had to cut the conversation short with me. Whether that's really the case I don't know. Because of that I sent her an email. It's been a week w/o reply.

I feel that there is still a bit of tension between us and that she's feeling uncomfortable. I did get a little teary at work 'cause I miss not seeing her there every day. You know how workplace is though, words spread and may have spread to her.

We still have a few things we borrowed from each other we need to return. I miss her and would like to see her again. Is there anything I can do at this point besides wait for her to start feeling comfortable and that enough time to pass to iiniate contact with me again? Anything I can tell her at this point? Like that I'd like to see her but wait until she's fully ready and comfortable with the idea of meeting up again?

I feel that this is a crucial time and will set a tone of how things will be down the road, but I'm not sure what is the appropriate thing to do. Email? Txt msg? Call her again? All too soon and just sit and wait it out?

I did get really emotional the first two days she's away, but those feelings have slowly faded and I feel better by the day. But I have zero drive/motivation to go to work and actually do work 'cause she's not there no more.

If you're not going to be honest with us, we can't help.

 

[postmortemIA]

you are being used, and in denial... great combo that women count on. It doesn't bother her that you like her, rather it drives up her ego. You need to treat her like garbage (she is), and you'll get more respect.

And being honest about your feelings with woman that you know she is not into you is pretty dumb thing to do.

 

[PeeluckyDuckee]

Originally posted by: kinev

Originally posted by: PeeluckyDuckee
Short story:

Me and this girl are co-workers. She knows I like her all along. I knew I had zero chances with her. We get along well, talk a lot, and have lunches together all the time.

Fast forward to the day prior to her last day. My feelings for her were eating up inside me and I just felt the need to get things out in the open. And so I did. All the things I did for her were not intentions to hit on her or try to change her mind. It simply was because I knew our time together would be short (ala her finding a new job and me not seeing her again) and just wanted to make the most of it and make her happy. That's the only thing that counted as far as I'm concerned. I never did have hopes that things would fly between us. By coming out and telling her I was fully ready to lose all communications with her, but she seemed willing for us to remain friends and so we left it at that.

I gave her a call two/three nights after trying to make things "normal" again. Making small talk and suggesting the idea we should get together one weekend and spend time together, like we used to. She said for sure, but had a friend come over and had to cut the conversation short with me. Whether that's really the case I don't know. Because of that I sent her an email. It's been a week w/o reply.

I feel that there is still a bit of tension between us and that she's feeling uncomfortable. I did get a little teary at work 'cause I miss not seeing her there every day. You know how workplace is though, words spread and may have spread to her.

We still have a few things we borrowed from each other we need to return. I miss her and would like to see her again. Is there anything I can do at this point besides wait for her to start feeling comfortable and that enough time to pass to iiniate contact with me again? Anything I can tell her at this point? Like that I'd like to see her but wait until she's fully ready and comfortable with the idea of meeting up again?

I feel that this is a crucial time and will set a tone of how things will be down the road, but I'm not sure what is the appropriate thing to do. Email? Txt msg? Call her again? All too soon and just sit and wait it out?

I did get really emotional the first two days she's away, but those feelings have slowly faded and I feel better by the day. But I have zero drive/motivation to go to work and actually do work 'cause she's not there no more.

If you're not going to be honest with us, we can't help.

How can I describe my feelings? It's like if you know someone has an illness and will be gone in about a month or so, you just want to make her happy and make the most of your time together with her.

I'm just being realistic with my situation with her. Do I hope maybe one day she would change her mind about how she feels about me? That would certainly be a nice surprise, but I wouldn't count on it.

 

[Chrono]

STFU. Time to go hit on some other girls you PAM! Keep your head up and if a girl disses you, head on to another girl. BTW, do not give your nuts away or else.

 

[angrymaxx]

stop being her emotional tampon

 

[imported_goku]

Bleh

 

[fire400]

lol, don't lose sleep over this.

consider what you would be doing right now if you never met her. and then think about being a rebound for her feelings.

and what the other guy said, if you can't tell the truth, then how can someone really help you?

Q's to ask yourself:

are you happy around her?

can you maintain self confidence around her?

would you be smiling still if your parents met her right now?

could you friends meet her?

would she introduce you to her friends?

how does she act around other guys when you are and aren't around her?

lastly, what about the time you could spend with your family/close friends, versus the time you spend with her, is it really worth it? time isn't free these days, we invest it like money. so make a decision, limit the time you spend with her, or find some new friends. if this is all worth it, keep pursuing.

oh yeah dude, one more thing, if she seems that careless, even after loads of trials, it's time to move on, man! don't wait like something big is going to happen. you already confessed, all you could do is wait for her reply, but I mean, don't wait-wait... that would be such a waste of time

 

[JSFLY]

If theres a girl u have zero chance with and ya'll are friends, you need to keep your feelings for her on the friendship level.... IE: try not to like her too much. This is somehting I've learned over the years.

Cuz once you tell her your feelings for her, your friendship is OVER. Its never going to be the same ever again.

 

[postmortemIA]

Originally posted by: JSFLY
If theres a girl u have zero chance with and ya'll are friends, you need to keep your feelings for her on the friendship level.... IE: try not to like her too much. This is somehting I've learned over the years.

Cuz once you tell her your feelings for her, your friendship is OVER. Its never going to be the same ever again.

There's no point telling your feelings to a girl. Instead, wait for her to tell hers to you.

If you tell her, she will think that she's got control over you, and that she can play you. Or - she might try something stupid such as stop seeing you.

If you don't tell, she'll just wonder all the time and it might drive her crazy.

 

[VirginiaDonkey]

you freaked her out.....now you are stalking her.........creep

 

[NakaNaka]

Originally posted by: VirginiaDonkey
you freaked her out.....now you are stalking her.........creep

I wouldn't say you're a creep. But you freaked her out. Just give it time, try to relax and find yourself someone you like. And stop thinking you have zero chance w. girls when you meet them. You meet a girl, you like her, ask her out for coffee. Don't become her emotional tampon if you like her and fall into the friend zone hard and fast.