wow, so I'm an arsehole

TechBoyJK

Lifer
Oct 17, 2002
16,701
60
91
A friend of mine, that I used to date, moved to Texas to be with her dad. We've kept it touch here and there. We used to talk alot via instant messaging and myspace/facebook. Not so much anymore, I'm busy, she's busy.

Anyways, she posts a bulletin on myspace stating that she's signed onto a breast cancer fund raiser and gives a link to those who are willing to donate. She gives HER reason for being behind it, that her family has a long history of breast cancer, etc.

Thinking about donating, I message her, stating I normally give to my church and cancer missions are part of their overall plan. Putting the message in a "devil's advocate" form basically asking why I should give to her organization instead of my church, she just replies back with a brief "thanks for your consideration"

So I reply back asking her if I can help her on her sales tactics. I had my wallet open ready to give $25 as long as she acted like she really cared, instead she gives me no reason to donate to her instead.

I basically say hey, how serious are you? If you want, I'm pretty experienced in sales and I can help walk you through somethings that could mean the difference between someone giving or not.

Running a fundraiser can be a full time job if you are that dedicated, and at the moment, she's unemployed, so I thought she might be up for the help to get her up and running with something until she finds a job. I'm busy as hell with my job and other ventures, so I thought she'd recognize my willingness to help a donation itself.

She replies back "I don't think you get it. It's just an online run to raise money, it's not a fundraiser "event" per se, just a webpage to give money if you want. "

So I take another look at the page, and yea, its a direct link to her profile and how much money she's raised. It says "$25". I think to myself, well its a start, but she can do better than that.

I reply back, basically saying "Oh, I get it now. I see the leaderboard, and you only have $25 so far. Like I said, if you want my help, I'm willing, as I think you can do better than $25"

Well, she replies with

wow. you're actually a bigger asshole than i remember. maybe don't insult my donation, because giving a fuck enough to give 25 is better than finding 100 reasons not to give like somepeople. for one, i'm unemployed and i probably give more of my time and resources to something other than my self-centered own self, and 2 i did give more then 25$, and so have other sponsors of mine. i just donated an extra 25 online so that there were some names on the online donation area.

Did I deserve that? Because I wasn't meaning to insult her. I didn't even think it was HER donation, just what has been raised in her name. SHe took it as an insult on what SHE gave herself.
 

dquan97

Lifer
Jul 9, 2002
12,011
3
0
I'm with her on this one. She gave a reason why she's fundraising and that should be enough.
 

waffleironhead

Diamond Member
Aug 10, 2005
6,919
429
136
You insulted her. Realize that not everyone needs or wants your advice. She said no to your offer and yet you still pushed the issue.'

BTW L&R is <---------------
 

amdskip

Lifer
Jan 6, 2001
22,530
13
81
Emotion cannot be expressed nearly as good online when compared to a simple phone call, call her and patch things up.
 

eits

Lifer
Jun 4, 2005
25,206
3
81
www.integratedssr.com
wow, she summed you up pretty well, actually. i think that was a fair evaluation.

i'm surprised that you're surprised you're an asshole. i kinda thought you mighta taken pride in it or something.

no, i'm not trying to be a dick or mean or anything... i'm just answering matter-of-factly.
 

spidey07

No Lifer
Aug 4, 2000
65,469
5
76
Reason number 13687 why you shouldn't be friends with people you've dated.

But yeah, you did kind of insult her. A one word reply that rhymes with snitch is all that is needed to rid yourself of the drama queen.
 

waggy

No Lifer
Dec 14, 2000
68,145
10
81
Originally posted by: MikeyIs4Dcats
you sound like a dick, and she flipped out. it's a draw.

thats whats i was thinking. but yeah the OP deserved it.
 

Darthvoy

Golden Member
Aug 3, 2004
1,826
1
0
It seems like you wanted to "dangle a carrot in front of her" for your own sense of superiority.
 

TechBoyJK

Lifer
Oct 17, 2002
16,701
60
91
Originally posted by: waggy
Originally posted by: MikeyIs4Dcats
you sound like a dick, and she flipped out. it's a draw.

thats whats i was thinking. but yeah the OP deserved it.

I could see, finishing a race, giving it your all, and getting a decent time, only for your coach to say "you could do better" kind of insulting at first, but my intent was to say I believed in her enough that I felt she could achieve even better results... Is that wrong?
 

TechBoyJK

Lifer
Oct 17, 2002
16,701
60
91
Originally posted by: Darthvoy
It seems like you wanted to "dangle a carrot in front of her" for your own sense of superiority.

one of the things we did all the time when she was in town was play "command and conquer"
the game. we even played out in our relationship that sense of I can dominate you, vice versa.. it was always in fun.
 

MattCo

Platinum Member
Jan 29, 2001
2,198
2
81
Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
Originally posted by: waggy
Originally posted by: MikeyIs4Dcats
you sound like a dick, and she flipped out. it's a draw.

thats whats i was thinking. but yeah the OP deserved it.

I could see, finishing a race, giving it your all, and getting a decent time, only for your coach to say "you could do better" kind of insulting at first, but my intent was to say I believed in her enough that I felt she could achieve even better results... Is that wrong?

It is if you are socially awkward about it.
 
Feb 6, 2007
16,432
1
81
You're both assholes. But most people are, so don't be too hard on yourself.

-EDIT- Oh, you should take the profanity out of the topic title. Mods frown on that.
 

Vehemence

Banned
Jan 25, 2008
5,947
0
0
Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
Originally posted by: waggy
Originally posted by: MikeyIs4Dcats
you sound like a dick, and she flipped out. it's a draw.

thats whats i was thinking. but yeah the OP deserved it.

I could see, finishing a race, giving it your all, and getting a decent time, only for your coach to say "you could do better" kind of insulting at first, but my intent was to say I believed in her enough that I felt she could achieve even better results... Is that wrong?

It is when she doesn't want you as a coach or your advice.
 

MrChad

Lifer
Aug 22, 2001
13,507
3
81
Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
I could see, finishing a race, giving it your all, and getting a decent time, only for your coach to say "you could do better" kind of insulting at first, but my intent was to say I believed in her enough that I felt she could achieve even better results... Is that wrong?

Don't force advice on people when it's not wanted. Saying "you could do better" implies that she's hasn't done well thus far. You have no real idea how much money she's raised or what kind of effort she has put into the fundraising. You are assuming incompetence on her part and that's both unfair and insulting.
 

TechBoyJK

Lifer
Oct 17, 2002
16,701
60
91
Originally posted by: dNor
Originally posted by: TechBoyJK
Originally posted by: waggy
Originally posted by: MikeyIs4Dcats
you sound like a dick, and she flipped out. it's a draw.

thats whats i was thinking. but yeah the OP deserved it.

I could see, finishing a race, giving it your all, and getting a decent time, only for your coach to say "you could do better" kind of insulting at first, but my intent was to say I believed in her enough that I felt she could achieve even better results... Is that wrong?

It is when she doesn't want you as a coach or your advice.

we're friends. And if a friend of mine, coach or not, was better than me at a sport I was competing it, and had trophies and stuff to prove it, watched me compete, and came down to me afterwards and said, you know, I think you can do better, can I show you how?

I wouldn't take offense to it. But that's just me.

I'm going to have to call her and talk it out. My intentions were to be supportive.