Originally posted by: Codewiz
Originally posted by: imtim83
Originally posted by: Codewiz
I was abused from the ages of 5-11. My wife knows and I told my mom about 3 years ago. I am 26 now. I live a relatively normal life. My biggest issue in life is trust. I have had issues with trust and it screwed up a lot of relationships. Is it because I was abused? I don't know but it wouldn't surprise me. I am certainly a lot more trusting that the woman described earlier in the thread. It just took some bad relationships to realize that I was the problem so I learned to deal with it. When I say trust, I am refering more to friends now. I keep about 3-4 good friends. I have lots of "friends" but I don't bring many into my personal life. I prefer to have a few close friends than 50 somewhat decent friends.
I have dealt with my demons and I have learned to realized that although what happened to me was so wrong and horrible, it is what happened. I am the person I am today. Nothing will change that. No hatred or anger will fix anything. I had a lot of anger as a teenager and it took time for me to figure out how to deal with it.
My abuser is still free, it never became public. One of the reasons I had to tell my mom was the fact that I was up for security clearance for my job. I wasn't hiding it but I knew the pain it would cause her. However, I wasn't going to let something that hurt me in the past cause harm in my future. It sure wasn't going to prevent me from getting a really good job. I am just the type of person that isn't embarassed of much and I felt no reason to be embarassed of it because it sure as hell wasn't my fault.
My mom was extremely upset and couldn't believe it when I told her. She of course wants blood and wants to go after the guy. I just had to explain that I have moved on with life and running my name through the mud and having to deal with it in the public eye will not do anything to improve my life. The man is very doubtful a predator now. He is close to 80 years old now. Can't get around well. He isn't a threat to any other children.
My mom also blames herself. Hopefully someday she will be able to move past it like I have.
I have also never been to a shrink. I found through self-exploration and self-knowledge I was able to deal with it. I can see why some people couldn't. It took my entire teenage years to completely come to terms.
I however will just never understand why there are sickos that do this to child. It just boggles my mind. I just can't comprehend why someone does these types of things.
So after all that. Would I have dated someone that was abused? Yes. However, I would have watched to see if there was any self-destructive behavior and any demons that haven't been dealt with. Hell you pretty much have to do that with people that had normal upbringings.
Sorry to hear what happen to you.
Why did you just let this predator go to now hurt many other kids ? He has been invisible all the time and still is. These are the most dangerous and scary child molesters because they can seem to be a everyday person.
Well he isn't hurting kids now. He is just too old and poor of health. He however could have hurt kids during my teenage years. However, I had not dealt with it. When you are a teenager you question yourself enough as it is, and I saw no way to bring this up without heartache and extreme pain. It might have helped me deal with my issues and protect other children. But as a teenager, I just wanted to survive and get through school. I doubt it is much different than rape victims. It is just something you don't want to face and I just couldn't face it as a teenager. Heck I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. I never told anyone of it until my wife(girlfriend at the time). I was about 22 at the time.
Now at this point in my life, he isn't a threat and I have dealt with my issues. I don't harbor anger or hatred. The only person that could benefit from bringing this to the public eye is my mom. She still hurts from it. I however see little benefit to my wife and I. We have normal lives, we just purchased a house in December, we will be celebrating our 1st anniversary in August. We simply won't benefit from it. I have put that in my past where it belongs and work on being a better person and husband everyday.
EDIT: Another issue with the man is the fact that he is a multi-millionaire. The things that scares me the most about his past doings is that before he started to abuse me, he owned a childrens camp. There is no telling how many children he abused in the 50's,60's and 70's
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