YAGT: Am I selfish?

[Aharami]

hmm. after reading thru the thread, id say it's best if you 2 just went your separate ways. you dont wanna be burdened down with her family and their laziness. get out while you still can

 

[Cobalt]

I'd leave her if I were you. There is nothing else I can say that hasn't been said, you two don't seem compatible.

 

[isasir]

Wow, interesting situation. How is your compatibility otherwise? Besides (I assume) the physical attraction, do you guys have great conversation when you're not fighting, or what? It does seem as if you're both on different wavelengths when it comes to work and responsibilities and that's not likely going to change.

 

[moshquerade]

you marry her, and you marry her family. there is no way around that, and it's something you definitely need to consider.

 

[isasir]

Oh I forgot to add, have you put your foot down and said, "I want this trip to only be the two of us!" and if so, what's her general response? I think if you haven't done that, you really need to be assertive with this. Her response to this type of statement should give you a good idea what to expect if you marry her.

 

[DaFOBulous1]

Originally posted by: lilcam
Blueweasel - No, they write it on pieces of paper and they have to submit it printed via a printer. The parents are too cheap to buy ink cartridge. Now, my fiance wants to pay for their net access. I said hell no. Asian families that I've known, dont really care too much for their kids education. They just want their kids to finish high school and call it a day.

Aplefka - I'm starting to realize this.

hyperblaze - No, other stuff. Today for example, i got home @ 9:15 and no dinner was made. Her priorities are fvcked up! She's lazy to say the least, but I've been too busy to worry about stuff. Part of it is my fault, but part of it is me not having a partner who understands what I'm trying to do. I guess I need someone up to my level and thats not me being arrogant. My mom thinks I deserve better and I need someone who's a little more intellectual.

Asian parents? Not sure what part you coming from but in California; Asian-Americans have one of the highest percentage of people in the college system including the UCs here so your judgement on them is VERY skewed.

And I'm sure the Asian population is a lot more than your area.

As your situation. I see it bad and good. The fact she is so attached and caring for her siblings means she has a strong basis for a family so when you start one if you do; that kind of commitment will be good. However; she is also blind to when she needs to let her siblings take responsbility. She needs to open her eyes but I believe you need to open yours as well as you have stereotypical views about a culture you are intending to marry into and incorporate with.

And what is this "she'll always have a job that no one else would want"...Im confused on that.

 

[maziwanka]

that's a really tough position youre in and im sorry to hear of it....

i hate to say this, but couldn't you have figured all this out before you became engaged to her?

 

[EGGO]

If you love her, you'd overlook this stuff.

My aunt who married this guy in the Phillipines with my mom and dad is supposedly not too favored amongst our blood. He doesn't work at all and has 4 daughters. Luckily, she's a doctor so she makes enough money.

Long story short, family is family. Love em or hate em, they're now people that will be with you and your fiancee until either death do you part or you decide to not continue with it.

Are you selfish? Personally, in my opinion, yes, but not as a bad thing. A relationship should be all, "You, me, and us" type of thing, not, "You and us."

I'd also like to know the same things that isasir does.

 

[sonambulo]

let her go man. an annoyance now will turn into a nagging stressbomb in ten years.

 

[Kadarin]

So... What good qualities does this woman have?

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
you marry her, and you marry her family. there is no way around that, and it's something you definitely need to consider.

I diasgree. You marry a particular person, not their family. Not to say that other family members (from both sides) won't try to interfere and stick their noses into your business, but that's were you have to be firm. Main thing, you have to tell your mate BEFORE getting married that you do not consider their family your responsibilty.

Case in point, my father-in-law. He's generally a nice guy,but he's worthless as a head of the household. He can't screw in the ligh bulb (I kid you not), their washing machine set in the crate for two years before I connected it. He doesn't speak English (he won't learn because it's "to hard" :roll, he has no sense of direction. Heck, every time he wanted to come over to visit us I had to drive across town to meet him so he could follow me. I put a stop to it couple of years ago when I explixitely told him that as a grwon man, not physically or menthally handicapped, he should be able to take care of himself. My wife was little upset at first, but she got over it.

 

[jdub1107]

Don't get married. You seem to be a good path in life and she seems to be holding you back. That's something you just don't need. At least wait a few more years and make sure she's mature enough to want the same things you do.

 

[Cal166]

Originally posted by: EmperorIQ
I have a friend who was in the same situation as you. He ended up dropping the girl after 4 years! it was near 5 years! Now we both look back, and see how she is still completely attached to her family, we both agree . . .
"dude, you dodged a bullet"
For some reason, I knew she was asian too, its typical that there is always 1 sibling that feels obligated to help all the other useless ones, my family at one point had 14 people living under 1 roof, all bills were paid by my parents, while my uncle, his wife, his 2 sons, my 3 aunts did nothing, didn't pay for anything!

I was in a similar situation. Am asian and was dating another one for 4 years. Our relationship ending around the 4 years mark. She cares about her family a lot especially her loser brother. She was also lazy and all she cares about was shopping and bar/clubs. She's not the brightest crayon in box also. Looking back, ending the relationship was a very good choice for me, I finally have some savings!

or

See Sig

 

[Cal166]

Originally posted by: jdub1107
Don't get married. You seem to be a good path in life and she seems to be holding you back. That's something you just don't need. At least wait a few more years and make sure she's mature enough to want the same things you do.

Definately one of the best advice. While I was dating my Ex-GF, I went nowhere! Had no job, no money and pretty much no life. She was a drag in my life. Now am very happy, everything is working out for me.

Good luck man.

 

[Nitemare]

Just start slamming him at every opportunity

 

[mitaiwan82]

Most of the Asian families I know want their kids to finish undergrad, if not more. YMMV, as everyone comes from a different background.

Originally posted by: lilcam
As for my fiance's siblings, 2 are graduating from HS this year while the other 3 are all in elementary school. 1st grade, 3rd grade and 7th grade.

Wait so which sister of your finacee is married? I'm assuming not the ones in elementary school....so one of the high school graduates is married (17, 18 years old)?