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Would appreciate some help (English) on a particular sentence...

RichUK

RichUK

Lifer
A strong, disciplined leader who is very focused on delivery and is able to take any problem that presents itself and come up with a pragmatic approach for resolution.
Click to expand...

Any recommendations on how to improve the above sentence? there are too many 'ands' in the sentence, but I'm struggling on how to deliver the same message in one sentence.

My head hurts and I'm not thinking straight at the moment.

Thanks
 
looks like a sentence fragment to me. "a ... leader who ...".

anyway the latter part looks unnecessarily verbose. how about something like "... is very focused on delivery and is able to come up with a pragmatic solution to any problem that presents itself".
 
Fixed
A strong, disciplined leader who is very focused on delivery, is able to take any problem that presents itself, and comes up with a pragmatic approach for resolution.
Click to expand...

Also, I hope this is for a resume or something, because its a fragment. You need to say "He is" before the sentence to fix that.
 
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A strong, disciplined leader who is very focused on delivery, is able to take any problem that presents itself, and develop a pragmatic approach for resolution.

maybe that
 
A strong, disciplined leader who is very focused on delivery and is able to come up with a pragmatic approach for resolution of any problem that presents itself.

Can you substitute 'solution to' for 'approach for resolution of'?
 
I'm really shitty at grammar unless I think about it. Most of the time I'll go back and read something again and it won't make any sense at all.
 
I was thinking if its for a resume focus on a specific metric, Like lead a team of 20 in a billion dollar overhaul of so and so, or solved x problem saved company x amount of money annually.
 
is this a manual labor job or maybe for the UFC? i don't really know what being strong has to do with a desk job. (I know what you meant, but it reads like you're bragging about big muscles. Find a diff adjective, imo)
 
"A strong, disciplined leader who is very focused on delivery and is able to take any problem that presents itself and come up with a pragmatic approach for resolution."

"He shoots the shit out of stuff as required."

"He does the needful."

Also, your sentence is a bit passive. Leaders should foresee problems and head them off or prep for them instead of waiting for them to present themselves.

"A strong, disciplined leader who is focused on delivery and is able to anticipate issues and come up with pragmatic approaches for resolution before issues become become problems."
 
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Thanks for the feedback, guys. I’m actually providing appraisal feedback for my programme manager.

It is a fragmented sentence. Sentence starts – ‘Name’ is a…
 
IronWing said:
"A strong, disciplined leader who is very focused on delivery and is able to take any problem that presents itself and come up with a pragmatic approach for resolution."

"He shoots the shit out of stuff as required."

"He does the needful."

Also, your sentence is a bit passive. Leaders should foresee problems and head them off or prep for them instead of waiting for them to present themselves.

"A strong, disciplined leader who is focused on delivery and is able to anticipate issues and come up with pragmatic approaches for resolution before issues become become problems."
Click to expand...

I appreciate your feedback, but in project management, project managers identify and manage/mitigate risks before they become issues – all risks, issues, assumptions and dependencies are captured in RAID logs, and managed appropriately.

At programme management level, these competencies are considered a given. 🙂
 
A strong, disciplined leader is a person characterized by being very focused on delivery and able to pragmatically resolve any problem that presents itself.
 
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RichUK said:
A strong, disciplined leader who is very focused on delivery and is able to take any problem that presents itself and come up with a pragmatic approach for resolution.
Click to expand...

Any recommendations on how to improve the above sentence? there are too many 'ands' in the sentence, but I'm struggling on how to deliver the same message in one sentence.

My head hurts and I'm not thinking straight at the moment.

Thanks
Click to expand...

A strong, disciplined leader who is very focused on delivery. Able to take any problem that presents itself and come up with a pragmatic approach for resolution.
 
A strong, disciplined leader who is very focused on delivery while still having the ability to take any problem that presents itself and come up with a pragmatic approach for resolution.

I don't know what the context is so in terms of bettering the sentence I can't overly much.
 
The sentence could be changed to the following:

"A strong, disciplined leader, very focused on delivery, who is able to take any problem that presents itself and develop a pragmatic approach for resolution."

Notice that "come up with" was replaced with "develop." imo, "Come up with" sounds a bit ungainly and plodding.
 
(He is) A strong, disciplined leader, who is focused on delivery, and able to pragmatically approach and resolve any problem that presents itself.
 
I would also lose the word "very" in the sentence. One can be focused, but very focused sounds as if you are trying to hard. Will also shorten the sentence.
 
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