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would it make me a bad parent if..

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Philippine Mango

Diamond Member
I was considering that when my son gets a little older that I tell him that it's ok if he goes to parties and drink but only in moderation, can't smoke or do other drugs, only on friday or saturday nights, must maintain decent grades and be able to go to school the following monday. Is it that bad that I'd consider saying this? Or should I make drinking an unwritten rule. And be sure that drinking or anything else doesn't become a problem. I know drinking is illegal and I wouldn't be supporting the notion of it, just not going to really punish him if he gets caught. Also I'd be sure to have him use protection etc.
 
No problem. Also tell him that robbing banks is OK as long as he doesn't use a gun and hurt anyone.
 
I don't really think the hard nose approach works any better than the lax one. Just be sure he knows he should never drive if he's been drinking, and that you will never punish him for drinking if it doesn't lead to problems. You don't want him driving home drunk because he's scared he'll get grounded.
 
I think there is a liability on the parents part not to encourage your childs participation in illegal activities. in other words, if your kid gets busted and they find out you condoned the behavior in any way-shape or form, you are in trouble.

but that shouldnt stop you from telling your kid what responsible drinking is about. you might also consider making sure he knows that if he ever finds himself in a situation where he needs a designated driver, he can call you for help.
 
Planning the ups and downs of parenthood along the lines that you ideally see them is going to hurt you in more ways the one😉
 
Originally posted by: AmerDoux
but that shouldnt stop you from telling your kid what responsible drinking is about. you might also consider making sure he knows that if he ever finds himself in a situation where he needs a designated driver, he can call you for help.
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Yeah I'm with this guy. I wouldn't condone anything. I would make sure he understands the do's & don't's, the consequences, and that while if he messes up you will be disappointed in him, you will be there to help him however you can.
 
Cause we all know "Just say NO!" really works, just like abstience only sex education.

It seems to work better in other countries like Europe and Japan where there isn't this forbidden aura surrounding drinking. My parent's got me god aweful drunk when I was about 15, taught me what a hangover was and what my limit was.
 
Originally posted by: fbrdphreak
Originally posted by: AmerDoux
but that shouldnt stop you from telling your kid what responsible drinking is about. you might also consider making sure he knows that if he ever finds himself in a situation where he needs a designated driver, he can call you for help.
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Yeah I'm with this guy. I wouldn't condone anything. I would make sure he understands the do's & don't's, the consequences, and that while if he messes up you will be disappointed in him, you will be there to help him however you can.
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Responsible drinking is a good method i think. Telling him "no you cant" makes him want to do it more and more curious. As long as he doesnt binge drink every weekend
 
You sound like a pushover. Or one of those people who tries to get back at their own overly controlling parents by ruining their childrens chances at life.
 
I agree with some of the posters here.

You want to educate your kid, but you don't want to threaten him. Though if you plan to have the discussion, with him, make sure he knows the legalities of the situation, as well as health risks. You do not have to agree with the idea, to let your kid know that if he decides to make that choice, you won't disown him, or blow a gasket. In your scenario I would probably say this.

IF you are ever out with your friends, or at a party, and people are drinking, and only drinking, and you feel like joining in, I won't hold that against you. But, I wan't you to know about the dangers of drinking to much, and that its illegal, so you have the potential to get in trouble with the law. If you see any drugs going on at all, or people start getting loud, and fighting, and breaking things, then leave immediately, that is a surefire way to get in trouble. You can always call me to pick you up, if you have had anything to drink, or if your friend who drives has had anything to drink. I won't say yes it is ok, or no it isn't ok, I will leave that decision up to you. I just hope that what ever choice you make, you will talk with me about it afterwards, so I know what you are doing and where you are doing these things, just in case of an emergency.

Thats my opinion. Hope it helps op.
 
I like the approach my parents took. They instilled a sense of responsibility in me, made me realize that I'm responsible for my decisions and nobody else, taught me how to resist peer pressure and made cool-headed choices, gave me information on the family history of alcoholism, and told me that no matter what happened I could always come home, could always call them for a ride no matter what condition I was in, and that I would be loved no matter what. They also continually expressed pride in me when I made good decisions and reinforced behavior that was sensible.
 
my parents were some what like this (although they didn't flat out say i could go out and drink at parties)

my dad always said that he would rather i have a beer in front of him than trying to do it behind his back (and because of that drinking wasn't/ still isn't a big deal for me) they also always made me aware that if i was ever too drunk to drive i could call them at any time of night to get picked up no questions asked because they didn't want me to be driving drunk.

drugs were a flat out no and could get my butt kicked

as for my parents letting me drink before i was 21 it made it so alcohol wasn't a big deal. my parents knew of too many kids that grew up and turned 21 and then made up for all the lost time (I know kids like that myself)

the main thing is to teach them well rounded responsibility and maturity
 
Originally posted by: SilthDraeth

IF you are ever out with your friends, or at a party, and people are drinking, and only drinking, and you feel like joining in, I won't hold that against you. But, I wan't you to know about the dangers of drinking to much, and that its illegal, so you have the potential to get in trouble with the law. If you see any drugs going on at all, or people start getting loud, and fighting, and breaking things, then leave immediately, that is a surefire way to get in trouble. You can always call me to pick you up, if you have had anything to drink, or if your friend who drives has had anything to drink. I won't say yes it is ok, or no it isn't ok, I will leave that decision up to you. I just hope that what ever choice you make, you will talk with me about it afterwards, so I know what you are doing and where you are doing these things, just in case of an emergency.

Thats my opinion. Hope it helps op.
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a good way of putting i think, as well as what hotchic said
 
Originally posted by: SilthDraeth
I agree with some of the posters here.

You want to educate your kid, but you don't want to threaten him. Though if you plan to have the discussion, with him, make sure he knows the legalities of the situation, as well as health risks. You do not have to agree with the idea, to let your kid know that if he decides to make that choice, you won't disown him, or blow a gasket. In your scenario I would probably say this.

IF you are ever out with your friends, or at a party, and people are drinking, and only drinking, and you feel like joining in, I won't hold that against you. But, I wan't you to know about the dangers of drinking to much, and that its illegal, so you have the potential to get in trouble with the law. If you see any drugs going on at all, or people start getting loud, and fighting, and breaking things, then leave immediately, that is a surefire way to get in trouble. You can always call me to pick you up, if you have had anything to drink, or if your friend who drives has had anything to drink. I won't say yes it is ok, or no it isn't ok, I will leave that decision up to you. I just hope that what ever choice you make, you will talk with me about it afterwards, so I know what you are doing and where you are doing these things, just in case of an emergency.

Thats my opinion. Hope it helps op.
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great advice. this is what my father did with me.


personally it sounds like the OP is trying to be more of a friend then a father.
 
My parents let me try smoking with them (when I was like 14) and let me make my own choice. My choice was not to smoke.

As far as alcohol goes, they didn't mind that I drank, as long as I didn't go overboard.
 
Originally posted by: joshsquall
I don't really think the hard nose approach works any better than the lax one.
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I agree with this. In HS, kids are going to do whatever the fvck they want regardless of how strict of lax their parents are. It's just easier for them to get away with it if they're parents don't give a crap.

My only advice: don't be the parent that doesn't give a crap. let him know you frown upon it. If you don't want to punish him then that is your call, not mine. I only say if he does choose to drink and do drugs, you make sure it doesn't get out of hand and he understands what he's doing and how bad it's going to be for him, especially in the long run.
 
sometimes I wish people wouldn't make a spawn of their worthlessness. This isn't just directed towards the OP but pretty much the entire human race.
 
while you are on the right track, wait till he's 18...or when you think he's responsible enough.

i hate the idea of getting drunk. ive seen it and it looks completely stupid.
 
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