hahahahahhaaha
ahahahhahaha
haha
hahahahhahaa
Thank you for reminding me why I don't have a girlfriend or significant other!
hahahaha
ahahahhahaha
haha
hahahahhahaa
Thank you for reminding me why I don't have a girlfriend or significant other!
hahahaha
The title does that book a disservice (I bet the Editor forced the 'catchy' title on the author). If you want a synopsis, read some of the reader reviews at the amazon listing. The guy did ~30 years of clinical studies, recording couples day to day interactions through a 1-way observation window over long periods of time (well long time by clinical research standards). The couples whose relationships failed had reoccuring patterns, and the couples who stayed together had a small handful of common characteristics. The book is a report of findings in a writing style meant to be more accessible than his scholarly publication of the same research.
Some highlights from the reader feedbacks:
More communication isn't a cure-all for a relationship.
About 60% of the conflicts that happily married couples have are unresolvable (perpetual). Dr Gottman found that happy couples accept that these problems are unresolvable and can learn to live with them without damaging their relationship.
Failures at connecting often result from "a disparity between their respective needs for intimacy and independence."
Maintaining Honor and Respect for your partner in the heat of all-too-common battles is a fundamental issue.
" In summary this is a great book that people who don't like marriage advice books can enjoy (as well as those who do)."
Yup...if she's gonna hit you with that crap you definately should hit her with this crap:
You defiinately did the right thing by dumping her.
*adds one to the list of reasons he's really glad he's single*
You defiinately did the right thing by dumping her.
*adds one to the list of reasons he's really glad he's single*
Tantos, I remember you dissing some woman long time ago. You said she said you hadn't been there for her; and she told things to someone else about problems she was having in her life but didn't tell you. You were upset and disrespected her. Pardon me if my memory has served me badly.
The point of the mention of that event was to establish your issues with women. What's up with that kind of comment about women? It seems to me that understanding the needs and feelings of women is complex for you. Why would you tell her to go find a man that fits that book? A man who understands what relationship is all about would have allowed her do her analysis. Why? He would allow her do it because he understands that human nature is not perfect, relationships are not perfect. Diagnosing weaknesses and problems instead of running away from it is part of what makes a healthy relationship. It also establishes that he has enough confidence in himself not to be afraid of what the book says. Even if you didn't want to be analysed, you shouldn't have hastily told her to go find a man who fit the book. It's disrespectful and shows that you're one who likes to run away from anything indepth or serious. Perhaps it was also pride and arrogance playing. . . . Maybe it isn't your goal . . . and there's nothing wrong with that. But if it's her goal, there's nothing wrong with that either. Any woman with senses who's seeking a serious relationship would make haste whilst the sun shines.
The point of the mention of that event was to establish your issues with women. What's up with that kind of comment about women? It seems to me that understanding the needs and feelings of women is complex for you. Why would you tell her to go find a man that fits that book? A man who understands what relationship is all about would have allowed her do her analysis. Why? He would allow her do it because he understands that human nature is not perfect, relationships are not perfect. Diagnosing weaknesses and problems instead of running away from it is part of what makes a healthy relationship. It also establishes that he has enough confidence in himself not to be afraid of what the book says. Even if you didn't want to be analysed, you shouldn't have hastily told her to go find a man who fit the book. It's disrespectful and shows that you're one who likes to run away from anything indepth or serious. Perhaps it was also pride and arrogance playing. . . . Maybe it isn't your goal . . . and there's nothing wrong with that. But if it's her goal, there's nothing wrong with that either. Any woman with senses who's seeking a serious relationship would make haste whilst the sun shines.
There is a big difference between analysis and discussion about the contents of the book and having her tell him what to do so he can better fit her new random book inspired ideal man.
Tantos, I remember you dissing some woman long time ago. You said she said you hadn't been there for her; and she told things to someone else about problems she was having in her life but didn't tell you. You were upset and disrespected her. Pardon me if my memory has served me badly.
I have no freaking idea what you are talking about Luvly. That wasn't me..you must be mistaken.
I am not running away. More like if she needs a book to guide her in our relationship, then it must be crap.
I must be doing something wrong since I am the man right? It's always my fault right?
I have no freaking idea what you are talking about Luvly. That wasn't me..you must be mistaken.
I am not running away. More like if she needs a book to guide her in our relationship, then it must be crap.
I must be doing something wrong since I am the man right? It's always my fault right?
My sincere apologies to you, Mr. Tantos. Indeed, it was not you who spoke of some girl problem like that. It was another member, whose name I recall now. Sorry again. And thanks for your patience.
No, I am not saying that it's always your fault or the man's fault. In this case, I can understand your disapproval of self-help books, but what made your action unacceptable in my view was not your perception of self-help books. What made your action unacceptable was the manner in which you responded to her. The self-help books become irrelevant at that point, for instead it is your attitude towards her that takes precedence. Had you taken your time to object to the book and tell her why you did not think the book had merits, even in a joking manner, perhaps she would have appreciated you and not thought of you as someone who runs away from issues. Your response, plain and simple, was prideful and arrogant. You were simply saying that tackling issues is of no importance to you; and that what she has to share with you is insignificant. Had you at least said, hon', you know those self-help books aren't really self-help because you are adhering to someone else's system; and then had you proceeded to offer an alternative where you two would casually analyse each other without any spite, it would have made an intimate and pleasant experience. It would be more pleasant if you suddenly started analysing her with positive complimients (you are caring, beautiful, etc.). And guess what! You would not be perceived as running away from issues.
In any case, I doubt that your relationship ended solely because of the self-help book. It must have been a troubled relationship anyway. It was probably time to part. I hope that you learn from this and have a better experience in the future.
(Sorry again, Tantos, for my mistaken statement.)
P.S.: Noriaki, I didn't know you were one to be hostile toward women (*sarcasm*). What's with you now sounding like Bluefont?
LOL! You didn't sound that bitter when last I recall reading your post.
No, I am not saying that it's always your fault or the man's fault. In this case, I can understand your disapproval of self-help books, but what made your action unacceptable in my view was not your perception of self-help books. What made your action unacceptable was the manner in which you responded to her. The self-help books become irrelevant at that point, for instead it is your attitude towards her that takes precedence. Had you taken your time to object to the book and tell her why you did not think the book had merits, even in a joking manner, perhaps she would have appreciated you and not thought of you as someone who runs away from issues. Your response, plain and simple, was prideful and arrogant. You were simply saying that tackling issues is of no importance to you; and that what she has to share with you is insignificant. Had you at least said, hon', you know those self-help books aren't really self-help because you are adhering to someone else's system; and then had you proceeded to offer an alternative where you two would casually analyse each other without any spite, it would have made an intimate and pleasant experience. It would be more pleasant if you suddenly started analysing her with positive complimients (you are caring, beautiful, etc.). And guess what! You would not be perceived as running away from issues.
In any case, I doubt that your relationship ended solely because of the self-help book. It must have been a troubled relationship anyway. It was probably time to part. I hope that you learn from this and have a better experience in the future.
(Sorry again, Tantos, for my mistaken statement.)
P.S.: Noriaki, I didn't know you were one to be hostile toward women (*sarcasm*). What's with you now sounding like Bluefont?
I have no idea who Bluefont is...
And this is not a woman-specific thing. I just really dislike stupid people.
I think that people who buy self-help books and start telling other people how to act so they can live up to the standards presented by these books are bloody stupid, and as I said I really dislike stupid people. Man or Woman makes no difference. It's like theoretical Computer Science. It might sound good, but in practice it just doesn't work out so nicely. We have to struggle with approximations and work hard to get as close as we can to the desired result (by that I mean Turing Machines, specifically the Non-Deterministic to Determinisitc conversion).
Title line of the thread:
As I said before, there is a big difference between analysis and discussion about the contents of the book and having her tell him what to do so he can better fit her new random book inspired ideal man.
If she picked up a book and started looking through it and discussing the ideas therein with him in hopes of bettering their relationship, that would be one thing. Starting to read this book and telling him how to modify his behaviour so he can become the ideal man is crap.
Judging from the title, I'm guessing it was the second. Perhaps I judged to quickly.
And for the record, I'm not bitter towards Women. 2 of my 4 best friends are female, and I have many other close female friends. I do not however like "relationships" at all. Never have been overly fond of "relationships". I've always been single, and I plan to stay that way. And I've had that viewpoint for years. Please don't mistake my desire to stay single as a general dislike of women, I don't want to be thought of as sexist. I like women at least as much as men (more in my age category). I just don't desire a mate (be that mate female or male).
And this is not a woman-specific thing. I just really dislike stupid people.
I think that people who buy self-help books and start telling other people how to act so they can live up to the standards presented by these books are bloody stupid, and as I said I really dislike stupid people. Man or Woman makes no difference. It's like theoretical Computer Science. It might sound good, but in practice it just doesn't work out so nicely. We have to struggle with approximations and work hard to get as close as we can to the desired result (by that I mean Turing Machines, specifically the Non-Deterministic to Determinisitc conversion).
Title line of the thread:
As I said before, there is a big difference between analysis and discussion about the contents of the book and having her tell him what to do so he can better fit her new random book inspired ideal man.
If she picked up a book and started looking through it and discussing the ideas therein with him in hopes of bettering their relationship, that would be one thing. Starting to read this book and telling him how to modify his behaviour so he can become the ideal man is crap.
Judging from the title, I'm guessing it was the second. Perhaps I judged to quickly.
And for the record, I'm not bitter towards Women. 2 of my 4 best friends are female, and I have many other close female friends. I do not however like "relationships" at all. Never have been overly fond of "relationships". I've always been single, and I plan to stay that way. And I've had that viewpoint for years. Please don't mistake my desire to stay single as a general dislike of women, I don't want to be thought of as sexist. I like women at least as much as men (more in my age category). I just don't desire a mate (be that mate female or male).
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