Would you allow your child to go to Religious Services?

Nutdotnet

Diamond Member
Dec 5, 2000
7,721
3
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This is inspired by recent threads.

I have an 8 year-old. She doesn't live with me but we have a very good relationship. Lately, her mother has been allowing her to go to the local Church where she lives. The mother is far from religious and I am not a Christian. However, the mother feels that there is nothing wrong with allowing her to attend services.

The reason for this is that she lives in a very small town, where the vast majority of people are Christian, some hard-core. I don't want my daughter to be forced into believing in Christianity simply because the rest of the town believes in it. However, I also want my daughter to learn and make her own decisions.

So...what do I do? Do I allow her to go but take the time to explain why I think Christianity is flawed? Honestly, it's probably too early for that but I don't want it to become too late either. I want her to know that there are other religions in the world just as "good" (or bad) as Christianity.

Cliffs-
1. Daughter is going to church (She's 8)
2. We're not a religious family (with me having major problems with Christianity)
3. Not sure how to handle it.

 

dirtylimey

Senior member
Nov 22, 2006
296
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0
Dont deny her any kind of learning experience. Dont force religion on her. Expose her to all religion and let her make hew own mind up.
 

Vette73

Lifer
Jul 5, 2000
21,503
8
0
Only if she was allowed to go to other services. I rather a child see ALL, or the majority, of religions and then make their mind up. If only sent to 1 you might as well just brain wash her to what ever you want anyways and save the trouble.
 

Trevelyan

Diamond Member
Dec 10, 2000
4,077
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71
Hmm... that's a tough decision. Maybe you could allow her to attend and then have regular talks with her about what was said?

Clearly you have the right to influence your child's decision and control who else influences her while she grows up. My opinion is that it is important to know God from an early point in your life. You may have personal beliefs about God... perhaps you can share them with your daughter, and why you believe them. I would say, she's going to value your opinion about these things more than a stranger's, so just be careful not to bad mouth Christian beliefs because of your own experiences.

Good luck! Frankly, I think it speaks a lot of your character that you would be open to the possibility of your daughter learning more about these things.
 

So

Lifer
Jul 2, 2001
25,923
17
81
Oh, man. Definitely. I'm an atheist, and I've always found mass religion to be silly, even when I was that age. But you can't force it on her. Give her a chance to find her own way. If her mother is forcing / strongly encouraging her, then you may well be right to say no. But if your daughter is doing this on her own, I guarantee you that it'll be worse for everyone if you try to stop her. Just make sure you support her every step of the way and explain your views completely and carefully. Don't shut yourself out of the dialog by being reactionary.
 

AreaCode707

Lifer
Sep 21, 2001
18,445
128
106
I'd let her go. She probably enjoys being with friends there. There's no reason to keep information from kids, IMO. Let her learn that, you teach her what you feel is appropriate about the number of religions in the world and how she should learn to evaluate each one. Teaching her now will enable her to think critically as she grows up, not just on religion but on a myriad of other experiences.
 

Cookie

Golden Member
Jul 3, 2001
1,759
2
81
By forbidding her to attend church you will only make her want to go more. Let her go, let her make up her own mind. Explain your views to her if you want, but never try to force religion (or lack thereof) on anyone.

As for the previous post "...I rather a child see ALL, or the majority, of religions...", if this small town is anything like my small town there are no other options. You are christian (or catholic) or nothing. It would have been a 6 hour drive to the nearest synagogue or mosque or temple. If there are other options in your daughters town, then by all means introduce her to as many as possible.

In the end she will make up her own mind regardless of what you do or do not do at this point. The best thing you acan do is talk to her regularly about it.

 

AreaCode707

Lifer
Sep 21, 2001
18,445
128
106
Originally posted by: dirtylimey
Dont deny her any kind of learning experience. Dont force religion on her. Expose her to all religion and let her make hew own mind up.

The only thing about "let her make up her own mind" is that kids may not have the reasoning background when it comes to things like this. It's the parents' job to teach them how to reason. "Let her make up her own mind" sounds more like you throw her in and whatever happens, happens. I know you probably aren't suggesting that, but there should be some guidance from the parents at some point.
 

mercanucaribe

Banned
Oct 20, 2004
9,763
1
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Something is wrong when kids WANT to go to church. Protestants really start brainwashing children early-- You'll never find a Catholic kid who wants to go to church.
 

DougK62

Diamond Member
Mar 28, 2001
8,035
6
81
I think that the responsible thing to do is to let her go to the services that she likes, but to also teach her about all of the other religions of the world, the differences, and why people believe differently. Aim for a well-rounded person.

 

Cookie

Golden Member
Jul 3, 2001
1,759
2
81
Originally posted by: HotChic
Originally posted by: dirtylimey
Dont deny her any kind of learning experience. Dont force religion on her. Expose her to all religion and let her make hew own mind up.

The only thing about "let her make up her own mind" is that kids may not have the reasoning background when it comes to things like this. It's the parents' job to teach them how to reason. "Let her make up her own mind" sounds more like you throw her in and whatever happens, happens. I know you probably aren't suggesting that, but there should be some guidance from the parents at some point.

That's where the regular discussions with the parents come in... guidelines.
 

Cookie

Golden Member
Jul 3, 2001
1,759
2
81
Originally posted by: mercanucaribe
Something is wrong when kids WANT to go to church. Protestants really start brainwashing children early-- You'll never find a Catholic kid who wants to go to church.

She probably wants to go because thats where all her friends go. Eons ago when I was in jr high I went to church a couple times for that reason. (And because it was the natural thing to do when you sleep over on Saturday night). I quickly got bored and irritated with the obvious attempt at brainwashing and quit attending.
 

AreaCode707

Lifer
Sep 21, 2001
18,445
128
106
Originally posted by: mercanucaribe
Something is wrong when kids WANT to go to church. Protestants really start brainwashing children early-- You'll never find a Catholic kid who wants to go to church.

Young kids in church spend the time playing in a separate room with their friends mostly. To think something is wrong because they want to go do that is a tad paranoid.

[edit] I see you already posted this, so I'll shut up now. :)
 

Kristi2k

Golden Member
Oct 25, 2003
1,364
4
81
You sound like you're contridicting your self... you state that you don't believe in God, or what have you and you don't like having ones beliefs pushed onto you, so why push yours on your child? I understand that she is young, let her experience it for herself. No matter what you do, you cannot change your childs mind especially when she gets older.
 

TallBill

Lifer
Apr 29, 2001
46,017
62
91
My wife and myself are not religious at all. When we have kids, I would allow a child to go, but wouldn't push it by any means.
 

DefDC

Golden Member
Aug 28, 2003
1,858
1
81
Originally posted by: Trevelyan
Hmm... that's a tough decision. Maybe you could allow her to attend and then have regular talks with her about what was said?

Clearly you have the right to influence your child's decision and control who else influences her while she grows up. My opinion is that it is important to know God from an early point in your life. You may have personal beliefs about God... perhaps you can share them with your daughter, and why you believe them. I would say, she's going to value your opinion about these things more than a stranger's, so just be careful not to bad mouth Christian beliefs because of your own experiences.

Good luck! Frankly, I think it speaks a lot of your character that you would be open to the possibility of your daughter learning more about these things.

I respect your opinion but have a view of more of the OP. I don't think children should be exposed to religion until they are mature enough to understand what they are being told.
 

irishScott

Lifer
Oct 10, 2006
21,562
3
0
Just make sure she's not being forced/brainwashed-by-the-hard-cores into anything. Other than that, let her go to the services. I was made to go to church when I was that age (our church sucked, the youth group was stupid (as in IQ level)) so I hated it. Pissed my mom to hell (no pun intended) when I didn't want to go (she's hardcore baptist).

In any case, christianity is one of the better religions she could explore (assuming the church isn't evangelist or otherwise radical)

<-----------------------Agnostic
 

sao123

Lifer
May 27, 2002
12,650
203
106
Originally posted by: HotChic
Originally posted by: mercanucaribe
Something is wrong when kids WANT to go to church. Protestants really start brainwashing children early-- You'll never find a Catholic kid who wants to go to church.

Young kids in church spend the time playing in a separate room with their friends mostly. To think something is wrong because they want to go do that is a tad paranoid.

[edit] I see you already posted this, so I'll shut up now. :)


Since a religious experience can be a very personal thing... I always have had the point of view to allow the individual (including children) to make up their own mind with no intereference, unless asked. After all they are the ones who have to live with the choices they made, and since its a eprsonal decision, they are the only ones who face the consequences of that decision.

Allow them to find the church/religion they wish to practice for themselves.
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
57,529
3
0
Originally posted by: Nutdotnet
This is inspired by recent threads.

I have an 8 year-old. She doesn't live with me but we have a very good relationship. Lately, her mother has been allowing her to go to the local Church where she lives. The mother is far from religious and I am not a Christian. However, the mother feels that there is nothing wrong with allowing her to attend services.

The reason for this is that she lives in a very small town, where the vast majority of people are Christian, some hard-core. I don't want my daughter to be forced into believing in Christianity simply because the rest of the town believes in it. However, I also want my daughter to learn and make her own decisions.

So...what do I do? Do I allow her to go but take the time to explain why I think Christianity is flawed? Honestly, it's probably too early for that but I don't want it to become too late either. I want her to know that there are other religions in the world just as "good" (or bad) as Christianity.

Cliffs-
1. Daughter is going to church (She's 8)
2. We're not a religious family (with me having major problems with Christianity)
3. Not sure how to handle it.
Let her go but just explain to her that it's all a bunch of bullsh!t. If she's old enough to hear what you consider hooey then she's old enough to hear the truth from your perspective.
 

Balt

Lifer
Mar 12, 2000
12,673
482
126
If it was people I had known and trusted for many years, of course.

Anything else, no way. Too much potential for Christian fundie brainwashing.
 

dullard

Elite Member
May 21, 2001
25,479
3,976
126
I'd be 100% for it. Giving your child a good education including many of life's experiences is the best possible thing you can do for your child. I say that is your #1 duty. Restricting education and restricting experiences can only lead to restricting your daughter's life potential.

Give me one really good reason that your daughter has to be the same religion as you. Just one really good reason. This applies to everyone in this thread. Why do your children need to be the same religion?

Note: this post is about religion. It isn't about dangerous cults. If we are talking about a dangerous cult, get her out of there as fast as you can. Your #2 duty as a parent is to protect the child.

Note 2: I'm an athiest and I'm still 100% for it.
 

Gunslinger08

Lifer
Nov 18, 2001
13,234
2
81
I completely support letting the child decide. If they want to go, let them go. If not, don't force them. I feel the same way whether the parents are religious or not.
 

Kristi2k

Golden Member
Oct 25, 2003
1,364
4
81
Dullard, I agree... so many people here must have had some bad run-ins with some people who don't trully know what it's like to have a relationship with God, not just "religion". There are people out there that do try to push things onto you because they do not know any other way to talk to someone or that they don't fully understand their own beliefs. There are so many false Christians out there that have no clue what they are talking about. That's why whenever someone says to me, "What religion are you?" I tell them I don't have a religion, I have a relationship with Christ.

www.notreligion.com