writing poem to girl, is this good paragraph?

antness

Banned
Jul 22, 2001
295
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it's 2am..i'm in bed...why not write a poem. tell me what you think of this..i've never really written a poem or anything like this before so it's a try...

fine u all suk
eh?
 

weezergirl

Diamond Member
May 24, 2000
3,366
1
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jimmy!!!

where have u been?? :p i wanted to discuss the new jimmy with u and see if u liked it. i think it rocks!
 

yoda291

Diamond Member
Aug 11, 2001
5,079
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here's a tip for writing poetry...find some dead professional poet who no one has ever heard of, and...well, improvise. And make is short and disposable. If you make it all fancy, she'll feel obligated to hang it up or display it, where critics can A)criticise it or B) recognize it. Then, you'e in hot/hotter water.

As far as your poetry career is, nice idea, bit unoriginal, but you have no sense of rhythym or beat. It sounds like you went a little crazy with the return key when writing a letter. Work on that, and atomic particles start to sound poetic.
 

brxndxn

Diamond Member
Apr 3, 2001
8,475
0
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Why don't you keep it simple, stupid? (as in the phrase)


gorgousness is a terrible word for a poem...


Write an entire poem just about her eyes using simple language.



"I am lost in the beauty to your eye, I gaze and I am dispersed, fan your eyelashes so I may return." (To someone: If you chance to read this, you may take it as a compliment)

Anyway, feel free to use that in your poem cause' I don't care about credit for one single sentence that took me 20 seconds to devise.
 

weezergirl

Diamond Member
May 24, 2000
3,366
1
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hey guess what? it doesn't matter if the poem sucks. if u took the time to write it from your heart the girl will think it's sooo sweet..

the same thing happened to me. so the poem wasnt' that great but since this guy isnt' the type to even attempt writing a poem it really touched me. i LOVED it.
 

frizzlefry

Golden Member
May 14, 2001
1,711
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man post that poem back up! if you take it down jsut cuz some ppl say it sucks, then what kind of man are you that you can't take any criticism?
 

DannyLove

Lifer
Oct 17, 2000
12,876
4
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im glad i didn't read your poem. i think all that is all fair and dandy, when your 10!

danny~!
 

yoda291

Diamond Member
Aug 11, 2001
5,079
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I thought ten year old boys told girls they liked them by burning their hair, stealing their lunch and milk money, and spitting on them.

 

kinkyboy702

Senior member
Aug 25, 2000
580
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antness,

You should've known better than post a poem up on a techy filled forum. I haven't read it, but I think that if it comes from your heart, it should be fine. And if she doesn't like it, then give her the finger.

No offense to anyone on the forums, but seriously, most if not all of us are classified as being a "techy". Not that there is anything wrong with that, but the stereotyped description of a "techy", well... just take a look at Bill Gates... and imagine him being broke... in his teens.... zit faced.

Do you really want the opinions of these kinds of people?

Just my thoughts,
Steve

P.S. I'll be flamed for this, but what do I care. I'm up at 12:15 at night with nothing better to do than surf the OT forums.
 

yakko

Lifer
Apr 18, 2000
25,455
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<< I thought ten year old boys told girls they liked them by burning their hair, stealing their lunch and milk money, and spitting on them. >>

That sounds about right.:)