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Writing my first song...

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Originally posted by: Fritzo
I've seen a lot worse. You have flow, it tells a story, not bad. Needs some polishing. There's a thing called a "songwriters thesaurus" that has more elegant alternate words. I used to use it all the time. It really helps.

Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule.
-- Stephen King
 
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