would this make you angry?

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: klee58
I realize this is a plot from a sitcom, but I think it still holds true that you need to trust your partner first. If I were you, I'd be happy that he was open to tell me about the kiss in the first place.

Trust isn't something that you just "do" - it's something that has to be built and maintained in a healty relationship. If trust is questioned on a regular basis, then the relationship probably needs a little repair; but there's nothing wrong with that initial "oh no!" as long as it's settled and the person comes back to their senses.

nik

 

[LordJezo]

If it bothers you then you shouldn't be dating an actor/actress.

That's about all there is too it. That sort of stuff happens in plays/movies/etc. If you can't handle it then you shouldn't be there.

 

[CPA]

Doesn't Charlie Sheen date a porn star? Now that would be tough to watch on stage.:Q

 

[tcsenter]

if you had a significant other(not just a "kinda girl/boyfriend", a serious relationship 2+ yrs) in a play would you be angry if they had to kiss someone onstage?

Damn right I would. That bitch better not even look or talk to any other men, either. She sat next to some guy once on the bus and I beat her ass.

One time she gave her brother-in-law a present for Christmas, and I said "What the f-ck you doing giving another man a gift?" Of course, I slapped her from the kitchen to the bedroom.

Another time I caught the UPS man leaving the house. She 'claimed' he was just delivering a package. Yeah, sure. She even had this fake package with UPS markings on it to fool me, there was a receipt inside along with a couple fake items she said were from her mother. I know it was all a setup.

I put her in the hospital that night, cheating bitch.

 

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: CPA
Doesn't Charlie Sheen date a porn star? Now that would be tough to watch on stage.:Q

Denise Richards is a porn star??

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: LordJezo
If it bothers you then you shouldn't be dating an actor/actress.

That's about all there is too it. That sort of stuff happens in plays/movies/etc. If you can't handle it then you shouldn't be there.

That means that the acting is more important than the relationship. That's just dumb.

nik

 

[Jzero]

That means that the acting is more important than the relationship. That's just dumb.

Maybe if you're not an actor, it may seem that way, but for most of us, acting is part of our lives. I've been performing in one theatre venue or another since I was 4 years old. It's what I love to do, it makes me happy, it makes me relaxed, etc.

It is more important than the relationship because the stage is a part of who I am, and if my girlfriend were to try to preclude that, she would be asking me to cut off a part of myself in the same way as if I were to try to get her to give up riding horses.

So what good is a relationship if we have to destroy ourselves or each other in order to keep it?

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: Jzero

That means that the acting is more important than the relationship. That's just dumb.

Maybe if you're not an actor, it may seem that way, but for most of us, acting is part of our lives. I've been performing in one theatre venue or another since I was 4 years old. It's what I love to do, it makes me happy, it makes me relaxed, etc.

It is more important than the relationship because the stage is a part of who I am, and if my girlfriend were to try to preclude that, she would be asking me to cut off a part of myself in the same way as if I were to try to get her to give up riding horses.

So what good is a relationship if we have to destroy ourselves or each other in order to keep it?

Exactly. If I were that woman you would be so gone. It's just where our priorities lie, I guess.

nik

 

[eakers]

i would be upset.
but i would pretend to be the cool non jelous girlfriend who was okay with it because i would know how silly it would be to feel that way.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: eakers
i would be upset.
but i would pretend to be the cool non jelous girlfriend who was okay with it because i would know how silly it would be to feel that way.

- would you even say anything about how you felt to your significant other?

 

[Jzero]

Exactly. If I were that woman you would be so gone. It's just where our priorities lie, I guess.

You have to put it into your own perspective. Consider the things in your life that you are really passionate about doing...even if they are seemingly mundane, the things you do that make you who you are, and that you love to do and have always loved to do and always will.

Then consider that you are dating (or worse, already married to) a woman who would demand that you give those things up. How could anyone that claims to love you ask that of you?

Which is why I agree with LordJezo....if you can't accept that part of your SO, then you probably should be looking for a new SO.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: Jzero

Exactly. If I were that woman you would be so gone. It's just where our priorities lie, I guess.

You have to put it into your own perspective. Consider the things in your life that you are really passionate about doing...even if they are seemingly mundane, the things you do that make you who you are, and that you love to do and have always loved to do and always will.

Then consider that you are dating (or worse, already married to) a woman who would demand that you give those things up. How could anyone that claims to love you ask that of you?

Which is why I agree with LordJezo....if you can't accept that part of your SO, then you probably should be looking for a new SO.

It's not that you'd be asked to remove that part of your life. It would be the fact that you're participating in something that you know is hurting your significant other and refuse to change it. That is the whole issue. If I did something that hurt my significant other (other than nitpicking or something), then I will change. Nothing is more important to me than Chelsea, so I wouldn't slap her in the face by refusing to give up something because she didn't mean as much.

Now, I realize that acting means lots to you. And that's good. But when it comes down to consciously hurting the other person, that's where things start going down hill.

nik

 

[Hoober]

But why would it hurt your significant other if it's something that you have to do in the play? It's acting, not a relationship. Not cheating. I think it unfair to my wife to think that when she kisses someone in a play that she is "hurting" me. I understand that it's a play, not something real. And you can't really ask the director to take out something important like that. I mean, everything in a play is there for a reason. It adds something important to the material.

 

[Jzero]

But when it comes down to consciously hurting the other person, that's where things start going down hill.

I guess you've never been put in this kind of situation, so it's hard to get a feel for it. What I'm trying to say is that asking me to give up acting or kayaking, which are about the two passions I have ever had and both predate my girlfriend, would amount to consciously hurting me. You might as well be asking me to chew off my own arm in doing so.

If she is so hurt by me doing what I love to do, and I would be so hurt by not doing what I love to do, then it's plain to see that we should start looking for a new relationship.

Now in a healthy relationship, there is a compromise. I just auditioned for a show. My gf's concern is that I'm not going to have any time to see her for the next couple months if I get a part. She knows not to ask me to give up the show, but I'm going to have to give up unimportant things like Wednesday Night Warcraft and go visit her instead.

But if she couldn't handle me being in the show, then I'd show her the door. I would resent her for making me give up my passion probably more than she would resent me for having to stage-kiss another woman.

 

[eakers]

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt

Originally posted by: eakers
i would be upset.
but i would pretend to be the cool non jelous girlfriend who was okay with it because i would know how silly it would be to feel that way.

- would you even say anything about how you felt to your significant other?

knowing me i would probley end up make some kinda joke about it so that they knew it bugged me but i wouldnt press on it or cry or be all stupid.

i mean, its not like they can do anything to change it so whats the point of fighting or discussing at length about it?

i would try to put myself in their place, i mean, i have this play that means a lot to me and if my sig. other was bitching about some stupid kiss that i dont even want to do it would put a huge strain on me that shouldnt be there.

and really, who are they goin home with after the play?... exaaaaaaaaaactly.

((oh but i would be upset if they didnt tell me about the kiss before hand, and i wouldnt pretend to be 'im the cool nonjelous girlfriend' after hehe.))

 

[codehack2]

Originally posted by: ActPrincess
what do you think about this situation?

if you had a significant other(not just a "kinda girl/boyfriend", a serious relationship 2+ yrs) in a play would you be angry if they had to kiss someone onstage?

Also:

What is a good way to ask the director to cut "the kiss"

You think that is hard... try dating a stripper.... if she wasn't a Jenna Jameson knock off, I'd have been out a lot sooner.

Also, It's not your place to ask the director to cut the kiss... do it and you'll end up looking like the JackAs*. Let him/her do the play, drop a small hint of jealousy and leave it at that. You'll get marks for maturity

CH2

 

[kassy]

No I would not get angry, nor would I portray myself as insecure by asking the for the 'kiss' to be cut.

Also if the person was an actor before they became someone's SO then it is totally unfair to expect them to give up their 'passion'.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Assuming by my point of view that I have not had experience on either side of the situation would not be a wise thing to do.

nik

 

[Eli]

I'm not sure. It would certainly make me uncomfortable..

But my girlfriend and I have good communication and understanding, so I'm sure it would get talked about and resolved..

 

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt
Assuming by my point of view that I have not had experience on either side of the situation would not be a wise thing to do.

nik

It seems pretty obvious that one or more of the following is true:
A)You don't really have anything in your life that you are passionate about (other then Chelsea).
B)You truly haven't been in this type of situation even if you think you may have.
C)Your relationships now and in the past are more codependent and less healthy than you present in your activities here.

Take it for what it's worth--I'm not trying to insult you or put words in your mouth, but anyone who has been in a situation like this knows exactly what I'm talking about.

We clearly agree that in a healthy relationship, you avoid doing things to hurt each other.
We seem to disagree that there are things that people have in their lives that dwarf the importance of any relationship that isn't worthwhile....a true love wouldn't ask you to give these things up, and anyone who asks you to do so cannot possibly be a true love.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

I have things that I love. Good god, man, when am I ever not at my computer?? Anyway, if I thought something was coming between Chelsea and I, I would drop it. That's just the way I am: people are more important to me than things or activities. Maybe you don't know how strongly I feel about it. Maybe you do. Either way, I couldn't care less about my few past relationships because I know that they weren't good for me and this one is.

A true love might ask you to give up one of these things because they're human (read: fallible) and sometimes ride their feelings and not their heart or their mind. It's possible to be a true love and still ask for things that you wouldn't normally ask for and realize what you were doing later.

Not trying to get way off subject, but I'm just telling it how it relates to my life.

nik

 

[Jzero]

Anyway, if I thought something was coming between Chelsea and I, I would drop it.

I'm mostly the same way, except there are a couple things that if my gf truly loves me, she would never allow them to come between us. It makes for a great litmus test. My last gf would get pissed off at me if I went out kayaking all afternoon and didn't sit there on the beach with her all day collecting melanomas.
My current gf wants me to go kayaking because she knows it results in a happier, healthier, skinnier, muscular Jzero.
As long as I come ashore every so often and giver he a kiss, she's cool with it.
There's a reason I'm still with my current gf and not my previous one, and this is pretty much a metaphor for why--she loves me for who I am and allows me to be who I want to be.

Not trying to get way off subject, but I'm just telling it how it relates to my life.

Honestly, I think we're agreeing with each other, but we're expressing it in opposing terms and can't seem to find each other's POV.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

That's probably why my significant other asked me to teach her to play Unreal Tournament

But she's a dancer... no way I'm getting into a leatard or a tutu :Q

nik

 

[tcsenter]

If I didn't like anything about my S.O. I would do one of two things: get over/accept it or I would end the relationship. What I would never do is expect someone else to bend around my insecurities or hang-ups, period.

I've been there and it only results in resentment and bitterness because once an insecure S.O. is successful at getting you to change one thing...it never stops. The reason it never stops is because you have now established or validated in the mind of the insecure party that their insecurity was in fact not insecurity. IOW, you have validated for them that you were wrong and they were right, the problem was never with them, it was with you.

So now any time the insecure party feels insecure again or just finds something else they don't like, they are far less likely to question whether or not they are being unreasonable. Again, it will be you who is the source of the problem in the relationship, not their insecurity because you have already proven to them what they want to believe - they were never insecure to begin with.

It never ends until they've changed you into something they no longer find 'objectionable' and thus they will move onto someone who is all of the things they claim they don't like so they can start the process all over on them, leaving you a broken shell of who you once were, wondering what the hell happened and unable to even remember the person you were before all this started.

Oh yes! So my rule is, either you like me the way I am...or don't let the f-cking door hit you on the way out. I reciprocate that philosophy in full.

 

[winr]

If I was in a relationship I would not have taken a part where I had to do that.
I dont believe in that kind of physical contact when I am in a relationship
This is not to say everyone should feel that way.
This is just my own personal feelings.
I think each persons feelings are their own and they are entitled to them.
Also would he mind if the situation was reversed?
Hope everything works out.