YAGT: GF has an inferiority Complex

[Circlenaut]

Well, I've been seeing this girl for some months now. I'd say she's a pretty awesome except for this inferiority complex which stems from self-esteem issues. Recently we were talking on yahoo (I hate talking on IMs, but for that night we had no access to phones). Well let me first start by saying she's of Vietnamese origin and has been speaking English for 5+ years now. She still has an accent but her English is good enough. Obviously the more time I spend with her the better I understand her (I personally have issues understanding accents). So when we talk, it's no issue. That night I couldn't understand a lot of what she was saying. Words in weird places, lack of detail + my ignorance to piece them together. So like an idiot I'd ask practically after every sentence like "pleaser?" or "what does that mean". Obviously she became very angry (dunno wtf came over me. It?s like empathy mode just turned off on me). So we've been talking a few days now and all of a sudden she thinks she's too stupid for me and all of this sh!t (Complete bs since we get alone fine except for this issue and I don't feel like we can't hold an intelligent conversation). She thinks, because her English isn?t on par with mine, that she?s stupid. Complete BS and English isn?t a subject I excel in. I told her "your going to a good college and eventually plan to apply to med school, how could you possibly feel stupid, it takes some degree of intelligence to even consider that a goal." It's like she doesn't want to listen to me. Mom told me there isn't much I can do (Yes I have a very close relationship with my mother). That she has to solve her esteem issues her own way but there's got to be some way for me to help. Got any ideas? Next time we speak over IMs, I won?t be such a douche and question everything she says.

 

[compnovice]

Show her this post...she will know you are no English guru either

 

[fs5]

Wall of Text crits you for 10,000. You Die.

 

[Baked]

Yellow fever? Admit it, you just like hearing her say "me love you long time, 5 dolla sucky sucky."

 

[skrilla]

Originally posted by: compnovice
Show her this post...she will know you are no English guru either

LOL! :thumbsup:

 

[NanoStuff]

Ah, women. God's way of saying "****** you planet earth".

 

[nakedfrog]

My idea? Listen to your mom.
This sort of thing will happen, I'd just give it a couple days and see if it blows over. Try not to be an idiot in the meantime, though.

 

[Circlenaut]

Originally posted by: compnovice
Show her this post...she will know you are no English guru either

Heh, tis what I thought. It's not like her english is horrid. She's been in the U.S. since 13 and took english classes for years before that. She just has an accent. I'm a freaken idiot for not understanding her and told her this but she insists that somehow having an accent makes her stupid? WTF mate. And this is new, honestly dunno where it came from we've been fine for months.

 

[AccruedExpenditure]

Originally posted by: fs5
Wall of Text crits you for 10,000. You Die.

 

[Bryophyte]

The next time she has a pity party about it, just tell her that you love her, that she knows damn well that she is intelligent, and that you are going to ignore her self esteem issues until she gets over them because they are HERS to work out and you didn't cause them. And that she is welcome to vent to you all she wants, but that you refuse to stroke her ego to make her feel better or to sit and sympathize with her pity party. You'll just sit and let her vent and let it go in one ear and out the other because you love her. Then never respond to her insecurities again other than to smile and tell her that you love her.

 

[RallyMaster]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
The next time she has a pity party about it, just tell her that you love her, that she knows damn well that she is intelligent, and that you are going to ignore her self esteem issues until she gets over them because they are HERS to work out and you didn't cause them. And that she is welcome to vent to you all she wants, but that you refuse to stroke her ego to make her feel better or to sit and sympathize with her pity party. You'll just sit and let her vent and let it go in one ear and out the other because you love her. Then never respond to her insecurities again other than to smile and tell her that you love her.

IMO that's a great approach.

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: fs5
Wall of Text crits you for 10,000. You Die.

Bah, you need more agility.

*Wall of Text attacks! You parry!*
*You counter with Paragraphs - Rank 9*

Well, I've been seeing this girl for some months now. I'd say she's a pretty awesome except for this inferiority complex which stems from self-esteem issues. Recently we were talking on yahoo (I hate talking on IMs, but for that night we had no access to phones).

Well let me first start by saying she's of Vietnamese origin and has been speaking English for 5+ years now. She still has an accent but her English is good enough. Obviously the more time I spend with her the better I understand her (I personally have issues understanding accents). So when we talk, it's no issue.

That night I couldn't understand a lot of what she was saying. Words in weird places, lack of detail + my ignorance to piece them together. So like an idiot I'd ask practically after every sentence like "pleaser?" or "what does that mean". Obviously she became very angry (dunno wtf came over me. It?s like empathy mode just turned off on me).

So we've been talking a few days now and all of a sudden she thinks she's too stupid for me and all of this sh!t (Complete bs since we get alone fine except for this issue and I don't feel like we can't hold an intelligent conversation). She thinks, because her English isn?t on par with mine, that she?s stupid. Complete BS and English isn?t a subject I excel in. I told her "your going to a good college and eventually plan to apply to med school, how could you possibly feel stupid, it takes some degree of intelligence to even consider that a goal." It's like she doesn't want to listen to me.

Mom told me there isn't much I can do (Yes I have a very close relationship with my mother). That she has to solve her esteem issues her own way but there's got to be some way for me to help. Got any ideas? Next time we speak over IMs, I won?t be such a douche and question everything she says.

 

[Xyclone]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: fs5
Wall of Text crits you for 10,000. You Die.

Bah, you need more agility.

*Wall of Text attacks! You parry!*
*You counter with Paragraphs - Rank 9*

Well, I've been seeing this girl for some months now. I'd say she's a pretty awesome except for this inferiority complex which stems from self-esteem issues. Recently we were talking on yahoo (I hate talking on IMs, but for that night we had no access to phones).

Well let me first start by saying she's of Vietnamese origin and has been speaking English for 5+ years now. She still has an accent but her English is good enough. Obviously the more time I spend with her the better I understand her (I personally have issues understanding accents). So when we talk, it's no issue.

That night I couldn't understand a lot of what she was saying. Words in weird places, lack of detail + my ignorance to piece them together. So like an idiot I'd ask practically after every sentence like "pleaser?" or "what does that mean". Obviously she became very angry (dunno wtf came over me. It?s like empathy mode just turned off on me).

So we've been talking a few days now and all of a sudden she thinks she's too stupid for me and all of this sh!t (Complete bs since we get alone fine except for this issue and I don't feel like we can't hold an intelligent conversation). She thinks, because her English isn?t on par with mine, that she?s stupid. Complete BS and English isn?t a subject I excel in. I told her "your going to a good college and eventually plan to apply to med school, how could you possibly feel stupid, it takes some degree of intelligence to even consider that a goal." It's like she doesn't want to listen to me.

Mom told me there isn't much I can do (Yes I have a very close relationship with my mother). That she has to solve her esteem issues her own way but there's got to be some way for me to help. Got any ideas? Next time we speak over IMs, I won?t be such a douche and question everything she says.

Some of you have too much time on your hands...

 

[quikah]

I have a Vietnamese girlfriend also, good luck with that. Can't really do much other than let her get over it and just tell her you think she is great/love her (depending where you are in the relationship).

Vietnamese doesn't have all the letters that english does, so my GF has a hard time saying certain things, for example there is no "Z" in vietnamese so she can't say zero, it sounds more like yero. I find it cute, and kind of make fun of her about it (she makes fun of me about lots of other stuff). I think if you started taking an interest in Vietnamese it would help because you would be able to understand why she says some things certain ways, so it would probably keep you from being an idiot again, and she would most likely be impressed you are taking an interest in her culture.

 

[CellarDoor]

I always thought talking with your SO online was a bad idea if you haven't been going out for a while. You can't tell tone, and someone is bound to take something the wrong way. Then ultimately the conversation ends up on the phone anyway (I realize you said you didn't have access to the phone that night).

 

[ruffilb]

Originally posted by: AccruedExpenditure

Originally posted by: fs5
Wall of Text crits you for 10,000. You Die.

Agreed. SPIRIT HEALER!!

Originally posted by: RallyMaster

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
The next time she has a pity party about it, just tell her that you love her, that she knows damn well that she is intelligent, and that you are going to ignore her self esteem issues until she gets over them because they are HERS to work out and you didn't cause them. And that she is welcome to vent to you all she wants, but that you refuse to stroke her ego to make her feel better or to sit and sympathize with her pity party. You'll just sit and let her vent and let it go in one ear and out the other because you love her. Then never respond to her insecurities again other than to smile and tell her that you love her.

IMO that's a great approach.

Also agreed. That's what I do to one of my friends - minus the hair-stroking and the telling them I love them. Well... it's actually not really like anything I do to my friend at all, except for the in one ear and out the other part.

Originally posted by: quikah
I have a Vietnamese girlfriend also, good luck with that. Can't really do much other than let her get over it and just tell her you think she is great/love her (depending where you are in the relationship).

Vietnamese doesn't have all the letters that english does, so my GF has a hard time saying certain things, for example there is no "Z" in vietnamese so she can't say zero, it sounds more like yero. I find it cute, and kind of make fun of her about it (she makes fun of me about lots of other stuff). I think if you started taking an interest in Vietnamese it would help because you would be able to understand why she says some things certain ways, so it would probably keep you from being an idiot again, and she would most likely be impressed you are taking an interest in her culture.

I used to have a Vietnamese GF, but she was born here and barely speaks any vietnamese at all - but I think the language bit is really good advice as well.

 

[Ricemarine]

Dude...

i'm vietnamese...

Most vietnamese women from vietnam scare me.

they will get that feather stick... and then WHAM!

and plus... if you want to learn vietnamese... try and learn the dialect that your g/f has... Northern vietnamese and southern vietnamese sound different.

 

[imported_Stewy]

So, you can understand her when she talks, but I'm guessing that her written english sucks?

 

[Eeezee]

Please hit the enter key sometime when you're typing text

 

[Krueger81]

Originally posted by: fs5
Wall of Text crits you for 10,000. You Die.

World of Warcraft Player?

 

[shadow9d9]

Originally posted by: fs5
Wall of Text crits you for 10,000. You Die.

Quote worthy if i had room!

 

[KillyKillall]

ROFL. This thread started as lame and has moved to somewhat entertaining. More RPG jokes and I can't believe no one has said this.. PIC?

 

[slsmnaz]

Originally posted by: KillyKillall
ROFL. This thread started as lame and has moved to somewhat entertaining. More RPG jokes and I can't believe no one has said this.. PIC?

Took 2 pages to ask

 

[Circlenaut]

Originally posted by: RallyMaster

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
The next time she has a pity party about it, just tell her that you love her, that she knows damn well that she is intelligent, and that you are going to ignore her self esteem issues until she gets over them because they are HERS to work out and you didn't cause them. And that she is welcome to vent to you all she wants, but that you refuse to stroke her ego to make her feel better or to sit and sympathize with her pity party. You'll just sit and let her vent and let it go in one ear and out the other because you love her. Then never respond to her insecurities again other than to smile and tell her that you love her.

IMO that's a great approach.

Hmm, That's something I can do. I was pushing along that. I mean I told her to punch me and she prettened to punch me (her pillow) at which point she went from piss angry to piss laughing, I started laughing and it was good.

 

[Circlenaut]

Originally posted by: quikah
I have a Vietnamese girlfriend also, good luck with that. Can't really do much other than let her get over it and just tell her you think she is great/love her (depending where you are in the relationship).

Vietnamese doesn't have all the letters that english does, so my GF has a hard time saying certain things, for example there is no "Z" in vietnamese so she can't say zero, it sounds more like yero. I find it cute, and kind of make fun of her about it (she makes fun of me about lots of other stuff). I think if you started taking an interest in Vietnamese it would help because you would be able to understand why she says some things certain ways, so it would probably keep you from being an idiot again, and she would most likely be impressed you are taking an interest in her culture.

Done and done. I picked up a vietnamese copy of rosetta stone. It should get her tommorow. But yeah I do know what you mean man, just the way she speaks I find uber cute and her voice just compounds it