YABT (Yet Another Boy Thread): His ex calls up and wants to see him again...

[imported_Tomato]

My fiance had a fling with this girl named Hope about 3+ years ago. He never considered her a girlfriend, and the relationship that lasted 3 months was purely physical. She's almost 10 years older than him, and is currently engaged... they haven't spoken in months, and today, completely out of the blue, she sent him this e-mail:

"Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 22:02:05 +0000
From: Hope
Subject: Hi there

Hi. How have you been? how's ivy?

hey i'm going down to l.a on Jan. 2nd. are you gonna be around or u'll go back home?

if you are around, we can meet up.

take care

hope"

The problem is, about one year ago (while she was engaged), she wrote my fiance a rather graphic e-mail about raunchy dreams she'd been having about him. At the time, he wrote back and told her he didn't think it was appropriate for her to send him such things, especially being engaged.

I have no idea why she'd want to see him again, and I have no interest whatsoever in meeting her/being friends with her/wasting time with her. However, I was thinking that maybe if she saw us both together/happy, she'd lose any hope (pun not intended) she might have of ever hooking up with him again.

Do you think it would it be a good/bad idea to meet up with her?

EDIT: Situation resolved. The fiance wrote her an e-mail and told her he was going to be home in Albuquerque, and wouldn't be in town when she arrived. (not true, he'll be here but we just don't want to see her)

 

[white]

no. case closed.

 

[pulse8]

If you can't handle him seeing his exgirlfriends then you have no business marrying him.

 

[Frew]

Make it a 3 sum.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: white
no. case closed.

Simple and to the point, thanks white.

I'm just hoping that if she sees us together, she'll get the hint and leave him alone. I don't know why she keeps resurfacing every year or so... according to my fiance they were never good friends, just fvck buddies. I wish her head would explode. *sigh*

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: pulse8
If you can't handle him seeing his exgirlfriends then you have no business marrying him.

She's not his exgirlfriend, she's an ex-fling. He's had one serious relationship in the past, and I already met that ex-girlfriend.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: LeadFrog
Make it a 3 sum.

She's not attractive to me at all.

 

[SuepaFly]

Originally posted by: white
no. case closed.

I agree. Going to meet her, even if together, is basically humoring her.

 

[pulse8]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: pulse8
If you can't handle him seeing his exgirlfriends then you have no business marrying him.

She's not his exgirlfriend, she's an ex-fling. He's had one serious relationship in the past, and I already met that ex-girlfriend.

If she's not an exgirlfriend, then there should be even less of a problem.

She didn't even mean enough to him to make her his girlfriend and he's asked you to marry him. Don't be so insecure.

 

[TuxDave]

Well.... ideally your finace would have no interest whatsoever with meeting up with her, then you wouldn't have to worry about this thing in the first place. Cross your fingers and hope that's how he feels. If not, then....

Step 1) Give fiance the evil eye
Step 2) Go together to meet her
Step 3) Give her the evil eye

I would prefer to avoid the meeting all together if that's possible.

 

[Wuffsunie]

She'd see it as a sign of direct competition, an upping the anty in the war for your fiance. To say it's a bad idea is an understatement. If you haven't responded to that email, don't.

 

[Zanix]

Originally posted by: pulse8
If you can't handle him seeing his exgirlfriends then you have no business marrying him.

I disagree. WTF business does he have with ex's that wouldn't compromise marriage?

"They're just having coffee."

"They're just going to a movie."

"They're just watching a movie at her place."



I was friends with this girl that was married. We hung out while I was single. Now, I'm not an ex of this girl, but I know she had no business with me. We would have "broken her vows" sooner or later.

That was a year or so ago. She's getting a divorce now. Go figure.

edit: oops

 

[SuepaFly]

Originally posted by: pulse8

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: pulse8
If you can't handle him seeing his exgirlfriends then you have no business marrying him.

She's not his exgirlfriend, she's an ex-fling. He's had one serious relationship in the past, and I already met that ex-girlfriend.

If she's not an exgirlfriend, then there should be even less of a problem.

She didn't even mean enough to him to make her his girlfriend and he's asked you to marry him. Don't be so insecure.

I don't think she's being insecure, and if she is, he should (being her fiance and all) understand that or already know that.

 

[pulse8]

Originally posted by: Zanix

Originally posted by: pulse8
If you can't handle him seeing his exgirlfriends then you have no business marrying him.

I disagree. WTF business does he have with ex's that would compromise marriage?

"They're just having coffee."

"They're just going to a movie."

"They're just watching a movie at her place."



I was friends with this girl that was married. We hung out while I was single. Now, I'm not an ex of this girl, but I know she had no business with me. We would have "broken her vows" sooner or later.

That was a year or so ago. She's getting a divorce now. Go figure.

My point was that if she's going to be jealous about his exgirlfriends or flings or whatever then she shouldn't be marrying him because she still has some maturing to do.

This isn't a hanging out on a regular basis thing. She's in town and wants to meet up with him. If he wants to marry Ivy and can't handle seeing a girl by himself and not banging her silly, then it's better she finds out now than later.

 

[Stark]

fiances/wives are generally not cool with their partner's past bed buddies. Last year I went to a dinner with some old college friends with my wife. When she later discovered one of them had been an ex (i honestly had no idea she would be there), she was not so keen on the idea of meeting those friends again.

You're probably justified in not wanting to have anything to do with her. She might just be really friendly, but it sounds like they have some memories you may not want to stir up in your man's brain.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: TuxDave
Well.... ideally your finace would have no interest whatsoever with meeting up with her, then you wouldn't have to worry about this thing in the first place. Cross your fingers and hope that's how he feels. If not, then....

Step 1) Give fiance the evil eye
Step 2) Go together to meet her
Step 3) Give her the evil eye

I would prefer to avoid the meeting all together if that's possible.

Heh. Evil Eye.

Situation's been resolved... fiance wrote her an e-mail and told her he was going to be home in Albuquerque, and wouldn't be in LA. (not true, he'll be here but we just don't want to see her)

Thanks for the replies.

 

[TuxDave]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: TuxDave
Well.... ideally your finace would have no interest whatsoever with meeting up with her, then you wouldn't have to worry about this thing in the first place. Cross your fingers and hope that's how he feels. If not, then....

Step 1) Give fiance the evil eye
Step 2) Go together to meet her
Step 3) Give her the evil eye

I would prefer to avoid the meeting all together if that's possible.

Heh. Evil Eye.

Situation's been resolved... fiance wrote her an e-mail and told her he was going to be home in Albuquerque, and wouldn't be in LA. (not true, he'll be here but we just don't want to see her)

Thanks for the replies.

:thumbsup: to your fiance.

 

[Zanix]

Originally posted by: pulse8

Originally posted by: Zanix

Originally posted by: pulse8
If you can't handle him seeing his exgirlfriends then you have no business marrying him.

I disagree. WTF business does he have with ex's that would compromise marriage?

"They're just having coffee."

"They're just going to a movie."

"They're just watching a movie at her place."



I was friends with this girl that was married. We hung out while I was single. Now, I'm not an ex of this girl, but I know she had no business with me. We would have "broken her vows" sooner or later.

That was a year or so ago. She's getting a divorce now. Go figure.

My point was that if she's going to be jealous about his exgirlfriends or flings or whatever then she shouldn't be marrying him because she still has some maturing to do.

This isn't a hanging out on a regular basis thing. She's in town and wants to meet up with him. If he wants to marry Ivy and can't handle seeing a girl by himself and not banging her silly, then it's better she finds out now than later.

Just being jealus, well yeah... I agree with you there.

I guess he shouldn't choose to see this girl. That's what I mean. I'm not suggesting that he'd bang her, but why do they need to see each other? Because they miss eachother? Ok, he's married/ soon to be it sounds. Sorry but history is history. There needs to be some honesty with the intentions I think. What reason do old lovers need to see each other? Talk about those times when they were banging? I don't know...

 

[bootymac]

If I were you, I'd go with your BF and start kissing him and stuff in front of her. Offer to give him a blow job too, that'll destroy her :evil:

 

[pulse8]

Originally posted by: Zanix
Just being jealus, well yeah... I agree with you there.

I guess he shouldn't choose to see this girl. That's what I mean. I'm not suggesting that he'd bang her, but why do they need to see each other? Because they miss eachother? Ok, he's married/ soon to be it sounds. Sorry but history is history. There needs to be some honesty with the intentions I think. What reason do old lovers need to see each other? Talk about those times when they were banging? I don't know...

This particular girl he probably shouldn't choose because he obviously doesn't like her even as a person anymore. I'll give you that.

However, why is the only intentions you can see old flings seeing each other again is to either screw again or talk about when they were screwing?

Why can't people get together just because they enjoyed each other's company outside of the bedroom? Why can't it just be a mature relationship with no baggage attached to it?

Sounds like you need a bit of maturing yourself.

 

[KarenMarie]

Why didn't he tell her that he did not want to meet up with her, cause he is in a relationship with you?

 

Dezign, are you comfortable with your fiance making up a lie to resolve a matter? If it were I, I would be pretty concerned that he would lie to me the same way about other matters.

Why not be straightforward with this lady? Her e-mail is very appropriate. She cared enough to ask how you're doing; whereas if all she wanted was your fiance, she could have made no mention. Yeah, she's hit on him in the past, but it doesn't mean she's doing it now.

Needless to say, if your fiance or you are convinced that she wants him, then he should be straightforward. She won't leave until he's straighforward and affirms himself. Yes, it will hurt, but she'll get over it.

 

[Stark]

Originally posted by: pulse8

Originally posted by: Zanix
Just being jealus, well yeah... I agree with you there.

I guess he shouldn't choose to see this girl. That's what I mean. I'm not suggesting that he'd bang her, but why do they need to see each other? Because they miss eachother? Ok, he's married/ soon to be it sounds. Sorry but history is history. There needs to be some honesty with the intentions I think. What reason do old lovers need to see each other? Talk about those times when they were banging? I don't know...

This particular girl he probably shouldn't choose because he obviously doesn't like her even as a person anymore. I'll give you that.

However, why is the only intentions you can see old flings seeing each other again is to either screw again or talk about when they were screwing?

Why can't people get together just because they enjoyed each other's company outside of the bedroom? Why can't it just be a mature relationship with no baggage attached to it?

Sounds like you need a bit of maturing yourself.

ah, but you are denying the hormones of the average male that drive him to propogate his dna as much as he possibly can. a woman has to deal with this trait and try to keep him propogating only in conjunction with her dna. women who have already agreed to let him plant his seed in them therefore are a much larger threat to the monogamistic goal.

of course, males counter back with the argument that it's enlightened to remain friends with former spawn partners in an attempt to confuse their female partners and continue their original dna-spreading mission, but it rarely works.

 

[mugs]

Wow, she's about 30 years old? I thought only teenagers wrote that poorly.

 

[Zanix]

Originally posted by: pulse8

Originally posted by: Zanix
Just being jealus, well yeah... I agree with you there.

I guess he shouldn't choose to see this girl. That's what I mean. I'm not suggesting that he'd bang her, but why do they need to see each other? Because they miss eachother? Ok, he's married/ soon to be it sounds. Sorry but history is history. There needs to be some honesty with the intentions I think. What reason do old lovers need to see each other? Talk about those times when they were banging? I don't know...

This particular girl he probably shouldn't choose because he obviously doesn't like her even as a person anymore. I'll give you that.

However, why is the only intentions you can see old flings seeing each other again is to either screw again or talk about when they were screwing?

Why can't people get together just because they enjoyed each other's company outside of the bedroom? Why can't it just be a mature relationship with no baggage attached to it?

Sounds like you need a bit of maturing yourself.

Why do people enjoy each others company? With any relationship, there is a certian level of attraction. With lovers, it was to the point of sexual. It could be a mature relationship, sure. They could go out everyonce in a while, when ever she's in town, just because they enjoy each others company. But where is the attraction there? Still sexual as it was? And if so, no matter how "mature" it'll always come back to that... somehow, maybe there'll be a couple beers at the pub, I don't know.. It does though. People like to deny that they arn't thinking about sex when they're looking at someone they're sexually attracted to, but I think I'm a little more honest with myself.




And there's no need to start with the personal put downs.