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YAGT: Having some SERIOUS relationship issues, maybe it is just me? I dont know please chime in.

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Originally posted by: LolaWiz
i have done similar in a state of insecurity to my fiancee (now husband) but for her to do all that to you, including getting physical, i think she was definatly over-reacting.

It takes a long time to get over insecurity issues, but she will with time. You need to be there for her and eventhough it seems like nothing will ever get better, it will.



Myself and husband have had the same sort of problems in the past as well.
Things need to be talked about in a non-threatening, calm way.
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You THINK she is over reacting? Given the abuse that followed?

Not everybody does get over insecurites like that, have known people in the very similiar situation, no matter how much cooperation, assurance, being there. Sometimes nothing works.

If something isn't done, it could get worse.
 
Just look at her very intently and tell her, "Listen, I don't like it when you punch and slap me. You do it again, I break your neck."

But really dude, you don't deserve to be hit and slapped, no one does. That's why they call it abuse. What happens the next time she loses her cool and she is holding a knife or something and sonz70 isn't there to help you? 😛
 
"baby, when i was doing those searches, what i was really looking for was YOU."

or

"baby, those searches just proved to me that no one could ever come close to your beauty. *soulful embrace* "

or

"are you fscking kidding me?! i was googling some stupid sh1t because i was BORED OUT OF MY TREE and you go all whackity-smack on me? GTFO NOW :| "
 
Violence is not the answer to anything, especially when the problem lies within her own insecurity. If I were you I'd GTFO because who knows...you might be the next mr. bobbit :Q
 
Oh man Im so screwed, Im sitting at work terrified of whats going ot happen.

She isnt very religious per se but quite conservative when it comes to a lot of things as you can see form her reactions.

I have known her for almost 6 years but when we started dating 3 years ago, things I NEVER EVER knew came out, like that fact that she is insecure I just dont get it!

I mean for gods sake I am a friggin GEEK I dont go out party, Im all about Audio video, my computers, and working on my truck.

This makes it even worse...

We are supposed to get married this December, her wedding cards have been printed, and me and my family are about to select our cards to send to the printers as well.

We are having an international wedding so tickets have already been purchased....

oh man I dont know what to do, everything points to this being a bad idea, but I have so much time and, for lack of a better word, feelings invested. This would really f me up if we broke up.

This is way to tough.

 
Originally posted by: JImmyK
Oh man Im so screwed, Im sitting at work terrified of whats going ot happen.

She isnt very religious per se but quite conservative when it comes to a lot of things as you can see form her reactions.

I have known her for almost 6 years but when we started dating 3 years ago, things I NEVER EVER knew came out, like that fact that she is insecure I just dont get it!

I mean for gods sake I am a friggin GEEK I dont go out party, Im all about Audio video, my computers, and working on my truck.

This makes it even worse...

We are supposed to get married this December, her wedding cards have been printed, and me and my family are about to select our cards to send to the printers as well.

We are having an international wedding so tickets have already been purchased....

oh man I dont know what to do, everything points to this being a bad idea, but I have so much time and, for lack of a better word, feelings invested. This would really f me up if we broke up.

This is way to tough.
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maybe it will blow over soon. when did this go down?

you're engaged already eh? eek - that complicates things just a tiny bit.
 
I have tried REPEATEDLY to bringin a third party to discuss these problems, but she never seems to acquiesce. Always citing that its a personal matter etc etc.

anybody ever got relationship counseling before? does it work?
 
one last comment...

You just got a glimpse of what your life will be like with her. Think about that one long and hard. There are other women out there that are not psycho.
 
You two need to have a seriou talk before you walk down the aisle.

You are getting married to each other, not to all that will attend. You can't worry about all the made plans. Your future is at stake here.

Where did all this come from? What is she so afraid of? Why is she reacting like this?
What happened to her in her past to make her like this? You have some serious thinking to do. It's tough, but won't it be even tougher in the long run if you don't do something now.
 
Honestly, i wouldnt be able to deal with someone as insecure as that.

 
Originally posted by: JImmyK
Oh man Im so screwed, Im sitting at work terrified of whats going ot happen.

She isnt very religious per se but quite conservative when it comes to a lot of things as you can see form her reactions.

I have known her for almost 6 years but when we started dating 3 years ago, things I NEVER EVER knew came out, like that fact that she is insecure I just dont get it!

I mean for gods sake I am a friggin GEEK I dont go out party, Im all about Audio video, my computers, and working on my truck.

This makes it even worse...

We are supposed to get married this December, her wedding cards have been printed, and me and my family are about to select our cards to send to the printers as well.

We are having an international wedding so tickets have already been purchased....

oh man I dont know what to do, everything points to this being a bad idea, but I have so much time and, for lack of a better word, feelings invested. This would really f me up if we broke up.

This is way to tough.
Click to expand...

Think of it this way... Over 50% of Americans get a divorce, do you really want to be a part of that statistic? On top of that, there's alimony and god knows you don't want to deal with that. Has she ever hit you in those 3 years you've dated? If so, you probably should've broken it off there. Even though you're in pretty deep, I would still have to break it off because it's only going to cause bigger problems later on.
 
Keep in mind she might be having her 'aunt' visiting and thus is very emotional. You should show her that you care for her by doing a few things for her. Or wait a few days and prove to her that she is wrong and has nothing to worry about. I don't know what I would do in your situation,but I'm sure you can figure something out. If you she can't get past this, and trust is the issue, then at least you know about it now before the big day...
 
Originally posted by: JImmyK
I have tried REPEATEDLY to bringin a third party to discuss these problems, but she never seems to acquiesce. Always citing that its a personal matter etc etc.

anybody ever got relationship counseling before? does it work?
Click to expand...

Personal? What she can't share that with you? What else will she keep from you. I would demand that you seek help. Either something be done, or tell her forget it.
Plain and simple, she is calling the shots. This is supposed to be a joined union. Work together.


 
Originally posted by: JImmyK
I have tried REPEATEDLY to bringin a third party to discuss these problems, but she never seems to acquiesce. Always citing that its a personal matter etc etc.

anybody ever got relationship counseling before? does it work?
Click to expand...

Do think she is out of your league (ie do you think you would be hard pressed to find someone as attractive as her again). If so, there is typically a reason and insecurity is sometimes a large factor.

It will be much easier to postpone the wedding before than after. Fix this problem - she shouldn't have hit you now or ever - no matter what happened.

Also remember that she will have at least 50% influence over your children - do you want them seeing her hitting you and over reacting to stupid things like this. Wait until one of you loses your job or hits another real roadblock. I would hate to see how see reacts to that.
 
its 11:14 AM we just had another blow out on AIM now, some guy Patrick, would always send me forwards, which usually had funny but of coruse raunchy jokes and some naked women. Now she is going to contact him to see if I asked him to send me those.. I have told her many times I never asked, it was just a friggin forward no big deal.

Obviously I just got frustrated and said This is enough you are trying to ruin this relationship by looking for problems and it has to stop, her reply was "that obviously means you were lieing because you dont want me asking questions".

Im leaving work I have to go home right now, Ill be back later...

 
She's a psycho bitch. Sorry, that's not name calling, just an observation based on your story (if it's accurate).

I've dated women like her before and my only advice is this: RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
 
Is she Indian/Islamic? If so, there's your problem. 😉 No offense of course. I'm an Indian and I do have some love for the Indian hotties but d@mn are they all messed up. Most Indian/Islamic girls (I said MOST not ALL) I know are one of two extremes. They're either extremely liberal or crazy conservative/religious. From what I've heard she seems like the type who thinks that porn is made by Satan and that a kitten dies every time you touch yourself. Dude, she's your fiance... you REALLY should've known this before-hand. Welcome to the rest of your life. Now you gotta decide whether you're gonna play it like a teenager and hide all your nasty Satanistic habits from your girl or you're gonna have to bring it up and hope she grows up. Good luck. She's def. attractive but that's not all you look for in a girl you're about to marry I hope.

-Connoisseur
 
I think Im going to show her this thread when I get home, it may help her realize, Im sure she will make an account and chime in, or use mine to reply. God I hope this plan works out and doesnt backfire on me..
 
Originally posted by: Amused
She's a psycho bitch. Sorry, that's not name calling, just an observation based on your story (if it's accurate).

I've dated women like her before and my only advice is this: RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
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Yep. There is something broke in their head and its never fixed. Right now she is in her little fantasy land and reality won't reach her.

run, get out now.
 
Originally posted by: JImmyK
I think Im going to show her this thread when I get home, it may help her realize, Im sure she will make an account and chime in, or use mine to reply. God I hope this plan works out and doesnt backfire on me..
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Sorry, but there's no point in that. Nothing is going to "fix" her or make her realize how irrational she's being.

Again, run away. Drop her like last night's dinner.

I'm 38 years old and have dated many women. If your story is completely accurate, trust me on this, she's late for the curb.
 
Originally posted by: JImmyK
I think Im going to show her this thread when I get home, it may help her realize, Im sure she will make an account and chime in, or use mine to reply. God I hope this plan works out and doesnt backfire on me..
Click to expand...

Wow.

You must like abuse. She sees you talking about relationship crap on a board and then proving she's in the wrong will only lead to more beatings.

-edit-

this isn't about wrong or right. This is about her being detached from reality.
 
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