Work etiquette question...

[SunnyD]

Setup: 2 months into a new job. Never will be totally comfortable in a job again thanks to past experiences, but I like this place.

Now for the kicker: My immediate manager's father passed away suddenly. Apparently, this company sort of runs like a family, since many have been here a lot longer than I have. We all get an email regarding calling hours. I personally never met my boss's father, but others in the company has. Over the past couple days I hear people discussing going to calling hours/service, but no one specifically approached me about going, and the email was general information and did not indicate that people were expected to go - but was it implied?

WTF am I "supposed" to do?

 

[TruePaige]

Originally posted by: SunnyD
Setup: 2 months into a new job. Never will be totally comfortable in a job again thanks to past experiences, but I like this place.

Now for the kicker: My immediate manager's father passed away suddenly. Apparently, this company sort of runs like a family, since many have been here a lot longer than I have. We all get an email regarding calling hours. I personally never met my boss's father, but others in the company has. Over the past couple days I hear people discussing going to calling hours/service, but no one specifically approached me about going, and the email was general information and did not indicate that people were expected to go - but was it implied?

WTF am I "supposed" to do?

Call in sick the day of calling hours then you won't have to go that evening.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Dress up as Krusty, burst through the doors and shout "Hey hey! I've been in Reno for 6 weeks, did I miss anything?"

 

[Lizardman]

Don't go you never met the man. Also you are not that good friends with the boss yet. It would be akward if you did go.

 

[rchiu]

ask co-workers on your team to see if anyone is going. You don't really have to show up by yourself since you don't know his father. But if your co-worker is going as a team, or a couple of co-worker is going, just tag along.

 

[MrChad]

Give your boss a sympathy card? I don't think you should feel obligated to attend the calling hours, but a card would be a nice and appropriate gesture.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: rchiu
ask co-workers on your team to see if anyone is going. You don't really have to show up by yourself since you don't know his father. But if your co-worker is going as a team, or a couple of co-worker is going, just tag along.

good answer.

i dislike going to funeral homes as it is, and would rather not, but you'll feel better about yourself if you go.

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: rchiu
ask co-workers on your team to see if anyone is going. You don't really have to show up by yourself since you don't know his father. But if your co-worker is going as a team, or a couple of co-worker is going, just tag along.

^^^^

that is what i would do, if they are going together, from work, then go with them, but you don't need to go alone/off hours

 

[BoomerD]

As much as I dislike it, sometimes in a company that is "family", you're often expected to attend these kinds of functions as a social thing.

It doesn't hurt to pay your respects, even if you didn't know the guy. Like it or not, your boss will probably notice whether you make it or not...and even though it may be subconscious, it could affect your standing in the company.
I've had to attend funerals/memorial services and retirement parties for people I never met. It was expected on a company-social level, so I went.

 

[bucwylde23]

If you never met him, and it's still a fairly new job I probably just wouldn't go unless someone asked me to.

 

[I Saw OJ]

What on earth are calling hours?

 

[Ramma2]

I agree, see if you can tag along with one of your co-workers, but don't go alone.

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: I Saw OJ
What on earth are calling hours?

like the viewing

when people go to pay their respects to the family , before the actual funeral

 

[Ramma2]

Originally posted by: I Saw OJ
What on earth are calling hours?

We call them wakes up here in the nort.

 

[meltdown75]

interesting dilemma and one i would also have if i was in your situation.

good advice on asking the co-workers.. although sometimes you don't want to seem to be clueless about social expectations. i don't think it hurts your rep to ask though.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: Ramma2
We call them wakes up here in the nort.

Wakes are the gathering/food/drinks thing at someone's house or a reception room after the funeral in the UK.

 

[I Saw OJ]

Originally posted by: FoBoT

Originally posted by: I Saw OJ
What on earth are calling hours?

like the viewing

when people go to pay their respects to the family , before the actual funeral

Ah, ok.

Strange, never heard that term before.

 

[Farang]

I wouldn't even tag along. You didn't know the guy and all anyone is going to be talking about is their experiences with him and what kind of person he was. I don't think anyone expects you to go either.

 

[D1gger]

People don't necessarily go to a funeral because they have met and/or liked the deceased.

People often go out of respect for the living family members.

If you like your boss, and want to show him some support, you go.

In your situation (since you haven't been there very long), I would try to find out if others from your team are going and attend if they are.

edit: for spelling

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

I would think about going just to show up and say "sorry for your loss" type stuff, there is no real need for you to stay the whole time is there?

If none of your co-workers are going then I wouldn't go either, but if some/most are I would go.

 

[Epic Fail]

I wouldn't go even if most of your coworkers are going, you don't know the man and barely know his son. The group email is akin to a company wide poster, I wouldn't think too much of it.

 

[kranky]

I would go by myself, express my condolences to the boss, linger awhile if there were other co-workers there to chat with, then head out. Now that's assuming it's not going to be an horribly long trip to get to the viewing.

It doesn't matter that you didn't know the deceased. You would go to support your boss, whom you do know. Even if you're only there 10 minutes, it means something.

 

[Chryso]

You go, you say hello, you tell them how sorry you are, you leave.