YAGT: Having some SERIOUS relationship issues, maybe it is just me? I dont know please chime in.

[JImmyK]

Please no name calling (to me or the fiance) etc etc just try to be somewhat civil, this forum can be very harsh.

So my fiance is really insecure and blames me for it. A few months back (maybe 5 or 10) when this new Jessica Simpson video came out (the sexually explicit one) some guys came to my cube and started talking about. I dont watch much TV so I googled it and could not find it.

When I discovered google images I searched VT hottie, VT sexy etc I went to Virignia Tech and thought it would be pretty cool if I saw somebody I recognized at tech with any of those headings on the picture name.

none the less forward 4-5 months late rI bring my work laptop home, she uses it and finds those searches in my google search bar.

Im working on my car in the garage and she comes down and says we need to talk, so I come upstairs after cleaning up a bit; long story short she gets very abusive, name calling motherfer, she slapped me pretty good, hit me a couple times cried of course, took the ring off slammed it on the table etc etc.

I kept my cool and said she was totally blowing it our of proportion.

she continued to call me a pervert, a feind etc.

I kept my cool and repeatedly told her she is blowing it all out of proportion

It's 24 hours later now, things are still really bad and stressed.

Cliffs
GF found me searching for jessica simpson MTV video on work laptop and some other pics
got in a big fight she slapped yelled etc
blames me for all her insecurity
Its getting pretty bad at home, dont know how to convince her its all out of proportion.

or am I the one thats wrong here?

By the way she is gorgeous, nothing at all to be insecure about 5'9 125 lbs and cute as a button to me.

http://filebox.vt.edu/users/jkhan/SanaJimmyDisneyworld.jpg

On the left:

http://filebox.vt.edu/users/jkhan/Sana.jpg


UPDATE #1
Oh man Im so screwed, Im sitting at work terrified of whats going ot happen.

She isnt very religious per se but quite conservative when it comes to a lot of things as you can see form her reactions.

I have known her for almost 6 years but when we started dating 3 years ago, things I NEVER EVER knew came out, like that fact that she is insecure I just dont get it!

I mean for gods sake I am a friggin GEEK I dont go out party, Im all about Audio video, my computers, and working on my truck.

This makes it even worse...

We are supposed to get married this December, her wedding cards have been printed, and me and my family are about to select our cards to send to the printers as well.

We are having an international wedding so tickets have already been purchased....

oh man I dont know what to do, everything points to this being a bad idea, but I have so much time and, for lack of a better word, feelings invested. This would really f me up if we broke up.

This is way to tough.

UPDATE #2

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bringin a third party to discuss these problems, but she never seems to acquiesce. Always citing that its a personal matter etc etc.

anybody ever got relationship counseling before? does it work?

UPDATE #3
its 11:14 AM we just had another blow out on AIM now, some guy Patrick, would always send me forwards, which usually had funny but of coruse raunchy jokes and some naked women. Now she is going to contact him to see if I asked him to send me those.. I have told her many times I never asked, it was just a friggin forward no big deal.

Obviously I just got frustrated and said This is enough you are trying to ruin this relationship by looking for problems and it has to stop, her reply was "that obviously means you were lieing because you dont want me asking questions".

Im leaving work I have to go home right now, Ill be back later...

UPDATE #4

I think Im going to show her this thread when I get home, it may help her realize, Im sure she will make an account and chime in, or use mine to reply. God I hope this plan works out and doesnt backfire on me...

UPDATE #5

what a loooong lunch its 1:10 PM just got back to work..

I dont even know where to start.. well first off I havent shown her this thread...

Bottom line, I convinced here that we need counseling, she has agreed and is currently looking for a counselor.

You see guys I am one of those A-holes you always see smiling. Life to me is so friggin good I cant get enough of it, and the fact that Im so happy go lucky I think also gets to her because she feels I dont take these things seriously. To me its so insignificant and unimportant that 5-6 months ago I searched a JS video at work that it's almost not worth mentioning let alone fighting over..

For example:

We make really good money so finances aren't an issue at all.
We are healthy
Our families get along really well
When its good between us I could just DIE at that moment and not have regrets
Everything in the world is working for us

But she is just so sensitive/insecure about the smallest things.

So you can see why I want so badly for this to work.

I was in a 5 year relationship before this and dealt with all these problems (17-22) at that time we both (me and ex) had insecurity issues trust issues but we worked everything out, it just fell apart because of distance and our family REALLY didnt get a long.

Now with Sana (fiance) I feel that I was going through all that again 3 years ago so I have taken it all in stride and tried to help her through these trust/insecurity issues, but that blow up yesterday really showed me all our work has not done as much as I would have liked and got me worried/dissapointed.

Well guys Im going to meet toekramp (Justin) from this thread and just have a talk with him, he lives pretty close.

I guess bottom line is counseling and then we'll see from there.... heres hoping it all goes well.


sorry to bug you guys with this I never discuss any of my serious personal issues on this forum, but last 24 hours were really bad for me.

thanks for listening fellas, it is appreciated.

UPDATE #6

And to those of you who said I was whinning and complaining, I kind of agree; like I said life has been too good for me to complain about anything, but we all get scared every now and then.


BOTTOM LINE

I guess I knew what I needed to do before I even posted this (pre-marital counseling) but as gay as it sounds it really is therapeutic and helpful to have others also fortify your conclusion.

And as much as she hit me none of that stuff really was physically all that painful, its the verbal stuff that gets to a man, the "disgusting pervert" comment was really upsetting... None the less we are at least on talking terms but not very friendly yet, had another rought night, but I guess that is going to be the norm for the next couple of days.

Gluck guys.

 

[HardcoreRobot]

the sign of a keeper is that she will watch porn with you

yours definitely failed this test

of course she is overreacting

 

[sonz70]

So she fliped on you this badly for looking at Porn? She is controling and you will find out after the wedding, when you discover all your friends are gone. Leave her now *shrug* controlling people are no good at relationships with open minded people.

Edit: Also..she hit you. which now doesn't seem like much, till the fist time she comes at you with a knife because you looked at the babysitter the wrong way. Spousal abuse, either way is a sign to get out.

 

[sswingle]

Wow, if she is going to get that upset over something so small and stupid, just think of what the future holds.

 

[FoBoT]

she hit you?

run run away, hitting isn't cool

one or both of you will end up in jail for domestic violence, either because she falsely accuses you or because of her beating you up

you'll end up on Cops!

 

[Geekbabe]

the fact that she struck you is very serious and nullifies any other issue she might be having.

 

[Tiamat]

she was unable to keep her cool and simply ask you what those pics were. Instead she blew up. Sounds like she either blows her top real easy, or had something festering inside of her for a long time. Her hitting you signifies something not very good.

Take note of this, continue to do as you are doing, and if she doesnt improve, then you will have to make a big decision.

 

[meltdown75]

short but sweet advice

GTFO of there, quick.

before you leave, bitch at her for being a fscking snoop and not giving you any privacy... oh and don't forget to rifle through her personal effects to make sure she feels nice & violated. she deserves some of the same before you bolt.

 

[DaShen]

Overreact much

Is she religious or something? She is probably insecure. But since you are the guy, you need to apologize and make it up to her. Just explain to her after she calms down, but flowers and a big apology would be good before that. She is pretty BTW. If she does this stuff all the time, personally, I would question the benefits of the relationship, but if she is cool usually, then just apologize. Good for you.

 

[Lola]

i have done similar in a state of insecurity to my fiancee (now husband) but for her to do all that to you, including getting physical, i think she was definatly over-reacting.

It takes a long time to get over insecurity issues, but she will with time. You need to be there for her and eventhough it seems like nothing will ever get better, it will.

Talk things through with her. She could be a supermodel and still get jeleous when you look at stuff. thats just the way some females are.

She is very VERY beautiful.

Best of luck to both of you.
i hope you can work this out.

Myself and husband have had the same sort of problems in the past as well.
Things need to be talked about in a non-threatening, calm way.

 

[sonz70]

Originally posted by: DaShen
Overreact much

Is she religious or something? She is probably insecure. But since you are the guy, you need to apologize and make it up to her. Just explain to her after she calms down, but flowers and a big apology would be good before that. She is pretty BTW. If she does this stuff all the time, personally, I would question the benefits of the relationship, but if she is cool usually, then just apologize. Good for you.

First thing I wondered is if she was religious too. Is she?

 

[Czar]

Is she overreacting? yes

Is it her fault? yes

Is she hot? hell yeah

Does she have any reasons to be insecure because of her looks? definetly not

Does she have any reasons to be insecure because of her bitchynesss? definetly yes

 

[Pepsei]

wow, you forgot to train her while you were dating. does she forbid you from just even looking at girls when you're walking around?

"did you just stare at that girl? you pervert!!"

seems like she's got some personal problems in the past, perhaps she was sexually abused when she was younger (a classic sign).

 

[spidey07]

Dude.

run as far as you can as fast as you can't.

 

[Billzie7718]

See what happens when you don't beat them regularly.

 

[Whisper]

It sounds like she did overreact, and she has some anger management issues that she needs to work out. But at the same time, when arguments come up, you really can't be too concerned with who's right or wrong, or who's fault it is. That just causes the fight to last longer than it needs to.

Although yeah, her hitting you is a bad thing, especially when it was such an apparent overreaction.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Sounds like you've got yourself an insecure abusive nutball there. Grats!
A piece of advice. Don't ever look at another girl in front of her. Oh, and it doesn't really matter what you are actually thinking...she already believes that she knows. So don't bother explaining anything to her.
I feel sorry for you breeders.

 

[FrustratedUser]

Woah! She's hot.

 

[desteffy]

RUN AWAY!!

 

[LookingGlass]

You already said *Serious Relationship Issues* Don't second guess yourself. You know the answers.

Major red flag with hitting, so many other issues with her. Why is she like this in the first place? Fiance aye? I'd call off the wedding, till she resolves those issues.

She doesn't trust you.
She is insecure as hell, god knows why.
She hit you.
She sounds like a bit of a control freak.

Not the marrying type. Seriously, I would not marry this girl until she either gets some counceling, and tries to figure out why she feels like this, and what is going on.

Suggest counciling for the two of you, if you have any sort of future at all.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Dude, she's nuts. You might have to cut this one loose if she can't get over her insecurity issues.

 

[J Heartless Slick]

Your SO has serious issues. I normally do not join the ATOT "dump her" chorus but abuse is a deal breaker.

DUMP Her!!

 

[nakedfrog]

Definitely a major over-reaction.
How old are you guys, and how long have you been together?

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Definitely a major over-reaction.
How old are you guys, and how long have you been together?

That is a good question. She is insecure, but if you guys are serious, then you need to work things out with her. Talk to her about it when she calms down.

 

[Billzie7718]

Tell her to grow up.